Male and Female Imponderables-Resurrected by Tristan

I don't know, I used to be able to do that.

Although inever did one night stands, with regular partners sex used to be about company, comfort or stress relief, and only needed an attraction. But in the end it just got cold. And the last guy just managed to make me feel used, so I just gave it up.

I think a lot of guys are able to enjoy it, I had a pet thoery once that they were able to externalise it - focus on the physical pleasure, but keep it outside of them selves.
Where as with women it was a lot harder as their brains arn't always wired that way.
Plus theres the whole anatomy thing - in every encounter, for women, sex is an invasion. Theres a real risk involved, so theres always more thought needed, over and above 'this feels good'

But i'm likely wrong.

and as for the bi curious thing, everyone does go through the stage of questioning who they are. Do I do think its more socially acceptable for women to act on the impulses, theres still much more stigma attatched for men.

note how no-one yes has replied to my question of would they take part in a 2 men 1 woman threeway? (though it is possible that thats because the question got lost in the waffle)

By the way, my answer to that would be 'if it were Chrisitan Bale on one side and Sawyer from Lost on the other, honey i'm there already...

no, kidding, I don't know, never say never.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 12:51 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by seryn:
note how no-one yes has replied to my question of would they take part in a 2 men 1 woman threeway?

Have done. Was lots and lots of fun. Especially since they were all (actually three blokes and me, could not belive my luck) straight and therefore entirely concentrated on me. I shit you not. It was fun. In fact it was so much fun, i wish that I'd had a little less to drink and so could have enjoyed it more!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 12:56 PM

i'm not ususally one to do this sort of thing, but as you enjoyed it...

YOU GO GIRL!

LOL, how did you get yourself into that situation?

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 1:11 PM

ok general warning, just shout "too much information!" if it gets too much.

Erm, I was in London a couple of summers ago and I got to know some guys in a bar over a couple of days. I really fancied one of them (half Irish, half Italian- fatal combination) and we flirted over a couple of days and I got to know his friends who were cool too. But I totally wasn't flirting with them, coz I was into the Irish guy.

So third or fourth day we all end up going clubbing together. There's much flirting with Irish guy and we decide to leave together. His friends are leaving at the same time, and in my tipsy boldness I asked some question like "so are you really good friends...?" in a playful, suggestive tone, totally not expecting anything to happen. But it did and we all ended up going back to one of the guys' home (really nice house- it turned out he was some high powered plastic surgeon). Then I went home and stayed over with the Irish guy then I left to go back home to Shropshire a few days later.

To be honest, I couldn't believe my luck either! I still don't really know how it happened. Right time, right place, right mood I guess.

We all exchange a few flirty fun texts from time to time, but I wasn't expecting anything out of the night other than to have fun there and then. Also the very fact I didn't really know these guys helped because of the lack of emotional baggage, we were just four people having fun.

So I feel fine about it now - that whole 'emotion' distancing thing you mentioned. I'm very good at that (a little too good but that's a whole other story).

Certainly something to tell the grandchildren about! [or maybe not]

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 1:18 PM

yes, maybe not the grandchildren.

I just don't say things like that, or if ido it must be really obvious that i'm joking.

So half of me is say 'and thats a good thing...' a small part of me is yelling 'live a little' and the rest is staying suspiciously quiet.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 1:26 PM

Phew- where to start?

Tristan: Sorry! That's why I said, "typically"- In my experience most guys do go straight for the "threesome-plan". There are a few who are much cooler about it.

Threesome with two men is one of my hottest fantasies. Sadly, at this point, it's just a fantasy. Manitou is very very straight, and although we have friends who I would LOVE to share him with that way, it's not gonna happen.
I don't see him being comfortable with me fulfilling that fantasy with other men. At least, not in this point of our relationship. However, if Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp showed up on my doorstep tomorrow night, I would have to re-consider that whole open communications thing!

Leaina, WOW! Sometimes the fates just conspire, don't they?

Bisexuality; Yeah, I spent a lot of time saying "I'm not really bi, I'm just bi-curiously, but I'm really straight." (Uh huh. Keep on sayin' it girl!)
And then there was 9 1/2 Weeks, and I looked up at Kim Basinger- you know the scene I mean, in the slide-room? and said, Oh. I want that!

When I was doing workshops on sexuality on campus, people (usually parents trying to figure out what they did wrong that their child was gay!) would ask me "Is there an event that caused you to become bisexual?"

And I always have to answer, "Yes, it was called 9 1/2 Weeks, and the actress's name was Kim Bassinger." Usually gets a laugh, anyway.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 1:44 PM

If ever one woman caused me to cross over to the other camp, it could only be Claudia Black - I swaer, the first season of Farscape, she got as much eyeball time as Ben.

But like I said before, with women its a more aesthetic, intellectual attraction. With men its the whole hog, the day dreams, the fantasies and the wierd crunches in the pit of my stomach at the meerest thought of them, so I guess i'm straight.

Dammit. I need to find someone to have a crush on. The old one wore off.

Or maybe I just need to get back on the horse, all this talk and stuff on the Tree is just making me think that maybe i'm growing too up-tight and need to give relationships a chance again.

I bought this cracking top the other week, its almost entirely backless 'cept for the knot holding it together. Was a little worried about looking awful in it (i'm not the skinniest of people and it doesn't forgive) but maybe I should crack it out and go out more.

And on that thought. G'night folks x

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 2:54 PM

Ive got a pondering. Although its probebly been discussed a thousand times in the previous imponderables.
Masturbation, good or bad?
Personally I do get the occasional boughts of shame from the act, but generally I belive that theres nothing wrong with it and that its usually healthy (just have to convince my upbringing of that

)
Also, whats your preference. Personally I avoid using "aids" like porn and devices (dont really know if there are any for men?), my imagination is enough and I prefer to be nekkid. Im not really much for masturbating and dont do it often since I never really got as powerfull orgasms and physical closeness to other people is a big part in sex for me.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 2:54 PM

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 2:54 PM

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 2:54 PM

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 2:54 PM

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 2:54 PM

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 8:33 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Catching up here!
Okay, first off to Emma: Communicate, yes. That has been covered. If she is in fact interested in you, be very open and honest and careful with how you proceed. I have been on both sides of this issue; I fell madly in love with my best friend but she had no interst in me. We eventually grew apart, but it didn't have a lot to do with that. She was honest about it, and I appreciated that. I would have been completely up for experimenting with her if she had been at all curious, too. If it had turned out that she wasn't into it, I would have been a little sad, but I would have understood. On the flip side, I had a friend who expressed interest in dating me, but I wasn't comfortable with the idea for a number of reasons. We are still friends. So really it depends on what you feel for this girl. If you're attracted and she's attracted and also a really good friend, I would say that is totally the way to go.
Tristan, I can't speak for everyone, but I've known several women who never went through a "curious" stage of their lives. It's one of those things you just kind of know. I haven't had a serious relationship with a girl, but I sure have enjoyed kissing a few. And even before that, it was something I just knew. You probably knew you liked girls before kissing one, and it was the same with me. There are always different levels, though. Someone once described it to me as a parabola; the flat line on one side being completely straight, the other side being completely gay, and the curve in the middle being the varying degrees of bi-ness. There are those who can, say, appreciate how a member of the same sex looks but have no desire to sleep with them. There are those who might be attracted but don't feel the really strong draw. There are those that feel the draw, but not as strongly. And there are those right in the middle. I'm close to the middle, though I do have a slight preference for men when it comes to pure attraction. There have been women who make my color rise and my stomach drop without even saying anything, but it's less common.
I very much enjoy dating bisexual or bi-curious men because they get it; they understand on a personal level what it means. Threesome with two guys has the same amount of appeal to me as the other kind. As long as there was enough mutual attraction, I would be up for it. Haven't found people I want to have a threesome of any kind with yet, but I might one day. I agree, by the way, with the more "social" idea of being poly. Wouldn't want to go off on the side, so to speak, even with consent.
Yes, I have tried a few posisions from the kama sutra; they aren't all complicated. But some aren't possible without being a yoga master and/or having about five people involved. They are very, very nice.
Mastubation; couldn't live without it. I mean, right now, when I'm not getting anything else. It's never as powerful and I certainly can't go multiple, but it's still decent for what ails me. I am fortunate not to have had an upbringing that told me to be ashamed, so I have no problem with it. Devices are also very much required, as I tense up and arch when getting close and could therefore never keep my hand moving properly to actually finish. (I hope that's not TMI.) So I have several things that pulse and vibrate. My collection has unsurprisingly grown in the last few months. And yes, there are a few things for men, usually consisting of a "sleeve" of some sort, though they don't move by themselves. Apparently there is a masturbation machine that does move by itself and sells for a couple thousand dollars. There are also, of course, various dolls.
Ok, think I got everything there.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:26 PM

EMMARIGBY

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Catching up here!
Okay, first off to Emma: Communicate, yes. That has been covered. If she is in fact interested in you, be very open and honest and careful with how you proceed. [snip] If you're attracted and she's attracted and also a really good friend, I would say that is totally the way to go.

Thanks everyone for your advice, even if it is terror inducing! (My palms go sweaty at the very thought of that conversation!) I'll let you know if anything ever does happen (I'd need bottles of Dutch courage), but seeming as she is heading off to teach in Africa for a couple of years soon it may all be moot (I'll miss her so!)

Quote:

Tristan, I can't speak for everyone, but I've known several women who never went through a "curious" stage of their lives. It's one of those things you just kind of know. I haven't had a serious relationship with a girl, but I sure have enjoyed kissing a few. And even before that, it was something I just knew. You probably knew you liked girls before kissing one, and it was the same with me. There are always different levels, though. Someone once described it to me as a parabola; the flat line on one side being completely straight, the other side being completely gay, and the curve in the middle being the varying degrees of bi-ness. There are those who can, say, appreciate how a member of the same sex looks but have no desire to sleep with them. There are those who might be attracted but don't feel the really strong draw. There are those that feel the draw, but not as strongly. And there are those right in the middle. I'm close to the middle, though I do have a slight preference for men when it comes to pure attraction. There have been women who make my color rise and my stomach drop without even saying anything, but it's less common.

That's exactly how I see it! I don't understand this rigid view of 'you're either that or that'. It's so clearly wrong. I know girls who are so straight they don't even like looking at a naked girl (but love naked men!), others that JUST like looking, then there's the touching and flirting...etc! I'm a bit odd in that I find more women attractive but flirt with more men. Guess I'm a bit scared and inhibited! What I found sad was that when my friend announced she was bi-sexual at Uni she got a lot of prejudice from her lesbian friends, who were all 'Oh you're just playing and that demeans us', or 'why can't you make up your mind'. You'd think that those who have been exposed to prejudice would be less inclined to judge but it's not always that way.

Quote:
A threesome with two guys has the same amount of appeal to me as the other kind. As long as there was enough mutual attraction, I would be up for it. Haven't found people I want to have a threesome of any kind with yet, but I might one day. I agree, by the way, with the more "social" idea of being poly. Wouldn't want to go off on the side, so to speak, even with consent.

I'd like to try but I'd have to know them very well. It could get physically intimidating and it would be even more important to not be too shy to say I don't like that or I want this (something I'm not great at!). By the way Leiana, 3 guys! I'm very impressed! You must have stamina! This has always been a recurring fantasy but I don't think I have the self-confidence to ever pull it off without getting really self-concious (3 men looking at me naked and comparing notes? Argh!)

Quote:
Yes, I have tried a few posisions from the kama sutra; they aren't all complicated. But some aren't possible without being a yoga master and/or having about five people involved. They are very, very nice.

Unusual positions are fun for playing but they can be awkward and painful. It makes me feel unimaginative but when I crave sex I always go straight for the doggie style or advanced missionary.

Quote:
Mastubation; couldn't live without it. I mean, right now, when I'm not getting anything else. It's never as powerful and I certainly can't go multiple, but it's still decent for what ails me. I am fortunate not to have had an upbringing that told me to be ashamed, so I have no problem with it. Devices are also very much required, as I tense up and arch when getting close and could therefore never keep my hand moving properly to actually finish. (I hope that's not TMI.) So I have several things that pulse and vibrate. My collection has unsurprisingly grown in the last few months. And yes, there are a few things for men, usually consisting of a "sleeve" of some sort, though they don't move by themselves. Apparently there is a masturbation machine that does move by itself and sells for a couple thousand dollars. There are also, of course, various dolls.

I'm so pleased someone brought this up. I don't think we've discussed this at length! I worship the inventor of masturbation (and the power shower!) as I believe it has saved my sanity through the long droughts, plus it's better for insomnia that a cup of hot bovril. I also have a growing number of toys. One more since last weekend! (with the disturbing name of the Knicker critter! And why do some of these vibrators have faces or animals on them? How disturbing is that?!) In fact I've become so used to battery powered that I've lost all the strength that frustrated teenage years had built up in my arm muscles! (TMI? Nah! You guys are unshockable!) How do the guys feel about toys in bed? Would you be offended if you were getting it on and the woman whipped out her little friend to 'help out'? It's something I've agonised over as often penetration alone just isn't enough.

Whew! Long post, but you people have been busy and I wanted to catch up!

________________________________

Hisssssss!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:43 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I've totally gotten the "You just can't make up your mind" attitude, though it's more from straight people, a few digs have come my way from both sides of the fence. It is ridiculous; we should really all stick together!
I love unusual positions! The only one I've ever found at all painful is basic cowgirl. I have no idea why. My fave is the Black Bee (I believe that is the correct name) which is, in fact, the one you see Mal and Nandi in during their little adventure. I just adore that one! But there are many others I love too. I don't even know if all of them have names! (Sure they do somewhere, just never found them) One is, I think, called "swimming". And then there's standing up, which was fabulous, but my boy didn't have the strength to keep us braced properly, so it was rather short-lived. Don't feel bad; there are many who consider doggie-style to be very outside the norm (did I mention I love that one, too?) and there's nothing wrong with missionary. It's not my favorite, but I enjoy it fully. Really, I have met very few positions I didn't like.
I, too, would have to be very comfortable to do the threesome/orgy thing. I have no problem talking about what I want, and even less problem saying "Yeah, don't do that" but it would be a matter of feeling safe. Can't remember who said it above, about sex always being an intrusion; you have to feel safe.
There are many couples who use toys on each other. The main thing is not to keep it all for yourself (use a small vibrating device on him; it can really work!) and never, ever, bring out a toy that is bigger than he is!
Oh, and toys with faces, I actually know the answer to that one. There's some law against manufacturing sex toys in China, so they give them faces and call them dolls. I am dead serious. The animals are for clitoral stimulation in most cases. Not sure why they're animal shaped; might be part of the same rules.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 2:26 AM

MAL4PREZ

Again with the fun imponderables! It's getting to be the first thread I check in the morning, `cause look at the topics!! And good thing we're online, because I generally can't talk detailed sex without getting all blushy. me ->

You threesome-friendly women with all your toys - brazen hussies! I mean it as a compliment and bow to your wisdom - and also I ask this: I have no toys, but I'm thinking it wouldn't be a bad to change that. But I'm too embarrassed to go in a store! How do you shop?

Re the bi thing - I'm really not so into the female anatomy, I do like the outdoor plumbing. But I realized this past winter that I was totally attracted to a girl in my dance class. That doesn't make me bi though, it's her fault. A few of the gay guys said they'd change to the other side for her too, she's just that adorable!!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 2:39 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

You know what's funny is that I work for an answering service and we had an account called "Shop Erotic" that ran infomercials for toys and sold them over the phone/net. Don't have the account there anymore, but I'm pretty sure they are still in business. They have cute, mostly feminine toys and offer discrete mailing; they are hand-crafted for ladies like you who don't want to go to a store! And if you order over their webiste, you don't even have to talk to anyone! (Although I was, of course, always very understanding and friendly to nervous callers I cannot speak for whatever new service they have answering for them.) And if they're not still around, there are several sites of that nature for your ordering convenience.
But really, you shouldn't be afraid of a store akin to Facinations; it's just the ones with blackened windows and "arcades" that you have to watch out for!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 2:45 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Whoops! Lagging! Double post!

Look; lesbians!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 3:34 AM

Good morning, all!
Only have a little catching up to do, it looks like...
Masturbation. Yes, yes, and yes. It's good to know how one's own body works and to be able to give yourself pleasure. No toys are necessary, and an active imagination really helps.
Toys. I like toys, and would have no problems having one in bed, either. Just don't try to use it on me...I am not in need of any extra stimuli; intercourse itself is all the pleasure I'll be needing

.

Thank you all for shedding some light on the bisexual question. It may not sound like it, but I do understand where y'all "stand", and I do not pass judgement nor condemn those that trip lightly down a different path. I just seek enlightenment...and thank you for the floodlights.

____________

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 4:23 AM

IMALEAF

I have a question and it is not so much about the opposite sex as it is about dealing with family when in a relationship.

Okay here is my story in a nutshell. I moved out right after I turned 18, bought a house, I work full time and go to school full time (which I pay for by myself). Anyways my family was distant (they have always been distant) but supportive and seemingly proud of my accomplishments. Then my boyfriend of a year and half moved in.

They have been demanding and bossy ever since. They have even gone as far as to say I'm living in sin. Ha, the only time I have been inside a church with anyone I'm related to was for a wedding, living in sin, bull***t. They keep telling us to get married and ask the Lord's forgiveness. GEEZE, who are these people, we have had people pregnant out of wedlock more than once in my family's history. Now granted everyone was married before the birth, but I'm not pregnant. So I should clarify it is not my whole family just this gossipy group of old women I am forced to call Aunt. My parents and brother are fine with it and supportive. It is just that these women make ALL holidays HELL. My guy is very supportive and his family thinks it is a great idea. Living together, see if it works before exchanges vows. So this just makes them clash when ever they run into each other. My family won’t stand up to old group of aunts but his will.

Any advice on dealing with hypocritical family members who can't deal with your lifestyle, and yes we have considered living in another state, but we really like his family, and most of mine.

Oh and any great comeback for these Questions:
When are you getting married?

Do you sleep in the same room?

You should stay at home let him work. (Okay not really a question)

Do you have sex?

When are you getting married? (The second time they ask)

You should return your dog, they aren’t good for children. ( not question either, but important, the dog, Argos, is my guys Birthday present and we are both still in college and well don’t really want kids period, but we haven’t told the families that because we would never hear the end of it)

~~River: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logics. Doesn't make sense.~~

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 4:35 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Hmmmmmm, I could say "just wait for them to die" but that's hardly an immediate solution. Are you willing to flat-out tell them to butt out? I know that can't be easy to do, and they might be offended for awhile, but hell why not? They are offending you anyway. And maybe if they're offended they'll give you the silent treatment.
Snappy comebacks:
When are you getting married? - When we want to.
Do you sleep in the same room? - That's none of your business. Yes.
You should stay at home and let him work. - What? And let him have all the fun? (or) Well we could hardly afford the house or schooling without two paychecks!
Do you have sex? - ALL THE TIME!! (getting angry might actually be a good option. If they realize you'll be flippant and pissy when they ask, they might stop)
(second) When are you getting married? - Sometime after the rapture. (or, if you feel really nasty) Right after your funeral.
You should return your dog, they aren't good for children. - Oh but they make such lovely replacements for them!

This is just me, though. I don't take crap from my family. You should have seen me when my dad asked my if I'd kissed a girl with an odd look on his face. Oooooh man! He got the point real quick, and that led to faster acceptance of the whole deal.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 4:36 AM

MAL4PREZ

hmm, web surfing for sex toys. My favorite gay friend is going to help me make a match.com thing, I should make him help me shop for toys as well.

I'm actually half serious - he is sooo not shy about anything!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 4:54 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

Quote:
Originally posted by imaleaf:
I have a question and it is not so much about the opposite sex as it is about dealing with family when in a relationship.

Okay here is my story in a nutshell. I moved out right after I turned 18, bought a house, I work full time and go to school full time (which I pay for by myself). Anyways my family was distant (they have always been distant) but supportive and seemingly proud of my accomplishments. Then my boyfriend of a year and half moved in.

They have been demanding and bossy ever since. They have even gone as far as to say I'm living in sin. Ha, the only time I have been inside a church with anyone I'm related to was for a wedding, living in sin, bull***t. They keep telling us to get married and ask the Lord's forgiveness. GEEZE, who are these people, we have had people pregnant out of wedlock more than once in my family's history. Now granted everyone was married before the birth, but I'm not pregnant. So I should clarify it is not my whole family just this gossipy group of old women I am forced to call Aunt. My parents and brother are fine with it and supportive. It is just that these women make ALL holidays HELL. My guy is very supportive and his family thinks it is a great idea. Living together, see if it works before exchanges vows. So this just makes them clash when ever they run into each other. My family won’t stand up to old group of aunts but his will.

Any advice on dealing with hypocritical family members who can't deal with your lifestyle, and yes we have considered living in another state, but we really like his family, and most of mine.

Oh and any great comeback for these Questions:
When are you getting married? WHY ARE YOU GONNA PAY FOR IT?

Do you sleep in the same room? WHY? WANNA COMPARE SEX POSITIONS?

You should stay at home let him work. (Okay not really a question) WHY SHOULD HE HAVE ALL THE FUN?

Do you have sex? SEE ANSWER ABOVE

When are you getting married? (The second time they ask) WELL, YOU WILL KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT WHEN AND IF YOU RECEIVE THE INVITE

You should return your dog, they aren’t good for children. ( not question either, but important, the dog, Argos, is my guys Birthday present and we are both still in college and well don’t really want kids period, but we haven’t told the families that because we would never hear the end of it) WE DON'T HAVE KIDS, DOGS ARE MAN'S BEST FRIEND, AND IF THE HYPOTHECTICAL KID DOESN'T LIKE THE DOG I GUESS WE COULD RETURN THE HYPOTHECTICAL KID

~~River: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logics. Doesn't make sense.~~

I am a bad bad person

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 5:10 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Ha! That's funny! We came up with the same answer to one of the questions!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 5:16 AM

imaleaf, I concur with my esteemed thread-mates. If you are supporting yourself, and it seems you are, then they should have no say-so in your life (not that they should have anyway, I am just making my point more solid here). It is ok to tell relatives to go pound sand. Sometimes, that is the only way they will understand you. Niceness doesn't work, try veiled hostility...that doesn't work, go for the overt. I am not saying go Reaver on their asses, but make it absolutely clear that you have no intention on putting up with their go se anymore. Live your own life and enjoy it while you can.

I like the others' answers to your questions, so I am going to leave them be.

____________

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 5:23 AM

IMALEAF

I think I should clarify something. I am not by any means a pushover I don't just take their crap. I am just running out of my own snappy comebacks.

I think the best way to explain it is when I tell them to "go pound sand" they tell me:
They are only telling me the truth
Looking out for me
Don't mean to upset me, just wanna help

Imagine Simons mother saying any of those things.....you got it? Yep that how they say it

~~River: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logics. Doesn't make sense.~~

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 5:25 AM

SHEPHERD2BE

Morning.
Looks like the posts doubled after I signed off yesterday.
Let me see if I can catch up.
In no particular order:

Threesomes with another guy? Don't think I could, then again there have been lots of things I thought I could not do. Just have a slight aversion to penises not my own. Not prudish or homophobic, just not my thing. Sure it's all about her, but if I'm uncomfortable I won't be able to give my best effort and might as well be making sandwiches for them.

Toys? Hey, we're all on the same team working towards the same goal. Show me what to do and I'll help. I'm a quick learner on the important stuff. Just keep me involved and there won't be a problem.

Masturbation? Well not gonna leave you guys out there on your own Vinterdraken and Tristan. I have on occasion. Maybe once or twice, during a 5 year and most recently a 3 year bout with celibacy. If it had not been for me taking the initiative, I might have started taking hostages.

It's healthy to a point but a poor substitution for the real thing. I tend to agree with Heinlein, " Masturbation is cheap, clean, convenient, and free of any possibility of wrongdoing—and you don't have to go home in the cold. But it's lonely."

As far as positions, it depends on the mood. Cowgirl is fun but overenthusiastic partners have led to a few injuries and made me cautious. I prefer missionary because it allows me better control of technique.

As far as nosey relatives, the only thing I can do is stonewall them. It aggravates them to no end to not know what I'm doing.
And I take great pleasure in it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought the collar gave it away

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 5:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Vinterdraken:
Ive got a pondering. Although its probebly been discussed a thousand times in the previous imponderables.
Masturbation, good or bad?

(Starting from the Top and Working My Way Down ... THE THREAD! I MEAN the thread. Y'all got smutty minds!)

Masturbation good. Good to a point, I should say.

I write erotica. I also read erotica. So usually after a hot writing session, I gotta do something, and my primary lover is 300 miles away! Seldom need more turn-on than my own imagination, though.

Two notes:
For girls; excessive use of heavy-duty vibrator devices can reduce sensitivity over time. Once a week or so isn't going to hurt a thing, but if you're plugging in the Wahl Vibe and going at it for an hour every night, be careful.

For guys; regular face down masturbation which places alot of pressure on the tool can eventually cause a similar type of lack of sensitivity, and even nerve damage that can result in erectile dysfuntion.

Outside of that kind of unintentional damage, GO FOR IT! It's FUN! It feels good! (Just don't do it in the bathroom when your roommates are trying to get ready for work.)

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 5:55 AM

I shop at GoodVibes.Com!
They are FEMALE friendly. They have shops in San Francisco and Berkely, and their staff is knowledgeable, friendly, and fun.
Their website is bright, cheery and secure, and if you have questions, you can usually find the answer in the FAQ's and the reviews. You can even call and talk to a real person to get the answers and advice you want.

GoodVibes is Good!

If you want toy recommendations, I'd be happy to help.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 6:00 AM

IMALEAF

I would like to bring up the subtopic of war injuries……… and by this I mean three possibilities:
1. Injuries to yourself
2. Injuries to partner
3. Injuries to property

Me? Well I broke my wrist once, and gave myself concussion another time.
Partner? Well I had one guy bust his lip on a headboard, and one guy pull a groin muscle.
Property? Broke a fan, box fan not ceiling; broke a bed, a lawn chair, and a curtain rod.

~~River: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logics. Doesn't make sense.~~

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 6:08 AM

MAL4PREZ

Quote:
Originally posted by SameErtia:
If you want toy recommendations, I'd be happy to help.

Gah!

*blushing, hand over face, blushing more*

Maybe I'll shop around and get back to you on that when I'm less blushy...

yourealeaf: I too have had insane family communication issues... Have you tried making a game of it? Set yourself and your boy a challenge next time you're around the Old Cronies. Like, plan in advance to get them arguing about the best diapers or ask them about sexual positions or how to stay in shape while if you're at home tending house all the time (do they do Jane Fonda videos? vacuumign techniques?) They may guess that you're making fun, but not be entirely sure...

The point being, they're never going to change. But if you view it as a form of entertainment, it doesn't have to drag you down.

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 6:15 AM

War injuries...I am assuming we are talking about during the act...if not, there are too many to list...
To myself: I have thrown out my back, resulting in a hospital visit a few days later, sprained my knee, and received multiple bruises and cuts after falling from the top of a bunk bed...she managed to not fall.
To my partner: Of course, banging the head against a headboard, multiple impacts while moving around, rugburns...those are all typical. I try to be gentle, but there are always accidents.
To property: Broken two beds, a window, a toilet bowl tank, put a body-shaped hole in drywall, shower curtain rod, knocked a sink off the wall, shredded the seat and roof upholstery in the back seat of my car, and collapsed a desk. Those are what comes to mind right now.
Of course, if I tried half that stuff now, I would end up in the hospital for sure!

____________

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 6:16 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER

Good Morning BROWNCOATS.

Sure missed alot. So war stories. Lets see...

1. Partner ripped out a large chunk of hair. Later found out my scalp had a small tear. Partner broke my right big toe on the dismount.

2. Other than hurt pride and fatigue, none that I'm aware of.

3. Dented the hood of my old Firebird, pushed out a hotel window in Reno, and knocked over a vanity, (broke mirror).

Do broken hearts count as "war injuries"?

Jayne: I was gonna get me an ear too.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 6:22 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Quote:
Originally posted by imaleaf:
I would like to bring up the subtopic of war injuries……… and by this I mean three possibilities:
1. Injuries to yourself
2. Injuries to partner
3. Injuries to property

Me? Well I broke my wrist once, and gave myself concussion another time.
Partner? Well I had one guy bust his lip on a headboard, and one guy pull a groin muscle.
Property? Broke a fan, box fan not ceiling; broke a bed, a lawn chair, and a curtain rod.

~~River: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logics. Doesn't make sense.~~

Holy crap! See, this is why my LoveSac is my favorite thing in the world; no headboard to be injured on, nothing to break.
Injuries? Nothing serious. Bumped my head a few times on the car roof; the light up there really hurts like a bitch. I didn't really pull a muscle, but I did something to it. Hurting for a few days, then I was fine. Once had a guy bite me so hard he left a major bruise that didn't go away for weeks. It didn't even feel good while he was doing it. Blech. We didn't last. Knocked a few things over, but nothing has broken except a candle.
Sorry if it was implied you were a pushover, by the way. Just seems like you have to really get in these people's faces about it. If they say they're just looking out for you or whatever, tell them you don't want them to, or that it's none of their business, or that you're a grown woman and can damn well make your own choices. Tell them you use protection or whatever you need to tell them to make them clam up. They have no right to treat you like a child.

***********

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 7:36 AM

LYSANDER

Tristan, it sounds like you need a big open room with lots of padding.
I can't say that I've had to many injuries. The typical bruises and carpet burns, that's all. Don't take that as being boring, I guess I'm just extra careful.

Simon: What if he(Mal) tells you to kill me?
Zoe: (without hesitation) I kill you.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 7:40 AM

Lysander! Welcome back! Missed seeing you around!

Padded room...never thought of that!

I have learned since then to be more careful...I do not heal as well as when I was younger. I still have fun, though.

Doesn't sound boring at all...seems like a few of us could learn something from you!

____________

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 7:49 AM

LYSANDER

Okay, a little help please. I know this is moving away from all the great discussion that has been going on but I have a question. My wife is going to Atlanta for the week and I need help finding stuff to do. We don't spend a lot of time apart so it's really boring. Any suggestions?

Simon: What if he(Mal) tells you to kill me?
Zoe: (without hesitation) I kill you.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 7:54 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER

Everyone already had the mastrubation discussion this morning.

Personally, I'd call her in the evening for some loving, yet naughty talk. Wow, looks like my mind found one track this morning. Time to de-rail this slow and lumering mind. ALL ABOARD!

Jayne: I was gonna get me an ear too.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 8:09 AM

EMMARIGBY

I'd recommend sending at least one text message saying how much you miss her and what you intend to do when she gets home.

Anticipation is such a wonderful thing!

________________________________

Hisssssss!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 8:16 AM

lysander- GO OUT!
Go to a coffee-shop and get a mocha and read a good book while people watching.

Take yourself to a movie- something she would never want to watch with you.

Come join us in the "Life Onboard Serenity" thread, and create a character to have fun with.

Make a list of all the foods you love and she doesn't like, then eat your way through the list.

Life shouldn't be about "My partner is gone! I have no life". It should be about, "My partner is gone. How can I fulfill myself without them?"

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 8:55 AM

SHEPHERD2BE

Oh, the suffering, the sweet,sweet suffering.

War injuries:
I've sustained a few in my time. Nothing breaks up a romp like the near concussion of a headbump. Cracked a filling on one once and ended up with a black eye from another. I'm positive that all of my degenerative knee problems can be attributed back to the transmission hump in the backseat of the '86 Nissan I drove in high school.

Evidently, I scar easily. I have various scars from various people on my assorted parts. I never intended for them to happen but now that I'm starting to think back, maybe I should see about some safety equipment. I once sliced open my arm on a bed rail, not too deep, but the sheets looked like I had slaughtered a goat. Other than that just the usual amount of sprains, friction burns, and scratches.

Property-wise, I've been pretty responsible.

Just the odd lamp or oscilating fan has met with my wrath. Partner-wise just bumps and bruises. I seem to alway bear the brunt of the misadventures.

A padded room sounds like a safe change of pace. Wonder how much it costs to rent on of those inflatable moonwalk things at the carnival?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought the collar gave it away

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 9:12 AM

Shepard2Be, those inflatible things are NOT the way to go...it seems like a good idea at the time, but the bounciness-factor creates some really interesting flailings. Stick with a waterbed that has padded sides...

Lysander,
I agree. Take yourself to a movie, enjoy a nice dinner, and then either call or text her to tell her you love her. Being away from the significant other can be cathartic...also makes the reunion even better!

____________

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 9:19 AM

I don't know if you would want any of these, but its pretty much what I would love to say to my biddy aunts.

When are you getting married? oh, after we've paid for your care home, of course if we cut back on that expense, maybe we could bring it forward....

Do you sleep in the same room? who said anything about sleeping? He goes like the energiser bunny *nudge wink wink* know what I mean?

You should stay at home let him work. Yes but then we'd really have to cut back on your care... would you be willing to bunk?

Do you have sex? oh hell, lots of it! With so many people - big hairy bikers are the best, you should give them a try!

You should return your dog, they aren’t good for children. yES, I heard that... 'parently children ain't that good for dogs either, gives them terrible indigestion, to fatty. (or the serious answer - actually fyi, its been proven that exposure to animals for a young age not only boosts the immune systems development, but increses the childs confidence social skills and sense of responsibility and general well being)

They are not telling you the truth, they are giving you an opinion, and if they can't see that their attitudes are making you unhappy then they really need to rethink their idea of what is best for you.

next time they start just cut them off with 'I am an adult and I will do what I feel is best for me and my partner, so with all due respect i don't want to talk about it.'

i did that with my gran and if she starts up i very pointedly change the subject or simply repeat the i'm not going to discuss it bit.
She's getting the idea.

Aunts, they're like dogs - to train them you need a firm voice, repetition and consistancy.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 9:39 AM

SHEPHERD2BE

I guess so, had not thought it through. Plus trying to keep the neighborhood kids out would kill the mood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought the collar gave it away

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 10:09 AM

EMMARIGBY

I have a question for all the girlies (and maybe blokes, who knows!).

Having just had a nasty leg shaving accident which resulted in the loss of about 1/2 pint of blood I am now wondering if waxing is as painful as I've always feared!

What a girl has to suffer to live up to cultural ideals!

________________________________

Hisssssss!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 10:17 AM

Hah! I may not be able to speak for waxing, but hair removal; I can help there! (Gorram Drama Dept...)
I had to have hairless legs for one show. I shaved a bit, but after the loss of blood, decided there had to be a better way. A female friend of mine introduced me to Nair. Wonderful stuff, but I learned you have to be careful with it (had bald spots on my arms and "other" locations). Waxing has always looked painful...see The 40 Year Old Virgin for an example.

____________

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 11:47 AM

JPSTARGAZER

I can't help with the waxing part, or your question in general but I will say this. As a guy, I respected women so much more after shaving my legs for swimming in high school. I only cut myself once, but it took me like 15 minutes per leg. And to think you girls do this pretty much daily (during the summer at least) and fairly quickly. I'm impressed, that's all I have to say, I guess.

"All I got is a red guitar, three chords, and the truth...the rest is up to you"
--Bono

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 11:57 AM

Quote:

Threesome with two men is one of my hottest fantasies. Sadly, at this point, it's just a fantasy. Manitou is very very straight, and although we have friends who I would LOVE to share him with that way, it's not gonna happen.
I don't see him being comfortable with me fulfilling that fantasy with other men. At least, not in this point of our relationship. However, if Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp showed up on my doorstep tomorrow night, I would have to re-consider that whole open communications thing!

Leaina, WOW! Sometimes the fates just conspire, don't they?

lol absolutely.

A threesome was always my absolute fantasy. I think that's why the question (ie pseudo veiled suggestion) popped out. If you dont ask, you don't get...

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:05 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mal4prez:
You threesome-friendly women with all your toys - brazen hussies! I mean it as a compliment and bow to your wisdom - and also I ask this: I have no toys, but I'm thinking it wouldn't be a bad to change that. But I'm too embarrassed to go in a store! How do you shop?

Despite my brazen hussiness with the whole threesome thing, I have only just brough my first vibrator. I got it online- delivered to my house, no questions asked (fine if you're not livin with your parents). Def order one online.

To be honest, I feel really grown-up having it, but it's not much better than various impliments (although non vibrating) I found to do the same job.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:06 PM

Waxing hurts, but not as much as people think. Tried it once at a party (long and funny story...) anyway, it hurts alot less after a couple of beers

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:06 PM

Waxing hurts, but not as much as people think. Tried it once at a party (long and funny story...) anyway, it hurts alot less after a couple of beers

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:06 PM

Waxing hurts, but not as much as people think. Tried it once at a party (long and funny story...) anyway, it hurts alot less after a couple of beers

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:06 PM

Waxing hurts, but not as much as people think. Tried it once at a party (long and funny story...) anyway, it hurts alot less after a couple of beers

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:06 PM

Waxing hurts, but not as much as people think. Tried it once at a party (long and funny story...) anyway, it hurts alot less after a couple of beers

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:06 PM

Waxing hurts, but not as much as people think. Tried it once at a party (long and funny story...) anyway, it hurts alot less after a couple of beers

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:11 PM