CAPTION TIGHTPANTS #26 by TenthCrewMember

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

CAPTION TIGHTPANTS #26

POSTED BY: TENTHCREWMEMBER
UPDATED: Monday, May 9, 2005 15:42
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 8476
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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 4:13 AM

Could you please just make it stranger? Stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?

Well, it would seem this weeks winner had an agenda and MALicoulsly and MALevolently bumped the thread so that he could MALcontent the non-winning entries...and...and...okay, I am punned out. But hey, if Caption Tightpants is where you want to have an aggressive campaign to garner the votes of your peers, who am I to stop him? So without further jabber, I give you the results of said campaign (tweaked just a bit with my poetic license; and yeah I *am* a published poet, so nyah!)...

Congrats to MANWITHPEZ! They say never to hit a man with a closed fist, but putting him on a rock, nekkid is HI-larious! Now onto this week's scene...I used the one submitted by HOWDYROCKERBABY1 because, well, I am inherently lazy and it was a VERY good shot, which opens it up to us shooting at it! Something tells me though that I hope the BDH's do not read CT this week...

(I can't believe I just went 'slash', but here it is...)
Mal: Jayne, you owe me variety, else I'll tell 'em what you did.
Jayne: *sigh* Okay, but just this one--
Simon: What the?!
Jayne: I...uhh...was just helpin' the Cap'n with his tightpants...I ain't sly gorrammit!
Simon: THIS is what going mad feels like...ugh.

Cilantro!
TCM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 4:21 AM

SHINY

JAYNE: For the last time, Mal, I don't see no blubbe...

SIMON: I thought you two promised to do that in your bunk!

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 4:26 AM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Victory is sweet and taste good! Kinda like Pez!

I did't campaign...I just bumped it so people would vote...I didn't even say vote for me! And, I think its fair cause the names weren't included in the voting!!! Fair play to ME!

I also like the redesigned winner's circle...Caption NoPants! HA!

And, after 101 caption entries, I hold no modesty! Let's see what I can do with this weeks!

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 4:58 AM

STARPILOTGRAINGER

Simon: Uh, what are you guys doing?

Jayne: We were just, uh, looking for the big red button. You know, call everyone back for the movie.

Simon: ...and you think it might be in the Captain's pants?

Mal: Hey, you can hide anything in these things, without any conspicuous bulges. Smugglers and the like tend to favor them for just that reason.
Well, maybe one conspicuous bulge.

Caption: Simon learns what going mad really feels like.

Star Pilot Grainger
"Remember, the enemy's gate is down."
LJ: http://www.livejournal.com/users/newnumber6 (real)
http://www.livejournal.com/users/alternaljournal (fictional, travelling through another world)
Unreachable Star: http://www.unreachablestar.net - Comics & SF News/Reviews/Opinions

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 5:17 AM

MANTICHORUS

Time to add a clean one methinks...

SIMON: "Your back still out, Captain?"

JAYNE: "Why'd ya think I'm doin' up his laces for him?"

--------------------------------------------------
Barret: "I been here since the beginnin', an' I still don't know what the hell's goin' on either."
--------------------------------------------------
"...I'm not a man who likes to swear,
But I've never cared for the sound of bein' alone..." -Neil Diamond, I am... I said.

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 5:39 AM

DUG

Cap'n: All right, now watch how the doc walks only on his hind legs.....
Simon: I'm telling you, the box-lifting, man-ape thing can *NOT* be trained.....

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 5:44 AM

RYCE

Simon, in an effort to fit in more with the crew, offers to be one of the stakes in their game of horseshoes.

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 5:44 AM

KNIBBLET

Jayne just couldn't help himself even if they were in front of witnesses, just being near Mal was enough to make him hot and sweaty.

"I'm gonna rip you a new puppet hole, bitch!"

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 5:59 AM

KAYLEE4SIMON

Can't believe i'm saying this but...

Simon: I'll be in my bunk

Keep shiny!

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 6:20 AM

STARRBABY

Quote:
Originally posted by Kaylee4Simon:
Simon: I'll be in my bunk

*Shreik* giggle giggle giggle

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 6:31 AM

SIMONWHO

Mal: ...and you're going to stay standing on one leg until you stop seeing homoerotic undertones everywhere.

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 6:47 AM

CUNNINGORANGETOQUE

SEAN:"What are you guys up to?"
NATHAN:"Just prepping to head out for the next Con"
SEAN:"Soooo....why are Adam's pits all sweaty?"

OR

Jayne was awfully embarassed when Simon walked in on Mal finishing giving him a dance lesson workout.

OR

MAL:"I've given you a raise, now what do you say...."

JAYNE:(reluctantly)"Thank you Master Reynolds...."

SIMON:"OOoooookkaaayyyyy........"

OR

SEAN:"What's going on?"

NATHAN:"Oh, Adam, just saw all the fan mail since last Tuesday...got kinda sick"

OR

JAYNE:*grunt**puff**grunt*

SIMON:"What's going on?"

MAL:"Oh nuthin'. Just getting Jayne to move all the past Caption Tightpants out from the middle of the room."

OR

GAME SHOW STYLE
MAL:"Jayne, you can either try and lift this box, drop it, and get what is inside, or ask for whatever Simon is bringing down the room in his pocket right now!!!!"

JAYNE:"I....I'll...I'll take the box!!!
*picks up the box and drops it with a thud*

MAL:"HE TOOK THE BOX!!!LET'S SEE WHAT'S IN THE BOX!!"

*Jayne opens the box to reveal that it is, in fact, empty*

MAL:"NOTHING!!ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!STUPID!!!YOU ARE SO STUPID!!!!"

OR

After Mal returned from the "corner of No and Where" and got his clothes on, he realized that he and Jayne and Simon had ventured into the "Center of Yes and There"

OR

SEAN:"Bad news guys, we've been cancelled!!!"

NATHAN:"Oh no, what happenned!!"

SEAN:"well, they simply had no room for us. They had to make room for such quality shows as Fastlane, That 80s Show, Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Cedric the Entertainer, Greg the Bunny.....(continues for 3 minutes naming shows)"

ADAM:"So what do we do?"

SEAN:"Well, i suppose if all those shows go down the tubes, or the DVD's sell well enough to start a movie, we might have a shot....."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Time for some thrilling heroics!

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 8:16 AM

GRRARRG

The first event of the Serenity Olympics was a blowout, as Jayne stopped to catch his breath before taunting Simon after Mal declared him the victor of the One-Legged Race. Wash had dropped out of the race so he could practice geese juggling. (Things can get pretty boring when you're out in the black, staying clear of all manner of civilized folk)

I mock you with my monkey pants.
Oh, yeah - check out my rock band: http://www.readyempire.com/index.php?option=com_artistdirectory&task=s
howCD&id=1
Click on "Play Entire CD"

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 9:52 AM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.

Quote:

Jayne: Watch this Cap'n.

Simon: Hold that football good and tight, Jayne.

Mal: Simon Tam...you blockhead!

OR:

Simon presides over the annual Serenity Scoliosis Screenings.

OR:

Having pissed off both Mal and Jayne, Simon found himself in the uncomfortable position of "Honorary Horseshoe Spike".

OR:

Simon: I'm a flamingo...Caw Caw...Caw Caw...

Jayne: Say Mal, his sister ain't contagious, is she?

OR:

Mal: So, Simon? You gonna tell us your plan or not?

Simon: Yeah...Given the pit stains under Jayne's arms, I think I'll be telling you from over here.

OR:

Mal: Ha Ha, Jayne...you left a pin!

Jayne: Watch me pick up this spare!

Simon: I'm...uncomfortable with this.

OR:

Simon: Is that the new shirt I gave you to replace the one River sliced?

Jayne: Yeah? So?

Simon: Yes, I can see where a rip and some bloodstains would be much worse than the thirteen gallons of sweat pouring through your yellowing pit stains.

OR:

Simon: I have a job for...Never mind. I can see you're in the middle of a "job" already.

OR:

Nathan: Well, if it isn't the "Little Bitch"!

Adam: Yeah...still having problems remembering your sister's name?

Sean: Come on guys. Its not my fault I got more fan mail after Objects In Space!

And I'll be back with more later...this one's hard, and the ones that are already here are funnier than anything I could come up with!

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 9:53 AM

GUNRUNNER

(Jayne after injuring his back in Trash)
Mal: Hay Simon your right! Jayne is some sort of man-ape!
Simon: Yes he must be the missing link; Homo-Stupidis.
Jayne: Yea laugh it up! So are we going to play horseshoes or screw around?

EV Nova Firefly mod Message Board:
http://s4.invisionfree.com/GunRunner/index.php?act=idx
My Other Site:
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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 10:23 AM

MDNIGHTRADIO7L

Caption:
*Baywatch theme begins playing in the background*

“I loath bus stations. Terrible places. Full of lost luggage and lost souls.”

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 10:37 AM

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Could you please just make it stranger? Stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?

Simon: CAP'N! LOOK OUT!! A TERRIFYING SPACE MONK--oh...it's just Jayne.
Jayne: Y'know, if wishes were horses I'd stick your head up--
Mal: JAYNE! You'll keep a civil tongue in that mouth of yours...besides, *snicker* you do look a might terrifyin' and kinda ape-ified right now.

Cilantro!
TCM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Avail yourself of my trade! I have original (meaning: designed by me!)
T-shirts, posters, mugs and more at
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 12:16 PM

CHOLLETT

Simon: "Hey, has anyone seen River? She kicked me in the face last Tuesday and I just came to, so if either of you know where she went....? A bar, perhaps?"

or

Simon: "Hey guys, i was just....WOAH!"
Jayne: "uh, umm, doc, this ain't what it looks like, i swear!"
Simon: "So you aren't playing horseshoes without me?"
Jayne: "Um, yeah, that's it...we were playing horseshoes....sorry we didn't call you first.."

That's the best i can think of for now.

"When your miracle gets here, you just pound this button once." -Alan Tudyk, in a message to Joss with the packaged button, about the Firefly movie

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 2:54 PM

CHOLLETT

sorry 'bout the double posting, but i gots another idea......

Yes, they had both just been punched in the groin. But Mal took it like a man.

Either that, or

Simon: "Hey, Jayne! I see you found my life-sized mannequin of Mal. Like it?"
Jayne: (thinking) "Mannequin?.......AAAAAAUGH!!!!!"

"When your miracle gets here, you just pound this button once." -Alan Tudyk, in a message to Joss with the packaged button, about the Firefly movie

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 4:08 PM

DARKJESTER

Jayne lines up his approach, knowing it will take all his skill to pick up the very difficult Simon-10 split...

OR

Calvinball was enjoyed by everyone. Simonbowl was enjoyed by everyone except, well, Simon.

EDIT: Changed 1-Simon to Simon-10. I go for the cheap puns every time!

MAL "You only gotta scare him."
JAYNE "Pain is scary..."

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 4:09 PM

THEGREYJEDI

Quote:
Originally posted by TenthCrewMember:

Did everyone have to go slash with this?

JAYNE: While this is only a par 3, hole seven's green is still a bitch.

SIMON: Golf? Seriously, guys, just go back to arm wrestling.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 4:26 PM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.

Hey! I didn't go slash...well, except for that one...But hey! Charlie Brown!!! Huh? Charlie Brown???

Is this thing on?

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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Tuesday, May 3, 2005 11:55 PM

KMS

Quote:

The Captain takes Simon’s criticism to heart and teaches Jayne how to be a trained ape… with the training.

Or

Simon hates playing ‘freeze tag’, as everyone always seems to catch him first. On the other hand, he’s happy he didn’t get caught in Jayne’s position.

Or

Mal: Really, Jayne. Those horseshoes ain’t that heavy. I don’t comprehend why you’re sweating so much. Girly-man!

Or

Simon: I’m breaking up with you.
Mal and Jayne (together): Who? Me?
Mal and Jayne (looking at each other in surprise, say together): Hey! He’s my boyfriend!
They begin to wrestle on the floor.
Simon (muttering to himself): And THAT is why.

Or

In another of Mal’s hi-larious pranks, the Captain and Jayne make Simon pose for hours until they finish building their ‘Simon statue’ using horseshoes. Simon is not amused. Nor is it a good likeness.

Or

Jayne takes a good look around the hold, determined to find their hidden cargo of smallish beagles. Mal doesn’t have the heart to tell him that they unloaded the last one a week ago.

Or

Everyone froze in place, entranced at the unusual sight of Simon, sans vest.

Or

Simon (thinking): First he’s naked, now this? What kind of ship did I get on?

KMS!
‘We’re not obsessed, we’re focused.’---Gizzie

And what the heck’s so wrong with going slash??????

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 2:51 AM

COSMICFUGITIVE

[IMG]

[/IMG]

A Shaun Of The Dead/Firefly crossover!

JAYNE: "Purple Rain."
MAL: "No."
JAYNE: "Sign o' the Times."
MAL: "Definitely not."
JAYNE: "The Batman soundtrack?"
MAL: "Throw it."

Or:

MAL AND JAYNE: “Dobbah doobah doobah doobah doobah!”

(Simon groans)

JAYNE: “What’s he doing? He should say base.”

MAL: “Or freeze.”

MAL AND JAYNE: “What a t**.”

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 9:51 AM

DOYOUFLIP

Mal: *cough* *cough*
Jayne: Everything seems normal
Simon: I guess that's one way to get into those tight pants...

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 10:01 AM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.

Quote:

Jayne: OW! My back...did you hear it crack?

Mal: (Concerned) No!

Jayne: (Grins) Well, you might smell it here in a minute.

Simon: I'm going back to the infirmary.

OR:

Simon: I know you don't like losing at horseshoes, Captain, but did you really have to kick Jayne in the shin?

OR:

Mal: Not bad...And here's the $10 I promised.

Jayne: My daddy said anyone who can't find work ain't lookin' hard enough.

Simon: OH MY GOD! What are you doing?

Jayne: I was just shinin' his boots. I ain't sly!

OR:

Simon thought twice about joining in the conversation when he saw the empty beer kegs behind the Captain.

OR:

Simon looked on in amazement as Zoe delivered the fastest Atomic Wedgie to Jayne he'd ever seen. Mal had already seen it.

OR:

Mal: Jayne? When you said "Let's moon em" I thought you were talking about the Alliance.

Jayne: Oh...sorry Cap.

Simon: What are you doi...RIVER, LOOK AWAY!!!

Heh...I crack me up sometimes...

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 11:13 AM

WICCANSLYR

Quote:
Originally posted by TenthCrewMember:

Simon: Captai...What the?!

Jayne (very loudly and quickly): IT'S ALL GOJIRO'S FAULT!

If life is what you make it I want Cheese Cake!

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 12:13 PM

UNCHARTEDOUTLAW

Jayne (laughing): Heheh, Cap, when you get down like this that pole looks like...heheh..and the doorway looks like a...heheheheheh.

Mal (rolls eyes): Jayne, go take a cold shower already.

OR

Jayne: Okay, so, explain to me how this whole Cricket thing works again?

Simon: Well, back on the Earth-that-Was...

Mal: This is so pointless.

-Taylor

The Uncharted Outlaw!

Read My Words:
http://norcalriviera.blogspot.com

San Jose Area Browncoats:
http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/SiliconGulchBrowncoats

"Well, no more running." -Malcolm Reynolds, Serenity Trailer

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 2:00 PM

DARKJESTER

Simon:"I says... hop like a bunny! Ok, I says... stand up straight! Now bend over and touch your toes!".... "AHA!"

Jayne:"Gorram it Mal, he got me again!"

Mal:"I did warn you Jayne. Playing 'Simon Says' with a man named Simon might not be the best idea."

Jayne:"Hey Doc, I got a new game for you. It's called 'Vera Says'!"

MAL "You only gotta scare him."
JAYNE "Pain is scary..."

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 2:04 PM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.

Damn it!!! You beat me to it!!!

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 4:28 PM

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

Quote:
Originally posted by TenthCrewMember:

Jayne: Man, polishing the Cap'n's boots is hard work. Ok, Simon, it's your turn.

Simon: No thanks, I've already polished my shoes twice this morning.

Jayne: I meant it's your turn to polish the Cap'n's.

---------------------------------------------
The real-life box droppin', man-ape gone wrong thing, now without the pesky falling boxes

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 5:36 PM

MDNIGHTRADIO7L

Quote:
Originally posted by CosmicFugitive:
[IMG] [/IMG]

A Shaun Of The Dead/Firefly crossover!

JAYNE: "Purple Rain."
MAL: "No."
JAYNE: "Sign o' the Times."
MAL: "Definitely not."
JAYNE: "The Batman soundtrack?"
MAL: "Throw it."

Or:

MAL AND JAYNE: “Dobbah doobah doobah doobah doobah!”

(Simon groans)

JAYNE: “What’s he doing? He should say base.”

MAL: “Or freeze.”

MAL AND JAYNE: “What a t**.”

In the midst of studying for exams, this made my night!

“I loath bus stations. Terrible places. Full of lost luggage and lost souls.”

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 5:44 PM

GUNRUNNER

“Jayne wonders whether aim for the stake or the groin.”

Hmm that gives me an idea…

“Jayne and Mal prepare to introduce Simon to “Full Contact” Horseshoes. Jayne was up first…
*Whack*”

EV Nova Firefly mod Message Board:
http://s4.invisionfree.com/GunRunner/index.php?act=idx
My Other Site:
http://www.utnhq.com/TLAM_Strike/index.htm

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 6:22 PM

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

Quote:
Originally posted by TenthCrewMember:

Jayne: Simon, what the hell are ya' doin'?

Simon: Practicing some moves my sister taught me. I think I'll call it the River Dance.

---------------------------------------------
The real-life box droppin', man-ape gone wrong thing, now without the pesky falling boxes

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 6:33 PM

SHINEY

Simon was the worst at Charades.

"Oh My God It's Grotesque! Oh And There's Something In A Jar."

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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 8:09 PM

CUNNINGORANGETOQUE

SIMON:"Have either of you seen my left shoe?"

OR a twist on that

SIMON:"Have either of you seen my left shoe? I've been looking for it for hours, and i don't want to step with my sock on the ground, it doesnt look sanitary...."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Check out MY Caption Game (inspired by Caption Tightpants!!
www.livejournal.com/users/the_zeppo01
(P.S.-If you make any captions, please leave your name or codename so i dont have 10 anonymous entries....)
Time for some thrilling heroics!

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Thursday, May 5, 2005 11:12 AM

RYCE

Kaylee (OS): Say, Doc? Why don't you come over here, play for
our side.
Simon: Not until Jayne changes his shirt.

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Thursday, May 5, 2005 3:38 PM

KMS

Quote:

LiarSimon!: I lost my leg in the war.
Mal: You weren't in the war!
LiarSimon!: Er. It fell off.
Jayne: Legs don't just fall off.
LiarSimon!: It got eaten by a gazebo.
Mal: You tried that one last week!
LiarSimon!: My legs are growing into a giant fishtail. I'm turning into a mermaid.
Jayne & Mal: What!?!?!?!?
LiarSimon!: River stole it.
Mal: Now that I can believe!

Or

*FART* Captain TightPants meets Mister StinkyPants.

Or

Jayne: Hey, Mal, am I going bald up there?

Or

Simon (scolding): You're doing fart and ignites again? Don't you remember what happened last time? The Captain's clothes burned right off!

Or

Simon: Put you left foot in, put your left foot out….

KMS!
'We're not obsessed, we're focused.' --Gizzie

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Sunday, May 8, 2005 10:12 AM

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Could you please just make it stranger? Stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?

Seems the gorram plan didn't go accordingly, but here's the 5 choices I'd love for y'all to be choosin' from...

VOTE: http://vote.sparklit.com/web_poll.spark/908534

Cilantro!
TCM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Avail yourself of my trade! I have original (meaning: designed by me!)
T-shirts, posters, mugs and more at
http://www.zazzle.com/contributors/home/default.asp?cid=23847914695881
5760
AND
http://www.cafepress.com/10thcrew
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Ohio? Join us!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/firefly-ohio

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Monday, May 9, 2005 2:51 PM

DRAGONWINE

Simon: Are you still cleaning up after those cows?
Mal: They weren't cows and no this is Jayne's. He didn't make it back to his bunk in time so I'm making him clean it.

Better late than never.

It's a nothing part til you don't got one, then you have to go to ebay.....aaaaagh!

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Monday, May 9, 2005 3:42 PM

INEVITABLEBETRAYAL

Quote:
Originally posted by dug:
Cap'n: All right, now watch how the doc walks only on his hind legs.....
Simon: I'm telling you, the box-lifting, man-ape thing can *NOT* be trained.....

Just to refine this a touch...

Mal: Now see there, Jayne, how the Doc is walking upright?
Simon: How many times must I tell you, Captain? The box-dropping man-ape-gone-wrong-thing simply cannot be trained.

_______________________________________________
I wish I had a magical wish-granting plank.

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