Too cute! Found at the Firefly board at the IMDB by ayrad

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Too cute! Found at the Firefly board at the IMDB

POSTED BY: AYRAD
UPDATED: Thursday, February 17, 2011 20:55
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 63212
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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 12:35 PM

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0303461/board/thread/35197089

***Why did the chicken cross the road?***

Mal: Because the other side of the road was the only place it could live life on its own terms, without being meddled with.

Zoë: Because that’s where the job was, Sir.

Wash: It followed a really hot girl chicken that could kill it with its pinky. Do chickens have pinkies? No? We’ll I don’t know then.

Jayne: The money was better over there. (mutters) Lousy seven percent...

Kaylee: To meet shiny new chickens and see the sights.

Simon: That’s where the Alliance was hiding its sister.

River: To get to the other side.

Inara: It just suddenly, for no apparent reason, decided to pick up and abandon the luxurious life it had on this side of the road. That’s not odd, is it?

Book: It was a pilgrimage. Wracked with guilt over the atrocities it had committed, the chicken decided to devote the remainder of its life to God in a desperate search for redemption. Just a guess.

Jubal: What did you say? Am I a road?

YoSafBrige: Because you were over there, sweetie.

The Operative: The chicken’s motivations are not my concern. Getting it across the road is.

--------
Thought it was nice to share...

AB AMORE NON RECEDAM
www.cthomashowell.net

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 12:43 PM

NDRAGE85

they're all good, but the River and the Operative ones are freakin gold.

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 12:43 PM

RKLENSETH

That's pretty good.
Sums up all the charater's personalities.

Oh, and play Cantr II at www.cantr.net.

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 12:49 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by ndrage85:
they're all good, but the River and the Operative ones are freakin gold.

Amen to that! Both ones are astoundingly brilliant!

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 12:50 PM

NOVASTARCLOUD

LMAO. Thanks for sharing!

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 1:08 PM

THECOLLECTOR

Now we need to return fire with a

"How many/does *blank* Screw in a lightbulb"

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 1:19 PM

ETHAN

" The Operative: The chicken’s motivations are not my concern. Getting it across the road is. "

bahahahahahahahah! I think I have a sig at long last!

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 1:48 PM

CLIOMUSE

And I thought the IMBD board was just full of trolls and Whedon-haters. I haven't laughed this hard in a while. I can visualize the Operative saying that.

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 1:51 PM

MIRAMEL

lol, just great. and yeah, i agree, river/operative in particular, i think, are excellent.

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Wednesday, February 1, 2006 1:53 PM

VIOLETRIX

too cute! *sigh* i love my captain.

http://violetrix.blogspot.com
if i ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 7:21 AM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by TheCollector:
Now we need to return fire with a

"How many/does *blank* Screw in a lightbulb"

Ok, timidly picking up the ball. :) Although I lack the talent to do one for each character.

How many Reavers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Mal: They will burn it out, rape the socket, then screw the shiny friend to death and leave it hanging from the ceiling. And if it's very very lucky, in that order.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 7:52 AM

SAFEAT2ND

They forgot one;

Badger: Why would the chicken cross the road when he can get some other blighter to do it for him?

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:21 AM

SOULOFSERENITY

The Man They Call Soul...

Uh...Safe, doncha mean "Badger"?

______________________

Soul, Security Chief of the Sereni-Tree, Captain of Destiny.

Mantichorus: "So is there a reason they call you 'Soul'?"
Soul (after a long pause): "Yeah. Because I have one."

http://havenofsouls.blogspot.com/

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:24 AM

SAFEAT2ND

Oops! Honest mistake... right??

I'll fix it.

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:35 AM

GRIMJACK21502

How about this one?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Niska: So by facing the emotional and physical pain of dodging traffic...we would finally meet the real chicken.

We will hold...we hold till Mal gets back.

"And once you're gone, you can never come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black"
-Neil Young

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:47 AM

ASARIAN

Just thought of another one:

Mingo and Fanty: that's the road, he's the chicken.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 9:27 AM

EST120

Quote:
Originally posted by GrimJack21502:
How about this one?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Niska: So by facing the emotional and physical pain of dodging traffic...we would finally meet the real chicken.

Atherton: Money changed hands which means I can tell that chicken to do whatever I want.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 9:39 AM

KNIBBLET

Patience: That chicken ain't too bright. Keeps on crossing that road and I damn near own this moon.

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MN-Firefly/ Big Damn Shindigity Good Time
http://www.fireflytalk.com - Big Damn Podcast

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 9:50 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

I love that ! Thanks

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 9:59 AM

NIRVANA

Sweet!
Hilarious and very clever.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 10:10 AM

KNIBBLET

Quote:
Originally posted by ayrad:
[ www.cthomashowell.net

How do I say this without being ... mean?

C Thomas Howell? What, if anything, appeals to anyone about C. Thomas Howell? He was the only drawback to "Kindred". To see the rest of the show, I had to suffer through his utter vacuum of personality.

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MN-Firefly/ Big Damn Shindigity Good Time
http://www.fireflytalk.com - Big Damn Podcast

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 10:14 AM

SIMONWHO

Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he dies three quarters of the way through so that you are genuinely afraid for the other characters when they change the bulb.

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You know, God said 'Let there be light' but I think true change has to come from within."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to say "Shiny!"

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to clean the new bulb, another to change the bulb and a final one to worry about River having eaten the old bulb in the first place.

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
None, she's used to working in the dark.

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to tease Inara about it being red.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I ate a bulb."

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 10:19 AM

ASARIAN

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 10:47 AM

GRIMJACK21502

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he dies three quarters of the way through so that you are genuinely afraid for the other characters when they change the bulb.

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You know, God said 'Let there be light' but I think true change has to come from within."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to say "Shiny!"

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to clean the new bulb, another to change the bulb and a final one to worry about River having eaten the old bulb in the first place.

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
None, she's used to working the dark.

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to tease Inara about it being red.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I ate a bulb."

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Pardon my french but that is F'n awesome!

Love Inara's and Mal's!

We will hold...we hold till Mal gets back.

"And once you're gone, you can never come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black"
-Neil Young

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 10:53 AM

ARCLIGHT

Boss Higgins: to retrieve 60,000 stolen by Jayne Cobb

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:00 AM

FRANKIE

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he dies three quarters of the way through so that you are genuinely afraid for the other characters when they change the bulb.

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You know, God said 'Let there be light' but I think true change has to come from within."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to say "Shiny!"

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to clean the new bulb, another to change the bulb and a final one to worry about River having eaten the old bulb in the first place.

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
None, she's used to working in the dark.

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to tease Inara about it being red.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I ate a bulb."

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

freaking hilarious. i read them aloud and got some laughs. i like the Zoe one. :)

_______________________________________

this is the captain. we have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:13 AM

ASARIAN

Absolute last call. :)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "What this marriage needs is one less light bulb."

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
"What did I tell you about changing bulbs in my shuttle?"

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
It just takes one to screw her.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You cannot change a light bulb, it changes you."

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But the boy spent his entire fortune developing the contacts to infiltrate the place.

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends. "How much ammo do we have left?"

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
"My light bulb don't crash. If she crashes, you crashed her."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
One ... if she crashed it.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
There is only one River.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:54 AM

CAPTAINSHINY

more chickens.

Wash: To escape being mistaken for a gosling and juggled.

River: To remember it was a chicken
OR
I swallowed a chicken.

Niska: Reputation.

"The people who made the show, and the people who saw the show, which is roughly the same number of people, fell in love with it, a little bit too much to let it go, too much to lay down arms when when the battle looked pretty much lost. In Hollywood, people like that are called unrealistic, quixotic, obsessive... In my world, they're called Browncoats."
-Joss Whedon

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 12:05 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:

River: To remember it was a chicken

Ohh, nice!

Quote:

Niska: Reputation.

And that's not half-bad, either.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:01 PM

DERANGEDMILK

That makes me happy.

Thanks for sharing!!!
-e

"Storms getting worse."
"We'll pass through it soon enough."

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:04 PM

UNREGISTEREDCOMPANION

You all are so damn funny! Thanks for the laugh :D

~~~~~
"Funny and sexy. You have no idea. And you never will."

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:09 PM

CAPTAINSHINY

-And what does that make us?
-Big damn comedians, sir.
-Aint we just?

-Stay Shiny
"The people who made the show, and the people who saw the show, which is roughly the same number of people, fell in love with it, a little bit too much to let it go, too much to lay down arms when when the battle looked pretty much lost. In Hollywood, people like that are called unrealistic, quixotic, obsessive... In my world, they're called Browncoats."
-Joss Whedon

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:11 PM

OOKAMIKAWAHARA

Nicely, Done everyone I got one hell of a laugh out of the diff posts.

Alright heres my take on the chicken
Cause the mudd wrestlen event to win the heart of capt was on the other side--- Damn I still
haven't gotten the winnings from that match either. urrr making a call to my bookie.

or another one, cause the Alliance friendly bar on U-Day was across the road and the Chicken was might thirsty!!!!

enjoy everyone. mata, Ookami yori

I ain't disagreen, I only wanted another drink!!!

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:15 PM

CAPTAINSHINY

-Looks like we've got ourselves a chicken crossing the road. what does that make it?
-A big damn pedestrian sir.

"The people who made the show, and the people who saw the show, which is roughly the same number of people, fell in love with it, a little bit too much to let it go, too much to lay down arms when when the battle looked pretty much lost. In Hollywood, people like that are called unrealistic, quixotic, obsessive... In my world, they're called Browncoats."
-Joss Whedon

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:33 PM

ASARIAN

And yet more chickens. :)

The Fruity Oaty Bar: To let it blow its mind.

Oh, and this one:

Mr. Universe: Because everything goes somewhere, and the chicken goes everywhere.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:47 PM

CAPTAINSHINY

haha brilliant

"The people who made the show, and the people who saw the show, which is roughly the same number of people, fell in love with it, a little bit too much to let it go, too much to lay down arms when when the battle looked pretty much lost. In Hollywood, people like that are called unrealistic, quixotic, obsessive... In my world, they're called Browncoats."
-Joss Whedon

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:49 PM

JAYSONAYCH

Tracey (from "The Message"): Because it was trying to smuggle enhanced chicken gizzards.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:54 PM

JADEHAND

GABRIEL TAM: I don't care why it crossed the road, but if it does it again I am NOT going after it.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 1:57 PM

PDCHARLES

What happened? He see your face?

Blue Glove (from Ariel): So... you spoke to the chicken?

Chicken: bock bock

*the chicken didn't make it*

You guys are freakin' hillarious.

U gonna be smart here Riva?!?!

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 2:00 PM

TINFOIL

Woman at desk of Alliance hospital: If the chicken doesn't make it, take it to the morgue.

Doctor in Alliance hospital: Look at this badge; what does it say? It says "Doctor". The chicken does what I tell it to do.

Monty: What do you mean that's not my chicken?

Tracey: When the chicken can't run it crawls, and when it can't crawl...when you can't do that... You find someone to carry your chicken across the road.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 2:07 PM

SAMEERTIA

Thanks guys. You have no idea how badly I needed a good laugh today! :D

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 3:04 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by SameErtia:
Thanks guys. You have no idea how badly I needed a good laugh today! :D

Yeah. I had a heck of a good time today here. :) Laughing is so healthy! Too bad this board can't make a thread "sticky". Now it just scrolls off the list within minutes (unless, of course, I cleverly bump it, like so, lol).

I guess the most fulfiling part of this board for me really is, that I am exactly among that which I think FireFly is all about: family.

Yeppers; in a 'verse where everyone is equally insane, you're normal. :)

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:14 PM

THECOLLECTOR

Alliance: Offical Statement "The Alliance denies any reports of said chicken crossing a road. Said chicken has never existed, and said road is not pedestrian safe"

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:30 PM

TEALCANDTRIP

How many crewmembers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. Kaylee to identify the broken bulb and tell the other how to replace it... and Mal to sit around in the dark room till some passerby comes by with the new bulb.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:53 PM

ASARIAN

Chickens galore. :)

Jayne: Don't make no sense.
Mal: It ain't about you, Jayne; it's about what it needs.

Dr. Mathias: It's madness.

Inara: Because it's a believer. It's intelligent, methodical, and devout in its belief that crossing the road is the right thing to do.

Teacher: because this side of the road could no longer sustain its numbers, they were so many.

I'm fine. I'm giddy. :)

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Thursday, February 2, 2006 9:47 PM

BARCLAY

More chickens

Dobson: I don't care. You don't think I'll shoot a chicken?

Sherrif at Paredeso (Train Job): Don't much know why the chicken would want to cross to this side of the road.

Crow: You keep your chicken.

Ruby (Safe):

Elder Gommen (Our Mrs. Reynolds): The chicken is our gift to you.

Stitch: You lock me up in a hot box for four years and now you're handing me a chicken?

Rance Burgess: The chicken is mine!

"You are on the Global Frequency."
http://www.frequencysite.com
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com

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Friday, February 3, 2006 1:41 AM

JACQUI

Quote:
Originally posted by Barclay:

Ruby (Safe):

OMG. I laughed so hard at that, you have no idea!

Teee heee heee.

*~*~*
"He's hurting a woman, he really *is* a bad guy... and I wouldn't call him a gentleman."
- Kyle, 9, watching 'Serenity'.

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Friday, February 3, 2006 2:22 AM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by Jacqui:
Quote:
Originally posted by Barclay:

Ruby (Safe):

OMG. I laughed so hard at that, you have no idea!

Hahaha! I just now 'got' the joke myself. :) As far as I'm concerned, this one is on-par with the original River line. So very very clever!

EDIT:

Come to think of it, this has got to be the most brilliant line in the history of writing. No Shakespeare, no Jane Austen, no nobody, has ever said such a funny thing in literally zero words! :)

Priceless; absolutely priceless!

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Friday, February 3, 2006 3:03 AM

ARCLIGHT

LoveBot: (slowly waves as chicken crosses road)

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Friday, February 3, 2006 3:19 AM

BARCLAY

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:

Come to think of it, this has got to be the most brilliant line in the history of writing. No Shakespeare, no Jane Austen, no nobody, has ever said such a funny thing in literally zero words!

Priceless; absolutely priceless!

Just thought I'd single that out. And put it on my resumé

"You are on the Global Frequency."
http://www.frequencysite.com
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com

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