The S.S. SereniTree's Homecoming by thatweirdgirl

Ath over comm: "Figures. Rat and I being chased by who knows what, and you guys are safe in the ship watching one of my favorite movies of all time. Inconceivable!"

"And Serenity, why must you constantly foil my attempts to make you look bad? It's my duty as a younger brother! I would bring up the chinese water torture, but I had a hand in that."

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Monday, May 23, 2005 9:38 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
properly. The book's great too. And damn if Robin Wright isn't the most beautiful woman in the world.

Silly Simon, you read the book, you know that Buttercup is the most beautiful woman in the world.

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Monday, May 23, 2005 9:45 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeAth:
Ath over comm: "Figures. Rat and I being chased by who knows what, and you guys are safe in the ship watching one of my favorite movies of all time. Inconceivable!"

Bwa ha ha ha. Mine is an evil laugh.

Quote:
"And Serenity, why must you constantly foil my attempts to make you look bad? It's my duty as a younger brother! I would bring up the chinese water torture, but I had a hand in that."

When will you accept, dear Ath, that I'm actually pretty nice (most of the time).
And will you hurry up and SPAMinate (get it? terminate with SPAM) whatever or whoever is chasing you? We're nearly home!!

Have fun storming the castle!

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Monday, May 23, 2005 9:47 AM

*rubbing sore side from where Soul nearly squashed her*

ouch. This couch is getting awfully crowded..err... cozy.

You are trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen!

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Monday, May 23, 2005 10:05 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:

When will you accept, dear Ath, that I'm actually pretty nice (most of the time).

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

NEVER!!!!!!!!!!

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Monday, May 23, 2005 10:10 AM

*Awakens from attempted hybernation until October 7th, and wanders out of room* Ho-hum, I'm up. Whats happening?

The Princess Bride? Never seen this film. *Finds spot on the floor*

Whats the 'in' snack of the moment then?

And, where did I leave my gorram knittin needles, they were my trade-mark!

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Monday, May 23, 2005 12:02 PM

EBONEZER

River! Nice to see you! Glad your awake and stuff.

Are we there yet? I'd ask Static, but he seems to be a mite busy, what with the reunion with TWG and everything.

(Hey, think its the happiest moment of his life? Good lord, was Revenge of the Sith ever terrible.)

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Monday, May 23, 2005 12:12 PM

MONTANAGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by PsychicRiver:
The Princess Bride? Never seen this film.

*Gasps in shock and horror*

You've never seen Princess Bride?! Oh you poor thing! We'll rectify that for you. This is one of the best movies ever.

Quote:
Whats the 'in' snack of the moment then?

Hey, we haven't eaten for a while. Not since the scones that were part of some dangerous plan of twg's.

*Thinks about getting up to make something. But she's pretty comfy sitting on the couch between Simon and Soul. Someone else can do it.*

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Monday, May 23, 2005 4:33 PM

PsychicRiver! Welcome back!

Uh, actually the only thing remotely edible that is left on this boat is Spam, due to the attack of the Cozenants which consumed all of our actual food.

But it's still protien, in all the colors of the rainbow:

Ooooh! There's some more colors!

Some time back, I plotted a straight-line course to Earth-that-still-is, back to the Tree, actually. I should think that we would have arrived some days ago.

But we lost TheGreyJedi in some kind of dimensional rift. ThatWeirdGirl had developed a rescue plan with Needleseye and Jet that involved eating scones and imploding our Ether Drive into a Faster-Than-Light singularity or something.

I don't think we've tried that, yet.

And then Rat and Ath tried to trade Bride6 to the Pakleds for some more Spam, since the tens of thousands of yeti on board have pretty much eaten it all.

Our current situation is complicated.

But the Princess Bride is a really great movie!

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Monday, May 23, 2005 4:46 PM

Oh, right!

* TheRealMe hands PsychicRiver a pair of knitting needles. *

Here, I was keeping these safe for you.

And here are several balls of yarn, in various colors.

Knock yourself out!

Uh, say... How are your psychic powers doing? When we checked last, they had been greatly enhanced by that tiny infusion of the blood from Inola Teg, Eldritch Horror From the Purple Dimension.

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Monday, May 23, 2005 5:00 PM

MONTANAGIRL

Hey TRM, I'm not sure how far your powers extend, but shouldn't we portal the Yeti away (or something) before we get back to Earth? They might cause a bit of a stir if they'd happen to wander out of the ship.

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Monday, May 23, 2005 5:07 PM

MontanaGirl, I thought of that. But I folded the space inside their apartment many times over. In fact, the space-time stresses that I induced there to hold the tens of thousands of yeti is immense.

I don't want to risk using my powers until we can land and evacuate them onto the surface of a planet. Then I can relax the folding in their room, and portal them to that perfect planet Mai found for them.

Or else we can dump them in Tibet.

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Monday, May 23, 2005 5:09 PM

Oh, and we must not forget the shrunken Windmill Giants or the survivors of the Rukus resort staff (one of whom must have been CallMeSerenity).

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Monday, May 23, 2005 5:13 PM

MONTANAGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Or else we can dump them in Tibet.

They could make snowcones! (The yellow ones are lemon.)

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Monday, May 23, 2005 9:56 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Montanagirl:
Quote:
Originally posted by PsychicRiver:
The Princess Bride? Never seen this film.

*Gasps in shock and horror*

You've never seen Princess Bride?! Oh you poor thing! We'll rectify that for you. This is one of the best movies ever.

Quote:
Whats the 'in' snack of the moment then?

Hey, we haven't eaten for a while. Not since the scones that were part of some dangerous plan of twg's.

Ebo, had a dangerous plan? Ah, I'm glad to see not too much has changed while I was out. You mean, this is gonna be better than Shrek?

And aha! People I don't know yet! Don't believe I've met, SoulofSerenity, or CallmeAth or CallmeSerenity either. Hi.

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Oh, right!

* TheRealMe hands PsychicRiver a pair of knitting needles. *

Here, I was keeping these safe for you.

And here are several balls of yarn, in various colors.

Knock yourself out!

Uh, say... How are your psychic powers doing? When we checked last, they had been greatly enhanced by that tiny infusion of the blood from Inola Teg, Eldritch Horror From the Purple Dimension.

Ack! Knitting needles! Thanks. Now....who wants a Jayne hat?!

So...tberes a room full of yeti? Hmmm.

Spam?

I'm not really a meat-eater. Except pepperoni. Not that you could classify Spam as meat anyway.

The psychic powers seem to be doing okay... although I think I may have used up some of IT's blood's energy. Because my telekinetic powers aren't really that strong anymore. I can still lift and move stuff, but not extremely heavy things. How are your pan-dimensional powers?

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 2:20 AM

STATIC

**Static smiles and kisses his beloved then eases her out of his lap**

"Since we actually have home in sight now, I think I can divert our course long enough to save Ath from the pirate-y types that are chasing him."

**Static takes the control yoke in his hands and the flying beast that is SereniTREE responds smoothly. He keys shipwide comms.**

Attention all hands, you may experience some turbulence. We're going to render assistance to Ath and Rat for a moment.

"Computer, route forward guns to pilot's station and set quad turrets on IFF recognition autotarget."

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 4:14 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Static:

Attention all hands, you may experience some turbulence. We're going to render assistance to Ath and Rat for a moment.

Not to be ungrateful, Static, but we'd like to try to take of this ourselves.

*As Rat turns the General Lee around, Ath lets loose with a salvo of high-powered Treet, hitting the port bow of the pirate ship...causing no visible damage.*

On second thought, maybe you could give us a hand. I didn't think anything could withstand the power of Treet.

*The pirate ship swings around, lining up for a shot on the Lee's engines. Rat begins taking evasive maneuvers, but despite his best efforts, Ath hears the rather unsettling warble which can only mean one thing. Missile lock.*

Uhh...feel free to hurry.

And on a side note, good to have you back.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 5:51 AM

Did I not tell you guys? Before I got here, I was trying to teach the unintelligent inhabitants of Rukus (since apparently that's where I was) how to grow soybeans to use for food/fuel. They weren't very interested.
BUT, when I came here, I brought with me the transportable garden that I've been developing-fruits and veggies that are grown in an ultra concentrated nutritient base that is ideal for growing plants on spaceships (or space-trees). Many veggies, very little space. I commandeered one of the storage rooms off the cargo bay and turned it into my greenhouse. I'm growing enough produce to feed a good 30-40 people. Why trade brides and moonshine for food when you can just grow your own? And my grapes make wonderful wine.

There's fresh bao in the kitchen if anyone's hungry. And muffins.

And you thought all I was good for was movie selection. ")

PsychicRiver-very nice to meet you. I'd love a hat.

Montana-I thought I was sitting between Simon and Soul. Confused I am.

Ath-BE CAREFUL! Our mother will never forgive me if you get killed by space pirates!

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 6:08 AM

JAKE7

*Starving, jake7 races to the greenhouse to snag some tomatoes. She sits on the floor eating them like apples, tomato juice dripping down her face.*

Oh, wonderful, wonderful tomatoes!!!

I think the last thing I ate was some pie...and that was quite some time ago!!

--------------
MAL: Everybody's makin' a fuss.

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 6:42 AM

*Praying Molly keeps her beak shut, cozen sneakily avoids Jake7's attention while he makes his escape from the greenhouse storage closet.*

Phew! Got lucky there!

*Turns about a little too quickly and smacks into CallMeSerenity, knocking her flat on her back! Several luscious strawberries tumble to the floor. Molly hops off and chomps on a particularly juicy specimen.*

OH! Serenity! Can I call you Serenity? I, ah, was walking... y'know... walking Molly through the nice garden and... for Mai, cuz, um... strawberries is nice!

Here. Let me help you up....

*As he bends down he inadverdently releases several pounds of grapes, apples, oranges, pomegranates and bananas from beneath his shirt. Sure enough, almost all of these smack on to various bits of CMS.*

Huh.

For... er, fruit punch, for Mai... I mean the crew. Yeah, punch. Fruit. Fruit punch.

***
Any dignified and graceful way out of this?

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 7:09 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
BUT, when I came here, I brought with me the transportable garden that I've been developing-fruits and veggies that are grown in an ultra concentrated nutritient base that is ideal for growing plants on spaceships (or space-trees). Many veggies, very little space. I commandeered one of the storage rooms off the cargo bay and turned it into my greenhouse. I'm growing enough produce to feed a good 30-40 people. Why trade brides and moonshine for food when you can just grow your own? And my grapes make wonderful wine.

There's fresh bao in the kitchen if anyone's hungry. And muffins.

And you thought all I was good for was movie selection. ")

PsychicRiver-very nice to meet you. I'd love a hat.

Montana-I thought I was sitting between Simon and Soul. Confused I am.

Ath-BE CAREFUL! Our mother will never forgive me if you get killed by space pirates!

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

Cool. Food. Who wants to help me make bolognese? I have no idea how what we're giong to substitute pasta with, but...meh, we'll sort it out. And we can make soya mince, since beef or lamb mince is bleugh.

Its nice to meet you too, Serenity. Thanks for the goodies! I'll get started on that Jayne hat.

And punch does sound like a good idea! But he's lying. When we get back to earth, we should have a party. With punch. And Jayne hats.

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 10:04 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by PsychicRiver:
But he's lying.

No! No, I'm actually standing. Y'see, she's lying. On the floor. All covered and splattery-like with juicy... fruits.

So

Delectably

(munchable).

*cozen attempts to regain a semblance of composure*

*fails*

***
A crew so prescient, they named their vessel after a future member.

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 11:04 AM

COZEN!!!!!

*Serenity picks herself up and glares at Cozen*

There is no need to steal food, there's enough for everyone! Don't make me have to keep the door to the greenhouse locked!

*she glares again and Cozen has the decency to look slightly abashed.*

Now grab a mop, you're cleaning up this mess. And then, if you're a good boy, I'll make you some yummy fruit salad. After I go change, that is.

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 11:09 AM

Quote:
Cool. Food. Who wants to help me make bolognese? I have no idea how what we're giong to substitute pasta with, but...meh, we'll sort it out. And we can make soya mince, since beef or lamb mince is bleugh.

I have no idea how to make bolognese, but I brought some flour with me(I made muffins.) We can make our own pasta. We should have enough to last until we get to earth, if it doesn't take toooo long.

Quote:
And punch does sound like a good idea! But he's lying. When we get back to earth, we should have a party. With punch. And Jayne hats.

I like that idea. Nothing says a party like punch and Jayne hats!!

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 11:23 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
I have no idea how to make bolognese, but I brought some flour with me(I made muffins.) We can make our own pasta. We should have enough to last until we get to earth, if it doesn't take toooo long.

I like that idea. Nothing says a party like punch and Jayne hats!!

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

Okay...well I can make the bolognese, and you can make the pasta...together, we make the perfect dish. Okay...we need to organise the party...who wants to help? I propose a floating shandelier (how the HELL dyu spell that?!) And are there still muffins?

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 11:42 AM

Psychic-I can help with the party. I agree-we need a floating chandelier (I think the spelling's right). Question is-where do we get one?

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 11:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
Psychic-I can help with the party. I agree-we need a floating chandelier (I think the spelling's right). Question is-where do we get one? Hmm...do we still have those floating butterfly things?

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 1:13 PM

* TheRealMe walks into the Common Room from the West Wing door. *

Greetings, everyone!

* Behind him follow The Ebo Golem and a newly repaired Sparky, together carrying a huge circular chandelier. From his pocket, TheRealMe pulls a handful of butterfly thrusters and affixes them to the chandelier. *

These are the last few butterfly thrusters that were not burned out by TheGreyJedi. I’ve been trying to get these to breed, but I guess we can use them now for such a good cause.

* TheRealMe claps and whistles, and the chandelier begins to float upward. TheRealMe grabs the rim of the structure and gives it a good spin. It rises above the Common Room, slowly rotating. *

There!

Now, for an update to TheRealMe’s Guided Tour of the Sereni-Tree:

In the “Real Crew” section, change Rat to be Acquisitions Officer.

In the “Real Crew” section, add CallMeSerenity, who is the sister of CallMeAth and who likes geeky movies (bless her!). She was apparently teaching the inhabitants of Rukus new farming techniques.

In the “Servants and Pets” delete Black Jack Silver (right, Cozen? BJS is gone?) and add Molly, a parrot cloned from BJS.

To the Common Room add the anti-gravity chandelier.

To the Main Cargo Bay add CallMeSerenity’s hydroponic garden.

When enough changes accumulate, I’ll re-post it.

EDIT: CallMeSerenity almost certainly came aboard from Black Diamond, not Rukus.

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 1:20 PM

Oh, right! I almost forgot.

* TheRealMe claps twice and the floating, spinning chandelier brightens with numerous lights. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 1:37 PM

Ooops! My mistake.

CallMeSerenity almost certainly came aboard from the ski resort world of Black Diamond (home of the Yeti and Windmill Giants), rather than the beach resort world of Rukus (which was populated only by Cozen love-clones of our BDHs).

Unless it so happens that she is a Cozen love-clone.

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 3:19 PM

*Hands a mop to Jake7.*

Help me with the cleanup? Then maybe I figure we can put in a requisition all proper-like for a few tons of grapes. Haul 'em down to Engineering and brew 'em up into some nice wine just in time for the upcoming party. No worries, pretend physics will help out with the timeline.

Maybe Jet could help with that?

*Takes back mop.*

*Reaches into his shirt, coincidentally producing PsychicRiver's knitting needles. (And y'all wondered where they'd been, eh)?*

Y'know, with just a little ingenuity...

*Removes mop heads.*

...and tomato dye, we can work these into mighty fine Jayne hats.

***
Decency: an odd concept.

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 4:41 PM

* TheRealMe continues to ponder... *

Of course, we DID pick up Needleseye from Rukus, and SHE wasn't a love-clone of our BDHs. But neither was she quite human, either...

Hmmmm...

Most probably, Needleseye was part of the native life on Rukus. Unless Cozen gene-gineered her for some specific purpose (like eating guests).

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 6:11 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
* TheRealMe continues to ponder... *

Hmmmm...

Most probably, Needleseye was part of the native life on Rukus. Unless Cozen gene-gineered her for some specific purpose (like eating guests).

Ahem: To the best of my knowledge, Needleseye is very much her own entity. And, might I add, simply a lovely person/creature. The flower creating ability is a terrific bonus. And it's not her fault she arises from a culture that considers humans fair game when dinnertime comes around.

(Might I further add: I'm spare ribs, all gristly, hardly worth the effort to chase down. Now, consider TheRealMe: there's meat on them bones!)

Same goes for Serenity, btw. "Cept maybe without the scales and dietary choices. (Yummy! Fruit salad! Thank you!)

Nope. For the limited time I was able to make planets and such, I held to cloning nice folk like Kaylee and River and Simon.

Well, and Jayne, who at least has made MG happy.

And the parrot, who at least was useful. Well, sometimes. Useful to me.

Well, okay, the yeti. Those took a little tweaking by TWG, but they turned out alright. Decent sorts, for yeti, ya gotta admit.

Oh. Okay, the ants. Yeah, well, so I was a little miffed at Rat for... for something, I'm sure it was his fault. It's always Ratboy's fault, isn't it? (Hint: if Mal-l says so, so it is).

*Runs out of rant.*

Say, Jake7, if we can't find Jet, you think you could do the inter-engine fermentation thing? Cuz, knowing me, if I messes with that, I'd blows it up.

http://www3.sympatico.ca/ldnemeth/images/blackjacksilver.GIF

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 6:12 PM

*After a complicated maneuver by Rat, Ath snaps off a round of SPAM, blasting the missile into space dust.*

"See, MG and TWG? I told you Serenity was evil. I'm out here risking my neck to bring food for everyone, and all she cares about are fruit salad and a floating chandelier." (correct spelling; I checked)

*winces at a near miss*

"Oh, Serenity, save me some green peppers, would you?"

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 6:59 PM

MAI

*Mai wonders down the hall to the newly aquired greenhouse*

Hey. This is a really great set up Serenity! Which produce did you plant here? Where ever did you... Serenity? Are you in here?

*Realizes she is talking to herself and walks around to the other door*

Oh there you are! What are you doin' down there on the floor and why are you, Cozen, and our sweet baby Molly covered in fruit juice and guts?

COZEN!!!!!!!!!

You got some explainin' to do or it's back to the brig!

Serenity, Sorry he's made such a mess of your lovely garden. Here let me show you something really cool.

*Flicks switch on mop handle, which beeps several times, turns in small circles (accidentally smacking Cozen upside the head with the moppy part) and begins cleaning up the mess all on it's own*

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005 8:00 PM

RAT

Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeAth:
I'm out here.

Right then, lets go!

*Rat punches the newly installed FTL drive and the General materializes back aboard SereniTree.*

Sometimes you get bored with a plot, and you just want to put it out of it's misery! So, Princess Bride huh? You know there once was a time when I could quote the all the lines up until just after the Fire Swamp.
Hey CMS, when Princess Bride is over, lets watch ImEarly's( http://www.fireflyfans.net/showprofile.asp?u=8733 ) two fan vids Call Me and Serenity.

By the way, the next person that tries to access the new greenhouse, will find a large impenetrable lock and some tape that reads: Closed by order of the department of Acquisitions! The contents of that room are far too valuable to be just be consumed like that!!!

"Trust is the biggest liability of all"

Ratboy - Acquisitions Officer - Uss SereniTREE.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 2:26 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Ooops! My mistake.

CallMeSerenity almost certainly came aboard from the ski resort world of Black Diamond (home of the Yeti and Windmill Giants), rather than the beach resort world of Rukus (which was populated only by Cozen love-clones of our BDHs).

Unless it so happens that she is a Cozen love-clone.
B]

That would be a no.

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 2:43 AM

Mai-that mop is pure genius!
As to produce-what am I NOT growing?

TheRealMe-when you figure out what planet I hitchhiked from, will you let me know (so I can get my story straight?)

*Serenity returns to the greenhouse after showering and changing her juice stained clothes to find the door barred*

(reading) "Closed by the order of the department of Acquisitions"??? RAT! Now I can't get in!!! I was going to get some avocadoes to make guacamole for the shindig! Where is he???

*she storms off to find him, and runs into Ath*

ATH! Good to see you! *Gives him a big hug* Very glad you made it back safely. I was quite worried about you! Have you seen Rat? He's locked me out of my own greenhouse!

Cozen-No I do not have scales, and I don't eat people! And if I can ever get back into my greehouse, I'll give you what grapes I have to make wine.

"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 3:07 AM

STATIC

Slight update/clarification. . .

In an earlier thread when the crew's duties and superpowers/skills were outlined, it was mentioned that I was the pilot and very skilled with weapons and hand-to-hand combat. Thought I'd clarify a bit.

Static has latent telepathy, precognition and telekineses. He's not aware of these abilities, but they translate in his ability to do certain things.

His precognitive abilities allow for his uncanny piloting skills. Not only does he know where all obstacles ARE. . .he knows where they WILL BE in the immediate-to-near future. This skill also manifests in his abilities with swords and hand-to-hand combat. He is sub-consciously predicting the moves of his opponent.

To a slightly lesser extent, his precognitive abilities extend to the medium-to-distant future which gives him the appearance of uncanny intuition and amazing luck.

His latent telekinetic abilities make him a dead-on shot with any projectile weapon. His natural skill from years and years of unrelenting practice give him an 'honest' talent. . .but his TK ability allows him to sub-consciously 'will' the bullet, arrow or thrown knife to strike it's target dead on (within reason, of course. Static has to believe beyond doubt that it's pure skill in order for this ability to work. He cannot, for instance, make bullets turn corners. He CAN, however, pull a 'River Tam' manuver in which he glances ever-so-briefly at his targets and then shoots blind.)

**EDITED FOR NAUGHTINESS**

His latent telepathic skills also allow for him to be a complete BEAST in the sack, as he is able to sub-consciously sense the needs of his partner and respond instinctively.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 6:09 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:

*Flicks switch on mop handle, which beeps several times, turns in small circles (deliberately and with vicious intent smacking Cozen upside the head with the moppy part)....*

*Molly takes flight with a frightful “squaeeark!” as the automop slaps cozen aside his head. The parrot alights upon Mai’s shoulder and joins in with the glaring.*

*Absently wiping fruity goo and birdy poo from his head, cozen fixes his attention on the automop.*

Oh yeah?

*The automop does not respond as such, but stops cleaning up the mess. It rises to its full height, well balanced on its strings and weaving in slow, menacing arcs. Everything about its demeanor suggests barely controlled aggression.*

“Yeah.”

*cozen finds the balance of his own mop, sets his feet. Working by the principle – so well demonstrated by BDH Reynolds -- of, “He who hesitates, loses”, cozen feints right, then lets loose with a mighty backhand sweep, low toward the evil automop’s power switch.

*Having anticipated cozen’s move, the automop easily skitters out of range. It smoothly carries it’s momentum across the corridor to the opposite wall. In one motion the automop bends back, gaining purchase on the wall and launches itself forward, ducking low beneath a return forehand sweep and tackles cozen at his ankles. cozen falls, hard, dropping his mop, but on the way down gets a good kick in, knocking the evil automop against the greenhouse door, stunning it. Now prone, cozen picks up his mop, and twisting hard for leverage, unleashes a javelin toss (well, actually more like that of a cricket bowler on his arse) that accidentally nails his assailant’s power switch.

*A plaintive “bleep” emits from the automop, as it keels over and shuts down.*

*Coincidentally, the Kaylee-clone wanders by.*

“Hey, coz! Nice shot!”

Hey, Kay! Listen...

“’Nuther security over-ride?”

Yep, got grapes need haulin’.

“No prob.”

***
Now is the time for all good folks to attend to the needs of the party.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 6:13 AM

JAKE7

(Dang double-post!)

*jake7 is now trapped in the greenhouse with Cozen, Mai, and CallMeSerenity*

Hey, all I did was eat three tomatoes! I was STARVING. I was nice to not to try to steal everything like Cozen did!!

Well, since Rat locked us in here, I guess we'll have to tend to the garden...

*jake7 picks up a garden weasel and aerates some nearby tomatoes and peppers. Meanwhile the mop spins by, whirring contentedly*

--------------
MAL: Everybody's makin' a fuss.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 7:19 AM

**OncePR and Serenity have finished serving up, PR goes to the ships com and hits the button.**

Hey everyone, dinner is served so come on up and get it!!

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 12:25 PM

MALICIOUS

Quote:
Originally posted by Static:
Static has latent telepathy, precognition and telekineses....

I KNEW he was going to say that.

Mal-licious

"Let's go be bad guys."

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 12:34 PM

CallMeSerenity,

While you may not have been a native of the Black Diamond ski resort planet, we almost certainly picked you up there. It was a substantial world, with its own gravity and ecosystem and everything else that a planet would have (with a nice contrast between the volcanoes’ rivers of molten lava and the stark snowscapes that otherwise dominated the scenery).

We had a grand time on Black Diamond, some of us relaxing in the resort’s jaccuzi and others (Rat, Needleseye, Jake7, and TheRealMe) chasing the escaped FemaleReaver, meeting and interacting with the native Yeti and Windmill Giants, and picking up interesting folk like ImEarly, CallMeAth, and SoulOfSerenity. Oh, ThatWeirdGirl was key in pacifying the Yeti with her Power of Confusion. Static and TheGreyJedi were key in resolving the FemaleReaver situation. The escape, pursuit, and plot resolution of the FemaleReaver resulted in the injury of Bride2, Bride3, SimonWho, and TheRealMe, and caused the deaths of Bride1 and the FemaleReaver herself.

During the pursuit of the FemaleReaver, the ants of Black Diamond started attacking the Sereni-Tree, motivated by Cozen’s vengeance over the earlier destruction of the pleasure asteroid Rukus (both Rukus and Black Diamond were in the Cozen Star Cluster). The Cozenants were granted entry to the ship by some of the Cozen love-clones that we had rescued from Rukus, then the ants proceeded to over-run the entire ship and ate most of our food. Only the quick thinking of Bride4 (aka Jet) in shutting down the air ducts slowed the Cozenants’ progress and allowed us to keep a toe-hold in the Infirmary. Then, thanks to the discovery by Mai that Knibblet’s Stupendous Sunscreen was fatal to ants, we managed to retake control of the Sereni-Tree. This resulted in one humongous pile of ant corpses.

Our various crises over for the moment, I baked a cake to commemorate our 10-month anniversary, and a corporeal Cozen popped out of it. This was a problem because, until that moment, he was the semi-divine star cluster that had created and was sustaining Black Diamond.

As the planet was breaking up from under us, we managed to rescue a large number of beings, including an army of Yeti, dozens of Windmill Giants (which had to be shrunk, first), and the staff and guests of the Black Diamond hotel.

Undoubtedly, Serenity, you were one of those guests, and were saved when Mai landed the General Grant at the hotel and I opened a dimensional portal to her location. Then you all just walked through that hole in reality and into an apartment in the West Wing of the Sereni-Tree, which I had enlarged enough (with my powers of space-time folding) to hold some seventy or eighty thousand beings. These events occurred in the “Raid on Black Diamond” thread, or the ones previous or subsequent to that.

Since that time we have been in the process of returning to Earth-that-still-is, to the very Tree which was our origin point, back when the Sereni-Tree was merely a treehouse. At some point we have to get rid of these Yeti and other creatures, but for now we are stuck with them, and they are quickly eating us out of Spam.

* TheRealMe takes a deep breath. *

Oh, about Rukus?

The only other place we visited in our space wanderings (before Black Diamond) was Rukus, a rather small asteroid with a habitable environment that was artificially maintained by machines. That, of course, was until Rat turned off those machines and Rukus literally fell apart. Aside from perhaps a dozen or so clones of our BDHs created for companion-like purposes, the only inhabitants of Rukus seemed to have been an irritating parrot named Black Jack Silver (acting as a mouthpiece for Cozen, who was still a star cluster at the time) and Needleseye (who is an aquatic carnivorous faerie-like creature, of inhuman grace and beauty, who can shapeshift and generates flowers spontaneously depending on her mood).

* TheRealMe takes another deep breath. *

What else would you like to know?

Oh, Rat! Am I correct in assuming that the Pakleds are chasing you because you tried to trade them a mannequin INSTEAD OF the promised Bride6?

What do the Rules of Acquisition say about cheating your customers?

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 2:10 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
What do the Rules of Acquisition say about cheating your customers?

I believe they say something like, 'Do it often and don't get caught.'

Oh! I reserve the right to not answer any questions relating to Static's 'gifts'.

…back to the story….
So everyone’s on board now? Good. Let’s get this ship landed! I could really go for a draw at Zoid’s bar.

Is the guac ready? Heck, if not, I'll just take an avocado to go. Those are yummy, eat them like apples I do.

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005 2:18 PM