Worst Firefly Cast by ThePistonEngine

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Worst Firefly Cast

POSTED BY: THEPISTONENGINE
UPDATED: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 16:34
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 16892
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Monday, February 27, 2006 7:09 AM

That is quite possibly the funniest one yet!

Quote:
Originally posted by Canundrum69:
I think even thought they are bad choices,
someone might want to consider a Firefly Parody with some of these choices :)

Inara - David Bowie

I'm "HUGE" In Japan!

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Monday, February 27, 2006 7:11 AM

THEPISTONENGINE

Yeah, I generally went by how badly they'd fit in the role personality wise. I definately did not go off of talent or looks, as my list has some fairly talented actors.

Quote:
Originally posted by GrayFury:
Quote:
Originally posted by ThePistonEngine:
What would the worst Firefly cast be?

Wash - Kenneth Branagh

Neither of those sandyhaired actors have any lips... Coincidence?

"Smellin' alot of IF comin' offa' this plan!"

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Monday, February 27, 2006 7:34 AM

COSMICFUGITIVE

Here's my wacky list:

Mal - David Duchovny.
Jayne - Jean Claude Van Damme.
Book - Bill Cosby.
Wash - Dolf Lungren.
Inara - Jennifer Garner.
Zoe - .Hallie Berry.
Simon - Elijah Wood.
Kaylee - Kiera Knightly.
River - Denise Richards.

Badger - Jack Black.
Niska - Rutger Haur.
The Operative - Chris Rock.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 9:00 AM

CORNCOBROB

Mal - Eddie Murphy
Jayne - Eddie Murphy
Book - Eddie Murphy
Wash - Eddie Murphy
Inara - Eddie Murphy
Zoe - Eddie Murphy
Simon - Eddie Murphy
Kaylee - Eddie Murphy
River - Eddie Murphy

Badger - Eddie Murphy
Niska - Eddie Murphy
The Operative - Eddie Murphy
Fanty & Mingo - Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy

___________________________________
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry

Arizona Browncoats can find me at Gamers Inn on Southern and Gilbert, best chances to find me are Friday nights, playing the Serenity RPG

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Monday, February 27, 2006 9:36 AM

KIDREGAL

'Kay, this has been bouncing around in my head all day...

Mal: William Shatner
Wash: Ben Stiller
Jayne: Christopher Walken
Book: Shaquille O'Neil
Kaylee: An Olsen Twin (Like it matters which one)
Zoe: Martin Lawrence (in his Big Mamma's house fat suit)
Inara: Anna Nicole Smith
River: Katie Holmes
Simon: Tom Cruise (for a extra creepifying angle on the brother/sister relationship)

and, lastly, for a special guest star, Danny Devito as Badger.

Whatcha think?

I have ridden the great moon worm!
-Al Gore

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Monday, February 27, 2006 10:14 AM

JAYNESBUNKWOMAN

Quote:
Originally posted by otma:

Jayne - Woody Allen

OMFG stop, can't stop ROFLMAO

WA as Jayne: IIIIII don't know if IIII should be carrying that th-thing (looking at Vera). It looks soo very heavy and IIII'm just this small guy.....(vera goes off in his face as revenge!)

I'll be in my bunk

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Monday, February 27, 2006 10:18 AM

AZTECHROME

How about:

Zoe: Big Momma (Martin Lawrence)
Wash: Ellen DeGeneres
Inara: Jaime Farr (Klinger from M*A*S*H)
Simon: Richard Simmons
Kaylee: Roseanne Barr
Book: 50 cent

Quote:

I love all the suggestions, but I've got one question, dear friends: How is it possible that no one, NO ONE, suggested the best possible male actor for any role, male OR female....

William Shatner!

C'mon...think about it...let it grow and fester in your mind...

"We're just...too pretty..."

OH GOD!!!
It's festering.

I can't think of anyone who would ruin Mal's part more.... and still think he did a good job!

"What is the difference between work and love? Show me..." (JLG) Passion

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Monday, February 27, 2006 10:25 AM

RUXTON

KidRegal,

Why not both Olsen twins?

And Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes is, indeed, nasty.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 10:42 AM

COPILOT

Don Knotts died two days ago actually.

An I carried such a torch

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Monday, February 27, 2006 12:03 PM

INDIANABANZAI

Quote:
Originally posted by copilot:
Don Knotts died two days ago actually.

An I carried such a torch

For Don Knotts?

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Monday, February 27, 2006 12:42 PM

SIGMANUNKI

Quote:
Originally posted by davec5:

come on, i'd never chage the cast of Firefly, but Peewee Herman...that would be HI-larious.... paul rubens is a genius

Tracy: I think I broke your junk.

Crew: Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Officer: What the hell is wrong with you all?

Crew: "Junk" is the secret word of the day!

Crew: Ahhhhhhhhh!1!!

----
"We're in a giant car heading into a brick wall at 100 miles/hr and everybody's arguing about where they want to sit."
-David Suzuki

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Monday, February 27, 2006 1:16 PM

JOHNBOY

Way out, crazy ideas here. But I think it would be more instructive to stick with ideas that are believable i.e. lists that a hollywood exec *could* (and probably did) come up with in pre-production. Current stars. Sort-of on target, but so, so wrong. A list where you could say "yeah, I see why they thought that...". Not tip-top of the range - no Tom Cruise - because Serenity could not have afforded them.

Here's mine:
Mal: Owen Wilson
Wash: Ben Stiller
Jayne: Vince Vaughn

Let's face it, they seem to come in a job-lot, so maybe Joss could have got all three as a bulk discount.

Zoe: Halle Berry
Inara: Natalie Portman
Kaylee: Hilary Duff (or Lindsey Lohan)
Book: James Earl Jones
River: Lindsey Lohan (or Hilary Duff)
Simon: I got nothing here. Nothing at all.

Cheers,
Johnboy

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Monday, February 27, 2006 1:50 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by SigmaNunki:

Crew: "Junk" is the secret word of the day!

Kaylee: luh-suh? Serenity ain't luh-suh! :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Monday, February 27, 2006 2:40 PM

SIGMANUNKI

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:

Kaylee: luh-suh? Serenity ain't luh-suh! :)

Um, I was referencing The Message, not Safe.

Wow, I just checked up on if the above was correct from my box-set... and I was. Off the top of my head...

My name is SigmaNunki, and I'm a Firefly addict.

----
"We're in a giant car heading into a brick wall at 100 miles/hr and everybody's arguing about where they want to sit."
-David Suzuki

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Monday, February 27, 2006 2:48 PM

GUTTERBALL

Quote:
Originally posted by Zaknrfama:
Adelei Iforgotlastname - Mr. T

HA! Ah pity da fool dat mess wit Niska!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 3:13 PM

KAYNA

I love my captain

Thanks much Ruxton.
...
...
...
You know, this is kinda random but your name makes me think of Teddy Ruxbin

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Monday, February 27, 2006 3:43 PM

RUXTON

Kayna,
Ought not to. It's taken from my last remaining role-model, George Frederick Ruxton, who out-Bonded James Bond 150 years ago, was accepted by the mountain men as one of their own, rode with Kit Carson's men, explored in Africa, Canada, Mexico and in the Rockies, fought for the teen-age queen of Spain and earned a commendation from her, wrote several books of adventure and travel including the DEFINITIVE work on the mountain men...and died at age 27.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 3:58 PM

FISHSPEAKER

Mal - Johnny Depp
Jayne - Billy Bob Thorton
Zoe - Queen Latifa
Inara - Roseanne Barr
River - Linda Blair
Simon - Alec Baldwin
Book - Ving Rhames
Kaylee - Drew Barrymore
Wash - Christopher Walken (I need more cowbell!)

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 4:07 PM

THEPISTONENGINE

I could so see Christopher Walken explaining juggleing goslings...

Quote:
Originally posted by FishSpeaker:
Mal - Johnny Depp
Jayne - Billy Bob Thorton
Zoe - Queen Latifa
Inara - Roseanne Barr
River - Linda Blair
Simon - Alec Baldwin
Book - Ving Rhames
Kaylee - Drew Barrymore
Wash - Christopher Walken (I need more cowbell!)

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:30 PM

WANNABEMALSBABY

Mal: Nathan Fillion
Inara: Nathan Fillion
Zoe: Nathan Fillion
Wash: Nathan Fillion
Jayne: Nathan Fillion
Simon: Nathan Fillion
River:Nathan Fillion
Book:Nathan Fillion
Kaylee:Nathan Fillion

Hey I'd like to see him pull it off.

"some people juggle geese" -Wash

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:36 PM

THEPISTONENGINE

Why not just Peter Sellers? "How I learned to stop worrying and love the Operative."

Quote:
Originally posted by WannaBeMalsBaby:
Mal: Nathan Fillion
Inara: Nathan Fillion
Zoe: Nathan Fillion
Wash: Nathan Fillion
Jayne: Nathan Fillion
Simon: Nathan Fillion
River:Nathan Fillion
Book:Nathan Fillion
Kaylee:Nathan Fillion

Hey I'd like to see him pull it off.

"some people juggle geese" -Wash

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:37 PM

DRPAIN

Mal - Bobby Brown
Zoe - Whitney Houston
Wash - Eminem
Jayne - Snoop Dogg
Book - 50 Cent
Simon - P. Diddy
Kaylee - Britney Spears
Inara - Lil' Kim
River - Shakira

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:38 PM

THIEFJEHAT

Well I do know that Nathan played River in a Serenity RPG playtest. So he's got 2 of 9.

Do not fear me. Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 10:46 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

I could so see Christopher Walken explaining juggleing goslings...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get into the mind...

"Some people, you see, juggle geese. It's a strange thing to see... these goslings... these baby geese....being juggled...... They do what they can.... to amuse themselves..... If you close your eyes... you'll see it. It's weird."

Had to, had to share what's in my mind.

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

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Monday, February 27, 2006 10:52 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

These are all cracking me up.... have to watch I don't spray my monitor. God, I have images now of all these people doing the scenes. The two that stand out, Chris Walken, and Will Shatner.

Have to do it.

"We...can't-die-Bendis.... doyouknowhy? Be-cause weeeere soooooo preeetty. We are...... justooprettyforGodtoletusdie."

I can be so disturbing at times. But I'm in good company.

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 2:03 AM

SIXSHOOTER

Mal -- Tom Green. - Of course, watching him swill down the liquid the 'alien' calf was floating in might make for interesting viewing.
Zoe -- The 'Lady' from The Crying Game.
Wash -- Carrot Top. – Oh man, this one made me cringe.
Jayne -- Robert Z'Dar.
Book -- Chris Tucker. "Cha-mon!! You fools gotta get some god into you I’m gonna slap y'all down like Tina!"
Kaylee -- Estelle Getty. Jubal Early would so get a Sicilian death curse.
Simon -- Dave Coulier. (UNCLE JOEY!!!).
River – Anna-Nicole Smith. – Ewwww.
Inara -- Lambchop (but not Shari).

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 2:19 AM

THEPISTONENGINE

Ok, I've collected all your hillarious imputs, and I've come up with the "Serenity 2: I, Lovbot" cast.

Remember, these names were not chosen for the actors talent. They were chosen for a variety of reasons: How subtley they'd screw up the role, how they almost work but are just so wrong, and, of course, just how funny it is.

EDIT: Sigh- have to reformat the list

Mal: Bill Pullman.
Runner up: William Shatner

Inara: David Bowie
Runner up: Fran Drescher

Zoe: Tina Turner
Runner up: Claudia Black

Kaylee: Cameron Diaz
Runner up: Christina Ricci

Wash: Ben Stiller
Runner up: Vince Vaughn

Book: Reverend Al Sharpton
Runner up: Gregory Hines

Simon: Orlando Bloom
Runner up: George Clooney

River: Mary Kate Olsen
Runner up: Liv Tyler

Jayne: Christopher Walken
Runner up: Syvlester Stallone

The Operative: Jim Carrey
Badger: Joe Pesci
Jubal Early: Richard Gear

I just gotta say how funny Walken would be as Jayne. I could see him doing EVERYTHING Jayne would do, but he could never fake Jayne's thick skull. He just couldn't do it with the right personality.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 2:41 AM

AUSSAY

Quote:
Originally posted by Misstressahara:

"Some people, you see, juggle geese. It's a strange thing to see... these goslings... these baby geese....being juggled...... They do what they can.... to amuse themselves..... If you close your eyes... you'll see it. It's weird."

LOL

That is gorram funny to imagine

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 3:35 AM

DUG

I know it looks like votings over, but I just have to throw out the universe ending, all time worst *possible* casting:

Malcolm Reynolds: Jar Jar Binks

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 7:02 AM

ZAKNRFAMA

...How on earth did I forget this?

River - Chuck Norris

There we go.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 7:59 AM

WEICHI

Here is my worst cast - based on the Studios trying to tie into other franchises to boost box office.

Mal - Keifer Sutherland - Jack's back, he has a spaceship and the universe, but he is still tortured and alone.

Zoe - Pam Grier - Did I mention Whedon is out and Tarantino is in?

Kaylee - Pam Anderson She's a sexcrazed former tool time girl.

Book - William Shatner - He is a man with a past - or is it a future?

Jayne - John Travolta - It's the Tarantino thing again.

Inara - Julia Roberts - Of course, "Pretty Women" in space. Wait a minute - Richard Gere for Mal? Brilliant!

Simon - George Clooney - ER was never the same without him - Dr. Ross in space.

Wash - Jeff Gordon - California quirky NASCAR driver with a spaceship - lets fill drive ins all over the South

River - Dakota Fanning - Doesn't she have to be in everything? Plus she's box office gold!

Some Random Guy Who Gets Shot - Harry Whittington

Also, everyone has a pet husky

See how I'm not punching him, I think I've grown!

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 7:59 AM

WEICHI

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 2:11 PM

DC4BS

Damn... I can actualy picture Eddie Izzard as a cross dressing Badger... LOL!

Biggest laugh so far: Book = Don King

"The hair would still be there. Waiting..."

------------------------------------------
dc4bs

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 3:46 PM

DC4BS

Zoe: Whoopie Goldberg... Yikes!

Vaguely plausible (therefore truly frightning) BIG-budget cast
-------------------------------------------------------------
Mal: Harrison Ford
Zoe: Halle Berry
Wash: Val Kilmer (Would you classify that as a launch problem?)
Inara: Angelina Jolie
Jayne: Vin Diesel
Kaylee: Drew Barrymore
Book: Morgan Freeman
Simon: Johnny Depp
River: Milla Jovovich
Badger: Eddie Izzard
Crow: The Rock
Niska: Donald Sutherland
YoSafBridge: Charlize Theron

Figure, just hiring this cast would put the movie at least double the budget without having shot a single frame of film or built a set or anything... ;)

------------------------------------------
dc4bs

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 4:08 PM

HANSWURST

Mal: DB Sweeney
Jayne: DB Sweeney
Any acting role which requires human speech, emotion and honesty: DB Sweeney

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006 4:34 PM

ANCIENTMARINER

Mal - Quentin Tarantino
Inara - Jennifer Lopez
Jayne - Slyvester Stalone
Zoe - Whoopi Goldberg
Wash - Bobcat Goldplate
Kaylee - Brittney Spears
Simon - Ashton Kuther
River - Brittney Murphy
Book - Cedric the Entertainer
The Operative - Snoop Dog
Mr. Universe - Paul Walker

Even if shot with the same script, WORST!MOVIE!EVER!

"Son of a bitch."

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