Too cute! Found at the Firefly board at the IMDB by ayrad

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Too cute! Found at the Firefly board at the IMDB

POSTED BY: AYRAD
UPDATED: Thursday, February 17, 2011 20:55
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 62734
PAGE 3 of 5

Friday, February 10, 2006 10:40 AM

Okay, one more shiny light bulb to steer us safely through the sky. :)

How many Badgers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in; and the other to badger him about it.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Friday, February 10, 2006 2:28 PM

KSC

Heres a different kind of contribution

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Friday, February 10, 2006 3:36 PM

JRC

Niska: You have seen Crow, he likes to stand by the door to say "Cluck!"

Everyone dies alone.

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 7:25 AM

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

Thanks, my old signature was worn-out.

---------------------------------------------
How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 12:32 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

Light Bulb responce:

How many Fux execs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well first they have to mull over it, what kind of lightbulb do the audience want? What color would get the best responce? Do people really want such a strange and eclectic lightbulb that's bright enough to read from and therefore expand ones mind, or should one go with a standard 40% bulb that has a lasting power of only a few weeks but will appeal to 60% of the populous?

Then there's the problem that the eclectic and bright bulb is not a namebrand, despite it's proving to be 100% more effecient from the esoteric though popular namebrands. Though the namebrands as stated have a low light people in general don't seem to care as much so long as it allows them to see the basic shape of their surroundings and not muddle their mind with the possibilities of actually seeing what's in front of them, because then they would have to see what a horrible mess reality really is.

And we must not forget about cost. Yes, the eclectic no name brand is brighter, yes it's stronger, yes it seems to be able to allow people to see better and not become lost in the miasma that is around them, but it's a little costly, not to mention not many people like to be in such bright surroundings. Whereas with the namebrands they can be produced at such a prodigious rate that even though they burn lower and quicker we can replace them so easily that the average person wouldn't even notice it had burned out.

So in conclusion it isn't a matter of personnel and abilities, but cost and effect. We really, therefore, haven't the time to waste on bulbs that burn bright and allow one to see clearly, we're too busy putting out cheap, low burning bulbs that burn out in a matter of weeks. It's how we keep our costs low and our profits high.

Now about that chicken, we're quite interested in that, but can we change the settings from a road to a ballroom? Or better yet we can do a reality program around this chicken. The Surreal Chicken Coop. Dear God that's genius. We're geniuses. Somebody get a grunt to change the lightbulb, we have some writing to do.

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

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Friday, February 17, 2006 5:01 AM

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Could you please just make it stranger? Stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?

Why did the chicken cross the road?:

Nandi: To avail itself of our trade.

Bandit: To get one on one time with the Mrs.

Niska: To get away from getting earful from wife.

Inara: To beat Saffron to the rendevous point...what? You didn't see that coming?

Mal: To rise again.

Jayne: Chicken? Uh...I'll be in my bunk...

Operative: It was love, in point of fact.

Niska goon: Because it's the best thing for everyone, I'm right there with you!

Steggy: To get to a fertile land...one called THIS LAND!
T-Rex: I think we should call it HIS GRAVY!

BWAH!
TCM

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Friday, February 17, 2006 6:02 AM

ZOESBACKUP

Dora Lee (Safe):
And they shall live among the people and you shall know them by their path

THOU SHALT NOT SUFFER A CHICKEN TO CROSS THE ROAD!

nice cover fire
Oh, and I also have a black belt in Smackdown Fu

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Friday, February 17, 2006 10:19 AM

MADDIEGIRL

Why did the chicken cross the road?

River: This chicken is problematic.

The 'Verse lives on.

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Friday, February 17, 2006 10:38 AM

DAVESHAYNE

Taking this in a different direction,

Why did the reaver cross the Road?

It's the PAX. The paxilon G36 we added to the air processors....

David

"A lot of people are asking me, you know, what exactly is Firefly? It's a tv show you morons!" - Joss Whedon

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Friday, February 17, 2006 1:08 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by Maddiegirl:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

River: This chicken is problematic.

Haha! Good one! :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Friday, February 17, 2006 1:53 PM

ASARIAN

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Wash: A chicken crosses the road in that hat, people know it's not afraid of anything.

Saffron: Everybody crosses everybody else.

Mal: Chicken has an oddness to it. And I ain't just talking about its proficiency crossing roads. The chick knows things.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Thursday, March 2, 2006 10:41 AM

MELAM

A quick chicken to get us across the road.

Opperative: To make a better road. All of them better roads.

"Putting the Me in Mercinary, Jayne Cobb."

"Joss, what is the future of television? What will we watch? And how will we watch it? Surely you must know, for you are wise, and slender."

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Thursday, March 2, 2006 11:29 AM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by Melam:

A quick chicken to get us across the road.

Operative: To make a better road. All of them better roads.

That is pretty funny! :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Thursday, March 2, 2006 11:33 AM

ASARIAN

Okay, don't wanna be accused of being chicken myself. :) So, here's a few more.

Chicken: I'm not going to live there. There's no place for me there. What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.

Simon: I thought it was getting better.

Mal: The Alliance wanted to show me reason, they shouldn't have sent a chicken.

The Operative: That is a trap. I offer to take it across the road, you'll play the man of honor and take umbrage; I ask you why it crosses the road, and you'll play the brigand. I have no stomach for games.

River: It isn't safe.
Chicken: For them!

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Thursday, March 2, 2006 11:35 AM

MATTCOZ

Wash: Wacky fun.

Inara: Are there chickens among us?
Kaylee: Yeah, one of them crossed the road.

Mal: You hold, you hold 'til the chicken gets back.

Simon: I can't keep track of the chicken when it's not crossing the road.

River: It's just a chicken, it doesn't mean what you think.

Mr. Universe: Can't stop the chicken.

HoB: So, you saw the chicken? *kills you*

Early: That's no chicken.

Chicken: No power in the 'verse can stop me.

This side of the road: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

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Thursday, March 2, 2006 12:32 PM

RESE

Ok, jadehand, it's official. I just peed my pants! Thanks!

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Thursday, March 2, 2006 1:57 PM

JADEHAND

Quote:
Originally posted by rese:
Ok, jadehand, it's official. I just peed my pants! Thanks!

Ummmm......
You're welcome?

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"He's seen too much of life And there's no going back.
The loneliness calls him, And the edge which must be sharpened,
He's losing it. And he knows.
But there's a fighter in his mind and his body's tough
The years have been unkind, but kind enough." -Ocean Cloud (Marbles) -Marillion

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Thursday, March 2, 2006 5:16 PM

DAKCOBB

Forget what you think you know. Forget what the Farmer told you when tossed you feed at night. Forget the lies of our Gallus domesticus poultry governments!

Behind this curtain lies the very secret they don't want you to peck at. The most astounding avian find in the history of Chickanity.

Proof Of alien gizzardy life. Yes, go ahead and laugh, sir, but what you see on the other side of the road will change your life forever!

It will haunt your dreams and harrow -- YES -- your very feathers.

----
Turns out this is my kind of a party!

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Thursday, March 2, 2006 5:46 PM

ASARIAN

For chickens to laugh at:

Simon (to River): I would be there right now.

River: Sad little king of a sad little road.

Early (to Simon): The plan is to take your sister, get the reward, which is substantial.

Mal: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny chicken feet in huge combat boots.

Chicken: Is there any way I can get out of this with honor and dignity?

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Friday, March 3, 2006 2:22 PM

MATTCOZ

One more to keep it going:

River: They didn't want the chicken here, but she couldn't make herself leave, so she crossed. Crossed the road.

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Friday, March 3, 2006 6:53 PM

BELUGASMOM

You people are TFFW (too funny for words). You damn near made me pee my pants!! I had to go--bad--but I couldn't stop reading.

Life is short, brutal, and unpredictable. EAT DESSERT FIRST.

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Friday, April 7, 2006 11:45 AM

OURMRSWASHBURNE

You guys are awesome, I'm loving the replies. I'll never look at a chicken - or a lightbulb the same way again...

Here's my two platinums worth, should you want it:

River: Please God make me a chicken!

"Whoa. Good chicken."

Jayne: The chicken will be in my bunk.

Zoe: Sir, I'd like you to take the chicken please ; I need this man to tear all my clothes off.

River: Jayne is a chicken's name.

Kaylee: I love my chicken.

Mal: Jayne? You want to tell me why there's a statue of a chicken standin' here, lookin' like I owe him somethin'?

Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black market chickens.
and
Mine is an evil chicken! Now die!

Book: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has chickens."

Villager: "That is a chicken."
Mal: "Yeah, but its our chicken..."

Jayne: (remarking on the unappetizing meal Simon's made for himself) "Smells like chicken."

Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of chickens."

Monty: I SHAVED MY CHICKEN FOR YOU, DEVIL WOMAN!

River: This chicken is troublesome.

Regarding lightbulbs:

How Many Mals does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb has to really WANT to change, or it'll get sucked into an engine.

How Many Zoes does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'll just check with the Captain.

How Many Shepherd Books does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One to know the old bulb, and one to go back and look at it again after River's changed it for him.

How Many Jaynes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to screw in the nearest roundish bulb shaped object in the dark, and the whole crew to clear up the mess afterwards when they find it was actually a grenade...

How Many Rivers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two by Two, with lights of blue.

How Many Simons does it take to change a lightbulb?
One - and he's not sure whether he should do it, but he really wants to, but that might be because it's the only lightbulb available....

How Many Washs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change it, and one to marvel about how changing a lightbulb is almost like science fiction...

How Many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
(no. I just can't improve on the "one to say it's shiny" joke previously. Sorry! I love that one.)

How Many Inaras does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb, and seventeen to change into many different glamorous outfits WHILE changing the bulb. With extra jewllery. And one to bathe the bulb lovingly with a sponge in soft focus.

How Many Niskas does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two - one to slowly and painfully remove it from its socket, and the other to finally see th real lightbulb.

Sorry

_______________________________________
I'll be in Wash's bunk.
Hiding from Zoe. And from chickens.

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Saturday, April 8, 2006 3:41 PM

SAB39

(Posted this one in another thread but this seems to be The Place for it)

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Barge into her shuttle uninvited.

And back on the subject of lightbulbs...

Q: How many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But not if it's a Capasun 48 lightbulb, they fall right out of the socket.

Q: How many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but if the lightbulb's run on batteries, you may have to wait a while...

Gorram it, I thought of some chicken ones too before bed last night, but they've completely vanished out of my head now...

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Monday, April 17, 2006 1:15 PM

ASARIAN

Okay, just a quick one to resurrect this thread:

How many Niskas does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one. But he'll make it last as long as possible. Days, if he can.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Monday, April 17, 2006 3:38 PM

DONCOAT

Book: I don't care if you make it across the road or not. So where does that leave you?

Niska: I think we will meet the real chicken now, hmmm?

Inara: You're a big chicken. You can take it. Just cross the road.

Mal (seeing a small explosion of feathers): What was that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't disagree on any particular point.

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006 2:48 AM

SAB39

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It got stupid. The money was too good. But then the road threatened to dump it out the airlock and it repented...

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006 3:13 AM

DEEPGIRL187

Quote:
Originally posted by Knibblet:
How do I say this without being ... mean?

C Thomas Howell? What, if anything, appeals to anyone about C. Thomas Howell? He was the only drawback to "Kindred". To see the rest of the show, I had to suffer through his utter vacuum of personality.

How do I say this without being mean?

Last time I checked, all of the actors did a good job. What show were you watching?

At last.
We can retire and give up
this life of crime.

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006 6:36 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

That's awesome! Every one is perfect....

People love a happy ending. So every episode, I will explain once again that I don't like people. And then Mal will shoot someone. Someone we like. And their puppy. - Joss

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 7:25 PM

MALSTOLEMYHEART

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Mal: Chicken's a might whimsical in the brainpan
or alternately: You can't take the chicken from me

I really can't beat most of the ones already posted (laughed so hard I cried) but just to keep this thread alive...

Mal: And Kaylee, what the hell’s goin’ on in the engine room? Were there chickens? Some terrifying space chickens maybe got loose?

Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your chicken being missing.

Zoe: Can I have your chicken?
Mal: No.
Zoe: If you die, can I have your chicken?
Mal: Yes.

River: It's chickens.

Mal: If your hand touches chicken, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

Mal: You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like chicken, I am a mystery

Jayne: All I got was that dumb-ass stick that sounds like it's raining. How come you got a chicken?

Kaylee: It looks like it was made with, you know... longing. Made by a person really longed to see a chicken.

Simon: You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I re-attatched a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her chicken after me. I got a chicken. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Chickens is nice.

Mal: One of you is gonna fall and die. And I'm not cleaning it up.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 4:49 AM

ZZETTA13

LMAO, these are great!!

Can't breath, had mudders milk coming out my nose.

Z

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 3:17 PM

SAVEWASH

Now I am learning about scary.

These are great! I'm not worthy to contribute, but I'll give it a try.

Simon: My God, you're like a trained chicken, without the training.

Chicken: I'll go. Just stop describing me.

Mal: That's what governments are for: get in a chicken's way.

Jayne: If wishes were chickens, we'd all be eatin' ... chicken?

Wash: We got to go to the crappy town where I cross the road.

Kaylee: The whole point of crossing is that it ain't appropriate.

Okay, I give up. This thread is worth a bump, though.

"We need to keep our heads so we can ... keep our heads."

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 3:30 PM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

those were good! Shiny!

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 7:25 PM

VELOXI

HAHAHA! That was fantaaaastic. Thanks for sharing that! :)

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007 9:13 AM

ASARIAN

*bump* So, why did the chicken cross the road? ...

So as never to be under the wheel of nobody ever again.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007 7:24 PM

ASARIAN

Harken: Seems odd you would joke about a road you were on the wrong side of.
Chicken: May have been the other side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

Oh c'mon, guys, pitch in. :) Chicken jokes are fun.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007 9:35 PM

DECAF

Jayne: "Captain says you're to stay put. Doesn't want you runnin' afoul of his blushin' psychotic chicken. It figures out who you are, it'll cross the road 'fore you can say... 'don't cross that road, chicken'."

Harrow: "You didn't have to run over that chicken."
Mal: "Yeah, I know, it was just funny."

Inara: (pissed) "What did I say to you about crossing the road?"
Chicken: "That it was manly and impulsive?"
Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."

heh... some of my favorite quotes so I had to toss 'em in

_________________________________
"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just."
- Abraham Lincoln

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007 10:16 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by Decaf:

Inara: (pissed) "What did I say to you about crossing the road?"
Chicken: "That it was manly and impulsive?"
Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."

Hahaha! Brilliant. :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Wednesday, January 31, 2007 7:33 PM

FLORALBUNNY

The chicken was made to go across the road so
Joss could change the shooting axis for the
second half of the fight without having the
audience lose track of where everybody was.

Many thanks to whoever resurrected this thread.
I really needed the laughs this evening.

bun
~Bastards singed my chicken~

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 8:23 AM

HERA7

Chickenstown

Kaylee: "The whole point of crossing the road is that it ain't appropiate"

Book: "Go on. I'm a Shepherd after all. Should be able to keep my eye on a cluck of one."

Mal: "The management here don't take so kind to sightseein'. Which is why we'll be posing as buyers. And there isn't a one of us looks more the part than the good chicken.
The pretty fits, the soft wings, definitely a prime egg layer, and lily-white and feathered all over."

Mal: "You want to tell me how come there's a chicken of your's here, starin' at me like I owe him somethin'?"

Simon: "This must be what crossing the road feels like."

Simon: "No... This must be what crossing the road feels like..."

Wash: "We gotta go to the crappy road where I'm the chicken..."

Inara: "Sir, the Road Crossing Ceremony is a ritual with centuries of tradition behind it. There are reasons for the way we do things."

Simon: "You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I re-attatched a chicken's leg. Her whole leg. She named her egg after me. I got a
egg. He drops a box of money, he gets a road."

Stitch: "I just spent the last four years sitting on the side of the road and you're sirrin' me?"

Hera7

Mechanic & Cook
"So thats where that bolt went to."

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 3:28 PM

ASARIAN

Wash: Little chicken just gets more colorful by the moment. What will it do next?

Early: Is it still a road when it's empty?

River: The chicken body can be squished of blood in 0.6 seconds, given adequate road travel.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 4:24 PM

ASARIAN

Ok, one more for the, erm, road. :)

Saffron: You're asking yourself, if I've got the security codes, why didn't I just cross the road myself?

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 5:02 PM

YINYANG

You were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.

Has this one been done already?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Mal: Because it is so... very... pretty.

Or, alternately -

Mal: Because it is so... very... pretty. It is just too pretty for God to let it fly.

Great job, everybody!

Rules: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=22892
Voting: http://www.wunschliste.de/index.pl?vote&r=09

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 6:44 PM

FIDDLESTIX

River: They weren't chickens on this side. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they cross the road and remember what they are.

Joss: A lot of people are asking me, you know, why exactly is a chicken crossing a road? It's a joke you morons!

Joss: I truly believe that in years to come, people will look back and say, "That was a chicken that crossed a road." Yessir. I truly do.

Joss: People love a happy ending, so every episode I will explain once again that...I don't like people, and then Mal will shoot someone, someone we like...and their chicken.

"I truly believe that in years to come, people will look back and say, 'That was a show that was on TV.' Yessir. I truly do." --Joss

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 6:58 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by Fiddlestix:

Joss: A lot of people are asking me, you know, why exactly is a chicken crossing a road? It's a joke you morons!

Joss: I truly believe that in years to come, people will look back and say, "That was a chicken that crossed a road." Yessir. I truly do.

Joss: People love a happy ending, so every episode I will explain once again that...I don't like people, and then Mal will shoot someone, someone we like...and their chicken.

LOL. :) Love these Joss paraphrases.

Joss on what he learned on Firefly: "Don't tell the chicken you're going to cross the road for seven years when you're not. That was a big one."

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 7:10 PM

FLORALBUNNY

The chicken crossed the road in order to
scare David Boreanaz out of wanting to
play Malcolm Reynolds, thus giving a
crucial opportunity to Nathan Fillion to
play the Captain.

(Ref. commentary over "Serenity" pilot
episode)

bun
~Bastards singed my turtle~
~We aim to exponentiate~

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 7:20 PM

WHIMSICALNBRAINPAN

ROTFLMAO! Thank you so much for sharing this Ayrad!

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle." http://whimsicalnbrainpan.blogspot.com/

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 7:33 PM

BR0WNCOATRISING

Quote:
Originally posted by dog13000:

River: Two by Two, Beaks of Blue..

okay, i just filled my hysterical-laughter quota for the next 3 or 4 months. at least.

i'm thinkin' we'll rise again.

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Thursday, February 1, 2007 7:43 PM

DOG13000

Couldn't you have waited ONE more day to quote me?!?!

Then it would have been exactly one year. *sigh*

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"Someone Ever Tries to Kill You, You Try and Kill Em' Right Back"
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Very Shiny: www.fireflystore.spreadshirt.net
Even Shinier (Is that even a word? It is now...): www.reversedrive.com
AIM: dog13000 YSN: reverse_drive2g
E-Mail: louis@reversedrive.com

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