Question about relationships wrt deleted Mal Inara scene by christhecynic

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Question about relationships wrt deleted Mal Inara scene

POSTED BY: CHRISTHECYNIC
UPDATED: Tuesday, December 27, 2005 13:32
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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 9:48 AM

If you have not watched the deleted scenes don’t read this, there is a slim chance this might somehow spoil your experience.

Ok, so in the deleted scene in question Mal asks Inara why she left and she responds, "Why didn't you ask me to stay?" which was clearly what she had wanted him to do.

I admit that I am a sheltered person who completely fails to understand relationships in any way, take that into account when you answer my question.

Why did she want him to ask her to stay?

If I had a friend (forget romantic interest, just a friend) who made a life changing decision I wouldn't immediately assume that she was totally incapable of thinking for herself and tell her she should reconsider based solely on me.

I sure as Hell wouldn't say, "You've just made one the biggest decision in the entire time I've known you, clearly this is a huge thing and you've had time to think about this (think OiS not HoG) I want you to change you mind. I have no idea why you're doing this or what thought you've put into it. I don't know what you've taken into consideration but:

"I don't give a damn what you think or feel, I want you to stay."

Yet that’s exactly what Inara wanted Mal to say. (Different words I assume, but the meaning remains.) The way I look at things, which is obviously highly irregular, the only thing he could have done less respectful than what she wanted was to order her to stay.

I thought love was supposed to be, in part, about putting someone else's feelings ahead of your own, that is how I've always approached it at least. Inara wanted Mal to show his love by telling her that he cared more about how he felt about her than how she felt about herself. I don’t understand, at all.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 9:56 AM

PSOLARIS

All I can do to try to explain this to you is to tell you that there are plenty of women out there that play games...and as a woman I see this happen all the time. Personally, I don't like it, I think games are silly and juvenile, especially in the realm of love, so I don't like playing like that. What I see Inara doing here was playing a game, although she probably didn't realize she was. She was testing to see if Mal really did feel for her what she wanted and hoped that he felt for her, and if he asked her to stay then that would have been a sure answer to her question. She doesn't realize however that his letting her go was exactly what you said, the bigger answer to her question, because he was putting her feelings before his. That just wasn't the particular answer she was looking for.

The question I have is this though...even if Mal had asked her not to leave, would she have stayed because he asked...or would she have left anyway with the satisfaction that he did exactly what she has hoping he'd do.

Psolaris

"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'"

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 11:02 AM

SHINY

Inara was always in a difficult situation wrt her feelings for Mal because of her profession and it's rules, Mal's feelings about her work and vice-versa, etc. but just because she didn't allow herself to express her feelings doesn't mean she didn't have them...Mal sleeping with Nandi still felt like a betrayal to Inara even though she had gone out of her way to keep Mal at an arm's distance.

Having said that, "Why didn't you ask me to stay" sounds like a pretty weak-ass excuse/response by Inara since she knew damn well Mal was just about to confess his feelings for her before she cut him off to tell him she was leaving. At that point, I doubt him asking her to stay would have made a difference, she was still reeling from Mal's 'betrayal' with Nandi and her own inability or unwillingness to accept and embrace their feelings for one another.

---

Serenity on DVD. 12/20/05.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 11:03 AM

CHRISTHECYNIC

Quote:
Originally posted by Psolaris:
The question I have is this though...even if Mal had asked her not to leave, would she have stayed because he asked...or would she have left anyway with the satisfaction that he did exactly what she has hoping he'd do.

Hard to tell. If I remember correctly, I'll check later, she announced that she was going to leave when Mal was about to tell her how he felt.

If she was doing that to test him then (as opposed to deciding to use it as a test later) it shows that she really does like playing games to a painful degree.

If that's the case then she might have left just to add another element to the test.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 11:58 AM

MINIME

Chris - you are clearly a nice person, presumably without too much inner angst. I'm mildly envious.

For Mal and Inara, I think it comes down to pride. Neither of them is willing to put their own feelings 'out there' without more of an indication of what the other one is prepared to commit to. Both of them see that commitment to each other would stand in the way of their other responsibilities/careers/areas of control... in Seinfeld-speak, I guess it's partly about 'hand', ie: the upper hand, ie: who has the power in the relationship. Being the first one to speak and being the first one to make a sacrifice for the other would be a loss of 'hand'.

Incidentally, I think that what Inara is saying translates more into: "Why didn't you tell me that you wanted me to stay? Why did you let me go without letting me know how you felt about me and about me going?"

Disclaimer: Not that I am any kind of expert on relationships.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 12:01 PM

MINIME

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 12:17 PM

CHANNAIN

i DO aim to misbehave

Quote:
Originally posted by christhecynic:
I thought love was supposed to be, in part, about putting someone else's feelings ahead of your own, that is how I've always approached it at least. Inara wanted Mal to show his love by telling her that he cared more about how he felt about her than how she felt about herself. I don’t understand, at all.

That's exactly what love is. You're not as sheltered as you think. Let's talk about the painful side of love for a moment, shall we?

There's a multitude of other factors to take into consideration. There's more to Mal and Inara than just unrequieted feelings - love, attraction, whatever. Mal's got some fear in him, not of commitment--commitment is not an issue for him--but of caring too much and getting tromped on. His heartbreak at Serenity Valley, case in point.

Inara can't let herself care too much - it goes against everything she's been trained for. And I think she's already made that mistake once and paid dearly for it. There's secrets in her lovely dark eyes that we never got a chance to learn. One of those probably involved the matter of the heart with another man.

And talking about it? shudder That's even scarier than feeling it. Good lord - to throw those feelings out there at the person you're feeling them for is the scariest thing in the 'verse. And when two people have been holding it in behind walls that would make the Wall of China look like Lincoln Logs (like Mal and Inara have been) it's nigh on to impossible.

You always manage to come up with the cool stuff to talk about, Chris. And I haven't seen the deleted scenes yet, but certain photos in the movie magazine alluded to things between Mal and Inara that weren't included in the final cut.

I draw...therefore I am. http://www.mnartists.org/Nora_Leverson
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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 1:01 PM

CHRISTHECYNIC

Quote:
Originally posted by minime:
Chris - you are clearly a nice person, presumably without too much inner angst. I'm mildly envious.

Thanks. I've got my share of angst, or a bit at any rate, but thanks for calling me nice.

Quote:
Originally posted by Channain:
You always manage to come up with the cool stuff to talk about, Chris.

Thanks. Means a lot to me to know other people think this stuff is interesting too, though I wonder what you'll think when you find out I just made a thread about a screwdriver.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 1:14 PM

HJERMSTED

For Mal to know what's on Inara's mind without her telling him he would have to be telepathic. This scene was obviously cut because it shows Inara mistakenly believing that Mal was a Reader.

We all know that Readers are rare in the 'Verse and the likelyhood of TWO of them being on board the same ship is extremely low.

It's a touching scene, but Academy trained/educated Inara would know instantly that Mal was no Reader. Leaving that scene in would have made Inara look more stupid than vulnerable.

mattro

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 1:32 PM

AUNTYCHRIS

Quote:
Originally posted by Psolaris:
All I can do to try to explain this to you is to tell you that there are plenty of women out there that play games..."

I don't know if it's so much playing a game for Inara. I think it shows her emotional vulnerablity. She's had to keep her personal feeling in check because of her profession. She may be very insecure when it comes to entering a personal relationship. I think her response comes from just trying to determine if Mal has any feelings for her. I know the exchange of insults is a standard way of showing sexual tension in movie/tv relationships, but sometimes a person can take the negativity serious and think the other person really doesn't like them. Sometimes I get the sense that Inara is truly hurt by the things Mal says to her.

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