Quote:

---

Originally posted by chrisisall:
So you like Cameron's stuff, cool.
Now do what I said and get Dark Angel (Cameron co-wrote the series pilot, and directed the final ep of the second, and final season). I'll bet you the price of the set that you'll like it.

I don't know if you can sense it, but compared to the posts before you accidently shot yourself(!), you sound SO much better.
Thank the Lords of Kobol .

Pssst: Don't talk to Citizen, he's a REAL looney tune. Plus he doesn't even know his partially hydrogenated oil-filled peanut butters!

Chrisisall, happy you're back

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by vaughn28:
River,

Your original question and most of what you have posted on this thread has been in my mind all day. I feel for you and all you are going through.

I'm nobody you know, but I do care for you.

You said somewhere in this thread that most people have kids and spouses, etc. that they live for. In a way, yes, that is why I get up each morning and live my day.

But also I honestly believe that I have a purpose. I know it sounds cheesy, but my purpose is to touch as many lives as I can and do as much good for others as is possible.

Yeah, it's cheesy. What's not cheesy is that it is MY purpose, one I chose, one I created and define each and every day. I get up each and every day and refuse to put a bullet in my brain because this life is MINE.

Action is the antidote to despair. If there is something you don't like in your life, CHANGE IT! Each and every one of us has the power to make our lives what we want it to be.

What do you have to lose? Obviously you are not worried about losing your life, so go for it! Take the risk, make the leap, do something radical. It is YOUR life. You can do what you want with it.

Oh, and buy a dog. Or a cat. Maybe a ferret. Get something cute and fuzzy that will just love you for you. It's cheesy, I know, but you said it yourself, most people get up each day to go take care of someone else.

There is a reason why you missed your head. It may take you ten years to find it out, but it's there.

And the world needs more vocal people out there to rattle everyone else's cages. We need you.

Yours truly no one you know,
vaughn

P.S. I'm a Jiff Mom

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RiveR6213:

Browncoat1,

Thanks for that!

My moods are shifting faster than I can keep up! I'm in a depressive cycle right now. This morning I was feeling a little hopeful. Anyway thanks for saying all of that...it does help me focus, and its something I DO need to hear right now. I wish my suicide had been successful, but it wasn’t, and I have to live with that. I'm not going to try that again, so that leaves me with the option of living until some natural cause takes me down, or I get hit by a car driven by some thoughtless person who's talking on a cell phone and didn’t see me crossing the street but until then...here I am.

A fresh start? I'm not even sure where to begin, but I know I can't live my life the way that I've been living it for the past 6 years. It’s such a cold life, a lonely life devoid of anything warm. It’s such a mechanical life empty of love, laughter, friendship, fun, silliness, and hope. I have to remind myself that I created this life, and I created it so I could be safe, but I don't feel safe. I created a gilded cage and here I sit in the middle of it. Mission accomplished.

I have to find a way to really want to be here. Not a fake-it-until-you-make-it scenario, which brings me to the point of the subject of my original post called: I don’t care what you believe, just believe! I knew that there would come a day that I was so miserable and so unhappy that I would do just about anything to bring a measure of peace in my life, and here it is! I used to be a Christian a long time ago. I was a Christian because that family that rescued me instilled that in me. They were so nice and they prayed all the time, so I did too. Later in life when I was busy carving out my empire, I dropped the whole Christianity bit because I viewed it as lacking, and then I started to believe that, and then I became totally anti-Christian later on because it made me feel superior. And look at the result. I’m alone, I was suicidal. I lost faith in everything including myself. I started drinking heavily. I started viewing humans in general as a waste of time, and I had contempt for the entire world and wanted it to be destroyed. This is the state of mind of someone that is not connected, or balanced in any way. I guess my point is, that out of self-preservation, I’m considering prayer to save what’s left of my state of mind…it’s my only hope I think.

Anyway, I'm thankful that you guys are talking to me about all of this...helping me sort it out, helping me get some balance, and offering possible options. I am very grateful.

River

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RiveR6213:


You will be happy to know that I just ordered all of the Dark Angels DVDs.

P.S. Citizen's gonna kick your for saying that!

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by reaverman:
Hey, River! Sorry it took me so long to get back to this thread. I'm glad that your still kickin'!

You're welcome on my boat. God ain't.

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by BrownCoat1:

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RiveR6213:

Browncoat1,

Thanks for that!

My moods are shifting faster than I can keep up! I'm in a depressive cycle right now. This morning I was feeling a little hopeful. Anyway thanks for saying all of that...it does help me focus, and its something I DO need to hear right now. I wish my suicide had been successful, but it wasn’t, and I have to live with that. I'm not going to try that again, so that leaves me with the option of living until some natural cause takes me down, or I get hit by a car driven by some thoughtless person who's talking on a cell phone and didn’t see me crossing the street but until then...here I am.

A fresh start? I'm not even sure where to begin, but I know I can't live my life the way that I've been living it for the past 6 years. It’s such a cold life, a lonely life devoid of anything warm. It’s such a mechanical life empty of love, laughter, friendship, fun, silliness, and hope. I have to remind myself that I created this life, and I created it so I could be safe, but I don't feel safe. I created a gilded cage and here I sit in the middle of it. Mission accomplished.

I have to find a way to really want to be here. Not a fake-it-until-you-make-it scenario, which brings me to the point of the subject of my original post called: I don’t care what you believe, just believe! I knew that there would come a day that I was so miserable and so unhappy that I would do just about anything to bring a measure of peace in my life, and here it is! I used to be a Christian a long time ago. I was a Christian because that family that rescued me instilled that in me. They were so nice and they prayed all the time, so I did too. Later in life when I was busy carving out my empire, I dropped the whole Christianity bit because I viewed it as lacking, and then I started to believe that, and then I became totally anti-Christian later on because it made me feel superior. And look at the result. I’m alone, I was suicidal. I lost faith in everything including myself. I started drinking heavily. I started viewing humans in general as a waste of time, and I had contempt for the entire world and wanted it to be destroyed. This is the state of mind of someone that is not connected, or balanced in any way. I guess my point is, that out of self-preservation, I’m considering prayer to save what’s left of my state of mind…it’s my only hope I think.

Anyway, I'm thankful that you guys are talking to me about all of this...helping me sort it out, helping me get some balance, and offering possible options. I am very grateful.

River

---

Well, that is the first step River, the attempt was not successful & is behind you now. Now you have to focus on getting your life in order and making it one that is positive, enjoyable & one worth living. Having positive and caring people in your life will help you to put the pieces back together.

Yep, a fresh start. Not many people are lucky enough to get one of those. A cold life without love, emotion, joy, friends or family is not really a life but merely existing. Life is meant to be lived, not just an automatic function like breathing. Just as you created the life that lead you to want to end it, you can reshape your life now to make it one that fills you with happiness and love.

Just believe. We all need belief. Belief in something greater than ourselves. Some find it in religion, some in family, some in one cause or another, but the fact is they find something to believe in. I'm not saying religion is what you need River, it could be that it is. I am not a religious person, but I respect others for their beliefs. Perhaps you should talk to some of the Christian browncoats here on the board & take it slow. It could be that the power of prayer will help to heal you and get you on the right path to rebuilding your life. Just believe. That is where it starts.

You are already part of the way there. You know you need something in your life. You just need to determine what it is you want. You have made a good start by confiding in people here. You have friends and that is no small thing. No one can go through life alone. We all need other people around us to help us along the path, a shoulder to lean on when things get tough. We're here for you River. If you ever need someone to lean on, or to carry you for awhile. Just ask.

Keep flyin'!

__________________________________________

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."

Richmond, VA & surrounding area Firefly Fans:

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/richmondbrowncoats/

http://www.richmondbrowncoats.org

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Six:
“Deep down inside, she knows she’s a Cylon, but her conscious mind won’t accept it”

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by singate:

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Six:
“Deep down inside, she knows she’s a Cylon, but her conscious mind won’t accept it”

---

Why do I get the feeling you are relating to this in some way?

_________________________________________________

We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

---

Quote:

---

This thread is about the normal, rational people of life, and what they do to survive day to day life.

---

Quote:

---

...there was this episode where this lady who flew one of those Raptor fighters, suspected that she was a Cylon and tried to kill herself. I related to her confusion as SIX was explaining to Baltar what she was going through.

Anyway, I felt very sorry for that girl on BSG.

River

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by jmb9039:

Quote:

---

This thread is about the normal, rational people of life, and what they do to survive day to day life.

---

I find it interesting that you exclude all Christians from the "normal, rational people." Since Christians are in the majority, I find it funny that you wouldn't consider them "normal". And to consider them irrational? Well, we all have faith in something and categorzing a whole group like that is a little ridiculous. I'm not a zealot, nor are most, but your prejudice seems a little arrogant.

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RiveR6213:

Quote:

---

Originally posted by jmb9039:

Quote:

---

This thread is about the normal, rational people of life, and what they do to survive day to day life.

---

I find it interesting that you exclude all Christians from the "normal, rational people." Since Christians are in the majority, I find it funny that you wouldn't consider them "normal". And to consider them irrational? Well, we all have faith in something and categorzing a whole group like that is a little ridiculous. I'm not a zealot, nor are most, but your prejudice seems a little arrogant.

---

At this point I don't even know HOW to respond too that. Anyway. Arrogant? yes, I am very arrogant.

River

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by windie:
Well I have just spent about an hour reading this thread and to be honest I would normally have just walked on by. Not to sure why I stopped to be honest and at the moment, I am thinking about reading it again.

It will probably take me an hour to reply as I do not provide input often. I like to read and ingest other peoples thoughts be they trivial or mountain mover's.

I can only say that I get up each day because I am a nosey sod, I just love to know what is going on. Not with people so much as machines, I like to know how and why things work.

I can relate to pain but I never let it beat me. So will not go into that here.

I don't generally like people to be honest, I tend to wait until I have gotten to know them although sometimes I don't even bother to do that. I tend to alienate people because I generally say what I think and be damned, I don't think I will be on this planet that long and I haven't the time to Pi$$ away worrying about what anyone thinks about me or my own. If I make a friend it is usually for life, I say usually as now and again people manage to sneak in under the radar.

But the reason for the quick responce, quick to read a long time to write (trust me), is I'm glad your still on this planet. It takes some doing for me to bother to respond to a thread, so I just want to say thank you River for starting the thread and to the many people that have bothered to respond.

Well I think I will read it again, I think it's worth the hour. Maybe post again enjoy what you have and remember it's not all about personal wealth but I can only presume it helps.


Why have they taken the sky from ME

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RiveR6213:

Ms Woman is afraid of the big bad world. She’s a machine no more. She has no protection….

---