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Originally posted by SameErtia:
I believe in soul-mates.
But I also believe that we are not always destined to be together in any particular lifetime, that as souls working our way up the enlightenment ladder we often have to be apart to learn the lessons presented to us.
I try not to spend my life wondering when I will find the person to complete me, and focus instead on being complete as I am. Does that make any sense?

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Originally posted by lysander:
Besides, sometimes guys don't get the whole hinting thing.

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Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Things that annoy me about men? They (generally) are not in touch with how they feel or why. Either that or refuse to say anything about it. I hate that. I like to know what's going on. I like to have reasons for behavior, be it good or bad. Most times if I ask "Well, but why do you feel this way?" I don't get an answer, I get an "I dunno." which really frustrates me. Seriously. I could rant about it for pages, so I'll just stop here.

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Originally posted by nuclearday:

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Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Things that annoy me about men? They (generally) are not in touch with how they feel or why. Either that or refuse to say anything about it. I hate that. I like to know what's going on. I like to have reasons for behavior, be it good or bad. Most times if I ask "Well, but why do you feel this way?" I don't get an answer, I get an "I dunno." which really frustrates me. Seriously. I could rant about it for pages, so I'll just stop here.

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LOL, and that's usually one of the things that bug me about women :P Always wanting to know how we're feeling...

To be perfectly honest, half the time I myself don't know exactly how I feel about alot of things, much less why

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Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
That figures. So then let me ask you this: If you break up with someone, abruptly and without warning, stomp a heart under your heel, do you have a reason for that or do you honestly "don't know"? Because if that's the case I don't think I ever, ever want to date a man again.
Sorry, I'm a little bitter here. This just happened to me, so yeah. Seriously, though, give me an honest answer, I'd like to know.

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Originally posted by nuclearday:

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Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
That figures. So then let me ask you this: If you break up with someone, abruptly and without warning, stomp a heart under your heel, do you have a reason for that or do you honestly "don't know"? Because if that's the case I don't think I ever, ever want to date a man again.
Sorry, I'm a little bitter here. This just happened to me, so yeah. Seriously, though, give me an honest answer, I'd like to know.

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Ah, frell, you got me there... Actually, yes, I hate to say I've done that before.

Terribly long story about the how and why, etc... Looking back, not too proud of that time for a variety of reasons. Really, it wasn't so much about the relationship, or her, but a bunch of crap I was going through at the time. "It's not you, it's me!" :)

Now that I've "grown up" a bit more, it really bugs me seeing guys treat their girls like that. I may have trouble articulating where our relationship is going, or just how I feel about it. But if I'm with someone, it's 'cause that's where I want to be.

I've since learned that it's about respect. If I'm with someone, I owe it to her to let her know if I think it's not working out. There's a fine line between just plain confused and conflicted, and holding back what needs to be said.

(BTW, with me, most of the conflict is usually based on fear. The whole commitment-phobia thing, for one. Letting people "in.") Not generally so much about whether I should leave a relationship, but more along the lines of: "Oh, , what the frell do I do now?" sort of thing :)

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You can take my hope when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)

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Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Things that annoy me about men? They (generally) are not in touch with how they feel or why.

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Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
if you're just confused or have a lot of go se happening, why can't you just say so? Why can't you ask for help getting through it from someone who is supposed to be your partner? I'm sorry, but that just seems very... well, dumb. I like having people in my life I can turn to; I would never push someone away for reasons that had nothing to do with them. Really, it seems dumb. Does the male brain work differently here? Is there any reason for it? Really, this is helpful. Be honest with me, men!

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I do know men who are a)very in touch with their emotions, b)they are sensitive to the emotions of others and c)very open about expressing their feelings... Know what..those men are d)gay

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Originally posted by ncbrowncoat:
Talk about bitterness. I didn't even get the "it's me, not you." speech, just divorce papers appearing at my Mom's house 3 days after I had come to visit for a few weeks. The divorce paperwork had to have been done before I left town and he didn't have the courage to even mention it me before I left. Found out later that he had been seeing someone for months and they married as soon as the divorce was final.

We still don't talk at all and he hasn't seen his daughter (his choice) in years and has really hurt my daughter.

I have no respect for what he did and looking back it's made me a bit committment phobic. It's a wonder I even trust men at all now.

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Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
So, where was I? Ah, yes, the cave. I understand there is a cave. I respected the cave. However when a man goes into his cave for two weeks and doesn't even quite come out of it to tel you he's dumping you, that's a little unreasonable to me.

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Originally posted by nuclearday:
For what little consolation it may be worth: he likely didn't deserve you anyways, and if he couldn't come clean with you it doesn't sound like there was much hope for the relationship anyways.

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One last thing on the subject of opening up to your partner. Something I thought of last night was the whole macho factor. I think I'm a fairly sensitive guy, so far as guys go (cry at movies, and the like.) But it still comes into play. It's the same reason we don't like to stop for directions. We're the ones who are supposed to be supporting everyone else. If we let that guard down, we lose our machismo. Years of phsycological reinforcement don't make that sort of thing easy to deal with. Hard to be the big, tough guy when you're admitting a weakness...

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Originally posted by SimonWho:
I think part of him treating the whole 2 years like it didn't happen is men have trouble remembering how they used to feel. After the loving feeling goes, they tend to be very "I was in love with her? Why?"

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Originally posted by nuclearday:

Far as this guy who up and dumped you with no stated reason (and just reiterating that there's really no good justification for that short of being a secret agent or something...) Seems like if there was any chance of saving the relationship, it would have had to come from his end. Doesn't sound to me like there was really very much you could have done, or even that you were doing anything wrong.

Back to the "cave" metaphor: Sure, it's a source of conflict at times. But I can hardly fault a girl for caring about what's going on in my head.

Side effect, of course, of bottling up all those tricky emotions: Maybe on the surface everything seemed fine. But I'd bet he was having doubts about the relationship for some time and just not coming clean about it. In my case, that was what happened. We'd actually broken up a couple times before it all totally fell apart. A part of me wanted to make it work, still, and thought that if I acted like everything was hunky-dory for long enough that it would become so. Obviously, that's a pretty wrong way to look at things though :P

If that was the case, though, I'd call that "irreconcilable differences" certainly.

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Originally posted by Tristan:

PhoenixRose, I would like to find whoever it was that hurt you and toss them into an engine. Slowly (although I am not sure that is possible...I think you get my intent).

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Now, to address some of your posts:
Chemistry...how do you define this? As a male, when I see chemistry, it usually relates to pheromones, hormones, and those happy little fireworks that go off in your brain. And, yes, sexual compatibility. It is also a highly visibile indicator that two people are together for a reason. The whole "love bird" thing, I guess you could say. Chemistry is wonderful, but sadly, it can fade away.

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I am not really sure if there are many people out there that wanted a relationship to end if they did not end it themselves.

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But, if you know for certain that a relationship will no longer work, no matter how hard you try to "fix" it, would you still want to try?

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Generally, the person being broken up with thinks they are doing something wrong, and that they can repair any damage done. This is, unfortunately, not always the case. The one doing the breaking has reached a point where they can no longer tolerate the relationship, and the only alternative is to escape. Fight or flight reaction, ingrained in the caveman.

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But yes, males who are on the receiving end feel the same way; "what could I have done to keep her", or "what did I do to lose her"? Well, I am that way; again I can't speak for all males.

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Originally posted by Tristan:
PhoenixRose, no problem at all! Thank you for your responses as well. I am sorry that you were hurt and that your trust in males has suffered. There are those of us out here who do not think like "typical" males, and we cringe every time one of us does something stupid and enrages a female against out entire sex. So, we go out into the world, and try to spread tolerance and understanding in the wake of the idiots. We also have a secret society that tracks down the worse transgressors and eliminate them from the gene pool.

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Alright, let's see if we can lighten things up a little, bring some smiles instead of anger...

On the subject of perfume and colonge...when is it too much? Also, is there a favorite scent anyone finds completely irresistible on the opposite sex?

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