Male and Female Imponderables the Fifth by Tristan

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Male and Female Imponderables the Fifth

POSTED BY: TRISTAN
UPDATED: Sunday, May 28, 2006 01:01
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 15249
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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:17 AM

These posts seem to take on a life all their own! It's good to see so many posting.

Enjoy!

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:33 AM

Seems like I missed the bit about the kissing. I tend to lean to the right for the initial contact, but I do like to switch up a little. Keeps it entertaining, and I love bumping noses

Technique...I generally like the "patred lips" kisses; not the "shove your tongue down the throat", but light little licks and especially nibbles. I am a firm believer that a good session of kissing, without any other "serious" contact, can be as good or better than foreplay. Don't get me wrong, I never say no to foreplay, just sayin' that kissing can be incredibly passionate.

Alright...as I have been missing a few days, I need to get caught up on some other stuff...but I shall return!

Thank you for your patience in starting the new thread.

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:46 AM

Personally I find that kissing is a big part of foreplay, depends alot on what you read into the word though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:46 AM

Personally I find that kissing is a big part of foreplay, depends alot on what you read into the word though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:46 AM

Personally I find that kissing is a big part of foreplay, depends alot on what you read into the word though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:46 AM

Personally I find that kissing is a big part of foreplay, depends alot on what you read into the word though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:46 AM

Personally I find that kissing is a big part of foreplay, depends alot on what you read into the word though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:46 AM

Personally I find that kissing is a big part of foreplay, depends alot on what you read into the word though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 3:49 AM

I definitely lean right. For kissing, not for politics!!

OK, here's my new question for the new thread, even though I have a wicked busy day and may not be bale to check in for a while ....

Where's all the gay people?? I'm wondering about the show's appeal/nonappeal to the queer community, because my two best friends in the world are gay, one man, one woman. And I've tried to get both of them into Firefly - no luck! I feel like they should love the show - of course I do

- but not so.

So I'm just curious, and a few folks on this thread have made sly-ish comments... are there really so few gay people here?

Any thoughts?

m4p

ps - I will comment that I was in no rush to show War Stories to my lesbian friend, (even though she thinks Inara is gorgeous) because that F/F scene seems like it's out to titilliate the boys as much as anything. Judging from Jayne's reaction!! I think one needs to be schooled in Whedonism to see that there's a little more to it. ie it makes fun of Jayne.

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Monday, May 22, 2006 4:29 AM

Have a friend who likes Firefly here in town who is bisexuall, doesnt hang on the forum though. Dont think there are less gay people here then any other group though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 4:29 AM

Have a friend who likes Firefly here in town who is bisexuall, doesnt hang on the forum though. Dont think there are less gay people here then any other group though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 4:29 AM

Have a friend who likes Firefly here in town who is bisexuall, doesnt hang on the forum though. Dont think there are less gay people here then any other group though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 4:29 AM

Have a friend who likes Firefly here in town who is bisexuall, doesnt hang on the forum though. Dont think there are less gay people here then any other group though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 4:29 AM

Have a friend who likes Firefly here in town who is bisexuall, doesnt hang on the forum though. Dont think there are less gay people here then any other group though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 4:29 AM

Have a friend who likes Firefly here in town who is bisexuall, doesnt hang on the forum though. Dont think there are less gay people here then any other group though.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 4:35 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

My son is gay. He is a fan, though not as obsessed as me.

He is graduating this week from High School - so that may be why is focus is else wear.

Both my boys are fans and sport a browncoat shirt!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 7:42 AM

Got a pondering of my own here. How to pick up on those invisible signals? How do you flirt and how do you know how to flirt. Myself Im pretty decent at noticing when other people are interested in each other, but Im about as perceptive as Mal when it comes to noticing when someone Im actually interested in shows an interest. To the flirtatious part of the pondering I can say that I could probebly be called a decently flirty person. I like being nice to people, usually with no intent to actually flirt. When I actually like someone however I try to get close to the person, make her feel comfertable and If possible have alot of physical contact, pretty long procese usually but it tends to work for me. How about you other folks out there?

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 7:42 AM

Got a pondering of my own here. How to pick up on those invisible signals? How do you flirt and how do you know how to flirt. Myself Im pretty decent at noticing when other people are interested in each other, but Im about as perceptive as Mal when it comes to noticing when someone Im actually interested in shows an interest. To the flirtatious part of the pondering I can say that I could probebly be called a decently flirty person. I like being nice to people, usually with no intent to actually flirt. When I actually like someone however I try to get close to the person, make her feel comfertable and If possible have alot of physical contact, pretty long procese usually but it tends to work for me. How about you other folks out there?

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 7:42 AM

Got a pondering of my own here. How to pick up on those invisible signals? How do you flirt and how do you know how to flirt. Myself Im pretty decent at noticing when other people are interested in each other, but Im about as perceptive as Mal when it comes to noticing when someone Im actually interested in shows an interest. To the flirtatious part of the pondering I can say that I could probebly be called a decently flirty person. I like being nice to people, usually with no intent to actually flirt. When I actually like someone however I try to get close to the person, make her feel comfertable and If possible have alot of physical contact, pretty long procese usually but it tends to work for me. How about you other folks out there?

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 7:42 AM

Got a pondering of my own here. How to pick up on those invisible signals? How do you flirt and how do you know how to flirt. Myself Im pretty decent at noticing when other people are interested in each other, but Im about as perceptive as Mal when it comes to noticing when someone Im actually interested in shows an interest. To the flirtatious part of the pondering I can say that I could probebly be called a decently flirty person. I like being nice to people, usually with no intent to actually flirt. When I actually like someone however I try to get close to the person, make her feel comfertable and If possible have alot of physical contact, pretty long procese usually but it tends to work for me. How about you other folks out there?

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Monday, May 22, 2006 7:42 AM

Got a pondering of my own here. How to pick up on those invisible signals? How do you flirt and how do you know how to flirt. Myself Im pretty decent at noticing when other people are interested in each other, but Im about as perceptive as Mal when it comes to noticing when someone Im actually interested in shows an interest. To the flirtatious part of the pondering I can say that I could probebly be called a decently flirty person. I like being nice to people, usually with no intent to actually flirt. When I actually like someone however I try to get close to the person, make her feel comfertable and If possible have alot of physical contact, pretty long procese usually but it tends to work for me. How about you other folks out there?

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Monday, May 22, 2006 7:42 AM

Got a pondering of my own here. How to pick up on those invisible signals? How do you flirt and how do you know how to flirt. Myself Im pretty decent at noticing when other people are interested in each other, but Im about as perceptive as Mal when it comes to noticing when someone Im actually interested in shows an interest. To the flirtatious part of the pondering I can say that I could probebly be called a decently flirty person. I like being nice to people, usually with no intent to actually flirt. When I actually like someone however I try to get close to the person, make her feel comfertable and If possible have alot of physical contact, pretty long procese usually but it tends to work for me. How about you other folks out there?

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 8:18 AM

Wish I could help, Vinterdraken, but I'm totally clueless about picking up on the clues as well. :) Alot of the time when I think I'm just exchanging witty banter, I'll find out after the fact that we were really in the process of flirting.

Come to think of it, that's what's happened with most of my girlfriends. Generally it'll be going on for months without me knowing at all. I don't think I've ever actually initiated a relationship on my own even.

My current GF, she eventually got fed up with waiting for me to pick up on the signals and asked if I wanted to hang out one day. I think even then it didn't hit me that it was a "date" until my sister was talking to me about it. :)

Anyways, hey, thread number five! I think we're officially an institution, now :P

________________________________________________
You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)

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Monday, May 22, 2006 8:20 AM

When the chance arises, flirt as much as possible! Although I do prefer stimulating conversation. I used to feel guilty about flirting, seeing it as a sexual prelude, but that whole thing about making the other person comfortable with you is right on. I feel it to be one of the greatest feelings in the world to have that comfort with a woman and not HAVE to sleep with her, (plus it keeps me out of trouble)

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Monday, May 22, 2006 9:00 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

I am a flirt. Its just the way I interact with men. I do not do it as a precusor to sexual activity. It can just be about being funny or charming and making someones day. I also find that it makes co-workers/work partners easier to deal with.

I find that the "just friendly flirting" is slighty different then the "I am interested" kind. There is a subtle difference. People who are interested tend to "go there". Meaning they make more suggestive comments than those that are just being friendly. I can't really explain it.

But flirting is good for you!

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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Monday, May 22, 2006 10:19 AM

Been away for a while so I'll just try to jump in again...

I have many wonderful male gay friends but none of them are SF oriented. I think SF folk are generally more open to different lifestyles but I haven't seen a large gay following for the genre.

Kissing: I tend to go to the right. A man's skills at this are very important to me and they have to at least show potential for me to go further with them. It's fun to practice, anyway!

Flirting: I agree there is a difference between friendly flirting and the serious stuff. Eye contact is the first step - holding a gaze just a little longer than "normal" and then smiling are BIG hints. If the person brings up sex in a serious way, then they are looking for something more than "friendly"...simple...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Appears they've cancelled the show and we're still here. What does that make us?"
"Big damn junkies, Sir!"
"Ain't we just."
http://karenallover.blogspot.com/

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Monday, May 22, 2006 11:23 AM

Can say one thing the gay community in Sweden (atleast the ones I know in sweden) think is great with Scifi, namely slashes. Have a gay friend who wrote a university thesis on Kirk/Spock slash stories. They dont take them very seriously though, treat em more like a cultural heritage that kinda lost its meaning down the road.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 11:23 AM

Can say one thing the gay community in Sweden (atleast the ones I know in sweden) think is great with Scifi, namely slashes. Have a gay friend who wrote a university thesis on Kirk/Spock slash stories. They dont take them very seriously though, treat em more like a cultural heritage that kinda lost its meaning down the road.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 11:23 AM

Can say one thing the gay community in Sweden (atleast the ones I know in sweden) think is great with Scifi, namely slashes. Have a gay friend who wrote a university thesis on Kirk/Spock slash stories. They dont take them very seriously though, treat em more like a cultural heritage that kinda lost its meaning down the road.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 11:23 AM

Can say one thing the gay community in Sweden (atleast the ones I know in sweden) think is great with Scifi, namely slashes. Have a gay friend who wrote a university thesis on Kirk/Spock slash stories. They dont take them very seriously though, treat em more like a cultural heritage that kinda lost its meaning down the road.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 11:23 AM

Can say one thing the gay community in Sweden (atleast the ones I know in sweden) think is great with Scifi, namely slashes. Have a gay friend who wrote a university thesis on Kirk/Spock slash stories. They dont take them very seriously though, treat em more like a cultural heritage that kinda lost its meaning down the road.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 11:23 AM

Can say one thing the gay community in Sweden (atleast the ones I know in sweden) think is great with Scifi, namely slashes. Have a gay friend who wrote a university thesis on Kirk/Spock slash stories. They dont take them very seriously though, treat em more like a cultural heritage that kinda lost its meaning down the road.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, May 22, 2006 9:55 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I agree with Tristan on the kissing technique. And the passionate part. If there's no kissing in foreplay, I just don't get into it at all. I don't think kissing always has to lead somewhere else, mind, but it certainly can and sometimes it should

I am bi. Not gay, I've actually dated mostly men, but there's more than just a few reasons River and Zoe are my favorite characters

My most recent convert is also bi. She's been about equal in the dating pool between men and women, but she's a bit older than me (age seems to bring people out of the closet, hence more dating oportunities.)
I'm sure we've discussed signs in flirting before, I'll try to remember some of the wise pearls I had before... Uh, solid eye contact tends to be a big indicator. My eyes kinda wander when I'm not totally interested in the person I'm talking to. There are several reasons for this. For one thing, when someone is interesting and attractive, I kinda stare enraptured at them. If they aren't so much, I get distracted easier, plus there is the part of me figuring "Maybe if I act uninterested enough, they'll eventually give up and stop talking to me." since I usually can't bring myself to just meanly say "You're boring the hell out of me/I'm really not at all interested in you, go away!" Touch is a big indicator. If someone offers to rub your shoulders, they are intersted in you. At least, certainly if the person is me. I also smile a whole lot, with eye contact. Alternately, if I smile/laugh while avoiding someone's eyes, it's because I'm uncomfortable. And if I at any point say "You know, that's always been a real turn-on for me." or something similar, that's kinda my subtle way of saying "Hey, that means you should try it on me at some point..."
Most of my friends have told me I'm overly obvious when showing my interest, but there have still been a few people who kinda miss it, so I'm inclined to say I'm not quite obvious enough, they just think that because they know me.
And friendly flirting is very different. It's usually just to make someone feel better, such as "Oh, you know you're a gorgeous sex goddess!" etc. Friendly flirting is actually usually more over-the-top than serious flirting, I'm not sure why. Maybe becuase you can be more brash when you know it's not going to go anywhere. That's just my take.

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 3:17 AM

ahh hang on what ... wow this is fast

Simon:"If the battle was so horrible, why did he name the ship after it?"
Zoe:"Once you've been in serenity you never leave"

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 3:31 AM

Ok well i agree with nuke day about flirting, im like a brick wall its bad. I dont feel comfortable flirting i feel like im lying, im really bad at lying everybody can tell when i am.

Simon:"If the battle was so horrible, why did he name the ship after it?"
Zoe:"Once you've been in serenity you never leave"

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 3:36 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Vinterdraken:
Have a gay friend who wrote a university thesis on Kirk/Spock slash stories.

OMG! That is too great!!

My frustration is that when I show an episode or two of FF or Buffy to my gay friends, they tend to not see how genious Joss is about making fun of gender stereotypes, and gay stereotypes. They really see tough guys and pretty women, and, well, Zoe can fight and Simon's kinda gayboy cute and that's nice but let's watch something else now...

have to give an example: Kaylee's reaction to Mal being married (the gasp of delight) just KILLS me because it's so making fun of that exact reaction. And Buffy's Something Blue episode making fun of newlyweds.

Anyway, didn't mean to get rantish.

Flirting: not good at it. I try, it's ugly. My favorite flirting method is to run into a guy playing hockey.

As far as talking/flirting, I have to just be myself and let the chips fall where they may.

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 4:14 AM

Sorry, all, have not been able to play lately; Real Life is giving me a hard time...work sucks! I am hoping to be back solid in a few days, but I can bounce in here every now and then today...

I do not have any input into the gay sci-fi fan base. Most of the people I have known that were gay were either in the music or drama departments...we never really discussed sci-fi.
I am going to ask a stupid question that I probably know the answer to already...define "slash"?

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 4:35 AM

"Slash" fan fictions are stories that center around a male/male pairing or a female/female pairing. Though I tend to find any of the male Firefly characters paired together slightly creepifying, many of the female slash stories are pretty good.

**************************************************

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 4:39 AM

Ah, thought so...I am not familiar with the "slash" designation, though.
Thank you for enlightening me.

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 6:32 AM

I hear you on the whole job crap. Not to mention the continuing saga of what personal life I try to salvage from day to day. Back to the Impnderables. True or False. Women tend to keep at least one guy friend around in order to fulfill the emotional hole their men cannot fill. I have my own opinions, but I'd like to hear what all you SHINY folks in the 'verse have to say.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 6:40 AM

did you know that cows can sleep standing but they only dream when they are lying on the floor

Simon:"If the battle was so horrible, why did he name the ship after it?"
Zoe:"Once you've been in serenity you never leave"

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 6:49 AM

Consider me lying on the floor then...dreaming of a world without work...maybe aboard Serenity, taking the jobs as they come...
And, we wake up back in reality.

I am not a female, but I have been the "emotional hole-filler" (not how it sounds, honest). I was a really close friend to someone I found attractive and they found me attractive, but we did not desire to destory the friendship by going physical. We were there for each other, as I had dry spells, too. It was actually a nice relationship; neither expected anything from the other but an ear and a shoulder.

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 7:12 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
True or False. Women tend to keep at least one guy friend around in order to fulfill the emotional hole their men cannot fill. I have my own opinions, but I'd like to hear what all you SHINY folks in the 'verse have to say.

I have friends I like being around, male and female, and their friendship is a good thing that I need, whether I'm in a romantic relationship or not. It's not like I "keep" a token guy friend for anything. Ick!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 7:18 AM

As someone with a bevy of female friends I've always preferred the term "emotion fluffer".

Send lawyers, guns and money

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 7:23 AM

Emotion Fluffer! Love it. Now lets see if Websters will accept it. Why not, they took jiggy didn't they?

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 7:42 AM

Imponderables...I like it.

I have one for all you lovely people: What kind of terms do you keep with your exes / do you believe is most healthy to keep with your exes?

When I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, he was my best (and nearly my only for a while) friend, and I couldn't imagine not being on friendly, close terms with him. Breaking up was awful, but after a short while without talking we had a good relationship as friends, if questionably close friends.

Four months later (sooner than I would have liked, but crazy things happen) I met a great guy and we have now been together for two months. He is incredibly understanding and supportive of my relationship with my ex, but things with my ex and I have been increasingly bad. He feels replaced and alone, and talking to him only makes me feel guilty.

People warned me that it's better to just seperate yourself completely from your ex, but I don't let people go easily, and I can't stand the thought of no longer knowing this person I was once so close too. At the same time, I'm starting to think maybe it's better to just remember the good times I had with him and cut it off. But I'd like to still try to make it work.

Any one with similar problems or advice-ful type thoughts?

Sorry if this has been discussed, I kind of missed the first four of these...

--------------------------------------------------
I am a leaf on the wind.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:08 AM

I think it just barely won out over fo'schizzle.

As far as the flip side of the question at hand, I'd say I never kept my friends, female or otherwise, as "token" anything.

Friendships are based on mutual likes and dislikes. Not a required demographic slot that needs to be filled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Send lawyers, guns and money

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:13 AM

It is difficult to keep ex-lovers as friends, but not immpossible. For example, I do not think I could be in the same room with my ex-wife, and we divorced a good four years ago. However, I am still very good friends with some "serious" relationships from college. I think there is a required "away" period of time, and then a slow re-building of feelings that needs to occur. Unless, of course, the break-up was amicable, in which case it should be alright. This may just be me, however...

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:22 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

Sounds to me as if your ex is still harbouring some feelings for you.

You might need to step back a little bit more. It might just need a little more "adjustment time", or you may find that you can't continue the relationship anymore.

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:29 AM

I think its great that you current guy is cool with the old one. A friend I had once stated that two men who have slept with the same woman can't ever be in the same room together. I'm sure that is true in many cases, but if your guy is okay with your old one, then maybe you made a good desicion. One quick note: Despite how you broke up, happiness is never something you should feel guilty about.

Wassup FMF.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:37 AM

Along those lines, I have to disagree that two men who have slept with the same woman cannot be in the same room. My wife's second ex is a really good friend of mine...as a matter of fact, when we are together, we end up joking about the fact that we are, in fact, friends. It's odd at times, and several people show surprise that we are friends, but I have a philosophy that friendship can surpass the ocassional "odd" moment...anyone else have a situation like this?

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:55 AM

Did anyone ever see Paint Your Wagon? That was a running joke in my old circle. Also isn't it said somewhere that "An enemy of my enemy is my friend." ?

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:21 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I think friends in general are there to fill different, uh, emotional roles, if you're going to call it that. If a girl needs a "token" guy friend to fill needs she isn't getting with her man, she's with the wrong man, but there are sometimes things one must go to a friend with. I personally don't have many guy friends. I have in the past, but I don't right now. Things tend to get awkward for some reason or other. Actually, that happens among the women-folk, too. Not always something sexual, just life.
Anyway, in terms of exes and relating to them, I generally prefer not to. I've never had a relationship end amiably. Not sure what it is, maybe I have an intimidatin' manner, but men seem to think they need to kinda tiptoe around the issue and, well, pretty much be cowards. And liars. And I ain't friends with liars or cowards, not in general.
Here's an example; my most recent ex, who was my most serious relationship to date, at first just refused to talk to me for awhile. Then, after I had called him enough times and finally demanded to know what the hell was goin on, he wrote me a gorram e-mail. In this cowardly little e-mail, he first completely discounted our relationship, basically said there was nothing to it in the first place. Then he said we were still fine as friends. Well, um, no we weren't. There had been nothing wrong with the, shall we say, "romantic" part of our relationship, so obviously the problem was elsewhere. Plus he had just blown the "fine as friends" idea by making me lose respect for him. Also by betraying my trust. Way I see it, he was either lying through his teeth when he said he loved me or lying through his teeth when he said there was never anything to it. If he had been a man about it, just stood up and said "so this is what's happening with such-and-such right now so I really can't be in this relationship" and said it to my face, I might have retained some respect for him, but as it is I did not. I can't be friends with anyone I don't trust or respect, and certainly not when I have a proverbial elephant sitting in the room with us and him refusing to discuss it.
Anyway, I severe ties. Pretty much without exception. I've been friends with people I have feelings for, and I've been friends with people who have unknowingly kinda broken my heart. Really, that's not always been pleasant. Add the other go se to the mix and it just isn't someplace I want to be.
Side note-ish: I've had two exes now claim that they wanted to stay my friend because they really did value me, but when I've made it clear that they actually have to work at it; i.e. regaining some of my trust and resolving some of the issues caused by a breakup, they haven't been willing to put in the effort.
This is, of course, my personal experience. My mom is still good friends with her first husband (though not so much her second) and has been friends with others in the past who she was involved with. Of course I would have to say that it's a person-to-person issue. I just have yet to date someone who was willing or able to actually be a friend to me after they hurt me, and I know it doesn't always work that way.

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 2:33 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
A friend I had once stated that two men who have slept with the same woman can't ever be in the same room together.

Might also depend on which cames first, the friendship, or the girl. I try and make a point to not act on it much, but I do have a slight jealousy streak in me when it comes to my girl and her male friends. (Generally not so much if it's going good, then more so if we start having problems. For the obvious reasons :)

I have had situations, though, where a girl has dated both myself and a good friend (at different times.) Sometimes awkward for the hanging out with the ex part, but I've found there's a long-standing, unspoken rule that you don't let your girl screw up your friendships.

________________________________________________
You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 3:21 AM

what if they both slept with here at the same time in the same room 3some :-0

Simon:"If the battle was so horrible, why did he name the ship after it?"
Zoe:"Once you've been in serenity you never leave"

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 3:30 AM

You shouldn't let anyone screw up any relationship. However, it's time to poll the board with another question or two.
The first one is along the lines we have been following...is it hard to see either an ex or a crush with someone else? I don't mean in the "I was snubbed" way, but is it difficult to come to terms with the fact that they are in a sexual relationship with someone else?

Another question; new topic:
Thoughts on violence in the world; too much or it doesn't bother you? I don't mean war, or murder, or things like that, but more of the attitude towards violence in general. I am interested to see how this one breaks down between the sexes. I, myself, like the occasional violent movie; gunplay, swordplay, etc. I also practice weapon-play, and took martial arts classes as a child. This may have inured me to violence later in life. I am wondering if any of you who have never taken classes or studied fighting have the same attitude, or if you have studied, how you feel.

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 3:39 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Yes. More so with a crush, since there's kind of a "What does she have that I don't?" feeling, but I also don't tend to like seeing/hearing about an ex being with someone else. Esspecially when (as has often but not always been the case) I look at them and say "This is my replacement? WTF?!"

I like action movies and such, but seeing actual violence kinda sickens me. I have a collection of weapons, I enjoy firing guns, and I hit a heavy bag on a regular basis, which I think is a fairly healthy way to release frustration and keep in some kind of shape. I have basically no formal training, though I've considered it. I love watching choreographed fights, but real fights don't tend to be quite so... pretty. I don't know if I actually answered there, I feel like I'm not all that clear. Anyway, that's my take.
Oh yes, and if anyone ever tried to kill me, I would certainly try to kill them right back.

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 3:47 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

My favorite movies are action SH*T blows up movies. So no problem there. And there are always a few people I want to punch.

I think our biggest problem (after education) is that we as a society have lost some of our manners. We are not as polite as we used to be. That becomes a problem in a large society, we also no longer expect people to take responsibility for their actions, rather we explain it away - THAT is not a good thing to teach our children.

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 5:01 AM

I've never had an easy time seeing a crush or someone with someone else. Not like a earth-shattering sort of problem, but I can't say I've been all that gracious about that stuff in the past.

Come to think of it, that happened with my first real crush back in high school. I was way too shy to ask her out for years and doing the whole pining away in secret thing. By the time I worked up enough guts to write her a corny letter she was seeing some older fella who'd already graduated. Bad enough that I'd missed my chance by something like a day or two, even worse that it was an older kid I couldn't compete with.

Far as violence goes: I'm a pretty laid-back guy. No formal training or anything, I might be able to "survive" a stand-up fight, but I'd rather it not get that far. I'm a lover, not a fighter, and I wouldn't want to muss up my pretty face :P I love action movies and the like, though. Ditto video-games, the more gore the better. (I was a big fan of Grand Theft Auto, for instance.)

I agree with PheonixRose that I like watching choreographed fights more. Though some good martial-arts sparring and the like is good, too. Stuff like say, Ultimate Fighting and the like, while I enjoy watching people get beat up, just isn't as pretty to spectate unless you know what you're looking for, I think.

And I'll throw in another agreement with FMF, too. About politeness in our society. Likely solve alot of the too much violence problems if people would treat each other a little better. "Can't we all just get along?" :P

________________________________________________
You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 5:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
My favorite movies are action SH*T blows up movies. So no problem there. And there are always a few people I want to punch.

I also like a little mindless action every now and then. Rather more ofter than I fancy a chick flick if I'm honest.

Quote:
I think our biggest problem (after education) is that we as a society have lost some of our manners. We are not as polite as we used to be. That becomes a problem in a large society, we also no longer expect people to take responsibility for their actions, rather we explain it away - THAT is not a good thing to teach our children.

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

I agree. I think that a lack of respect and empathy for other people is behind each and every crime in the world. I think Heinlein once said something like there is only one crime, treating people as things.

About the problem of exes dating, I had a different experience of that. My last boyfriend started secretly seeing another of my housemates (after I'd broken up with him) and I was by far the last to know as everyone had been keeping it quiet so as not to upset me. This just drove me mad! It was so condescending and stupid! I was actually really relieved he was going out with someone, made me feel less guilty for splitting up with him! By hiding it he just showed how little he knew or respected me!

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 6:40 AM

We love the crush. Oh, you don't mean orange crush. My bad. The whole idea of a crush kinda helps me get by from time to time. But a serious relationship from a crush is usually a bad idea.
The reason: Say it with me now, "Stalker".

On the violence issue. My whole life has been a crappy violent mess from the get go. In between I was lucky enough to have support from a few friends , some family, and an occasional stranger who would say something to help me find the center of myself again. Those people also taught me to forgive and love myself in spite of the things I did in the name of duty. One thing that people don't understand about violence in the media is that those actions repsesented are either artistic expression, accurate representation, or blatant ignorance. Tom Savini, one of the most respected make up effects artists in modern film, spent time in Vietnam as a medic. I believe I once heard him say that he wanted to accurately depict the effects of violence, but to also purge the things he had experienced. I can respect that fully. Its those Hollywood F's that do it in the name of profit that make me sick. People who have no regard for the health and well being of the people of this world are the ones that give true artists a bad name.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 6:41 AM

Doubled up. Sorry. [Throws monitor] Stupid computer.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 7:04 AM

So anyone have advice for someone who's about to become single again? I don't know how this works I'm only at the I hate the f

ing bastard and listening to Fiona Apple at high volumes stage. Also I havn't told him yet. But it's his own f**king fault. Sorry anger issues.

An I carried such a torch....For the Dark Lord

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 7:39 AM

A. Don't drive when in the playing loud angry music, hate the F'r stage.
B. Take time to appreciate you for who you are. He musta really screwed up.
C. Embrace the anger then let it go. That way you can deal with the task at hand. It is best to face Large issues in a small way and vice versa.
D. SMILE

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 7:55 AM

Might want to tell him about it; sounds like he may not get the clues!

If this is a good decision, and the ending will make you happy, get it over with as soon as possible. That way, you will have more time for the recovery. Ghostrider has some excellent suggestions. Although I would probably go for something like Rammstein or Korn...much better rage music

.
And, as always, we will be here if you need to vent. Hopefully, we "other" males will be able to defend ourselves and disavow the stupidity of this particular individual.

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 8:06 AM

No you guys are just fine no worries. Just found out what I really mean to this particular individual is all. After four years apparently all I am is a drunk ugly whore to him. Good to know where I stand I guess. I'm still really angry so bear with me okay?

An I carried such a torch.......For the Dark Lord

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 8:10 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

My advice, is stay angry. At least through it all. Its the only thing that is keeping me going through the nightmare of my marriage ending!

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 8:11 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

OK NOW I will kill him for you!

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 8:13 AM

Rage music suggestions:
Static X - Wisconson Deathtrip
Offspring - Smash
Rage Against the Machine - Almost anything. C'mon, its RAGE music.

When coming back to reality:
Bob Marley - Legend (Although the original cuts of the songs are grittier and more heartfelt)
Sublime - Any of the funtime songs. I suggest Summertime and 40 ounces of freedom
And of course when in doubt stick some Jimi in your ear (Jimi Hendrix):)

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 8:18 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

CoPilot let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I can carry implements of pain and drive a mean get-a-way car.

Here is my imponderable - I have no access to unmarried/unattached/heterosexual males.

I work from 7-4 Mon to Fri. I have an evening job from 5:30-11. My house is 40 miles away from my day job, and I work the second job 2-7 both weekend days!

So what do I do?

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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