Another Comedy Thread by SimonWho

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Another Comedy Thread

POSTED BY: SIMONWHO
UPDATED: Sunday, February 12, 2006 11:38
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Friday, February 10, 2006 3:38 PM

Following on from the chicken and light bulb jokes... lines from Firefly and Serenity that can be most improved by the substitution of the word 'pants'. (That's pants as in underpants for non-Brits. You may wish to substitute panties if that helps).

Firefly:

Mal: This is why we lost you know, superior pants.

Mal: Do you ever... wash a client's pants?
Inara: It's my specialty.

Jayne: Let's move this conversation in a not-Jayne's-pants direction.

Monty : I shaved my pants off for you, devil woman!

River: Also, I can kill you with my pants.

Zoë: Sir, I think you have a problem with your pants being missing.

Serenity:

Inara: You came to the Training House looking for a fight.
Mal: I came looking for pants!

Jayne Cobb: Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some pants, don't you think?

The Operative: I believe in something greater than myself. A better world. A world without pants.

I'm sure there are many others to come...

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Friday, February 10, 2006 3:56 PM

DAVESHAYNE

Mal: You know what that makes us? Big Pants Heroes.

David

You wanna go, Little Man?
Only if it's someplace nice with candle light.

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Friday, February 10, 2006 3:58 PM

PDCHARLES

What happened? He see your face?

SIMON
You had the law on you, criminals and
savages... half the people on the
ship have been shot or wounded
including yourself, and you're
harboring known pants

SAFFRON
If you're done with supper, would you
like me to wash your pants

MAL
I'd do the same myself, were the situation
reversed. 'course, one of my idiot crew'd probably talk me into changing my pants... you got idiots?

RIVER
(to Jayne)
And don't look in the pants, either.
That's greedy. It's not in the
spirit of the holiday.

U gonna be smart here Riva?!?

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Friday, February 10, 2006 4:33 PM

BARNABY36

WASH: Took a little creative navigating, but we
should make it all the way to Greenleaf without
running afoul of any Alliance patrols. Or a single
pair of pants, for that matter.

RIVER: "Day" is a vestigial mode of time measurement.Based on solar cycles. Not applicable.
I didn't get you pants.

MAL: Good. Well, take all the time you need. Make yourself to home. Fiddle with them pants. We'll be nearby.

WASH: Pants humor. I miss out on all the fun.

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Friday, February 10, 2006 5:17 PM

REGINAROADIE

Simon: This is what going pant's must feel like.

Kaylee: Everywhere I go, his pants keep following me.

Simon: I once re-attached a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her pants after me. I get pants. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Pants is nice.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Couldn't we at least abduct their political or religious leaders instead of just any idiot in a pick-up truck?"

"I'm sure the Great Leader has his reasons."

"Well I'm sure the Great Leader is just some sort of twisted ass freak."

"All right, I am now offically ignoring you, commence anal probing."

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Friday, February 10, 2006 5:25 PM

FOLLOWMAL

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Zoë: Sir, I think you have a problem with your pants being missing.

Rather prophetic, huh?

" You hold. Hold til I get back." Mal

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Friday, February 10, 2006 5:30 PM

DAVESHAYNE

Got another one,

Book: Do you mind if I say pants?

David

You wanna go, Little Man?
Only if it's someplace nice with candle light.

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Friday, February 10, 2006 5:30 PM

DAVESHAYNE

Oops sorry for the double post. To make up for it I'll have to think up another real quick. Um....

Saffron: But face it hubby I'm really pants.

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Friday, February 10, 2006 5:37 PM

ASARIAN

I'm more of a chicken man myself (eew; that came out real wrong, lol). But here goes:

The Operative: Pants are not my concern; wearing them is.
Inara: You know what the definition of a "companion" is? Someone who gets others out of their pants.
Wash: Everybody talking about pants, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere!

Hmm, those were pretty lame. I'll stick with chickens. :)

EDIT:

Jayne, caught wearing a pair, "It's just an object. Doesn't mean what you think."

Okay, now I'm done.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Friday, February 10, 2006 5:39 PM

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Could you please just make it stranger? Stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?

Mal: You hold. Hold until I get pants.

Kaylee: Pants! Where's pants?!?

Kaylee: Goin' on a year now, ain't had nothin' twixt my pants ain't run on batteries (wait, that sounds pretty much the same, eh? LOL)

Simon: You filthy pants of a whore!

Jayne: The only people she's a threat to is us in these pants. (artistic license...)

Wash: I am a pants in the wind, watch how I *urk!*

Zoe: She felt pants coming.

River: We're in their homes and we're in their pants, and we haven't the right.

Book: It's not your pants, Mal.

Mal: Dear Buddha, I'd like a plastic rocket, and some pants...

Inara: You knew my pants wasn't on the level.

Operative: This isn't the grand pants, he's not the panty hero. (heh, used 'em both!)

Trade Agent: So you all are Brownpants, eh?

Simon: Eta Kooram Pants Smech

Mal: He's Panty, you're Mingo.
Mingo: How's it you always know?
Mal: Panties prettier...

I could do this allllll night...

BWAH!
TCM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Avail yourself of my trade! I have original (meaning: designed by me!) T-shirts, posters, mugs and more at http://www.cafepress.com/10thcrew
*Download my Firefly Games for FREE at http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=13&t=12622
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Friday, February 10, 2006 6:48 PM

FLORALBUNNY

Wash: Mmmm! Wife pants!

(has anybody posted
Jayne: I'll be in my pants! ?)

bun
-- bastards singed my turtle --
----- why's the rum gone? -----

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Friday, February 10, 2006 7:11 PM

GUTTERBALL

Book: You don't change pants, River. They change you.

Nandi: I've wanted you to kiss me ever since I showed you my pants!

Jayne: She is starting to damage my pants!

Zoe: You know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people pants. Look it up later.

Simon: I'm sorry she's a risk to your cleverly concealed herd of pants.

Kaylee: Look, they got boy pants! Isn't that thoughtful?

Inara: Well, I wouldn't say I'm completely all right with it. I'm a little appalled at her lack of pants.

Mal: I'm a hairs-breadth from riddling you with pants!

Wash: Wacky pants!

River: Your pants are in the sand.
Jayne: And your head's up your--
Simon: HEY!

Heh, these ARE fun! Woot!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Friday, February 10, 2006 8:01 PM

DOG13000

Mal: You know, they tell ya to never hit a man with pants but it is, on occasion, hilarious.

Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black market pants.

Book: Very specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzy around the area of pants.

Simon: Are you out of your pants?
Mal: Just about. (Yea, I Did)

Kaylee: Don't you just love this party? Everything's so fancy, and there's some kind of hot pants over there.

River: Pants' broken. Contradictions, false logics. Doesn't make sense.

Zoë: I know something ain't right.
Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everythingwere right, we'd be in pants.

Simon: You're out of your mind.
Jubal Early: That's between me and my pants. Let's start with these rooms.

"Someone Ever Tries to Kill You, You Try and Kill Em' Right Back"

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Friday, February 10, 2006 8:18 PM

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Could you please just make it stranger? Stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?

Badger: I know a place he'll be. Safe pants,using some new-tech pants scans. Highclass, too. They wouldn't let me in there, but you might slip by. 'Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond size of a testicle. But I got my hands on panties.

voice over (OiS): We're all just panting...

Wash: I'm starting to like this panty thing. "Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now that she's all pantyfied and gross...

Simon: This is not funny. This a morality tale about the evils of panties.

Murphy(Shindig): Forgive my rudeness. I can not abide pantless people.

Jayne: I once hit a guy in the pants at five hundred yards with a bent scope, don't that count upstairs?

Mal: I swear by my pretty floral panties I will end you.

Sir Warrick Harrow: You'll have to rely on your winning personality to get pants. God help you.

Zoe: BIG DAMN PANTIES, SIR!

and the beat goes on...

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Friday, February 10, 2006 8:19 PM

ASARIAN

Or the ever subtle:

Saffron: Pants!

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 3:34 AM

PDCHARLES

What happened? He see your face?

KAYLEE
No power in the pants can stop me!

EARLY
So is it still her pants when it's
empty? Does the pants, the thing have
purpose?

MAL
After inviting me into your pants
of your own free will, which makes
two events without precedent and
which makes me more'n a little
skittish.

U gonna be smart here Riva?!?

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 3:34 AM

PDCHARLES

What happened? He see your face?

DP sorry!

EDIT:

Quote:
Originally posted by TenthCrewMember:

Mal: He's Panty, you're Mingo.
Mingo: How's it you always know?
Mal: Panties prettier...

funny!
_____________________________________________
U gonna be smart here Riva?!?

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 3:54 AM

JAYRO

Quote:
Originally posted by TenthCrewMember:
Simon: Eta Kooram Pants Smech

LOL

River: No. Can't. Too much pants.

Operative: It's pants, in point of fact.

---------------

"We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!"

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 4:40 AM

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Could you please just make it stranger? Stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?

Mal: Did the primary buffer panel just fall off my gorram pants for no apparent reason?

Jayne: I ain't goin' anywhere near pants territory.

Mal: Well, it's kinda hard to tell one from t'other, pants like yours.

Mal: So here's us, on the raggedy pants.

Mal: Pants. PANTS! Pants would be BETTER!

River: 2 by 2, pants of blue...

Wash: Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in these little pants.

Zoe: If I didn't have work to do I'd be in pants myself.

Simon: Am I talking to pants now?

Jayne: If pants were horses, we'd all be wearing steak

This is childish, perverse, and moronic...I LOVE IT!

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 4:46 AM

ELOISA

Quote:
Originally posted by pdcharles:
MAL
After inviting me into your pants of your own free will, which makes two events without precedent and
which makes me more'n a little skittish.

Perfect!

***
http://forums.ffonline.com/forumdisplay.php?f=19
Creative Writing

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 4:55 AM

DONCOAT

River: Mirpantsa...

River: They aren't mine. The pants, they aren't mine and I shouldn't have to carry them.

Mal: Pant-swhat?

Mal: Do you want to wear these pants?
Jayne: Yes!
Mal: Well... you can't!

Jayne: Now that she's a killer woman, we oughtta be bringin' her tea and pants.

Mal/Book: It's crossed my pants.

Wash: The Oaty Pants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't disagree on any particular point.

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 4:58 AM

DONCOAT

River: Bullet to the brainpants, squish!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't disagree on any particular point.

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 9:58 AM

DAVESHAYNE

Pants! The man they call Pants.

David

You wanna go, Little Man?
Only if it's someplace nice with candle light.

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 10:04 AM

PDCHARLES

What happened? He see your face?

MAL
This might make your pants a
little --

INARA
It's all right.

ZOE
Should be more than enough to buy
back my pants.

NISKA
This is your opinion, is it?

____________________________
U gonna be smart here Riva?!?

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 10:13 AM

SERYN

Mal: Let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job, and then I get pants

-------------------------------------------
"She's a mite whimsical in the brainpan."
Xander: "Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person." *grin*

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 10:14 AM

GELASSENHEIT

Tyranosaurus rex: Yes. yes, these are fertile pants and we will thrive

Stegasaurus: WE will rule over all these pants and we will call it...These pants.

T-Rex: I think we should call them....your pants!

Steg: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

T-Rex: Ha Ha! Mine are evil pants! Now die!

Gelassenheit means Serenity

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 8:38 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

The Operative: You know what your sin is, Doctor? It's pants.

Mal: My days of not taking pants seriously are certainly coming to a middle.

Mal: Ohhhh... I'm going to the special pants.

Wash: Some people juggle pants!

Book: I killed the pants that killed us. Not very Christian of me...

"Kaylee, find that kid that's taking a dirt nap with baby Jesus; we need a hood ornament."

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 7:38 AM

GUTTERBALL

Quote:
Originally posted by TenthCrewMember:
Jayne: If pants were horses, we'd all be wearing steak

*cracks up* Brilliant!

Inara: Why are you so fascinated by them?
Book: Because I find them...something of a mystery. Why are you?
Inara: *smiles* Because so few pants are.

YoSafBridge: Because I'd not dreamed to find pants so sweet...so kind and beautiful....

Wash: If she doesn't get some something-or-other to offset the burnthrough, these pants are gonna get pretty interesting.

Wash: Yes, Jayne, she's a witch. She's had pants with the Beast.
Jayne: She's in pants?

Jayne: I stole a lot of pants from this magistrate up the hill....

Mal: 'S my experience that every man who had pants made of him was one kinda sumbitch or another.

*laughs* You're right. These are juvenile and moronic. Wacky fun!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 9:10 AM

SERYN

had to get in this one, sorry, oh but this is fun.

Mal: Thats what pants are for... ...'t get in a mans way.

(currently hunting down exact quote, will update!)

-------------------------------------------
"She's a mite whimsical in the brainpan."
Xander: "Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person." *grin*

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 9:32 AM

DAVESHAYNE

Zoe: You're losing the high pants here honey.

Inara: Just what exactly was our net profit on the wobly headed doll pants?

Kaylee: I'm not speaking to you pants.

River: He looks better in pants.

Mal: OK, I'm going to pants her, gimme the sticky.

Jayne: So lets get on with our increasingly erie assed pants.

Simon: Pants? You? No.

Wash: Only if it's someplace with pants.

Book: It's the rules of my pants.

David

You wanna go, Little Man?
Only if it's someplace with candle light.

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 10:59 AM

GUTTERBALL

Tracey: When you can't walk, you crawl...and when you can't crawl, when you can't do that....
Zoe: You find someone to pants you.

Niska: Now, we meet the real pants.

Mal: And they say people don't look like their pants.

Simon: You're like a pants-ed ape. Without the pants.

River: My pants are problematic.

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 11:38 AM

DRPAIN

Quote:
Originally posted by GutterBall:
Tracey: When you can't walk, you crawl...and when you can't crawl, when you can't do that....
Zoe: You find someone to pants you.

LOL!!!

Jayne: Do you know what the pants of command are? They're the pants I get to beat you with so you know who's in ruttin' command.

Jayne: So are we gonna play pants or screw around?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

Shake your head boy your eyes are stuck. Git!

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