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Originally posted by citizen:
River:
Erm, hmm, not sure how too put it, got things to say, not many words too say them.

I see you doubting your humanity is that right? If so I wouldn't, you had some kind words for me in that post, and after, as you say, I made you cry, so that should say volumes for your true nature, nes pas?

If you're worried about things, if you're apprehensive about your life or whatever I'd suggest talking to someone. Often that's a therapist because we all like to hide things from those closest to us, but it needn't be. Anyone whom you can rant and rave at, if necessary, who will not hold that against you is fine. Doing it on line can help, but it's no substitute due to the impersonal nature of the web. Talking face to face with someone can be therapeutic, a great help. Not necessarily drugs or a life time of exposing your 'inner child', just griping about that twat that cut you up at the junction or whatever can help a lot.

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More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
You should never give powers to a leader you like that you’d hate to have given to a leader you fear

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Originally posted by kpo:
Hey River,

I guess most people get there emotional stability from their families - it's an easy and natural way for human beings to live out their need to love and be loved.

It occured to me reading zoid's post, and then his little anonymous quote at the bottom; "You are sufficient for the world from the day you are born, and it for you." that some people through unfortunate circumstances are deprived of the kind of things (like family) that make life 'sufficient' for us. Most of us get our security from our family - a sense of identity and a guarantee of unconditional love when the rest of the world screws us over. It also teaches us to go out into the rest of the world and learn to love other people without fear.

I think that a lot of your problems stem from the absence of this in your childhood. I don't know what happened to you 6 years ago (and unfortunately yes, some people in this world can be really good at inflicting misery on others) but I think you are suffering now for not having the safety net of a loving family back then, to help you keep faith in love and humanity. Maybe i'm reading too much into things, i don't know.

Anyway, I think you need love and companionship in your life - as far as I'm aware we're all made for it, and women more than men.

From what you've described of your life this may not be easy - you probably have a reputation for being a bitch amongst the people at work whom you have most human interaction with, which will be akward to get over. Plus you have a self confessed lack of social skills (me too, btw) which will make acquiring friends difficult. Maybe you could do ok in the dating scene, but I dunno. You'd need to acquire a sex drive I think.

So, considering all this I came to one final idea about what you should do, and that is adopt a child. Do you like children? I worry for the child a little bit, but you say you're a 'nice' person so I don't see why there wouldn't be a mother in you. You might just find that the child would open up a part of you and make you feel (more?) complete. All children are selfish, which I know you hate, but you can be sure they're not wolves in sheep's clothing. And you could certainly give the little guy a good home.

What do you think? If you aren't sure you're ready for a child you could start with a dog or something. Do you like dogs? Everyone likes dogs I know it's a cliche; the cute little puppy dog melting the heart of the cold ice woman who doesn't know how to love, but I don't know, it could work.

I guess till now I have been a bit negative disagreeing with Zoid's optimistic quote and generally ruling you out of a lot of the warmth of human interaction that most of the rest of us enjoy. But I do think you have the potential for all that stuff - Your strong willed and smart and funny and I've enjoyed interacting with you on these message boards as have many others i believe.

So, down the road (unless Hollywood has lied to me), you could find that your relationship with the baby/pet has opened your heart up to other aspects of human love such as friendship and romance.

Anyway I better end here. I hope I've been of help, but I realise my advice is based quite a lot on assumptions about your life so it may be quite daft in which case laugh at it and disregard.

Either way good luck working your life out River

kpo

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Originally posted by dc4bs:

Hi River6213,

To steal a few phrases from a great writer we all know cause he said it better in just a few words than I ever could no matter how many of my own words I might use.


I'm only gonna say this once.
You're on our crew.
Why are we still talkin' bout this?

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dc4bs

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Originally posted by minime:
I don't have anything very profound to say, but I wanted to vote with the 'it's a good idea to talk to a therapist' people.

I'm glad that you're recognising the possibility of love (and presumably, other good things in life)... and not just seeing possibility, but saying that's something that you might want. Good for you.

I am concerned about you - we wouldn't be responding to your posts if we weren't... all I want to say is, if you are feeling self-destructive, you need to talk to someone. Straight away. As in, before you act. I don't know how things work in the US (are you living in the US? I shouldn't assume) - in Australia, anyway, there are 24-hour emergency numbers if you're feeling crappy and need to talk about stuff straight away. (I don't want to 'medical-ise' you or the stuff you're going through, but an emergency room is better than doing something you'll regret. Not pushing pills, or saying you're insane, just - stay safe. You gotta stay safe to get through it all.)

All the best. Never easy confronting your demons. But, you know, eventually worth it.

Feel free to ignore anything I've just said. Except this: hoping you'll find that person in yourself who can love.

Minime

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Originally posted by SpacemanSpiff:
River6213,

You mention in your first post that you are good at science...are you a scientist? I am, an astronomer, and I know first hand that working in a laboratory or academic atmosphere is not the best place for human contact.

Regardless, I'm sorry you feel bad. I do think that talking to someone, anyone you can trust, is a good idea. Odd as it may seem, you can trust therapists, as they are paid to listen, and can't divulge anything you say to others. Also, people you will probably never meet (like us) work too...anonymity can be liberating.

Good luck. And remember that almost everyone here can probably relate to you in some way.

Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?

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I jettisoned all my friends long ago...I am alone and it’s my fault, but it was the only way...the only way too be safe so I thought, and now I am seeing the grim side to isolation.

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Originally posted by Kwicko:

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I jettisoned all my friends long ago...I am alone and it’s my fault, but it was the only way...the only way too be safe so I thought, and now I am seeing the grim side to isolation.

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Maybe you jettisoned your friends, but that doesn't mean they reciprocated. Your TRUE friends are always going to be there, for the bad times as well as the good. As long as you're alive and they're alive, you've still got time and a chance to reconnect to them.

I say this from experience. I've "checked out" before myself, mentally speaking, and distanced myself from friends and family. I seemed to go about my day-to-day existence, but inside, I didn't really feel like I was there, or that I belonged anywhere. I went far, FAAAAARRRR down into an ugly place, and that's where I needed to be at the time, I guess. It's a strange thing - when you're "losing your mind", people tend to think it means you don't realize what's going on around you or with you. That's not been my experience; for me, I was *acutely* aware that there was a problem, but unable to do anything about it. You (the general "you", not the specific you) WANT help, you WANT someone to notice or figure it out, but at the same time, you withdraw and hide it even deeper.

Oddly, what seemed to kick me in the head and start bringing me back out of my funk was the death of my best friend. He killed himself a week before our birthdays (they're 4 days apart, and we usually got together for a night on the town to celebrate). I'd been depressed for a while, and this one stupid action on his part both broke my heart and kicked me in the ass and got me thinking. He felt like he didn't make any difference in this world, but he did. Now, every day, and for the rest of my life, I don't have my best friend, and his mom doesn't have her son. People don't think they matter, but in truth, they're all that DOES matter. All the rest of it is just *stuff*.

Get better, River. Talk to someone. That's probably the best thing that shrinks are good for; they give you someone to just unload on, and they're paid to be non-judgmental about it, to listen, and to offer any help they can. They can be the best people to talk to, if only because the nature of the relationship is already spelled out: you pay them, they listen.

Keep us posted, and join us in the galley for some strawberries and brownies...

Mike

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Originally posted by aussay:
Well the only advice I can give is that if you think you are going crazy, you're not.

Crazy people don't think they're going crazy, they think they're getting more and more sane

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/

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Originally posted by aztechrome:
I'm not trying to be pat. Been watching this thread tonite.

Lost my best friend in 2001. We were up playing DOA 2 the night before. I beat him, but he had a good streak at the end. He was already gone when I saw him the next day.
He was a stageworker. He was making some special effects. He knew what he was doing. He was 75 ft from the rocket. A piece of metal bounced off a rib and severed his aeorta. He died virtually instantly.

They planted a tree. I sat there with all the posers wondering what was happening to my best friend. Literally thousands came. It filled a park; So beloved was this young man. I felt nothing.

I don't want a tree. I want my friend back! You're right about that. It's been almost 5 years, and I'll tell ya, it's still rough. I never visit that tree. Don't know that i ever will.

Crap. I didn't mean to get that serious. But this thread seems to have struck a nerve with maybe more than just River.

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Originally posted by RiveR6213:

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Originally posted by aussay:
Well the only advice I can give is that if you think you are going crazy, you're not.

Crazy people don't think they're going crazy, they think they're getting more and more sane

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/]

Boy?

I'm a woman you creepoid!
Though, I'm not like any woman I've ever met. I don't get along with women...I like or LIKED hanging out with guys in the past. They are more interesting, and they always had something to teach me.

River



When the days done gone gray, nothings wrong with Molly's smile...

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"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck" is part of my sig (Jayne says it in Jaynestown) so that boy was not directed at you.

BTW girls who dont gt along with other girls is very common.

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/

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Originally posted by aussay:

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Originally posted by RiveR6213:

Quote:

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Originally posted by aussay:
Well the only advice I can give is that if you think you are going crazy, you're not.

Crazy people don't think they're going crazy, they think they're getting more and more sane

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/]

Boy?

I'm a woman you creepoid!
Though, I'm not like any woman I've ever met. I don't get along with women...I like or LIKED hanging out with guys in the past. They are more interesting, and they always had something to teach me.

River



When the days done gone gray, nothings wrong with Molly's smile...

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"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck" is part of my sig (Jayne says it in Jaynestown) so that boy was not directed at you.

BTW girls who dont gt along with other girls is very common.

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/

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Oops! sorry!

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Originally posted by RiveR6213:

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Originally posted by aussay:

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Originally posted by RiveR6213:

Quote:

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Originally posted by aussay:
Well the only advice I can give is that if you think you are going crazy, you're not.

Crazy people don't think they're going crazy, they think they're getting more and more sane

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/]

Boy?

I'm a woman you creepoid!
Though, I'm not like any woman I've ever met. I don't get along with women...I like or LIKED hanging out with guys in the past. They are more interesting, and they always had something to teach me.

River



When the days done gone gray, nothings wrong with Molly's smile...

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"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck" is part of my sig (Jayne says it in Jaynestown) so that boy was not directed at you.

BTW girls who dont gt along with other girls is very common.

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/]



Oops! sorry!

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no worries!

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/

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That's important. Why is it that we can't see the value of those special people when they are alive? Why do we only see it after they are dead...what's that all about?????????

River

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Originally posted by singate:
River6213,

I've gone through the entire thread and thought I should weigh in again. It sounds like you are going to get therapy. If you go through with it please, please don't let one of these folks turn into a soulless zombie, or bot to use your term.

The post you put up about wanting to get in touch with that girl inside you made me think back to a conversation I once had with a girl I used to work with. It went something like this:

Co-worker: "You really should be nicer to people."
Me: "I was nicer when I was younger but too many people screwed me over so that little boy had to go away."



Co-worker: "I think he needs to come back."
Me: "No, that one is never coming back."

And he hasn't. Oh I suspect he's still lurking in some dark corner but I really don't have any use for him.

So if you think you need to reconnect with the little girl inside you I say go for it. But if you find yourself unable to make it happen I think you will be strong enough to survive.

Do you remeber that

_________________________________________________

We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

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Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Why is it that we can't see the value of those special people when they are alive? Why do we only see it after they are dead...what's that all about?????????

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...I've been abusing drink big time for the past 6 months... more than I have in the past and it isnt making things better...matter of fact, it makes things rather foggy, which means its another thing in my life that have to go...

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Originally posted by minime:
River?
River?

How you doing?

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Originally posted by RiveR6213:
but here is the good news for all of you who dislike me with a passion. It’s difficult to concentrate, so I won’t be posting very much because I seem to drift off into my own thoughts when I write.

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