Raid on Black Diamond by Malicious

See, I just won my bet. Come on, pay up. Thank you.

Loath as I am to resort to violence, I think it's time we put this bitch in the ground. If anyone needs a weapon, there's an armoury inside my box. Help yourself, there's practically every weapon imaginable available.

As for me...

*holds incredibly sharp sword in left hand, shotgun fully loaded with shells in right hand*

You can't beat the classics. Static, we're going to follow your lead here.

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Friday, April 15, 2005 1:01 PM

STATIC

Static hears a commotion and looks up the mountain to see several yeti running pell-mell from the mouth of a cave.

"Isn't that the cave where my lady love was dancing with the Yeti? I'm fairly confident even "The Hustle" wouldn't get them to run away like that. TRM. . .I need you to portal me and anyone who wants to join me to that cave right now."

Static thumbs the hammers on his revolvers back.

==================================================
http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com/

Evil, Lecherous Hump

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Friday, April 15, 2005 1:09 PM

*Without warning, many ant platoons appear. They form up in a horseshoe pattern around Static. Through sheer numbers, the ants nudge the heavily armed pilot in the direction of the path they have left open, which leads directly to the nearby hilltop where TWG stands facing the FemaleReaver.*

*No fool he, Static quickly susses the situation, and begins sprinting along the antless pathway, .45 "peacemaker" in one hand and Winchester Carbine at ready in the other hand.*

***
No problems, only solutions.

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Friday, April 15, 2005 2:40 PM

Quote:
SimonWho wrote:
*waves scanning device over Bride7*

Okay, this checks out, definitely her.

*walks into his blue box*

*walks out again*

Well, the Female Reaver has left here too. My guess is that she decided to walk out while it was still in flight. Either she was ripped to shreds in the vortex or she was dumped almost instantly out into some random place in space and time.

I'm hoping for the former, betting on the latter.

Right, who's in need of some surgery then?

* The Real Me is disturbed by the news from SimonWho. *

No, this doesn’t sound right, not at all. She was SO intelligent. SO careful. She had a plan for every contingency. I can’t believe that she just jumped out into the void without having some idea what she was going to do. Most especially since I think it likely that she could have out-fought or outsmarted the whole lot of us.

* The Real Me is startled as he has the answer. *

We’ve been outsmarted. Somehow, we’ve been outsmarted. Doctor, Bride7 wasn’t with you in your Blue Box before, right? When she regains consciousness, we’ll have to ask her how she got on board. That will tell us how the FemaleReaver got off.

* The Real Me sighs, and shakes his head to clear it. He’s a bit wobbly from pain and loss of blood. *

Quote:
Static wrote:
Static hears a commotion and looks up the mountain to see several yeti running pell-mell from the mouth of a cave.

"Isn't that the cave where my lady love was dancing with the Yeti? I'm fairly confident even "The Hustle" wouldn't get them to run away like that. TRM. . .I need you to portal me and anyone who wants to join me to that cave right now."

Static thumbs the hammers on his revolvers back.

Huh? What?

OH!

* When The Real Me realizes that ThatWeirdGirl is in imminent danger, he springs into action. He reaches out and a dimensional portal forms much faster than normal. He takes a deep breath, readies his dagger and leaps into the portal, coming out directly in the path of the FemaleReaver. He backs up from the portal, drawing her up the hill. *

The FemaleReaver growls as she charges toward TheRealMe: *

Put ME in a cage, will you? Treat ME like an animal? And not ONE nice restaurant in all the time we were together!

* The FemaleReaver delivers a series of furious attacks with her dagger. The first two are parried by TheRealMe. The third sends TheRealMe’s dagger flying. The fourth cuts into his hand still holding the sunscreen tube, and he drops it. Then the FemaleReaver drops to the ground, supporting herself with her left hand. She spins her body around, and her legs sweep around in a great circle to impact TheRealMe’s right knee. He goes down in a heap. With a maniacal, foam-flecked smile, the FemaleReaver leaps upon TheRealMe, dagger raised. TheRealMe actually smiles. *

Mister Static? She’s all yours.

* The FemaleReaver turns around to look behind her. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Friday, April 15, 2005 4:43 PM

CALLMEATH

*Silence falls as Ath and MG finally beat back the Yetii. (or is Montana Girl tending to the wounded? too many posts, not enough time) He reloads his twin sandelwood-handled revolvers and surveys the scene. Suddenly he hears gunshots coming from atop a hill. He sprints towards the gunfire, not pausing to wonder why the ants have formed an aisle.*

Looks like its time for some thrilling heroics.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Friday, April 15, 2005 5:42 PM

THEGREYJEDI

*zooms around in high orbit in Aegis*

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Friday, April 15, 2005 5:46 PM

STATIC

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:

Mister Static? She’s all yours.

* The FemaleReaver turns around to look behind her. *

**Two gunshots ring through the cave, as loud as thunderclaps. FemaleReaver's ornamental knucklebones that dangle from her ears dissapear in puffs of calcium dust. Instinctively, her hands go to her ears. She grins maniacally at Static.

"You MISSED!" She gloats. Static smiles very slightly.

"No. . .I didn't. Step away from TRM and keep your hands well away from your body. You do anything other than what I've said, and the next two rounds go through your eyeballs.

The last thing I want to do is kill you. But it's still on the list."

**Static speaks out loud into his VOX comlink**

"Grey. . .you've got all your toys trained on this bitch, right?"

==================================================
http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com/

Evil, Lecherous Hump

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Friday, April 15, 2005 5:54 PM

THEGREYJEDI

*loud musak blares over the comm for a moment*

Sorry, what? Oh. Right. Um...I don't think I've got ordinance small enough. Lemme try something.

*cuts off the repulsor wings and goes into a dive, swiftly reaching terminal velocity. Flies head first down through the atmosphere reaching mach 2 before extending the repulsor wings bare feet above the surface of the mountain the cave is in. The finger of the left hand extends downward swiftly with such speed the heat friction drills precisely into the rock and ice, above FemaleReaver.*

Finger of God Attack!

*squishes FemaleReaver in a molten mess of mecha finger. Withdraws the mecha hand leaving a perfectly melted solid shaft to the surface.*

Booya.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Friday, April 15, 2005 5:59 PM

STATIC

Quote:
Originally posted by TheGreyJedi:

*squishes FemaleReaver in a molten mess of mecha finger. Withdraws the mecha hand leaving a perfectly melted solid shaft to the surface.*

Booya.

**Static spins his revolvers on his fingers and tucks the revolvers back into their holsters. He strolls over to the gooey mess that used to be TheFemaleReaver**

I said I didn't want to kill you. I didn't say I didn't want you dead.

**Static rolls his head slowly around, cracking his neck audibly.**

NOW can I get back to my vacation?

==================================================
http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com/

Evil, Lecherous Hump

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Friday, April 15, 2005 6:46 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL

*twg ducks just as TRM portals at her feet. She watches in amazement as he parries and sets FemaleReaver up for defeat. She sees her beloved, his weapons and ire trained on the FemaleReaver, and she knows everything will be okay.*

My hero!

*twg steps over the bleeding TRM, walks past the hovering Aegis, and into the arms of Static. Kisses and hugs and ‘are you okay’ s are bandied by both. No one else matters to the couple.*

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Friday, April 15, 2005 7:53 PM

Huh? Booya? What?

* The Real Me opens his eyes and lifts his head. He is flat on his back. Had he passed out? Yes, but not for long, for there before him was Static and ThatWeirdGirl, still in each other’s arms. And over there was… *

Wow! Very impressive from this angle.

* There was the mecha Aegis. And below Aegis, virtually at The Real Me’s feet, was a hole in the ground that must contain the smashed and charred remains of the FemaleReaver. Hmmmm… TheRealMe’s boots were scorched. Grey cut things a little close. *

So, I take it we won?

* With a groan, The Real Me gets to his feet, and retrieves the tube of Knibblet’s Stupendous Sunscreen and one of the daggers of the FemaleReaver (the other having been mangled beyond recognition).

Mister Static, Mister Grey, thank you. I would have preferred to capture the FemaleReaver, but we could not allow her to run loose. Next…

*The Real Me sighs.*

Believe me, I would LOVE to rest, but I’m afraid that next, we have a ship to reclaim from the G.I.Ants, before they destroy it, or at least render it unlivable.

* The Real Me limps a short way down the hill. He waves at the rapidly approaching Ath, and then steps back through the portal to the jacuzzi and SimonWho’s Blue Box. He smiles at the folks there. *

Hello everybody! Good news! We won! The FemaleReaver is toast. Uh, almost literally.

Next, we have a ship to reclaim from G.I. Ants. Doctor, I’m opening a dimensional portal to the Sereni-Tree’s Infirmary, as I’m worried about the injured Brides we left behind. We’ll clear that area out first, so you will be able to start your work. Then we re-take Main Engineering, then the Bridge. From there we will go room by room, deck by deck, until the ship is ours again.

I expect our main enemies to be ants.

Hmmmm… or Cozen love-clones. We must assume them to be fighting on Cozen’s side.

* The Real Me sticks the dagger in his belt and readies two handfuls of Knibblet’s Stupendous Sunscreen and Ant Repellant. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Friday, April 15, 2005 7:56 PM

* A spot of light appears on the wall of the Sereni-Tree’s Infirmary. It expands to become a ring of fire around a dark void. From his hole in reality limps The Real Me, holding tubes of sunscreen in both hands. He is followed by some others. The air is very stuffy inside the Infirmary. *

Hello?

Bride4: Over here!

* Bride2 and Bride3 are both in beds in the Infirmary, victims of the FemaleReaver’s earlier escape. Bride6 is sitting primly on another bed, nervously adjusting her frilly dress and examining her face in a hand-held mirror. Bride4, dressed in grey coveralls and with a great mallet resting on one shoulder, is busy consulting the Sereni-Tree Technical Manual that TheGreyJedi gave her. The Ebo Golem is near an air vent, stomping vigorously, and leaving shallow footprints in the deck. Numerous bodies of tiny ants litter the floor. *

What happened, Jet?

* Bride4 sets her mallet (which is almost as large as she is) on the table and cleans her glasses with her coveralls. *

Bride4: From what I’ve been able to determine, somebody opened the main cargo bay hatch. That let the ants aboard the Sereni-Tree. From there, they got everywhere, and started using the air ducts to travel through the ship.

* Bride4 puts her glasses back on and then taps the Sereni-Tree Technical Manual. *

Bride4: From Grey’s book I figured how to shut down the air system and lock down all the vent hatches. Then I retreated here with Bride5 and Bride6. Shutting down the air vents restricted the ants’ movement, but there were still some left in the ducts. Those would be the ones you see squished all over the place.

Bride6: Those squished ones are really terrible! Really gross! But a live one fell down from a light fixture above my head and BIT me on the cheek! Eeeeew!

* Bride6 sounds almost frantic. Bride4 smiles, and with a grunt, picks up her mallet. *

Bride4: Whatever. They bit me, too. But I got’em back with THIS.

* The Real Me looks around. *

Good work, Jet, but where is Bride5?

Bride4: She left. She said that she was going to try to talk to Cozen, to get him to call off the attacks. She sort of had a thing for him back when he was still with us.

I see. What about other passengers or crew?

Bride4: I’m not sure. Most got off to enjoy themselves. I think most of the clones stayed aboard, though.

Just as I thought. Well, Jet, I think our next step is to retake Main Engineering. Unless Grey gets here soon, you’re the one we need there. Are you with us?

* Bride4 grins. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Friday, April 15, 2005 7:59 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:

Pssst! Ebo? You know, this planet is getting mighty unfriendly to our peaceful selves. Say, when was the last time you declared war on somebody? Been a while, huh?

That it has! I haven't actually taken the time to read whats going on, but war definantly seems like the best corse of action.

I stole this plan of action from the President of the United States, so it must be a good one, on account of him having gone to collage and being so very articualte and all.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Friday, April 15, 2005 8:11 PM

That’s our Ebo!

Let me see, since the last report we gave you, the escaped FemaleReaver has been crushed (literally… by a finger of TheGreyJedi’s mecha), but an army of perhaps millions of warrior ants controlled by Cozen have taken over the Sereni-Tree. It is my guess that the Cozen love-clones that we rescued from the destruction of the planet Rukus are in on the plot, and may have opened hatches to let the ants in.

We’ve recovered the Infirmary with the help of some of the Brides, and we’re heading off to Main Engineering next. Mai discovered that Knibblet’s Stupendous Sunscreen is also a terrific ant-repellant, so we’ve been using that as our major weapon. Oh, that and the Ebo Golem, who is excellent at stomping ants. Sparky, sadly, is once again in pieces.

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Friday, April 15, 2005 8:13 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Oh, that and the Ebo Golem, who is excellent at stomping ants.

*snif*

*whipes away a tear*

I'm just so proud!

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Friday, April 15, 2005 9:03 PM

Oh, sorry, I almost forgot!

I'd like to welcome SoulOfSerenity, ImEarly, CallMeAth and any other new folk who have joined us in the Sereni-Tree threads recently. Please stay with us.

And Bride7! You almost had me rolling on the floor laughing when you stepped out of the Blue Box instead of the late great FemaleReaver! Hilarious! Bravo!

For a figment of my imagination, you're doing quite well!

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Friday, April 15, 2005 9:20 PM

RAT

*Rat arrives at the General to find that the windmill giants have completed repairs.*

Out! All of you!! Right now!!!

*The giants exit the ship. Rat pulls out his remote and presses a button, the General shrinks to normal size. Rat enters the General only to come out a few minutes later lugging a huge electronic anklet.*

Windell, put this on!

*Windell does so, Rat presses a button on his remot and Windell shrinks to about nine feet tall. Rat loads the ship mounted SPAMguns with sunscreen, and he and Windell take off and go small!*

Over RealMe's comm-link: We're back in the General, and have gone small, you want we should swing by and pick you up, or go strait to sweeping the air vents??

-Ratboy

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 1:00 AM

>> *twg steps over the bleeding TRM, walks past the hovering Aegis, and into the arms of Static. Kisses and hugs and ‘are you okay’ s are bandied by both. No one else matters to the couple.*

*stares incredulously*

Oh sure, it was nothing, TheRealMe, TGJ and I don't mind having the crap beaten out of us and then the guy who missed twice getting the credit, do we lads?

*starts tending to wounds, again*

And can somebody negotiate with Cozen, I do not want to find ant remains in my belly button for the next week or so.

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 3:54 AM

CALLMEATH

Quote:
Originally posted by TheGreyJedi:

Finger of God Attack!

*squishes FemaleReaver in a molten mess of mecha finger. Withdraws the mecha hand leaving a perfectly melted solid shaft to the surface.*

Booya.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

*Ath finally makes it to the top of the hill. Sees that all is taken care of.*

Oh, thank Go- I mean, damn! I was really hoping to get some play. Yeah. I was gonna show her what fer.

*Walks back towards the resort, looking up towards the sky and mouthing thanks.*

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 3:56 AM

SOULOFSERENITY

The Man They Call Soul...

*Soul runs back up the hill and into the SereniTREE. He pulls out another arrow and steps through the hatch. He sees G.I. Ants swarming all over the place, so he takes careful aim and fires. The arrow slices through the air and impacts with the deck, taking one ant with it.*

Woot! I killed one!

*TRM takes a step out of the infirmary and starts clapping.*

Good shot. But that way might take a while, unless you have a million more arrows, and can shoot them really fast.

Spoil sport, *Soul says.* So what do I use?

*TRM tosses him a tube of Knibblet's Sunscreen.*

*Soul looks down at the sunscreen.*

You have got to be kidding me.

*Then he shruggs and begins to apply the sunscreen to the tips of his arrows.*

When in Rome...

______________________

Mantichorus: "So is there a reason they call you 'Soul'?"
Soul (after a long pause): "Yeah. Because I have one."

http://havenofsouls.blogspot.com/

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 4:53 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
...the Cozen love-clones that we rescued from the destruction of the planet Rukus are in on the plot....

Love clones? Heh. In the sense that they're cloned from the characters of the television show "Firefly" (y'know, the reason we're all clumped on this thread?), I guess we love 'em. In a fraternal sort of way. Right?

*Recalls MontanaGirl's liking (enthusiastically enraptured by) the Jayne clone*

Ohhh.... "Love" clones. Right!

Quote:
Knibblet’s Stupendous Sunscreen is also a terrific ant-repellant....

*The remaining disciplined force of 128,000 G.I. ants, give or take, forms up on the comm unit. Throughout Sereni-Tree, ants expire by the thousands, either wiped out by the lethal sunscreen or suicidally trumped by having gorged to excess on ice cream and pepsi. The "Comm Force" sets to weaving bridal gown fragments into a pretty spiffin' white flag, then activates the mic. A representative speaks.*

"Fine. Let's talk terms, eh? Cap'n Ebonezer, cozen offers to withdraw all the G.I.ants from the Black Diamond Ski Resort, save for those needed to maintain a reasonable ecological balance. In addition, cozen will voluntarily give up control over the BDH clones to the Her Cap'ness and the Sereni-Tree crew.

"In return, cozen asks merely that y'all don't wreck this planet. Ski on it, play on it, leave, love on it, drink all the booze, jacuzzi yerselves into wrinkled blobs, whatever, that's fine. Just don't blow up the place.

"Thank you for your attention to this matter, etc.,
G.I. Ant #461,024,618, Communications Specialist and Tailor 2nd class."

***
Y'all like spiders?

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 5:17 AM

* The Real Me ponders Rat's news. *

Wow! I didn't know that the Windmill Giants were technologically capable of repairing the General Lee! Must be a lot more to spinning blades than I thought.

* Considering this, The Real Me decides to only use the General Grant from now on, for his shuttle needs. *

Bringing Windell with you, huh? Okay. Well, if you are small enough, perhaps you can start clearing out the ducts so we can get some air flowing. Huh! It's going to smell like sunscreen for months!

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
>> *twg steps over the bleeding TRM, walks past the hovering Aegis, and into the arms of Static. Kisses and hugs and ‘are you okay’ s are bandied by both. No one else matters to the couple.*

*stares incredulously*

Oh sure, it was nothing, TheRealMe, TGJ and I don't mind having the crap beaten out of us and then the guy who missed twice getting the credit, do we lads?

* The Real Me gives SimonWho a comradely slap on the back. Well, it's more like a pat considering The Real Me's injuries. *

Don't take it personally, Doc. Static can be the hero. Hell, Static WAS the hero. As I aptly demonstrated, I didn't have anything that could take out the FemaleReaver. The important thing is that the job get done, and in the case of the FemaleReaver... she's DONE!

And I'm quite certain that Static hit exactly what he was aiming for.

TheGreyJedi, of course, performed the act that neither Static nor I wanted to do, but was perhaps necessary. Most likely she would have escaped again, had she survived.

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 5:43 AM

* While one group of Our Heroes holds the Infirmary so that SimonWho could perform his doctoring, TheRealMe, SoulOfSerenity, Bride4, and the Ebo Golem move on to take Main Engineering. Before long, after the expenditure of many tubes of Knibblet’s Stupendous Sunscreen, they are successful. Expired ant corpses litter the floor. Bride4 reclaims all major ship functions as she hovers around in Grey’s command chair (only infrequently bumping into things). Soul stands guard in case any more of the enemy attack. The Ebo Golem stands as still as the statue that it is. TheRealMe uses a cloth to remove some errantly-splashed sunscreen from the main power plant, remembering another of the properties of that amazing cream and the fact that TheGreyJedi doesn’t like to use “additives”. Bride4 stares at some holographic images floating before her, and notices several red indicators turn to amber, then green. She consults Grey's manual, then floats the chair down to TheRealMe. *

Bride4: That should be enough. Power levels have dropped to their normal levels.

* The Real Me wipes away some sweat from his brow. *

Whew! That was close! But at least I was right about the sunscreen’s power-enhancing properties.

* There is a beep on TheRealMe’s com-link. *

Hello? This is Me.

Quote:
Over the link, Rat says:

We're back in the General, and have gone small, you want we should swing by and pick you up, or go strait to sweeping the air vents??

Thanks, Rat. We’ll be sending you through the vents to clear them out. Coordinate with Bride4 for a search pattern. She’ll open hatches one by one and close them behind you, just like in the first Alien movie.

* He puts away the com-link. *

Jet, you heard? Rat has returned with the shrunken General Lee. Take him through the vents.

* The Real Me wonders if he can modify the life support system to spray the sunscreen throughout the ship. And then how we might get rid of the smell, later. *

* While he is at a computer console, TheRealMe decides to download all the vids that the Sereni-Tree picked up of masses of billions of ants over-running the Black Diamond Ski resort. He puts them into a data crystal and sticks it into his shirt pocket. He muses to himself: *

Could be useful in case we get into a propaganda war with Cozen, later. I mean, business could suffer if these images got out.

Oh, Ebo Golem, get a broom and start sweeping up these ant corpses, please.

-----------------

* There is a light touch at TheRealMe’s shoulder. He jumps awake, and swivels his chair around to find Bride4 standing there, an amused expression on her face. *

Huh? What? Did I fall asleep?

* Apparently so. In one corner of Main Engineering, the Ebo Golem had accumulated a huge pile of ant corpses. According to the gigantic holographic displays of the ship’s layout, Rat in the General Lee had reclaimed over 75% of the ship. *

Bride4: You looked like you could use it, so I let you. But now, there’s a call for the Captain. From a representative of the ants. But I'm not sure where the Captain is.

I'm sure she'll turn up.

* The Real Me smiles, and leans back in his chair, causing a number of his wounds to shoot with pain. He winces. *

Well, it seems that the war is over.

* The Real Me reaches over to acknowledge the call, but finds that Mal-licious seems to already have things well in hand. *

Oh, well.

* The Real Me smiles, shrugs, then drifts back to sleep. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 5:48 AM

MALICIOUS

Cozen's representative G.I. Ant, #...whatever,

Your terms sound fair enough. However, we can only promise to TRY not to destroy the planet. That's as far as we will concede. I will draw up the papers for signatures in some future thread.

PS: If I see even one single spider, all agreements are null and void. It will be every man/ant/yeti for his or herself. I will then come looking for his Cozeness with a vengeance. And NOT in a good way.

Mal-licious

I think I will add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 6:34 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:

...we can only promise to TRY not to destroy the planet. That's as far as we will concede. I will draw up the papers for signatures....

If I see even one single spider, all agreements are null and void.

Mal-licious

I think I will add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

*128 million stealth-spiders retreat back to the mountains. cozen considers the etiquette involved with parachuting in massive numbers of corporate lawyers.*

***
A whole lotta silk.

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 12:06 PM

JAKE7

*jake7, helping to sweep up dead ant carcasses, walks by the Main Engineering room to see TRM sleeping in his chair. She covers him with a blanket (after shaking out all the dead ants) and sweeps up the room. Pressing a button on her remote, she points it at the pile of ant carcasses which all disappear in a puff of smoke. She swipes the back of her hand over her forhead.*

Whew! Well, that's the last of what I can do. I'm exhausted myself. I'm heading to my room for a long, and much needed, nap!

*she exits, closing the door and puts a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. She heads off down the hall to her room.*

--------------
MAL: Everybody's makin' a fuss.

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 6:24 PM

MONTANAGIRL

*In the midst of helping SimonWho doctor up the various injuries, montanagirl pauses to listen to the announcement of the cessation of hostilities.*

We get to keep the clones! Woohoo!!!

*Starts doing the dance of joy, forgetting that she is holding onto the end of a bandage that is currently attached to another person.*

Whoops, sorry there. *Feels a little foolish.* Umm, I'll just get back to work.

Who's next, doc?

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 7:35 PM

MAI

Quote:
Just don't blow up the place.

Ah come on, please? Escaping painful death and destruction is so much fun. Just one more? I'll never ask for anything ever again, promise...

Quote:
Y'all like spiders?

*Shivers from the mere mention of the word spiders*

Ok, ok. We'll be good. Or at least I'll try to be good. ( I don't know how long it'll last though).

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Saturday, April 16, 2005 10:49 PM

RAT

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:
A whole lotta silk.

Were they scared??

-Ratboy

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 2:46 AM

MAI

Residents of BLACK DIAMOND (however temporary that may be) WAKE UP!

We've got some celebrating to do! It's an ant-killing, psychotic reaver crushing, ship saving, everyone's safe and mostly in one piece, kind of party !

I've brought the food. I've got some chips and salsa, ice cream, pancakes, marshmallows, twinkies, meatloaf, and of course, chocolate (cake, brownies, cookies, and sauce). I think that pretty much covers it.

Now all we need is some music.

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 3:23 AM

Right, I think we're nearly done here, I'm just tending to a few innocent bystanders.

Erm, MontanaGirl, can you deal with this chap, he seems to be more in your line of work.

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 4:35 AM

* The Real Me, rested, cleaned up, and bandaged, is baking in the kitchen when he notices SimonWho's last post. *

How drunk, exactly, must a person be, to...

No, I would pass out, first.

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 4:37 AM

* The Real Me wheels a cart from the kitchen out to the revelers in the Common Room of the Sereni-Tree. On the cart is a huge multi-tiered cake suitable for a wedding. In the undercarriage of the cart are bowls, plates, silverware, and the last tub of ice cream from the Purple Dimension (the only one unravaged by Cozenants). *

A party is an excellent idea. But this will be a very special party. I took the liberty of baking this cake and crafting a few decorations.

* There is a little diorama displayed on each level of the cake: *

* The bottom level has a pair of shacks side-by-side. *

* The next level has a single shack, but through the door can be seen a few tiny figures, some relaxing in hammocks and one of them rocking its ass off on a guitar, playing to a man, a woman, a robot, and a muppet.

* The next level has a tree with spreading branches, one of them holding a tree house with a catapult on its roof. There is a pub at the bottom of the tree. A figure seems to be leading a raiding party away from the tree, and numerous purple tentacles can be seen coming out of the tree house itself. *

* The next level up has a floating air-ship that is really floating (The Real Me made use of one of the remaining butterfly thrusters to construct the model). There seems to be a Gala Pageant going on inside the air-ship. To one side of this scene is another diorama in which a half-dozen figures are battling dinosaurs in the Land of the Lost. *

* The next level up has the Star Ship Sereni-TREE as rebuilt by TheGreyJedi, also floating. *

* The next level of the cake shows the Sereni-TREE landed upon a scale model of the surface of Rukus (and NO, Rat, the Sereni-TREE does NOT look like a port-o-let), with the nearby beach, ocean (with aquatic Aphrodite-like figure rising from the water), amusement park, unclimbable heights, golf course, and convention center. There is even a volley ball net set up on the beach, with a pair of teams competing. *

*The next level shows the breakup of Rukus, with a few asteroid-shaped cup-cakes surrounding a model of the Sereni-Tree.*

* The top of the cake shows a scale model of the Sereni-Tree on the snowy surface of Black Diamond. There is a tiny General Lee flying north, yeti being shown the Hustle by a small figure, windmill giants, a blue box near the Jacuzzi, and a diorama of the FemaleReaver’s last stand. She is defiantly facing a two-gun-armed figure as she stands there, with Aegis’ finger just above her head. But there are no ants anywhere on the cake. Ants on a cake would be gross. *

So, what do you think?

* The Real Me strikes a match and reaches high to light the single large candle upon the summit of the cake. The candle is shaped as a large numeral “1”. *

This is a birthday party. A belated birthday party, I’m afraid. Somewhat over a year ago, on May 27, 2004, Ebonezer posted the first thread of the very first clubhouse. This is the 20th thread. We have been in existence, in some form, for over a year.

* The Real Me pulls a long knife from the undercarriage of the cart. *

Ebo, as our Founder and Fearless Leader, would you do us the honor of cutting the cake?

* The Real Me holds out the knife. He eyes the nearby Riverclone and hopes that he doesn’t look better in red. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 6:52 AM

THATWEIRDGIRL

*twg and Static look up from their place on the oversized couch*

TRM, it's beautiful, a masterpiece. Has it been a year yet? *wipes a tear from her eye* I remember the clubhouse party...oh my, the guacamole spiked punch was surprisingly good. And the puppet! Whatever happened to the puppet?

*twg leaves the embrace of her beloved to examine the cake*

Hon, look! Here I am in your clubhouse checking it out before heading back to our clubhouse. And you can see all the things we stole from your clubhouse. Wow.

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 7:16 AM

*a single tear rolls down Ebonezers cheek.*

This. Is. So. BEAUTIFUL!

also, it reminds me, where has my guitar gotten itself off too?

*She takes the knife and stares at the cake for a while.*

I can't cut this masterpiece apart. You must've been up for hours separating the eggs and blending the sugar and butter. And the time spent carving these little figurenes. I just couldn't.

Also, I'm not sure where to start. Its a big cake. Do you cut from the top or the bottom? Or the middle? Are the modles edible? Its all very daunting.

So daunting, in fact, that I think we need to attack it. For nostalgas sake.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 8:10 AM

Glad you like it. It's nothing much, just a little something I've been working on in my spare time. The figures took a while. But every time I was almost ready, we would start a new series of adventures that required another level to the cake.

I'm afraid that the figures are made out of a plastic compound, but everything else is edible.

The muppet, ThatWeirdGirl? That was Ebo's friend, "InTheShinyCircusLife" by name. I think she went back to the circus.

If you like, Ebo, start cutting from behind, where there are no decorations. I planned on the figures getting handed out as keepsakes...

Except for the floating Sereni-Trees. I'll need the butterfly thrusters back. I'm still trying to get them to breed.

But before you do start cutting, let's take a picture of ourselves in front of the cake. All the crew and passengers, all the brides, clones, and even the Ebo Golem!

The Real Me even picks up the head of Sparky to be in the picture.

Computer! Prepare the vid camera!

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 8:12 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
This is a birthday party. A belated birthday party, I’m afraid. Somewhat over a year ago, on May 27, 2004, Ebonezer posted the first thread of the very first clubhouse. This is the 20th thread. We have been in existence, in some form, for over a year.

Isn't May 27 2004 somewhat less than a year ago? And is handing Ebo a knife the best of ideas? Still, it's cake and that has to be good news.

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 8:18 AM

* Puzzled and alarmed, The Real Me counts on his fingers. He begins three times, then gives up. *

Uh, either I meant March, or this is a pre-birthday party!

After all, I took a number of significant blows to the head recently. I could easily be confused!

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 8:27 AM

No, no, it was supposed to be May all right. My mistake. I'll bring it out again in about a month and a half...

* The Real Me sighs, then starts to wheel the cart back to the kitchen. He stops. *

Except, of course, that the planet Black Diamond has a year of only ten Earth months, and so this is the time to celebrate since we are on Black Diamond!

* The Real Me removes his glasses and puts on a pair of goggles and a large plastic poncho. *

Ebo, we are ready for your attack!

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 10:42 AM

NEEDLESEYE

*Needleseye is intrigued by the large fanciful representation in baked goods, sugar, and plastic. Notices TheRealMe donning goggles as a fantastic idea. She pulls the goggles of her terribly cunning flight headgear over her eyes. Thankfull for the long gloves and curling her fingers a bit, she cheerfully waits for the cake tackle to begin.*

I'm ready...

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 11:58 AM

*As the Sereni-Treefolk wield dangerous cutlery and don various protective paraphernalia, a number of small shooting stars stream across the Common Room. With uncanny inevitability, the stars embed themselves deep within the hugely spiffin' cake.*

*A shortish pause ensues*

*As crewfolk raise their knives and such, from within the cake can be heard grumbling. Cursing, actually. In English, though so muffled by cake that it's barely audible.*

*Eventually, a hand pokes through, emerging just below the catapult on the cake's third level. Then another hand pokes through.*

*A head. Shoulders squirming behind the head.*

*A body, clad only in caky goop, falls out through the cake. With an awkward half twist, the cakebeing lands on its back on the common room floor, inches from Ebo's muddy boots.*

*Gouging cake goop from nostrils and mouth,and spitting just a bit, cozen -- for it is he -- speaks.*

Hi. Um, guess I'm no longer corporeally embodied as a star cluster.

Long story.

***
Uh, cap'n? Sir? I think I'm nekkid.

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 12:39 PM

Well damn it, what are we supposed to eat now? Only cake thats left is all over Cozen.

Damn you, Cozen!

(Glad to have you back though)

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 1:04 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by ebonezer:

Love you, Cozen!

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

*cozen wonders if he heard that correctly.*

*Examines ears.*

*Jammed full o' cake.*

*Spits out a cake splattered, perfectly rendered tiny guitar. Summons an evil grin.*

Heh. What with the shorter year here on the BD Ski Resort, does that mean maybe ya reached legal kidnapping age yet? {edited to add} Sir?

***
The more things stay the same, the less they change.

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 3:37 PM

MALICIOUS

(Mal-Licious begins scraping icing off of Cozen-parts)

MMMMM. Vanilla!

Mal-licious

I think I will add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 4:15 PM

MONTANAGIRL

I've got some chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting over on this arm. Yum!

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 4:49 PM

MAI

ITS GORGEOUS, but is it real cake or merely look a like protein?

Either way, fantastic job, but I think it's more a work of art then just any old bday cake. I don't think it should be cut at all. We got some almost not expired cupcakes in a package instead of ruining thies masterful creation.

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 5:52 PM

* The Real Me seems concerned as he gazes at the newly-embodied Cozen. He answers Mai absently: *

No, no, the cake is not some kind of protein goop. It consisted of REAL baked flour, eggs, milk, and the like. And chocolate. Plenty of chocolate.

* The Real Me continues to look at Cozen, lying there clothed only in cake-goop. The Real Me bends down and offers his hand to help him up. *

Cozen, despite our past misunderstandings, I am delighted to have you back! (Keep away from Ebo, though!)

However, I do have a most serious question. You were once embodied as a star cluster, which, frankly, is a sensation that I'd like to discuss later. It was, in fact the Cozen Cluster. Both Rukus and Black Diamond orbited different stars in the Cozen Cluster.

* The Real Me takes a breath. *

Now, and this is the important part, if you are NO LONGER a star cluster, then WHAT is the planet of Black Diamond orbiting right now?!

* The Real Me goes to a window. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Sunday, April 17, 2005 6:50 PM