GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Male and Female Imponderables-Resurrected

POSTED BY: TRISTAN
UPDATED: Thursday, June 8, 2006 10:33
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 15635
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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:09 AM

MAL4PREZ


Oh - I see what you mean, and I totally agree. Sex without love is just not satisfying for me anymore! There really needs to be some feeling involved, and more than lukewarm 'fondness'

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:09 AM

LEAINA


Quote:

Originally posted by Tristan:
Here's another question for the group regarding the whole sex issue: can you have sex with someone you don't love? I know it's physically possible, but is it something you have done or could do?


____________




Oh god, I've been a wild child. Yes, I've had cyber sex - only it's just like reading bad porn.

And yes I went through a faze of sleeping with everything that moved, be it man, woman (although thankfully not sheep) but like ghostrider, I think that subconsciously it was more a term of self-abuse more than anything else. [Scarily, why I really identified with S6 of Buffy with her realtionship with Spike]. Also I think it was just simple desperation- wanting to be close with people at a time I felt very alone. And I'm only 21 now, gorram I feel old.

Also Taya and Emmarigby (whom I'm sharing a room with for Serenity 3!!!) I'm soooo over that faze of my life! No worries!! I promise.

But at the same time, now, I'm in a strangely celibate phase of my life. I guess I'm all one thing or all the other. No inbetween. And I don't think that's especially healthy either.



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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:36 AM

MSG


Okay in guys speak means- I am doing something way more important than this lame conversation, please quit talking and go make me some food.

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:39 AM

MSG


Ok how is a threesome cheating if all parties agree than it's just fun

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 9:50 AM

SHEPHERD2BE


NVGhostrider --- Best of luck with the future meetings.


Tristan--

There were a couple of incidences long ago where I misrepresented emotions in the pursuit of the pleasure of the flesh.
Umm, yeah,....I lied. Not proud. Shamed in fact. It was a big mistake on my part. But it was a decade or so ago and since then hopefully I've grown a little emotionally. Very sure I could never do it again. Almost positive even.

I have had partners I did not "love" exactly, but there was an equal understanding and attraction between us. We did care for each other but Love is too strong a word for what we shared. They still remain good friends with me to this day.

I can separate love from sex, but for me there still has to be spark of something more there.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought the collar gave it away

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Monday, June 5, 2006 9:54 AM

TRISTAN


Shiny! Seems like a consensus so far. Sex=good. Sex+Love=The Way To Go.

Thank you all!

Alright, what's next?




____________


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Monday, June 5, 2006 10:18 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


I gotta question for the female BROWNCOATS out there. Do you like the old fashioned approach? I find it difficult to conduct personal buisness unless I present myself in a way that is more akin to a simpler time. Unless people know me very well they do not understand my reason for being honest and straight forward, (especially women folk). In one way I feel a bit emasculated by the female dominated society I feel is developing. In another way I feel very empowered by my ability to be a man and not treat women as mere objects, but as wonderful beings that deserve respct and honor. These things keep women away because they are unfamiliar with a guy that doesn't have to exert their masculine side. I live in a rural/military town where most single guys do this all the time. I guess my question is: Do women really want a sensative guy who actually cares about the feelings of others, or is that an outdated way of thinking?

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Monday, June 5, 2006 2:35 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Missed alot when I was at my parents this weekend it seems. Heres my futile attempt at catching up.

Cybersex - Never really tried it. Dont think it would work since a big part of sex to me is physical contact.

Meeting over the net - Hasnt worked for me atleast. Cant seem to really connect over the net. Also, my brother found his last ex on the net, didnt work at all.

Liking a woman who likes women? - Been there, done that. No problem really. Have had two girlfriends who said they were bisexualls. But one of them seems to think it was all just a fase now. Bit of a trend in Sweden at the moment that all alternativ girls a certain age experiment. Makes it all alot more confusing.

Dating someone like me? - Movieinterested browncoat who likes zombiemovies, romance and snuggles. Hell ya! Not many of those girls out there though ;)

Sex without Love - Been down that road aswell. Didnt have any problem with it. Although it tends to get complicated after a while. But I have to say that sex when your in love is a million times better

Now, did I miss anything?


You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 2:35 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Missed alot when I was at my parents this weekend it seems. Heres my futile attempt at catching up.

Cybersex - Never really tried it. Dont think it would work since a big part of sex to me is physical contact.

Meeting over the net - Hasnt worked for me atleast. Cant seem to really connect over the net. Also, my brother found his last ex on the net, didnt work at all.

Liking a woman who likes women? - Been there, done that. No problem really. Have had two girlfriends who said they were bisexualls. But one of them seems to think it was all just a fase now. Bit of a trend in Sweden at the moment that all alternativ girls a certain age experiment. Makes it all alot more confusing.

Dating someone like me? - Movieinterested browncoat who likes zombiemovies, romance and snuggles. Hell ya! Not many of those girls out there though ;)

Sex without Love - Been down that road aswell. Didnt have any problem with it. Although it tends to get complicated after a while. But I have to say that sex when your in love is a million times better

Now, did I miss anything?


You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 2:35 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Missed alot when I was at my parents this weekend it seems. Heres my futile attempt at catching up.

Cybersex - Never really tried it. Dont think it would work since a big part of sex to me is physical contact.

Meeting over the net - Hasnt worked for me atleast. Cant seem to really connect over the net. Also, my brother found his last ex on the net, didnt work at all.

Liking a woman who likes women? - Been there, done that. No problem really. Have had two girlfriends who said they were bisexualls. But one of them seems to think it was all just a fase now. Bit of a trend in Sweden at the moment that all alternativ girls a certain age experiment. Makes it all alot more confusing.

Dating someone like me? - Movieinterested browncoat who likes zombiemovies, romance and snuggles. Hell ya! Not many of those girls out there though ;)

Sex without Love - Been down that road aswell. Didnt have any problem with it. Although it tends to get complicated after a while. But I have to say that sex when your in love is a million times better

Now, did I miss anything?


You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 2:35 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Missed alot when I was at my parents this weekend it seems. Heres my futile attempt at catching up.

Cybersex - Never really tried it. Dont think it would work since a big part of sex to me is physical contact.

Meeting over the net - Hasnt worked for me atleast. Cant seem to really connect over the net. Also, my brother found his last ex on the net, didnt work at all.

Liking a woman who likes women? - Been there, done that. No problem really. Have had two girlfriends who said they were bisexualls. But one of them seems to think it was all just a fase now. Bit of a trend in Sweden at the moment that all alternativ girls a certain age experiment. Makes it all alot more confusing.

Dating someone like me? - Movieinterested browncoat who likes zombiemovies, romance and snuggles. Hell ya! Not many of those girls out there though ;)

Sex without Love - Been down that road aswell. Didnt have any problem with it. Although it tends to get complicated after a while. But I have to say that sex when your in love is a million times better

Now, did I miss anything?


You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 2:35 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Missed alot when I was at my parents this weekend it seems. Heres my futile attempt at catching up.

Cybersex - Never really tried it. Dont think it would work since a big part of sex to me is physical contact.

Meeting over the net - Hasnt worked for me atleast. Cant seem to really connect over the net. Also, my brother found his last ex on the net, didnt work at all.

Liking a woman who likes women? - Been there, done that. No problem really. Have had two girlfriends who said they were bisexualls. But one of them seems to think it was all just a fase now. Bit of a trend in Sweden at the moment that all alternativ girls a certain age experiment. Makes it all alot more confusing.

Dating someone like me? - Movieinterested browncoat who likes zombiemovies, romance and snuggles. Hell ya! Not many of those girls out there though ;)

Sex without Love - Been down that road aswell. Didnt have any problem with it. Although it tends to get complicated after a while. But I have to say that sex when your in love is a million times better

Now, did I miss anything?


You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 2:35 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Missed alot when I was at my parents this weekend it seems. Heres my futile attempt at catching up.

Cybersex - Never really tried it. Dont think it would work since a big part of sex to me is physical contact.

Meeting over the net - Hasnt worked for me atleast. Cant seem to really connect over the net. Also, my brother found his last ex on the net, didnt work at all.

Liking a woman who likes women? - Been there, done that. No problem really. Have had two girlfriends who said they were bisexualls. But one of them seems to think it was all just a fase now. Bit of a trend in Sweden at the moment that all alternativ girls a certain age experiment. Makes it all alot more confusing.

Dating someone like me? - Movieinterested browncoat who likes zombiemovies, romance and snuggles. Hell ya! Not many of those girls out there though ;)

Sex without Love - Been down that road aswell. Didnt have any problem with it. Although it tends to get complicated after a while. But I have to say that sex when your in love is a million times better

Now, did I miss anything?


You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 2:58 PM

NUCLEARDAY


Quote:

Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
IT DOESN'T MEAN WE WANT A THREESOME.
IT DOESN'T MEAN WE ARE BORED.
IT DOESN'T MEAN WE ARE FICKLE.
IT DOESN'T MEAN WE WILL CHEAT.
AND IT DOESN'T MEAN WE AREN'T SATISFIED.

LOL. I apologize if I my post came off the wrong way, PR. :P Really, I have no trouble at all with anyone's sexual orientation regardless of who they are or what they're into. I've never dated a bisexual girl (haven't really dated all that much anyways, come to think of it.) But I've always got a kick out of my friends that were lesbian/gay/bi. In all seriousness, I don't see that I'd have a problem dating someone that was bi. If it's a healthy relatioship, I don't see how it even would factor in that much. (Other than maybe we'd catch each other checking out the same people :)

About sex without love. Well... I'm a bit more old-fashioned. But not terribly so, I suppose. I feel more comfortable at least waiting awhile in a relationship before getting into that. Getting maybe a tad personal: the little mister doesn't always function too well with someone I'm not comfortable with. Performance anxiety or whatever. There was a couple very drunken nights back in college, though...

Not into one-night stands though. For me, the first time I have sex with someone is always a little awkward. You don't know what the other person likes, etc.

________________________________________________
You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)

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Monday, June 5, 2006 5:57 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.


Quote:

Originally posted by nvghostrider:
I gotta question for the female BROWNCOATS out there. Do you like the old fashioned approach? I find it difficult to conduct personal buisness unless I present myself in a way that is more akin to a simpler time. Unless people know me very well they do not understand my reason for being honest and straight forward, (especially women folk). In one way I feel a bit emasculated by the female dominated society I feel is developing. In another way I feel very empowered by my ability to be a man and not treat women as mere objects, but as wonderful beings that deserve respct and honor. These things keep women away because they are unfamiliar with a guy that doesn't have to exert their masculine side. I live in a rural/military town where most single guys do this all the time. I guess my question is: Do women really want a sensative guy who actually cares about the feelings of others, or is that an outdated way of thinking?


Well, this woman actually wants a sensitive guy who actually cares. Overly macho guys really turn me off. So do people who aren't straightforward. Can't speak for every woman, though.
What female dominated society?

**********************************

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Monday, June 5, 2006 6:03 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.


Quote:

Originally posted by nuclearday:
LOL. I apologize if I my post came off the wrong way, PR. :P Really, I have no trouble at all with anyone's sexual orientation regardless of who they are or what they're into. I've never dated a bisexual girl (haven't really dated all that much anyways, come to think of it.) But I've always got a kick out of my friends that were lesbian/gay/bi. In all seriousness, I don't see that I'd have a problem dating someone that was bi. If it's a healthy relatioship, I don't see how it even would factor in that much. (Other than maybe we'd catch each other checking out the same people :)

About sex without love. Well... I'm a bit more old-fashioned. But not terribly so, I suppose. I feel more comfortable at least waiting awhile in a relationship before getting into that. Getting maybe a tad personal: the little mister doesn't always function too well with someone I'm not comfortable with. Performance anxiety or whatever. There was a couple very drunken nights back in college, though...

Not into one-night stands though. For me, the first time I have sex with someone is always a little awkward. You don't know what the other person likes, etc.

________________________________________________
You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)


I'm sorry I got snappy; wasn't in a very good mood. You're very right, too; it isn't a factor if the relationship is healthy. Cheating never is, no matter what the orientation.

No, I haven't ever had sex with someone I didn't love. I've in fact only had sex with one person; my much whined-about ex. This is part of what hurt so much when he left me. After dating random stupid boys for a few years I had finally found someone I loved and trusted enough to actually... Anyway. Stopping now before I think about it too much.

When you don't know what someone likes, it can be awkward, but it can also be fun! I love learning the little hot buttons. It takes a lot of exploration, but that's part of why it's so fun.

**********************************

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Monday, June 5, 2006 6:04 PM

KANEMAN


OOOps wrong thread.........

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Monday, June 5, 2006 6:17 PM

DTUCK


I've been wondering this for a while, and this seems a good place to ask: How do people feel about seeing more than one person at a time?

I don't mean in the 'threesome' sense, but rather, going out with one person one day, then the next, going out with you. Seperate lives. 'Playing the field', my grandfather jokingly referred to it as.

I don't think I could do this, but my ex-girlfriend apparently thought she could. Without telling me. Fun.

__________________________________

The best way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. - Oscar Wilde

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Monday, June 5, 2006 6:25 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.


I've never dated more than one person at a time. Even when I was "playing the field" so to speak -which to me just means "looking" - I would always stop dating the fist person before moving on to the next thing. Even this didn't last long. If I'm seeing someone, I feel I owe it to them to both give them a chance and be honest. If it isn't working, it isn't working and I'll tell them so. If it is, why would I be seeing other people?
If you have a mutual agreement, or aren't sure you're "serious" yet, it can be okay, but it must be a mutual agreement.
DTuck, I'm very sorry. That is not shiny.

**********************************

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Monday, June 5, 2006 6:43 PM

KANEMAN


If someone is just going out for dinner and on dates with different people that's alright. well, as long as they are honest with everyone involved. If things get serious with both at the same time and everyone knows I guess its still okay....but, for the mental welfare of us guys who can't pull that off, they should be courteous enough to move to Utah

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Monday, June 5, 2006 7:03 PM

SAMEERTIA


Whoa. NOt telling is not honesty! NOT COOL!

I'm poly. (Okay...I identify as poly, but I've been on like.. three dates outside of my primary relationship in almost three years, plus a long term internet based relationship.) Kinda lame, even for me.

But here's how I see it. Why should I limit myself in the amount of love that I can recieve? Manitou is my primary partner, I love him completely, but there are many interests we don't share, many things we don't enjoy doing together, and for most of our relationship, we haven't been very sexually compatible. (Although that's changed markedly over the past year.)

We are also 300 miles apart.

So we both take other lovers. We communicate openly and honestly about who we're going out with, when we're going out, etc. When it's possible, we meet each others partners, and get to know each other.

To both of us, when one of us starts dating someone new, it's a priority to keep the 'new' people involved and safe, as well. Honesty HAS to be maintained.

I prefer to create a family of friends, who I may also have deeper relationships with, than meaningless, run-through sexual relationships.

In fact, I'm currently hoping to find a great girl who's compatible with both Manitou and I, to have a long term, threesomey-happy-family sort of thing with. *sigh*

Wouldn't hurt if she looked like Angelina Jolie, but that's probably a bit much to ask for.

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Monday, June 5, 2006 7:09 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.


Sounds like you really have it down, SameErtia. I've always thought it would take some very special people to be bale to do that with. I'd like to try a three-way relationship someday, but it's never happened for me, y'know, organically. My last bf heard me say something about it and started kinda pushing the idea. We never found a girl we both really liked, so it didn't happen. I totally get where you're coming from, though.

**********************************

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 3:25 AM

TRISTAN


Morning, all! I'll try to get caught up quickly...I don't think I missed too much.

Dating more than one person at a time: doesn't work out all that well. I am a guilty party, but please take into consideration that it happened my first year in college. I thought I could get away with it, and it blew up in my face. One of them was a serious girlfriend, the other was for fun (her idea about hooking up, but I was not going to argue). In the end, I am still friends with the hook-up, but have not talked to the original girlfriend...and it's been 17 years.

DTuck, I am sorry it happened to you...like SameErita said, that is NOT shiny!

By the way, SameErita, I like the fact that your arrangement is working out as well as it is. Good luck on finding a compatible third!

I'm going to harp on the sex question a little longer...hopefully to clear up some stuff for myself (by typing it out) and others (by reading). Unfortunately it seems that whenever a girl mentions being bi- or curious, the first thing a male does is think "score!" and then do his damndest to make it happen. Not for her benfit; for his. I won't lie and say I would turn down the chance IF INVITED, but I would not push the issue. If my partner wants to explore this part of her psyche, I am going to stay out of the way...but refer to my earlier posts for my thoughts on that. I guess what I am trying to say is it may be difficult to find a male comfortable enough to let this happen. I have discovered that most of the males on this board share my thoughts regarding many issues, and that we seem to be a minority of the male race. Does that seem right to you?
Alright, enough from me.
Where were we?



____________


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 4:10 AM

MSG


Hey my husband is a guy I knew in college, but we never dated or anything. Then on day he showed up at my work, "Looking for something" and Long story short we ended up married... so no it's not creepy to go to his work long as you have a nice "reason" for going there. Go for it


You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 4:15 AM

MSG


Hey Kaneman- I live in Utah_ don't send us all the jerks...I swear there aren't that many polygamists. Mostly just a bunch of very very very old fashioned people who don't ever drink, smoke, or have sex with anyone not their spouse...they're a bit repressed and weird, but kinda cute in a keep your distance you little freaks way.

As you can tell ( not mormon)

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 4:22 AM

TRISTAN


MSG, I lived in Arizona towards the end of the 80's, and had the chance to date a Mormon (this was when I was 15-16). She came from a family of four girls, all their names began with "H"...Hailey, Hillary, you get the picture. Their parents were strict; no caffeine, no smoking, no pre-marital sex. They were expected to marry and produce a brood of their own. They were good people, but yes, they had odd ideas about the world. They never mentioned the polygamy thing, and I am pretty sure the father only had one wife .
Thanks for the memory jog!

Where abouts in Utah do you hail from? The above-mentioned family had it's roots in Salt Lake (I think all the Mormons do, don't they?).




____________


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 4:33 AM

MAL4PREZ


Quote:

Originally posted by nvghostrider:
I gotta question for the female BROWNCOATS out there. Do you like the old fashioned approach? I find it difficult to conduct personal buisness unless I present myself in a way that is more akin to a simpler time. Unless people know me very well they do not understand my reason for being honest and straight forward, (especially women folk). In one way I feel a bit emasculated by the female dominated society I feel is developing. In another way I feel very empowered by my ability to be a man and not treat women as mere objects, but as wonderful beings that deserve respct and honor. These things keep women away because they are unfamiliar with a guy that doesn't have to exert their masculine side. I live in a rural/military town where most single guys do this all the time. I guess my question is: Do women really want a sensative guy who actually cares about the feelings of others, or is that an outdated way of thinking?



This is such a tough one, and I feel for you because I've generally been in a similar (but opposite) situation of being girly and also so not girly. It's hard to find a place. Our society is soooo defined about how men and women should act - it's ridiculous.

My going theory is to be myself. ie - if you're sensitive guy, be sensitive with gusto. That way you'll attract the kind of woman who will appreciate you.

Although, I am a little confused by the 'female dominated society' thing. And which simpler time do you mean? It's my impression that there never was a simpler time - the complications just get forgotten.



-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 5:48 AM

MSG


Hey Tristan I live in Salt Lake City:)

and may I just go ick over the sensitive guy thing. Sorry just not my thing,but as I have said previously..not very girly so take with a grain of salt. Jayne's my kind of guy

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 5:56 AM

TRISTAN


Never been there, but I do miss the West!

Sorry, got off topic...

I am currently out of Imponderables...I know there are things I would like to learn, but I can't think of anything right now. I'm good at the answering; not so good at the thinking-up part...




____________


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 6:12 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Its not so much a female dominated society the way most people see it, but where I'm from is a very matriarchial society, (our tribes in this area have always had women leaders). Most people on the outside don't see beyond todays modern society. What you said makes sense about the complications being forgotten. The simpler time I mentioned is the time before this one. Where people married and worked their whole lives together. But, I do see that many of those peole were miserable. I mainly dream to find a bit of the determination and a piece of romance with very little mystery. Okay, maybe a little. Done rambling, need coffee.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 8:06 AM

MAL4PREZ


Quote:

Originally posted by nvghostrider:
Its not so much a female dominated society the way most people see it, but where I'm from is a very matriarchial society, (our tribes in this area have always had women leaders). Most people on the outside don't see beyond todays modern society. What you said makes sense about the complications being forgotten. The simpler time I mentioned is the time before this one. Where people married and worked their whole lives together. But, I do see that many of those peole were miserable. I mainly dream to find a bit of the determination and a piece of romance with very little mystery. Okay, maybe a little. Done rambling, need coffee.



Whoa - that was be weird. Matriarchal tribes and many military men. Odd mix.

So - there are many many times before this one, can you be more specific? There was a very different man/woman dynamic in the 19th century that seems quite romantic in bodice-ripper paperbacks, but hell no I don't wouldn't want to have lived then!!

Yeah - I figure that's probably not what you mean. I have known many women in the generation before mine (women now in their 50s-60s) who were told that if they really wanted to do something besides be married baby makers, they had to be teachers or nurses. They were flat out TOLD that, I do not exaggerate!

I'm not saying there weren't love matches, I know there were. I've met some of them too! But I think there were a lot of marriages that were more like a business partnership than a passionate desire for another person's company. "Woman must look good, make babies, and keep house. Man must make money, support woman, pay for kid's dental bills." That just seems so oppressive. *shudder*

I clearly have had all the coffee I need today, having a slight tendency to babble...


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I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 8:13 AM

EMMARIGBY


Quote:




Oh god, I've been a wild child. Yes, I've had cyber sex - only it's just like reading bad porn.

And yes I went through a faze of sleeping with everything that moved, be it man, woman (although thankfully not sheep) but like ghostrider, I think that subconsciously it was more a term of self-abuse more than anything else. [Scarily, why I really identified with S6 of Buffy with her realtionship with Spike]. Also I think it was just simple desperation- wanting to be close with people at a time I felt very alone. And I'm only 21 now, gorram I feel old.

Also Taya and Emmarigby (whom I'm sharing a room with for Serenity 3!!!) I'm soooo over that faze of my life! No worries!! I promise.




I'm not worried! Just grinning in expectation of fun drunken gossip! And tips!

________________________________
Hisssssss!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 8:19 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Babble on M4P. I just have alot of issues right now. It seems every time I get to rambling I am just trying to get my mind off of crap. I think it would be nice to have a significant other who want an equal partnership. Although, I wouldn't mind being a stay at home dad for a few years. And that whole 19th century bodice ripper pareback stuff might not be a bad idea from time to time. But more importantly I'd like to make babies and raise a strong stable family while taking my wife in a very manly fashion from time to time. I think mostly I want to revive alot of the posative old fashioned ideals that seem to be fading fast beyond the black. I want impressive, not oppressive.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 8:20 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Fun drunken gossip and tips. Where do I sign up?

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 8:36 AM

EMMARIGBY


Quote:

Originally posted by Tristan:
Never been there, but I do miss the West!

Sorry, got off topic...

I am currently out of Imponderables...I know there are things I would like to learn, but I can't think of anything right now. I'm good at the answering; not so good at the thinking-up part...







Well, I have a question. Or rather a situation I'm currently in.

My best friend since childhood told me a few years ago that she was bi-sexual (yay, we're a growing minority - although I hesitate to actually call myself bisexual till I've tried and liked it. Just mighty curious at the mo.)
Anyway, she came over to visit last weekend and we had a blast as usual. She brought the DVDs Secretary (very hot!) and The Story of O to watch. I also made her watch Serenity! Then on Sunday we went into Soho to buy fun toys from Anne Summers, then went on to the British Museum (from the ridiculous to the sublime!).

Plus, we were chatting about sex and I mentioned my current friend/ partner has expressed interest in a threesome some day (yes, the classic male response to hearing of an attraction to the opposite sex!) She said that she wasn't interested in him in that way ... implying...! From all of this I started to get the feeling that she might be looking for something more from me (yes, it does take that big of a mallet for me to cotton on!) and I really didn't know what to do with that thought. I'd never really thought of her in that way. It's not that she's unattractive but I just know her so very well I'm not sure I could get over the ick factor (like sleeping with a sister!).
Plus I'd be terrified of loosing one of the most important relationships of my life.

So, I'm coming to you guys for your thoughts and advice. What should I do? Keep things light as I have been doing or take a chance and risk it all for uncertain results?

________________________________
Hisssssss!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 8:58 AM

TRISTAN


Emma, this may not help, coming from a male, but I have found that sometimes going beyond friendship can have detrimental effects. Again, this is just from a male standpoint...
I am still friends with a few friends turned lovers, but several instances did not turn out all that well. The ones that did were based on a really strong, non-threatening friendship beforehand--and that sounds like what you have right now. I say bite the bullet and go for it. You say you are curious...you have a friend who is bi-...can you really go wrong?

I will defer to those females who have experienced this situation...just putting my two cents' in.




____________


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:18 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


All I can say is this: If I had slept with my best friend from way back, I wouldn't have her for a friend now. Not to mention, that ick factor might suddenly become a huge issue in the heat of the moment. Trouble times two. You lose that friend you didn't want to lose and risk the possibility of her hating you for allowing it to go that far. I know there is the difference of gender in our cases, but it is all pretty much the same. Just remember that with most great things come the possibility of great failure. If you feel the need to take the risk, take it. You already see the consequences.
Fight on EMMARIGBY.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:25 AM

SHEPHERD2BE


Nothing happened after watching Secretary? Really?
Showed that one to a date last week now she's my girlfriend.


More male input (for what it's worth)
It seems to me it might be easier to end your curiousity with someone you are already friends with.
Although the ick factor is powerful stuff, so is the comfort factor.

I say roll the dice.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought the collar gave it away

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:29 AM

SAMEERTIA


Whoa.
Emma, rule number 1.
Communication.

'Implying', to me, doesn't speak of good communications. First, find out what your friend's intentions are.

It can take a lot of courage (and maybe a shared bottle of wine) to say, "You know, I'm getting hte impression that you might want to move this past just friendship? And if so, honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that."

If she's interested, she should be able to say, "Hell, yes, I'm attracted to you!" and if not, be able to say so as well.

But once the question is in the open, and you both are being honest and straightforward about what you think, how you feel, and what you want, you'll be surprised at how easily the confusion fades and you can just be yourself.

No sense making yourself crazy over it until you know what she's thinking about.
One thing to really consider is how this fits in with your relationship with your boyfriend.

Guys typically go, "Oh! Girlfriend is BI! I can have a hot threesome!" until she actually starts dating another woman. Then there are likely to be insecurities and fears to be dealt with, just the same as if he was dating someone else.


Oh, and since we were talking about this topic; As I have told Manitou in the past, "SURE, you can come to bed with my girlfriend and I, and we'll show you exactly how little there is for a guy to do when two women who know what they are doing get together. I recommend you bring a good book and a snack, because you're likely to get bored."






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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:41 AM

TRISTAN


SameErita, as stated before, not all guys immediately think "hot threesome!". The few posts I have seen in here indicate an interest, yes, but not an automatic "I'm in there" mentality. My own post stated I would be interested if invited, but would not actively pursue a major role in the activities between my partner and another female.

Sorry, had to respond to your line "Oh! Girlfriend is BI! I can have a hot threesome!" And if your idea of a threesome is leaving the guy reading a book and eating a snack, that's not really a threesome is it?


____________


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:43 AM

MAL4PREZ


Quote:

Originally posted by SameErtia:
Oh, and since we were talking about this topic; As I have told Manitou in the past, "SURE, you can come to bed with my girlfriend and I, and we'll show you exactly how little there is for a guy to do when two women who know what they are doing get together. I recommend you bring a good book and a snack, because you're likely to get bored."




That's hilarious!!!

And I totally second your advice to Emma. Talk talk talk it out!!! If she's a good friend from way back, the communication should flow freely, and be enlightening!


-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 10:27 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION






You've been flashed

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 10:41 AM

MAL4PREZ


Quote:

Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:




You've been flashed

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"




GAH!! ROTFLMFAO!!!!


-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 10:43 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION




I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:13 AM

LEAINA


Hey Emma, I am so in agreement with Sameerita re communication.

One thing I've learn in my 'travels' is that you've got to be on the same wave-length as the person you're sleeping with. If one person is expecting one thing out of the relationship, and the other is expecting something different, that is a surefire recipe for pain. And when I say 'wavelength' I mean understanding each other's intentions so no one feels used/misled.

I have slept with my best (girl) friend as part of a threesome and it hasn't changed the relationship (apart from the fact I now know what she looks like naked) partly because we both understood what we were getting into.

Also the curiosity issue: are you curious about her because you're curious about exploring whether you're bi, or are you actually attracted to her as a person?

Thus ends the wisdom. But the fun drunken gossip and tips are only beginning!

Plus I looooove the British Museum. It is quite possibly my favourite place in the whole world.
L xx

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:20 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


I wish you the best of luck EMMARIGBY. If we were not allowed to wonder or to be bold, the 'verse would be a very boring place.

FMF- Thanks for the flashes.

Jayne: I was gonna get me an ear too.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:35 AM

TRISTAN


Alright, seeing as this subject seems to be...well, the subject, I have an imponderable.

Bear with me, this may end up long-winded...
How many females are truly bisexual? I have noticed a trend on this board regarding curiosity and actual relationships with females by females. Please don't flame me for asking this, but is this something that all females go through at one time or another? I realize that almost every human goes through a questioning stage in regards to their sexuality, but it seems more females act on those questions/urges than males do. I do not ever remember wanting to have sexual relations with another male. Yes, I have "man crushes", but they never lean towards the desire to have sex. Three-somes have been mentioned, but it seems that all the three-somes around here have been two females and one male. I, personally, have been involved in a four-some...in that there were two naked males and two naked females, and much sex ensued. There was sexual contact between the two females, but the only contact between myself and the other male was more along the lines of keeping our balance, or accidental contact. We did not shy away from each other, but the desire to mate with each other was not there. Neither of us was jealous, nor were we in the way of each other. Nobody was left unsatisfied, and we all remained friends until time parted us. This was the only time it happened, although we did remember it quite fondly amongst ourselves.

See, told you this would be a bit long-winded.
So, thoughts, comments, or clarifications?

(If I have offended anyone by the questions, I apologize, but this is an open forum for Imponderables, after all...)





____________


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:40 AM

SERYN


Catching up –

Co-pilot – I hope you start to feel better soon, If it helps, I once completely wigged out over a break up and spent about three weeks trying to not be sick. (anyone wants the story pm me, Its too long to type here)
That probably doesn’t help. Chew crystallized ginger!

Cybersex – nope, icky, plus most of what I used to like about sex was the sensual input – smell, feel, taste etc. My keyboard and computer screen smell plastic and dusty and I’m not even going to imagine attempting a taste test.

Orientation – there was a point in my teens where I thought I might be bi – I thought it was lust, realized years down the line that it was just a shy girl idolizing a prettier more confident one. As it is, I’m still philosophical about the whole thing, never say never and all that, but women just don’t attract me, they don’t cause that stomach flippy thing, any attraction is purely intellectual. I think I just respond to men – I like the way they are wired I suppose, and the aforementioned feel etc.
Saying that, it’s a case of were I bi, I would tell them, but I wouldn’t feel it mandatory to state it from the out put (I think I have enough tact to keep away from the public announcements as well) The way I see it, its another facet of my personality, a rather big one albeit, but because it has no direct bearing on that relationship, I wouldn’t shoe horn the fact in there straight off the bat. (Wow, long winded!) But not being a bloke, god knows if that’s the best approach.

Heres a question – roles reversed, how would you girls feel dating a bi man? Would you take part in a two guy’s one girl? Would any straight guy out there take part in one of those?

Quote:

posted by Leaina:
But at the same time, now, I'm in a strangely celibate phase of my life. I guess I'm all one thing or all the other. No in-between. And I don't think that's especially healthy either.



I don’t know about celibacy being unhealthy. I’ve been single and totally celibate since my second year of college when I simply decided that I wasn’t even enjoying sex and whatever, so I wasn’t going to bother with it.
College just burned me out, a fabulous cocktail of isolation, mega stress and being screwed over by supposed friends meant that I was just settling for whatever came up. I eventually decided that that (surprise) wasn’t good enough. 3 years later I finally think I’ve got my head on straight. The confidence is way up, infact I think I may have crossed the line into vain* (and yes, I my weaker moment I do crave a good but those moments are very rare.)

I think my biggest problem now is my standards are far too high – I’ve simply stopped seeing guys I fancy, and I want to be treated nice, to do the whole ‘dating’ thing. Also I’m loathe to give up my independence – I can’t even commit to a routine dinner hour. But the basic gist of this conversation is celibacy = good thing, I’ve benefited from it enormously.

Can I have my habit and rosary now?

As for wanting a sensitive man (obviously not speaking for all women) but it’s never been a quality high on my list. I’m at that stage in my life (i.e. if I had children it might be different) where I want, well, almost a sparring partner. My list of desirable qualities reads something like ‘Intelligence, passion, independence, wit, sophistication blah blah blah. I don’t want to be looked after, I want to be excited and intrigued and challenged and pushed to new experiences and fired up by my partner – I want another personality as strong as my own.
So while I don’t want a cave man, I don’t personally need to be ‘honoured’ or have someone who understands my moods better than I do. (Beyond the “when I say I’m ‘fine’ run, run away as fast as you can”)


Open or poly relationships. I always had this weird thing in my head where if it was the lot of us together at the same time, i.e. living together or socializing together it would be fine. (Actually, if I ever have kids, the idea of having more than one dad to raise the tyke 3 men and a baby style is just great, sign me up.) But having one relationship, then going away and having a separate one with someone else doesn’t feel right. In fact, even if it was done with full consent, if the other wasn’t involved with whatever I was doing with one, then it would feel shady, like cheating I suppose. I also don’t think I would cope well to letting some one into my head then sending them off to someone else with a hug and a wave.
Bear in mind that this is all conjecture; it’s great that you found a way to make it work SameErtia, but at the moment I just can’t see myself in the same place. I am happy for you though

And finally, I second the communicate advice. It’s squirmily embarrassing, but sometimes necessary.

Ok, my imponderable - I’m a total klutz, (I think the technical term for me is ‘dyspraxic’ but that’s doesn’t help at all. I can’t number the amount of times I’ve gone ass over tit in front of someone, banged into things, spilt the contents of my handbag, had trouble with shopping bags, spilt popcorn and drinks, fallen down stairs etc.

But I also know one couple who are almost sickeningly in love, they are the perfect couple. And she’s the same as me in clumsiness terms (ok, she has the up on me of being gorgeous with perfect blonde hair a fab figure and more grace when she’s not falling off the kerb) So that’s one side saying it doesn’t matter, but there's also the fact that we see clumsy women ridiculed constantly in the media (men as well, but not so much)

So what do guys really think? If some girl that you’d just been thinking was cute tripped or spilled her drink, how would it affect your view of her? Would it make her more endearing, turn you off, or make no difference whatsoever?

Oh dear, mega post, sorry!

*not the standing in front of a mirror admiring my hair vain, but the ‘yeah, I’m a damn good catch, you’re a fool to pass it up’ vain. Eek.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:51 AM

SERYN


the british museum is fantastic - while we're on the subject, did you see the sex dwarf?

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!

http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:53 AM

TRISTAN


Seryn...wow...when you catch up, you really catch up!

To answer your question: no, clumsiness would not turn me off at all. Matter of fact, my very own wife is a bit on the clumsy side (don't tell her I told y'all, she'd kick my butt!), and I love her all the more for it. Proves she is a normal person. While I respect people with uncanny grace and bearing, they put me off. You want in with me? Fall on your butt a time or two...I do the same thing. By the way, "ass over tit"...hilarious!

And yes, you can stand in front of the mirror any time and state with pride "I’m a damn good catch, you’re a fool to pass it up", if I may be so bold as to make that statement.




____________


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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:55 AM

LEAINA


Tristan, my thoughts exactly re the whole bisexual thing. I think these days, when any stigma related to homosexuality is beginning to fade, people genuinely want to give themselves a chance to explore their sexuality. It's a really interesting time, it's great that people have got the chance to find out who they really are (or at least what their sexual orientation is).

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:56 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


I think its cute when a woman does something clumsy. It also shows the amount of humility she posses. Of course the media seems to ridicule the "Hot Chick" less tahn anyone else. Its mostly men writting for TV. Besides, most dumb guys are too busy checkin' a girl out, ignoring the actusl action of the woman. My favorite woman has her moments, and I'll help clean up the spill or grab the broom. The cool thing is that she will work with me to accomplish the cleanup, (grabs more paper towels or the dust pan). Girls who are overly vain seem to get angry or annoyed if you try to help out. As if its your fault you weren't born a rich doctor with a Posche and a condo. I tend to help anyone who might need a hand, whether I like them or not. As for the seeing a woman different after a clumsy move. It all depends on her reaction to me lending a hand.

Jayne: I was gonna get me an ear too.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 11:59 AM

SERYN


yes, one thing that i have done in the last three years is develop an opinion.

Thank you, that whole paragraph makes me feel an awful lot better.

And I shall endeavor to say that to myself in the morror a lot more.

as for ass over tit, i can't claim credit, its an Ianism, if not a britishism.

He (my mothers boyfriend) also came up with my personal favorite 'hanging 'round like a fart in a spacesuit'

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!

http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 12:02 PM

LEAINA


sex dwarf??? where's that?

that's gotta be in the ancient greek collection...

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 12:09 PM

SERYN


nope, india.

One of the more succesful dates I ever went on, in the indian section we kept seeing all these staues of god and various poses from the kama sutra, all balanced on this pudgy human/animal unknown thing.

My date called it a dwarf, but iwouldn't believe it. But statue after staue, there is was. Then there was one of a goddes 'standing on the dwarf of ignorance'

So then came the jokes about dwarfs as sex aids, and having to upgrade from 'goody drawer' to goody cupboard', etc.

Then we went to see LOTR, the second one i think. And at the point where Gimli falls from the horse, and Eowyn rushes to help him up, then looks back and gooey eyes Aragorn, Dave leans over and whispers "well, you know waht she's got in mind, that dwarf on the floor and everything..."

I laughed so hard I almost got up kicked out of the Odeon Leichester Sq.

anyone ever tried any of those kama sutra poses?


**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!

http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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