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Originally posted by Malicious:

A "friend" of mine (a MAN of course) sent these to me:

Darn, it's good to be a man.....

>snip

Your underwear is $8.95 for a six-pack

>snip

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Originally posted by Malicious:

A "friend" of mine (a MAN of course) sent these to me:



Darn, it's good to be a man.....


Your last name stays put

The garage is all yours

Wedding plans take care of themselves

Chocolate is just another snack

You can be President

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park

Car mechanics tell you the truth

The world is your urinal

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too "icky"

Same work, more pay

Wrinkles add character

Wedding dress-$5,000; tux rental $100

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected

New shos don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet

One mood, ALL the time

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat

You know stuff about tanks

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase

You can open all your own jars

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend

Your underwear is $8.95 for a six-pack

Everything on your face stays its original color

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough

You don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt

You almost never have strap problems in public

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes

You don't have to shave below your neck

Your belly usually hides your big hips

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th in 45 min. or less



Now do you understand why men are so cheerful


Mal-licious

I'm going to add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Originally posted by Malicious:
Oh, and here's one our beloved Jefe Magnifico de la ThisLand Brownitopia (BadgersHat) sent me, it's in the religious theme that started this thread:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the Pearly Gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the Pearly Gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at them with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."


Mal-licious

I'm going to add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Originally posted by SerenityValley:
Now if you can tell me which classic (as far as I'm concerned) TV Show this is from (without looking it up!), I will...well I won't really do anything but love you forever, but that should be enough.

My mate bought a pair of shoes with artificial intelligence. Smart Shoes, they were called.
No matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. He got ratted one night in Oslo, and woke up the next morning in Burma.
See, the shoes got bored. They wanted to see the world. He couldn't get rid of them. Whenever he sold them, they'd show up again the next day and kick the door down. Last thing he heard,
they'd robbed a car and driven into a canal.
- They couldn't steer. Petersen was blown away about by it. He went to see a priest. He said that the shoes had gone to heaven.
It turns out shoes have "souls".


http://www.simple-assault.com/Firefly.htm

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Oh man, I love Red Dwarf.

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