Funny Amazon review by EmpXenu

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Funny Amazon review

POSTED BY: EMPXENU
UPDATED: Tuesday, February 7, 2006 06:36
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 7931
PAGE 1 of 2

Sunday, February 5, 2006 9:58 AM

Listen to the misguided opinion of what sounds like a SW fanboy:

This film was voted Film 2005's film of the year, to the bafflement of most viewers and completely against box office returns. On IMDB, it's currently sitting with about 30,000 votes and rated at an extremely high 8.0, so it's pushing into the top rated films on the database.

So, it's easy to justify buying it to check out.

I'd never seen Firefly and only had a passing interest in Joss Whedon's other stuff so was interested to see what the fuss was all about. What a let down! The svengali like hold Whedon has on those shadowy members of society known as 'geeks' is so strong that cheap looking derivative schlock like this can be released and praised as quality.

The sets and outfits are like leftovers from the original Battlestar Galactica series, and the special effects resemble one of those Star Trek sub shows. And how can Whedon take any credit for originality when Star Wars has been raped for the storyline?!

Serenity = Millenium Falcon. River Tam + brother = R2D2 and C3PO. The princess = Princess Leia. Mal = Han Solo. Jayne = Chewbacca. The Operative = Darth Vader. etc etc etc

Scenes like Luke Skywalker returning to find his uncle's ranch burned out are ripped off wholesale, and the plot features such 'subtle' nods as references to The Alliance, and the story setting being a time after a recently finished war.

The only thing saving this from 1 star is some genuinely funny dialogue. Not original, not clever and clearly getting some over the top praise from a hardcore legion of chums. If you want to dispute that, then consider why the film only grossed $25m in USA and £2.5m in UK. Hardly stellar.

This guy's parallels are laughable. Please tell me about the princess in this movie, 'cause I apparently missed her.

And I'd take Serenity's sets and effects over the bloated extravaganza in the Prequel trilogy any day.

----
"I think, therefore I am... I think"

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 10:58 AM

KHYRON

Quote:
Originally posted by EmpXenu:
Please tell me about the princess in this movie, 'cause I apparently missed her.

You missed the princess!? How could you miss the princess!? Clearly she was the most important person in the movie! But she had to disguise herself as a sexbot to escape the evil clutches of Darth Va-- err, the Operative, so maybe you missed her under that cunning disguise.

Actually, the review really put things into perspective for me. It showed that no matter how different a movie set in space is from Star Wars and Star Trek, there will always be superficial similarities, so that any movie set in space must automatically get no more than 1 star, since it's just a cheap rip-off anyway. It's all so obvious now.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:00 AM

SAMEERTIA

Simon. Simon is obviously Princess Leigha, entrusted with a secret message (River).

OMigod Some people just don't GET Serenity, do they?
Poor blighters.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:01 AM

SAMEERTIA

Dang it, Khyron! You just made me spit hot chocolate all over my keyboard.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:13 AM

GUTTERBALL

Quote:
Originally posted by EmpXenu:
Serenity = Millenium Falcon. River Tam + brother = R2D2 and C3PO. The princess = Princess Leia. Mal = Han Solo. Jayne = Chewbacca. The Operative = Darth Vader. etc etc etc

Um...soooo...is this guy saying that River did nothing but beep and Simon did nothing but say, "Oh, dear! Oh, dear!"? Or perhaps that their performances were a bit...mechanical? Hmmm. That Serenity got swallowed by a giant caveworm? That Mal is scruffy-lookin? That Jayne says nothing but "Arrr-RRR-rrrarrr?" That the Operative will be tossed into a river of lava in coming movies??

That...gosh, I guess that "the princess" thing must be...Inara? Because she dresses purty?

Ha! So, Princess Leia was a "companion"?

Things become so much CLEARER!

Damn! I must have missed all of that in Serenity. What a shame! I guess I'll just have to watch the whole thing AGAIN to find out what I've been missing.

Pity, that. *rolls eyes*

What a maroon. This guy needs Mal to tell him to go play with his light stick.

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:28 AM

ERIC

Raped Star Wars huh? I imagine Kurosawa might chuckle at that...

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:34 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD

Funny thing about River and Simon being rip-offs of C3PO and R2D2, since they themselves were "rip-offs" of two characters from one of Akira Kurosawa's movies... it was either the Hidden Fortress or Throne of Blood. Lucas has even admitted to it. First off, I don't see why if you get an idea from another story it immediately qualifies as a "rip-off", wasn't that at one time referred to as "inspiration"? Second, I think it's a moot point anyways as I don't see ANYTHING similar between the characters. I really don't recall C3 or R2 going ape shit and owning the Cantina barroom.

Actually, check out this thing I came along while looking up the correct name for Cantina, http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2002/05/10/1021002387791.html

I think the "Princess" he was referring to was Inara, since she's always dressed up in silky clothes. Not sure if anyone got that and was just ignoring it since she's actually a whore, but I figured I'd point it out anyways.

...Randy Couture retired last night...

"Deep in the battlefield covered in blood
Lies an Airborne Ranger dying in the mud
He fought for his country and he died like a man
Though some people back home just wouldn't understand"

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:40 AM

SNAP

The princess was Wash obviously... or maybe it was Zoe... Book? No Wash, definitely Wash.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:49 AM

ASARIAN

What can I say? Yesterday I got all worked up over a guy leaving out River in his Maxim review. And today, apparently, she's R2D2. Shuh-MUH? :)

I dunno, when something's this sad, it becomes almost funny. So, no Chinese expletives today. No need to use to the "g" word. :)

As for this dude, and everything being Star Wars; well, if you only have a hammer, all characters looks like a nail.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 12:02 PM

MATTIE

In defense of our movie, I'd have to agree with you on this:

Quote:
And I'd take Serenity's sets and effects over the bloated extravaganza in the Prequel trilogy any day.

It's kinda sad that such a low-budget film such as Serenity can have better specail effects than another un-named trillogy that cost almost three times to make (not to bag on said trillogy--okay, I lied, it is to bag on said trillogy)

How anyone can compare our BDM to something like Star Wars is beyond me. I mean, yeah, they both happen to be set in space, and maybe some of the plot techniques are simmilar (ie, hero seeking out his quest); however, I find it surprising that anyone can equate Nathan Fillion with Hayden Christensen, and so on. C'mon? Compared to eachother, Nathan would win an Oscar! DUH!

Eh, it's like the critic said, we are

Quote:
those shadowy members of society known as 'geeks'

Our brain power, comprehension level, and appreciation for the GREAT stuff is just lost on some people.

Wacky fun!

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 12:04 PM

FOLLOWMAL

Khyron, you and this thread have me all kinds of amused!

Hi-larious!

" You hold. Hold til I get back." Mal

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 12:14 PM

KOMELION

I feel sorry for this amazon guy. Just think, from the way the post is, it seems all the dude will ever know is Star Wars, and that the latest 3 where good. It’s sad.

So is the news about Randy Couture. How old was he?

You notice there was no similarity with Luke. Cause there is no annoying whiny characters.

------
Well, here I am.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 12:31 PM

DERANGEDMILK

If you've ever seen "The Searchers" (1950s John Wayne flick) you'll also know that the Luke Skywalker ranch scene this dumbass claims Whedon ripped off of Lucas was a rip of in itself. One much more incredibly obvious than any of this gorram fool's "parallels."
-e

"Storms getting worse."
"We'll pass through it soon enough."

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 1:31 PM

DRUIDESS

Quote:
Originally posted by Snap:
The princess was Wash obviously... or maybe it was Zoe... Book? No Wash, definitely Wash.

rflmao

"The world's divided into two groups, panda's and alligator boys."

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 1:51 PM

FERT1

And the Operative was Jar Jar. How in the world could anyone miss something that obvious?

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 1:52 PM

HORRID

well ok so this dude is totally wrong but...

did anyone else think that when serenity launched all those navsat thingies it was a little nod to all those probs getting launched at the start of empire strikes back, in terms of the shot compositions and the way the things moved off?

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 1:54 PM

CHINDI

maybe the princess was... uhm.. Inara! or Miranda.. oh gosh I get so confused and amused.. too HI-larious... jayne,, the princess was Jayne!!

no wait.. maybe he was Bobba Fett...

Hey,,, if that guy doesn't get it, it just means he ain't as smart as you and me.. that's all....

Chindi

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 2:28 PM

ASARIAN

SW fanboy, nothing here is what it seems!

Inara is not a princess;
River is not an astromech droid;
And you're not too bright!

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 2:32 PM

GIXXER

Jayne is a princess's name.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 2:40 PM

SAMEERTIA

I've mentioned that I love you guys, right?

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 2:58 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by Gixxer:
Jayne is a princess' name.

Princeless! I mean, priceless! :)

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 3:25 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by SameErtia:
I've mentioned that I love you guys, right?

No, you haven't. But I could stand to hear some more. :)

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 3:28 PM

KOMELION

The princess of Canton the man they call Jayne.

------
Well, here I am.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 3:51 PM

ASARIAN

In defense of our movie, I'd have to agree with you on this:

Quote:
Originally posted by Mattie:
In defense of our movie, I'd have to agree with you on this:

Quote:
And I'd take Serenity's sets and effects over the bloated extravaganza in the Prequel trilogy any day.

It's kinda sad that such a low-budget film such as Serenity can have better specail effects than another un-named trillogy that cost almost three times to make (not to bag on said trillogy--okay, I lied, it is to bag on said trillogy)

You know, come to think of it, I'm staring at a cargo hold. A rusty one, at that. And I'm loving it! See? That's not "Industrial Light and Magic" (to bag on said un-named trillogy), but simply Magic.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 4:18 PM

GUTTERBALL

Quote:
Originally posted by Gixxer:
Jayne is a princess's name.

*cracks up*

Yeah, but Jayne ain't no princess! If you'll give him a second, he'll show you that he's got man-parts!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 4:50 PM

CHRISTHECYNIC

Why doesn't report this have a function for adding a comment on why it is bad, I came across a review that says how horible it is without actually giving any indication the guy saw it.

I mean some things make it clear the person writing it never watched the movie, sure it says I can report it, but it's not as if it's profane.

-

I also want to be able to say in some of these:
This person quotes details as untrue, if you watch the movie you will see this.

I mean I'm reading through these 110 so far, and I just want to say to Amazon, "A person who did not understand the movie is not equipped to review it."

I mean if someone watched Star Wars and said, "It sucked, let me use the sex scene to illustrate," are they really ok to be giving a 1 to 5 score? Some people are saying things that are that off.

The flip side is also true, but I'm really just looking at the negitive reviews so I don't know if people are saying, "I love it becasue of something that isn't in it."

I want someone to say, in honesty and detail, why they didn't like it. I'm sure that there are many people like that but apparently none of them go to Amazon.com.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:07 PM

CHRISTHECYNIC

And some things I want people to elaborate on, I mean where did someone get the impression two factions ruled?

What were the factions?

It says clearly, I thought, that the independents were defeated, and the only thing in the movie that looks like there is more than one faction is when the Reavers attack the alliance but I didn't think anyone got the impression they ruled anyone.

When someone really dislikes it I want to know why, when someone misunderstands I want to know why and where they got the idea.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:11 PM

NANDIFAN

Quote:
Originally posted by Komelion:
The princess of Canton the man they call Jayne.

------
Well, here I am.

Hi-freakin'-larious!!

After the day I had, that is possibly the funniest thing I have ever heard or read!

"If they've got guns or brains at all."
"They've got guns."

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:16 PM

CHRISTHECYNIC

If anyone cares about my trek through the reviews:
on the 171-180 there is a review by a Firefly fan who did not like the movie. While I do not agree with the grievances listed there it wins the prize as the first (and only so far) negative review that actually gives reasons for disliking the movie.

lost the charm, January 1, 2006
Reviewer: J. Ford (flyover country)

i cannot say how disappointing this movie was, after loving the TV series so much. the movie lost everything that was good about the series: relationships, values, wit, and quirkiness that comes along with people just trying to make it the best way they can. serenity pandered to 10 year old boys who want kick boxing and space ships shooting at each other. i was bored out of my mind. now, don't get me wrong: i love a good fight in any format, when there is some motivation behind it that is worthwhile. i wanted so much to love this and cannot express fully my disappointment... sorry, joss, but this, in my opinion, is the stake in the heart of one of my favorite scifi TV series ever.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:24 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by christhecynic:
And some things I want people to elaborate on, I mean where did someone get the impression two factions ruled?

What were the factions?

It says clearly, I thought, that the independents were defeated, and the only thing in the movie that looks like there is more than one faction is when the Reavers attack the alliance but I didn't think anyone got the impression they ruled anyone.

When someone really dislikes it I want to know why, when someone misunderstands I want to know why and where they got the idea.

Eh, don't let it get to you. The guy's so full of go-se, why waste even a single thought on him? Reavers being a faction is fiction.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:32 PM

CHRISTHECYNIC

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:
You know, come to think of it, I'm staring at a cargo hold. A rusty one, at that. And I'm loving it! See? That's not "Industrial Light and Magic" (to bag on said un-named trillogy), but simply Magic.

I remember in a Star Wars book, don't remember which one, someone said, "You see that, that's the Millennium Falcon" and when asked how he knows he says, "You can tell by the distinctive rust pattern," or something like that.

Remember back when that was the Star Wars universe? When Star Wars was a place where you had to slice open you're beast of burden to wrap your freezing friend in?

When Star Wars was full of people that, though in extraordinary circumstances, were ordinary. People who were not heroes by choice but because they had no choice in the matter?

The kind of people who would abandon their higher cause (for a while) to go out and save one friend, have a ship that doesn't work half the time, and get the shit kicked out of them on occasion?

Those were the good old days.

-

Those days left us and eventually Firefly came, those were the great old days.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:35 PM

CHRISTHECYNIC

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:
Eh, don't let it get to you. The guy's so full of go-se, why waste even a single thought on him? Reavers being a faction is fiction.

I believe that there are people out there who honestly dislike the movie, why can't the ones are like that be the ones to post the negitive reviews, it would be worse for us to have someone rationally bash the movie, but at least I'd understand why people don't like it.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:40 PM

CHRISTHECYNIC

I like the fact that a person who complains that positive reviewers gives no details about the movie gives no details about the movie in his negative review.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 5:54 PM

GELASSENHEIT

Some where in the 'verse is a village missing this idiot.

Gelassenheit means Serenity

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 6:20 PM

CHINDI

probably those hill folks.. yep. definitely them.

LOL I am with Sameertia.. I LOVE this place..

Chindi

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 6:25 PM

FOLLOWMAL

As I was reading down thru here to catch up again, I was thinking...

OMG, I love this place and I love all of you!

Then I came to Sameertia's and then Chindi's and yea, I had to say it again.

I love all of you guys, and this wonderful place!!

" You hold. Hold til I get back." Mal

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 9:21 PM

KITCH

HAHA, You are sooo right! Leia was a giant ho!!! I think Lucas and CO. are just being the arrogant "know it alls" that they have always been, however, i think that the whole thing is a joke. That being said, Mal vs. Han..... I LOVE my Captain!!!!!! ps. Jayne as "Chewie" whatever...

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 10:05 PM

CHRISMOORHEAD

42 freggin years old, man, still schooling pretty boys with six packs who are in their 20's. Only Chuck Lidell could take him down.

"Deep in the battlefield covered in blood
Lies an Airborne Ranger dying in the mud
He fought for his country and he died like a man
Though some people back home just wouldn't understand"

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 10:54 PM

PIRATEJENNY

This person just doesn't get it!!

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Monday, February 6, 2006 4:21 AM

DARKLIGHTER9

I belive this settles it!

http://www.google-fight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=Browncoats&word
2=Star+Wars+Fanboys

http://www.google-fight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=Mal&word2=Han

http://www.google-fight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=Wash&word2=Prin
cess+Leia

_________________________________________________
Reavers Vs Oompaloompas, clash of the titans! (I'm talking scary Oompaloompas with orange skin and green hair, not the rubbish new ones)

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Monday, February 6, 2006 4:32 AM

GIXXER

Wash ninety-five million. Happy.

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Monday, February 6, 2006 1:37 PM

CHINDI

LMAO.. but really.. Wash is the non violent type.. and he would NEVER hit a lady would he??? Kiss her maybe...lol it should have been Zoe v Leia.. same result...

that is some funny stuff there!

Chindi

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Monday, February 6, 2006 2:14 PM

SERYN

really it need a Jayne/Chewy fight -they are both tall, hairy, grunt and moan a lot and annoy/amuse the pilot in equal measure.

So who would it be? Our adorable man-ape thing gone wrong, or our favorite walking carpet?

I think i'm going to take this opportunity to join in the group hug - I love you guys!

-------------------------------------------
"She's a mite whimsical in the brainpan."
Xander: "Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person." *grin*

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Monday, February 6, 2006 3:00 PM

GUTTERBALL

Quote:
Originally posted by seryn:
really it need a Jayne/Chewy fight -they are both tall, hairy, grunt and moan a lot and annoy/amuse the pilot in equal measure.

It is done: http://www.google-fight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=Jayne&word2=Che
wbacca

Woot! That's my boy! Kick that furball's butt, Hero of Canton!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Monday, February 6, 2006 3:48 PM

DC4BS

Quote:
Originally posted by Chindi:
...lol it should have been Zoe v Leia.. same result...

Chindi

OK:

http://www.google-fight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=zoe&word2=leia

Yep! Zoe kicks Leias but...

------------------------------------------
dc4bs

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Monday, February 6, 2006 8:37 PM

BELOWZERO

Hmmm, I think you are all missing something here!
It's obvious that *Book* is Chewbacca: you know,
"Too much hair!"

(Couldn;t resist. I was remembering Leia's "get that walking carpet out of my way")

Lucas ha a problem with strong women that Joss obviously doesn't have. I mean, having the usually gutsy Amidala lay down and die, leaving two helpless infants in the world, of a "broken heart*?

Zoe would have gotten up off the birthing table, tracked the bastard down, and killed him. Then raised her kids. :)

"Do not go gentle into that good night....
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. . ."
--Dylan Thomas

Though my soul may set in darkness
It will rise in perfect light.
I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night.

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Monday, February 6, 2006 10:49 PM

SERYN

not that Wash would ever succumb to the dark side. Well... in such a melodramatic and silly way anyway (can never get the final frankenVader scene out of my head - nooooooooooo!)

Yup, though I get the feeling it would never have come to that, she would have whupped everybodies ass who needed it long before it came to Labour Day.

Begs the question theough, if Zoe did have kids on some far off longed for episode... Who would be going out of their minds with panic more? Wash, Mal or Jayne?

-------------------------------------------
"She's a mite whimsical in the brainpan."
Xander: "Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person." *grin*

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Monday, February 6, 2006 11:10 PM

SMOOF

If you're going to name your kids after your favorite Sci-Fi show, I think you have better choices with FF :D

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Tuesday, February 7, 2006 3:29 AM

SHINEY777

I'm sorry, but this guy call US geeks?

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Tuesday, February 7, 2006 6:08 AM

NUCLEARDAY

Quote:
Originally posted by Eric:
Raped Star Wars huh? I imagine Kurosawa might chuckle at that...

Good call... :P Though I can't hold it against anyone plundering from other stuff. Like Picasso said, "Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

Still, I'm waiting for season 2 of Firefly so I can see Whedon's take on "Seven Samurai"/"Fistful of Dollars" (is that the right Kurosawa one? Always get the names confused...)

Also, /me feels the need to join in the group hug. You guys make my day ;p

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