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Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

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Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

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Originally posted by SimonWho:
I used to be into whipping, necrophilia and beastiality but I had to give it up. I was flogging a dead horse.

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Originally posted by ThePistonEngine:
Oh God!

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Originally posted by SimonWho:
I used to be into whipping, necrophilia and beastiality but I had to give it up. I was flogging a dead horse.

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Carry the Nuttin'

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DonCoat wrote:
Saturday, March 04, 2006 06:47
Except, to be truly effective, the fellow should be called an Agnostic, not an Atheist. If you accept the most common definition of the terms, an Atheist has no doubts about dog's (non)existence, while an Agnostic does.

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Originally posted by Calhoun:

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DonCoat wrote:
Saturday, March 04, 2006 06:47
Except, to be truly effective, the fellow should be called an Agnostic, not an Atheist. If you accept the most common definition of the terms, an Atheist has no doubts about dog's (non)existence, while an Agnostic does.

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The two words mean very much the same thing. The Atheist believes there is no god. The Agnostic is one who holds that we know only the material world which is really the same thing isnt it?. In any case in think "atheist" fits in the punchline since he lies awake at night questioning his belief that "dog" doesnt exist. Yeah I know its an old one, but its one of my favourites and the word "atheist" has always been the one used when i've heard it from different sources.

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Originally posted by Guenever:

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Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

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That's an old joke! Here's another.

The rabbi and the priest met at the town's annual picnic. Old friends they began their usual banter.
"This ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi "You realy ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but you just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me when you are going to break down and try some."
The rabbi looked at his friend with a big grin and said, "At your wedding."

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Originally posted by ChrisPV:
Personally, I'm fond of...

How many absurdists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish.

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, Fox!

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Originally posted by daveshayne:

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Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

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My favorite joke of all time. (Narrowly beating out the one about The Rabbi and the Trids.)

David

"A lot of people are asking me, you know, what exactly is Firefly? It's a tv show you morons!" - Joss Whedon

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JustAnotherJoke wrote:
Saturday, March 04, 2006 16:42
This joke is not funny

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Originally posted by BelowZero:
David, just what IS the joke with the rabbi and the trids...?

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Originally posted by LeeH:

Made my day, that one did. . . .

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. . . ."

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Originally posted by daveshayne:

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Originally posted by BelowZero:
David, just what IS the joke with the rabbi and the trids...?

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OK. It's a long one. And it goes something like this.

One day a young Rabbi decided to take a walk in the enchanted forest of the Trids, which he did from time to time as the Trids were kind and friendly people as was the Rabbi and they would laugh and play among the trees.

But on this particular day the Rabbi couldn't find any of his Trid friends out and about the woods and this confused and worried him for Trids were normally quite eager to play and laugh with thim in the forest - they being kind and friendly people. So he walked over to the Trid village and began knocking on doors, peering in windows, and looking under rocks untill finally he found his particular friend Geoff. "Geoff," asked the Rabbi, "Where are all of the Trids today?"

Geoff answered, "We're hiding Rabbi. The giant from the hills has stomped into the forest and if he spots any of us he'll pick us up and kick us into the next forest."

Now the Rabbi had never heard of such a thing but as Trids had never lied to him in the past and since he did hear a stomping noise in the distance he quickly looked for a place to hide. Which wasn't easy as The Rabbi was a good two hands taller than the tallest Trid and most of the hiding places in town were decidedly Trid sized.

And so the Rabbi wound up cowering behind a Lilac bush (the best cover he could find) as the giant came stomping into town occasionally pushing aside a tree or a rock or a tiny trid cottage to pick up a Trid and punt it into the next forest. Slowly the giant made it's way closer and closer to the Rabbi cowering behind the lilac bush.

But all of his hiding was to no avail as the giant could plainly see the Rabbi behind the bush and the giant walked over to the Rabbi and said, "Hello, young Rabbi. What are you doing in the forest of the Trids today."

The Rabbi, rather startled at the civility of the question, answered, "Taking a walk to see my friends the Trids which you are busily launching into the next forest with your foot. By the way why haven't you picked me up and kick me away yet like you have the others?"

The giant laughed and said, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."



David

"A lot of people are asking me, you know, what exactly is Firefly? It's a tv show you morons!" - Joss Whedon

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Originally posted by Paine:
Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting coefficient of friction.

Interrupting coeff-MU!

They'll let anyone use a modem these days, won't they?-jms

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Originally posted by Paine:
It's a parody of the old "interrupting cow" knock-knock joke.

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Originally posted by Paine:
The best bad joke ever:

Two bass drums and a cymbal fall of a cliff.

:pause:

*buh-dum-ksh!*

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I'm terrible at remembering jokes

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Originally posted by Kwicko:

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

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Originally posted by RocketJock:

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Originally posted by Kwicko:

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

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Almost, but not quite. The proper quote is:

"Lysdexics of the world, Untie! You have nothing to choose but your lanes!" (Marl Karx)

Ya gots to get it wrong right.

"Hermanos! The Devil is building a Robot! Andale!" -- Numero Cinco

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Originally posted by Mark:
Three men go into a pub...

I say three, it could be five or six...

Round it up, call it ten.

Ok, so, ten blokes go into a pub...

But lets not be picky or excluding.

Twenty men go into a pub, maybe even thirty or fourty...

The population of a small town in Scotland...

I say Scotland, it could be Wales...

Could even be a large town in Wales...

Ok, the population of Peterborough...

Plus Cambridge and Huntingdon...

Ok, ok, ok... The whole of London goes into the pub...

I say London, it could be New York...

Ok, Deli...

Maybe Luxembourg, it's only a toddler after all...

So Luxembourg... Plus Switzerland... Plus France and Germany go into a pub...

Why be elitist... The whole of Western Europe...

Plus Asia...

Plus America...

Ok... The entire population of the Earth goes into the pub.

The First guy gets the bar and says "I'll get the first round in."

What an idiot.

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Mark wrote:
Monday, March 06, 2006 06:59

Twelve spheres of unendurable brightness spalled the velvety blackness of space.
The silence on Lester Tourville's flag bridge was absolute
And then the spell was broken as Shannon Foraker looked up from her console from where she had just sent a seemingly innocent command to the main computers of State Security's finest Superdreadnoughts.
"Oops." She said.

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Melam wrote:
Monday, March 06, 2006 23:29
Two prostitues are crossing the street. The first turns to the other and says, "No soap, radio."

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zoid wrote:
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 00:39
Did'ja hear the one about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil...


One woman with a certain hair color notices another woman of the same certain hair color walking on the opposite river bank from herself. She yells, "Hey! How can I get to the other side?"

The other woman replies, "Duh! You're already on the other side!"

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