So Joss' car breaks down outside your house..... by TheSomnambulist

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

So Joss' car breaks down outside your house.....

POSTED BY: THESOMNAMBULIST
UPDATED: Thursday, May 25, 2006 09:48
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 10430
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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:24 AM

...That's right and he knocks at your door, french windows, cat flap, whatever and asks to use your phone to call roadside assistance.

He does, and they tell him he has a 2-3 hour wait! Ho hum... What to do?

Me, I'd set-up the scalextrics and offer him a race... and because I'm part English a cuppa!

What would y'all do ?

The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:35 AM

MIRAMEL

well, first i'd call my two best friends. then i would start working on being friends w/ someone who has access to airplanes capable of tricky dive-and-snatch manouvers. then we'd work on getting teh other 9, a camera and makeup and whatever else crew, and then we'd storm fox to recover whatever props would still be salvigable. surely you see where this is going :P

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:38 AM

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

very obvious

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:41 AM

VINTERDRAKEN

First off, I would offer him something to drink, and ask if hes hungry. Then ide probebly just hang a while and try to have a bit of conversation. Then ide ask him if he knew a good way to get into the movie buisness. Then I would sprinkle my conversation with a few questions about certain things about firefly. And last but not least, ask if I got take a picture of him and me since no one would believe me that he was there otherwise.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:41 AM

VINTERDRAKEN

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:41 AM

VINTERDRAKEN

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:41 AM

VINTERDRAKEN

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:41 AM

VINTERDRAKEN

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:41 AM

VINTERDRAKEN

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:48 AM

CITIZEN

I'd distract him while my cousin cletus sharpens the axe...

More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall'." -- Eleanor Roosevelt.

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:49 AM

RMMC

I'd offer him refreshments. If he was in a big hurry, I'd offer to drive him to his destination myself. otherwise...I'd probably be an awful fan-girl and tell him how much I've loved his shows, especially the BDS, and that I miss there not being any shows by him on the air, and ask did he really have to kill both Book and Wash, and possibly run out of air at this time due to my asthma.

Then again, I may be a worse fan-girl and just sit and stare st him, too in awe to speak.

*****
RMMC

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 12:20 PM

AGATSU

Joss who?

BROWNCOATS UNITE!

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 12:36 PM

BREXAN

As much as I like to think that I'd be all calm, collected, and non-geek like (I hear about people at conventions and such and often think "what dweebs, I'd never be like that!"), I'd probably be a fumbling baffoon.

I'd offer him the use of ma phone to call whoever, offer him a drink and so forth while making some general conversation "what are you going over here" etc.

Before long I'd no doubt have confessed my undyling love for Firefly/Serenity, make a fuss about how p****d off I am that it was cancelled, and in no uncertain terms *beg* him to bring it back. Mainly I'd just as him if he thought that another movie/series was in anyway possible - to give myself some hope - then move on to talking about other stuff.

-Brexan
"Also, I can kill you with my brain"

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 1:04 PM

GRIZWALD

I'd make him babysit for a couple of hours while I got some housework done.

____________________________________________________
They could not take the sky from them -
Our Big Damn Heroes made a film!
I'm gonna see Serenity then
go back the next morning and see it again.
Cuz no one at Fox knew this show had no equal
C'mon Universal, and greenlight the sequel!

Click on my profile for my Annoyingly Long List of Firefly Links.

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 1:19 PM

BREXAN

Quote:
Originally posted by Grizwald:
I'd make him babysit for a couple of hours while I got some housework done.

Haha! Nice idea!

-Brexan
"Also, I can kill you with my brain"

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 1:31 PM

DEWRASTLER

I'd force him to tell me whats up with Book's past by writing a full seasons worth of episodes for me to read, and I know this would take way more than 2-3 hours but I'm still working on that detail.

_________________________________
One day.
One plan.
One army of Browncoats.

On June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.
http://www.serenityday.org/
http://forum.serenityday.org/

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 1:35 PM

AGATSU

I knew this would go Misery sooner or later.

BROWNCOATS UNITE!

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 4:30 PM

SOULQUAKE

I'd like to think that I'd talk.. calmly, to him. But in reality, my husband would get to have the conversation XD I'd just sit in listen to two creative minds :)

---
"Sun came out, and I walked on my feet and heard with my ears. I ate the bits, the bits stayed down, and I work. I function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away."

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 4:50 PM

HERA

Last time someone showed up at my door with roadside assistance issues (they were locked out of their house), we watched Serenity while waiting for the locksmith.

So, huh. With Joss? I'd offer fresh ground coffee, and we'd play that game where you make up definitions for words (I have a dictionary with an 8-inch spine), and the other player has to decide if it's a real definition or no.

-Hera

"Wanna?" – Mal to Kaylee, Out of Gas

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 5:22 PM

FLORALBUNNY

I'd make sure he was comfortable, not hungry or thirsty, and then I'd sit him down in front of the DVD player and have him tape commentaries for the Eps. which are lacking those.

If he had Nathan with him -------- I'd exert iron control over myself and have *both* of them do commentary while I kept busy with refreshments.

Then I'd take a couple of photos, collect autograph(s) and, as the tow-truck pulled up, give one/both a smooch on the cheek.

Then run here to tell you all about it.

In my dreams.

bun
~6/23~Serenity/Firefly Summer~9/30~
----- why's the rum gone? 7706 -----

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Sunday, May 21, 2006 8:49 PM

CAB1729

*shrug* I'd offer him a ride. I doubt he'd be driving more than a few miles around here anyway. If he wanted to wait, I'd offer to buy him dinner/lunch/whatever in Royal Oak which is trendy but non-stuck-uppy like

Birmingham.

___________________________________________
Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace?
Calvin: Too few role models.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 1:05 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Honestly, after I blurted out "Omigodyou'rejosswhedonthisissocool!" I'd ask him if he was lost. I live in suburbia, on a street that doesn't really lead anywhere except more suburbia, so I would wonder what the heck he was doing here. I have no idea where it would go from there, but I would certainly try to get my box set signed at some point. And ask a lot of questions about Firefly that he would probably claim he couldn't answer at this point in time.

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 1:56 AM

JAYNESAGIRLSNAME

well first i would make friend with him and then try and get him to tell me who will play the part of Wonder Woman and he would probly say Mischa Barton thats why thay killed her of the OC.

The end is neigh leavers 2006
I Must Be Dreaming

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Monday, May 22, 2006 2:14 AM

CALHOUN

I'd be sittin on the rockin chair on the porch with the double barrle shotgun resting on my knee as he approached i'd say menacingly "you just keep right on walking Whedon"

Muahahhaha.. as if!

Most probably i'd go all goofy and geeky and make an ass of myself somehow....

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Monday, May 22, 2006 2:25 AM

SCORPIONREGENT

I have fixed cars for a living so I would probably get my tools and fix his car, granted he would trust a complete stranger to do so. This with the understanding that the problem wouldn't take more that two or three hours to fix and required no parts. If he wanted to talk shop while I was tinkering that would be cool, otherwise he could hangout in my living room. He'd see Firefly and Serenity in my DVD collection and know he was in home of a browncoat. When I got finished, I would refuse any payment, saying only that it's all taken care of and that I like his work. If the man decides I'm a useful sort and wants to hire me as a PA that would be great, but I wouldn't push it.

Scorpion Regent

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Monday, May 22, 2006 2:33 AM

CHOO1701

Well mainly freak out, give him a cuppa and discuss useless stuff in short, awkward conversation. And proberly piont him in the direction of the car garage down the road...

oh, and be too scared to ask him too sign my Firefly DVD's.....

what iwant to know is what would Joss do if broke down outside his house

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Monday, May 22, 2006 6:20 AM

SAMEERTIA

I'd probably fix his car, then ask him if I can come work on his next project, using the "I'm handy with tools" line.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 7:24 AM

MAL4PREZ

I'd apologize for my long distance not working and cry as he goes to my neighbor's house.

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 8:15 AM

KNIBBLET

I'd do what I could to fix his car (spent 10 years fixin Uncle Sam's jet fighters) and invite him to take his rest in my living room.

My dogs and cats would bug the crap outta him so he'd escape to the relative safety of me working on the car.

I'd tell him that I admire his work and wish him luck in the future. Then, before I sent him off on his merry, I'd beg the favor of signing all my copies of Firefly and Serenity ... and the comics, and the posters. :)

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MN-Firefly/ Big Damn Shindigity Good Time
http://www.fireflytalk.com - Big Damn Podcast

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Monday, May 22, 2006 8:49 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD

I'd probably give him something to drink, with drugs in it of course. Then while he was unconscious, I'd glue a wig on his head.. a red wig, because I have an affection for redheads. I'd also probably put a dress on him, something like the one River was wearing in Jaynestown and Objects in Space.

When he woke up, he'd be tied to a bed, which is very tricky because I don't own one. I'd probably have to murder my neighbors and take over their house, hide their bodies in the closet or something. From that point on, it would be like the book/movie "Misery", except with good ol' Jossy wearing a wig and a dress. And barefoot. He's gotta be barefoot.

I'd make him write out 10 more season of FireFly, and 2 sequels to Serenity. I'd then act out all the roles on a video camera myself, except for the part of River Tam which I would have him play when his ankles were in between being broken (You gotta see the movie "Misery"). There'd of course be totally original dialogue written by me for my own character, Brutus, who gets introduced in season 3 of FireFly.

"I remember back when I was with the 1st and 7th SFG. It seems like centuries ago. We went into a village to inoculate the children there, and when we left, one of the village elders came running up to us. He was crying. He couldn't see. They had come and cut off every inoculated arm and threw them in a pile. A pile of little arms. I wept like some grandmother, I wanted to rip out my teeth... I didn't know what I wanted to do. But then it hit me, like a diamond bullet, and I thought 'my God, the genius of that. The will to do that.'. These men, men who were filled with love, men who had families... moral men who could do that without feeling or emotion because the situation called for it. Trained cadre. If I had ten divisions of men like that, our war would have been over very quickly."

TOTALLY original dialogue. And anybody who wants to argue, just remember: I have more wigs.

So anyways, when I was finished filming, I'd send all the episodes to FOX. And they'd be like, "Wow, this is great stuff." and invite me in for a meeting. At the meeting, I would proceed to cut off the head of every executive I could find, and leave it on the end of a pike. There'd be a big board room full of FOX execs heads sitting on pikes in the arrangement that they usually sit in (now THAT'S comedy). I'd take the bodies home with me, because Jossy would need some sort of sustenance by this time.

After the bomb I planted blew FOX studios off of the map, there would be no legal repercussions to having another network (I'm thinking Sci-Fi, but I'm also open to other options) pick up the show, which they would. Jossy would subsequently be set free after I gave him a bath, which I would be sure to do since he would have no time to bathe while writing the scripts. Stinky Jossy Whedon! I'd scrub him good, all behind the ears and stuff.

After FireFly made it's comeback, me and Jossy would be good friends and laugh about all the times I broke his ankles. It would seem so long ago and so worth it by that time, he's almost HAVE to laugh.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 8:56 AM

SOULQUAKE

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Honestly, after I blurted out "Omigodyou'rejosswhedonthisissocool!" I'd ask him if he was lost. I live in suburbia, on a street that doesn't really lead anywhere except more suburbia, so I would wonder what the heck he was doing here.

Heh, come to think of it, I'd have to ask the same thing. I live on an air force base O_o

---
"Sun came out, and I walked on my feet and heard with my ears. I ate the bits, the bits stayed down, and I work. I function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away."

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Monday, May 22, 2006 1:40 PM

AGATSU

Oh, Chris, I have tears of laughter in my eyes while I'm writing this... hi-larious.

BROWNCOATS UNITE!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 1:46 PM

FIREFLYFOREVERX7

I would litterally attack him talking so fast he wouldn't understand a word I'm saying. I'd probobly start crying out of excitement. Come to think of it this might scare him away...I might just have to set a trap of some sort....

CAROlYN*

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Monday, May 22, 2006 2:07 PM

RIVER6213

I would offer drinks and food to him, and then thank him for Firefly, Serenity,Angel and Buffy, and then I would have unprotected sex with him. I would definitely make him sign my Firefly, DVD box set. I would feed him again then call a tow-truck for his car and a taxi for him, and wave goodbye as he and his car were driven off.

I would of course become pregnant and have his baby, but I would never tell Joss about it, or let him know about it in any way. I would have my own Firefly baby.

That would work for me.

River

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Monday, May 22, 2006 2:42 PM

PEULSAR5

We sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt.

First, make him comfortable (refreshments, etc) then tell him what a big fan I am of his work (I love Buffy and Angel too). Then I would tell him how terrible it was that Fox cancelled Firefly and the WB cancelled Angel. Then, of course, I would call him every name in the book for the plot twists he threw into Buffy and Angel and how it almost drove me insane screaming "DAMN YOU JOSS WHEDON!!!!". Then take him to a nice dinner with some pleasant conversation.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:26 PM

HIXIE129

I would drive him to River's house.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:58 PM

SAVEWASH

Now I am learning about scary.

I'd locate the nearest chicken farm and drive him there so we could admire the chickens together.

"We need to keep our heads so we can ... keep our heads."

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Monday, May 22, 2006 4:11 PM

HERA

Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
I would offer drinks and food to him, and then thank him for Firefly, Serenity,Angel and Buffy, and then I would have unprotected sex with him.

OK. This one wins in my book, dictionary be damned!

"Wanna?" – Mal to Kaylee, Out of Gas

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Monday, May 22, 2006 5:20 PM

ZZETTA13

RIVER6213!!! You should never,ever,ever do that.
You should have sex with him first then get him to sign your FF series box-set

For me I would at first act as though I didn't realize who it was that just knocked on my front door.

Next I would sit him down offer him a drink and a bite to eat while we waited.

After that I would look him strait in the eye and ask "Hey Joss. Are Book and Wash really dead?"

Next I'd tell him the answer better be "NO" or he may be getting a visit from my pet pit-bull "Reaver"

might make for an entertaining evening

Z

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Monday, May 22, 2006 5:56 PM

PHOENIXSHIP

Quote:
Originally posted by Agatsu:
Joss who?
Now that's funny.

"Why're you arguin' what's already been decided?"
Mal to Jayne, "Jaynestown"

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Monday, May 22, 2006 10:46 PM

THESOMNAMBULIST

Quote:
Originally posted by zzetta13:
Next I'd tell him the answer better be "NO" or he may be getting a visit from my pet pit-bull "Reaver"

... Now that's an interesting name for a pet.... Imagine shouting that across a field of walkers, joggers, and general 'out in the park' types.... I think there may be mass panic and hysteria!!! :D

www.cirqus.com

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 12:23 PM

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

I'd fix it for him and send him a bill in the mail:
"Full payment: 2 BDM sequels, Optional payment: 26 installments of Firefly Season Two."

---------------------------------------------
How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 4:45 AM

ANJULIE

Pretend like I wasn't home. He killed Wash. There's a Quick Mart on the corner, hoof it, Angst-boy.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 4:52 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Quote:
Originally posted by anjulie:
Pretend like I wasn't home. He killed Wash. There's a Quick Mart on the corner, hoof it angst-boy.

Oooooooooh, that is harsh!

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 4:53 AM

THESOMNAMBULIST

Quote:
Originally posted by anjulie:
Pretend like I wasn't home. He killed Wash. There's a Quick Mart on the corner, hoof it angst-boy.

that cracked me up!

The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 5:45 AM

BERNADETTE

Gee thanks CHRISMOORHEAD, now my co-workers think I'm crazy, tearing and laughing at the same time.
and I'm suppose to be working

Bernie

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 6:10 AM

ANJULIE

Honestly, I was being nice. I would really throw open the door, bitch slap him for killing Wash, then pretend I wasn't home. ;-)

I have grudge issues.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 6:25 AM

BREXAN

you're saying what we're all thinking :P

-Brexan
"Also, I can kill you with my brain"

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 7:54 AM

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Well first I would ask him what the Hell he was doing in a quiet country lane in the middle of nowhere in the NW of England, that is after I ranted and screamed at him for killing Wash (Damn you Joss!!!). After that, of course, I would be the perfect hostess!
Oh, and also, I would get him to help me with my English coursework, that would show my teacher!!!

I love Wash! Bring back Wash!

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 12:33 PM

LEAINA

Ok, this is going to seem weird. Probably because it is.

I would pretend I didn't know him, the ask him what he does. On the response "I'm a writer", I would 'comiserate' over how hard it is to make a decent living as a writer. Then be horribly shocked and embarrased if he tells me how successful he is.

Here is the reasoning. I once actually did this with Antony Gormley -yes, Angel of the North, hot brit artist- but we really hit it off afterwards, after the crippling embarrasment. It was a really good way to get him talking.

Strange and deceitful, please forgive me.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 12:47 PM

CHRISMOORHEAD

Oh, it's no problem, the crazier everyone else looks, the less I will stand out.

I'm wondering if anyone got my very long reference to Col. Kurtz, though. Anyone? Anyone?

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 1:11 PM

MER

Offer him az drink or bathroom facilities. Then talk about random stuff. *shrugs* What else?

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Thursday, May 25, 2006 9:48 AM

NINGUE

Sadly, I don't think he'd stay long enough to even see if I have a phone... First, I look so much like him it scares even me... then, he'd see how my house is so full of "stuff", it looks like something out of the Adam's Family. Nope. Don't imagine he'd stay too long.
Chris - Col. Kurtz? Kurtz who? You said that was original writing! You bastard! I trusted you...

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