Serenity² - It Is, On Occasion, Hilarious by RelFexive

I've said it before and I'll say it again but...
The working week should start on a tuesday and end on a Wednesday...
Thursdays and Fridays are rightout...
And Mondays...
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays...

+ I'm eating a KitKat, just thought Id share that with you all...

Q: What do you have when you are holding two little green balls in your hand.
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 12:34 AM

EMMA

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhh Tuesdays, I hate Tuesdays.

Monday is fine because it is never as bad as Sunday makes it out to be and everybody avoids each other.

Tuesday is the worst , that is when all the work starts and it is still the beginning of the week, yucky

Wednesday is the best because the week has half gone.

I fell asleep this morning while I was working on my thesis - for two hours. Plus the little people were hitting my legs in the night because they hurt now. Humph

hugs to fray and the mehpeople (glug glug)

extremely dimensionally transcendental
Temporarily amended to read...ALAN

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 12:47 AM

Morning! I'm avoiding packing at the moment.

Hope everyones day improves!

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 12:48 AM

Every day would be a lot better if I could just sleep for an extra two hours every morning.

Working from home is a pain. You have so many more things to do other than work, and keep hoping no one rings to ask you to do anything.

Working at work is a pain. There are no where near as many things to do when you have no work to keep you occupied, and there's often not enough of anything to fill in the gaps. Plus, I can't check my e-mails and Yahoo groups at work.

So, an all-round BAH there, really.

Mmmm, it's sunny! It's always a shame when it sunny, as 90% of the things I like to do involve large electronic devices that run off the mains and sometimes require internet connections. So I tend to be stuck inside anyway.

Did we get to see Keely's initiation poem thing or what?

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 12:51 AM

Well, since everyones down heres somethings that might help cheer you all up:

Q Who is the coolest man in the Hospital?
A The ultra sound guy.

Q How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Lets all go play on bikes!

QWhat do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
ATheir middle names

For the American Browncoats:
You know you're a redneck if you think the last four words of the national anthem are:
"Gentlemen, start your engines!"

I'm going to keep posting these till you pay me to stop!

Q: What do you have when you are holding two little green balls in your hand.
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 12:56 AM

EMMA

we do not give in to terrorists...

well only sometimes, have a creme egg

*hands Sean half eaten creme egg*

extremely dimensionally transcendental
Temporarily amended to read...ALAN

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:00 AM

There there Karl!!

And thank you for those Sean!!

I feel quite sorry for my friend at work today... I imagine he'll be getting a lot of stick for the nasty-looking black eye he's now got after getting into a fight after we went clubbing the other night.

Needless to say, I remained unscathed.

Anyway, lets start the day with a riddle-thing.

At the very top of a barn there is a Rooster egg, standing on the point of the roof. There is a wind coming from the west, which side does the egg fall off? Left or right?

Ponder on it somewhat, I shall return!

*Plays piccolo and hops off*

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:04 AM

SIMONWHO

Well, I think we need to focus on next weekend's shindig to keep our mood happy. Granted I won't be there but I'm going to try to make my presence felt, by making felt presents. No, that wouldn't work.

Have to think of something else...

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:08 AM

Roosters don't lay eggs, unless they've taken fertillity drugs ala Arnold Swazzenger in Junior...

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

(The creme egg was not enough

)

Q: What do you have when you are holding two little green balls in your hand.
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:11 AM

Play the Office Game
Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINTS

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

In a colleague's diary, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights".

Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.

Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.

Q: What do you have when you are holding two little green balls in your hand.
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:12 AM

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:13 AM

And now... a joke... or near enough. Slightly rude. Well, more than slightly. So I'll try that spoiler tag thing, I think.

Select to view spoiler:

A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather fit blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, And although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful. "Christ!" he says "are you that strippergram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"

"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher!!!"

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:15 AM

BECSTHEBEAST

hey - joining in the communal i'm having a shitty day and near cheering up - not had a cigarette in 9 days (even managed the pub last night) and got pmt - be very, very, very happy that you don't work with me - definitely Groucho Marx and not Karl today !!

and this basement is definitely getting me down

smile pretty and watch your back

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:16 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by citizen:
Roosters don't lay eggs, unless they've taken fertillity drugs ala Arnold Swazzenger in Junior...

Correct! Okay, next...

A doctor and his son we're in a car crash. The doctor died on the scene, but the boy was ruished to hospital.

The doctor came to operate on the boy, but then the doctor stopped and said "I cannot operate on the boy, he is my son."

Dun dun dun!

Okay, answer away!

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."

"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:16 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by citizen:
Play the Office Game
Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

Heh

Wish I was in a busy office so I could do this!

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:18 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by PsychicRiver:
A doctor and his son we're in a car crash. The doctor died on the scene, but the boy was ruished to hospital.

The doctor came to operate on the boy, but then the doctor stopped and said "I cannot operate on the boy, he is my son."

Dun dun dun!

Okay, answer away!

The surgeon was the boy's mother.

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:23 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by RelFexive:
Quote:
Originally posted by PsychicRiver:
A doctor and his son we're in a car crash. The doctor died on the scene, but the boy was ruished to hospital.

The doctor came to operate on the boy, but then the doctor stopped and said "I cannot operate on the boy, he is my son."

Dun dun dun!

Okay, answer away!

The surgeon was the boy's mother.B]

Correct!

*Sigh* Time for a new thread eh??

Allow me.

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."
"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:26 AM

EMMA

humph, these are all boy things

becs, we need to talk about sexy men and sleepovers, riddles and jokes suck satans' c&*k!

I feel sad today

extremely dimensionally transcendental
Temporarily amended to read...ALAN

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Friday, August 5, 2005 1:29 AM