Male and Female Imponderables--The Troubles are Past by Tristan

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 3:15 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:

oh that is so cool. You always have the best new toys!

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Monday, June 26, 2006 3:44 AM

COPTERDOC

New to the site. Long time browncoat. These are my thoughts on the subject. People tend to over think the whole male, female relationship thing. I am 39 and have been married to the same wonderful woman for more than half of my life. If I could be so bold as to offer any help it would be this. This applies to both sexes. #1. You have to be good enough that we trust you, but bad enough to keep us interested. #2 With us men a rub and a tug and we are ready to go, but with women foreplay for tonight starts when you get out of bed this morning. You can't treat her like $#!t all day and expect her to treat you right at night. #3 That being said DON'T KISS ANYBODYS ASS. Respect is the key, In the long run you won't respect anyone who kisses you ass. #4 Men, Act like a REAL MAN. There are way to many little punk ass wantabe gangsters out there. Real men work hard, pay their bills, open car doors, make time for their kids, and make thier women wiggle and squirm at least 4 times a week.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 3:46 AM

hmmmmm

anymore at home like you

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Monday, June 26, 2006 3:48 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I totally second that inquiry!

Oh, and welcome to our shiny corner of the 'verse!

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Monday, June 26, 2006 4:01 AM

Welcome, CopterDoc, glad to see you here!
We are not trying to over-think anything here...just passing the time asking questions that have us bamfoozled regarding the opposite sex. I agree with most of what you have said, especially your first point. However, I have a problem with the "rub and tug" bit...sometimes all it takes is the right look from my wife, and I'm ready.

Well, the "rub and tug" part is nice, too! Back to seriousness, though, the treating badly part also applies to females; I am less willing to be intimate if I have either been ignored or treated badly all day. Not sure if I am the only male who feels this way. Reciprocity is important; I like to be coddled to every now and then, I like to be the one being seduced, and I enjoy the rare occasion that I am not the one instigating intimacy. I love surprises.
Thank you again for joining us, CopterDoc.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 4:38 AM

MAL4PREZ

Hi guys -

I have to go back to yesterday's discussion about chest pictures and onine dating...

I joined match.com last week. I've got email chats going with a few promising ones, even found a FF fan, yay!

But anyway, I have to admit that at this point in my life one of the things I'd like to have is a manly Mal-like chest to play with. Don't flame me - it needs to attached to a decent kind of man! But I'm appreciating the pictures that show the guy's body. His face should be attached, obviously, but...

So I'm just being shallow, I admit it. I posted a body shot of my own (in swimsuit) to make it fair. I hope that doesn't make me evil!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 4:45 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Speaking on the "rub and tug" I have a sorta question.
I tend to avoid that whole, ah, area during foreplay because, in my limited experience, more stimulation means less stamina, and hasn't been needed for full arousal. I wasn't trying to be selfish or anything! but really, men are built differently. I mean, once they're done, they're done. Whereas women (me, anyway) don't really have a "done" point. I can get to the "overstimulated" point, but that means just avoid the area for a little while, not that I'm done. Anyone else have this experience? Was I being a horrible person?

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98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature (it counts even though I'm not a teen anymore)

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:04 AM

PR, I actually like having "that area" messed with during foreplay. Stamina is not really something I am now known for (used to be, long time ago, galaxy far away, etc), and the amount of touching does not detract from the amount of time I will be "available" for use. See, one thing I really, really dislike in foreplay is the lack of mutual touching...it turns into a one-way turn-on session. The male, who is always excitable and always ready, has to get the female all torqued-up...meanwhile, she is laying there enjoying herself and hopefully getting turned on at the same time. But the problem comes in when the favor is not returned. Just because males have always been seen as EverReady does not mean we do not also enjoy being teased and turned-on. I have heard the bottle rocket versus diesel engine comparison, and it does not amuse me all that much. I understand that it takes longer for females to get warmed-up. I realize that women have many, many pleasure points and males are seen to have only one. I also realize that women hold the power and promise of sexual pleasure, and generally I love you all for it. I am not in the best of moods right now regarding sex, so please forgive me if my posts towards this subject seem a bit acerbic today. Nothing is wrong, I am just having a bad spell. There are times when I think sex is too much of a driving factor in life, and that it causes way too many problems. There are times, and the past few days have been some of them, that I wonder why I never became a monk.
Again, I am not attacking anyone, I am just airing my grievances...and I am sure that I will be put right by y'all. That is whay I love this place.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:16 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

It's not that I don't touch at all! Oh, quite the contrary! I love the chest, neck, back, and feet and give them all a lot of attention. Sometimes the legs, too. And it's not that I don't want to tease and play with anything else, I just found that it seemed to have an effect on performance when I did. Basically every time.
Well, except when I used a feather tickler...

I mostly end up biting shoulders and rubbing/scratching the back or chest. Also sucking toes and fingers. Oh, any number of things! Basically doing what I would like to have done to me; I don't always want my "area" played with, and certainly not until I'm fully warmed up. It hurts.

Again, though, my experience with that has been limited to one guy. Could be not all men respond that way. I sure hope I get to find out one day.

I'm sorry you're in an icky mood.

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98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature (it counts even though I'm not a teen anymore)

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:43 AM

well I will say that I think guys like a little tease and such now and then. PR I have had similar experience so I would say yes, but not all guys.
Tristan- I agree sometimes it's nice to just have downtime where you relax, hang out, have fun, and don't worry about sex. At least for me sometimes I am just not in the mood.
Although I will rant for a moment and say it's really annoying when you have one part of foreplay that you like that your partner hates...this goes both ways. For me I like to bite and scratch and that's a big no no with my husband. So I guess it bugs me a bit, but there's stuff he likes that I don't so I guess it evens out:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:50 AM

ok, i'm a little confused, why is it every one thinks that men only have one 'spot'?
There are at least three that I can think of on every guy, and a few that vary from bloke to bloke.

(of course, I haven't conducted controlled tests.
...but that could be fun...

)

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:54 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

When you say "everyone" you're excluding me, right? Cuz i've never thought that, and have aggressively sought out spots on any man I've had reason to. Some are more receptive to that than others.
MSG, I hear you on scratching and biting. I also like to be bitten (softly) and would not want to forgo that. Ever.

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98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature (it counts even though I'm not a teen anymore)

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:57 AM

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:58 AM

OK Seryn get out your field kit and begin testing...remember that any good study needs to have at least 100 participants to be statistically significant. I'm sure we all appreciate your willingness to sacrifice yourself for the good of science...giggle
That may actually be the best pick up line ever.
"excuse me sir, I need to sleep with you right now...It's for the good of mandkind"

EDIT- Ack double post..not sure how that happened

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:59 AM

Thank you, PR. I was not aiming at you; not aiming at anyone...if it came across that way, I humbly beg your forgiveness. From your past posts, you are an individual who enjoys the mutual touching and petting, and I have a great deal of love for you because of that. The males of the world thank you!

Yes, icky mood and disillusionment with the whole sex thing right now.
I have had lovers who do exactly what you do, that love touching in return and really enjoy foreplay more than the actual act. I have also, unfortunately, had those that just laid there and expected to be fondled, touched, rubbed, etc, then straight to the act, then a bit of snuggling, then sleep. Yes, males' ultimate satisfaction occurs during ejaculation, but we also like the play that leads up to that. I love being toyed with, bitten, having various body parts sucked on, and feather dusters are quite fun when used properly...be sure they are clean first, or else the dust may cause problems.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:01 AM

excellent tip Tristan- I shall go clean my feather dusters immediately:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:01 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

"Excuse me, I'm doing a research project on the various erogenous zones of males. Would you care to participate? My apartment is just a few blocks away."

Of course I don't live in an apartment, I live in a house that is many many blocks away from anything else, but it just sounds better topped off with something like that...

*edit* LOL, that's why I bought a nice ostrich feather french tickler. Not to be used as a duster! Very soft and fuzzy.

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98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature (it counts even though I'm not a teen anymore)

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:06 AM

ok, if you really want to feel excluded.

I don't know, reading back I don't know wherew the impression came from but reading that the first time I just got the feeling that some folks seem to think that it's only the little guy getting attention that will make a guy er, come.

When in fact theres another spot that will virtually garuntee... ha ha, words fail me, but you know what I mean (in as much as any one thing will garantee it, even going nowhere near the little fella. And other spots that work on guys like g-spots and what not work on women. then theres things that are particular to a guy (and thats where PR is the expert!)

I think its just cause women have more nerve endings than men or something. They have the rep for being 'holistic' as it where.

I would recommend more surrupticious reading of Cosmo or the like.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:06 AM

Woke up this morning feeling like a crappy, ugly, less than man thing on a brokenhearted hangover, (No actual drinking ensued in this case). Thanks COPTERDOC for voicing what a man is. I suddenly feel like a real man.

Morning 'coats, glad to hear from all of you again. Lotsa love from the Great Basin.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:13 AM

oh! Poor NVG, I hope you start to feel lest beastly soon.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:24 AM

Saw this and thought of my peeps in this thread.

http://blogher.org/node/6666

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:29 AM

Sorry, all. I am just frustrated at the moment and needing somewhere to vent. This is the right place, because the posts bring smiles to my face.

To put things in perspective:
I am not an expert on the female body. I have studied them intently, and barring a few somewhat embarassing occasions, I have always been able to elicit some sort of pleasure response from any female I have been with. As I have gotten older, (and yes, I know am not all that old but at times I feel it), I have slowed down considerably when it comes to sex. I still have the drive and desire I had when I was younger, just not the stamina to back it up. I am also quite into "playing" that does not necessarily lead to anything; flirting, teasing, surreptitious caressing, etc. In the past, I have shut down my sex drive in order to attain goals (Masters degree was one such occasion), but I do not desire to do that anymore. I prefer to be open about my love and lust, not in the lecherous, stalker-type way, just letting my SO know I am there, and willing to jump her whenever she is ready. I also like to have that feeling in return.
MSG, I completely understand about parts of foreplay the other partner does not like. Frgive me for this, but a big part of foreplay for me is in performing oral. By that, I mean I am turned on when I perform oral on my SO. I do not necessarily need to receive (though it is nice

). I think I am good at it, and have been told so, and it's quite a shock to come across someone who says "It doesn't really do all that much for me".

Um, ok...let's try something else, then...

Grr. I don't know. Again, I apologize. I am going to get some lunch and coffee and see if that helps any.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:33 AM

No appology needed Tristan hon. We love you and we all understand about sh*tty days where it just feels off and everything makes you cranky. HUGS

NV- you are definitely a real man. Any guy who puts as much thought and care into starting a relationship as you do it tops in my book. You obviously have great respect for women and consequently we all have great respect for you...plus you're cute so that helps:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:44 AM

Thank you, MSG. That's why I love this place.

NVGhostrider, sorry, didn't see you pop in. Sounds like you and I need to get together for a drink in our misery! Where's a good mid-way point?
-EDIT-
Seryn, may I be the first to apply for your research project?
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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:56 AM

OK you may not say that once you've read teh truly terrible joke I posted on the "ignore" thread:)
Speaking of jokes, do you all think a sense of humor is the most important quality in a mate.
We should make our Mr./Ms. Perfect list. 10 items in your order of importance that would make a perfect mate.

1-responsible adult
2-nice/kind
3-funny
4-good to look at
5-loves kids
6-good job ( not like rich, just comfortable)
7-similar interests
8-self aware
9-understanding of problems/faults
10-good in bed:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:56 AM

I have just felt very ugly for about the past week. Can't really say why, I just do. Went and shot pool at my spot and ended up shooting teams with another fella and two attractive young women. Felt very objectified and left a few hours later feeling very empty. Can't stand much more of this. Left a message on Ms. Questionables phone and feel like an ass. Nothing mean. Just said Hi, hope everything is well, won't be calling for a while and I'll be around whenever you are read to talk, that sort of crap. Feel alot of the old me surfacing to help face the day with such cold disregard for the feelings of others that I am frankly a little concerned. It doesn't even help to air these grivences for I feel very little resolution to much of anything at all. Feels like I'm always preaching that whole, "Life doesn't last forever" bit and have no hope to be happy for myself. Just tired of the brooding. Worked on the truck for two days in a row for no appearant reason. Really starting to understand the whole "Gotta keep her flyin'" thing.

Can't stop thinking in fragments! Annoyin' myself!
Need coffee!

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Monday, June 26, 2006 6:58 AM

NV- hmmm sounds like an all around crappy little weekend you had yourself there. HUGS
I know for me when I am feeling that way, I do some minor changes to myself ( new hair, new clothes, new hobby) it helps me. I don't know if it'd help you, but we're all pulling for you here!!!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, June 26, 2006 7:06 AM

NVGhostrider, I wish I was in a better position to offer advise and suggestions. Just know that you are a good man and you have my respect. Not to mention that you are "dead sexy" as well. Keep her flyin'...it's all we can do.

MSG, I accept.
1-Honesty
2-Faithfulness
3-Pride in themself
4-Good sense of humor
5-Drives/goals--doesn't matter what, as long as they have them
6-Healthy sex drive--they don't really have to be good, just have enthusiasm; I find that sometimes makes up for skill.
7-Job that makes them happy
8-Similar interests
9-Looks/self-appreciation
10-Must like weapons and fighting (Medieval type, I mean)

Yeah, that looks about right.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 7:14 AM

BLACKSHAMROCK5

Well thanks for the welcome. Don't know why I didn't start sooner.

Shamrock

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Monday, June 26, 2006 7:23 AM

I LOVE COFFEE!!! Pity party over. Sorry for all the thread jackery and such. Feels good to know... Well, it just feels good to know. Thanks for the encouagement from you all. I must agree with MSG's list. But Tristan does have a point on Number 10. The willingness to learn of such things is a definite plus. Some of my fondest memories are of teaching the women of my life the finer points of defensive/offensive tactics. Not to mention chicks with weapons are like chicks with trucks. Very eye catching and distracting.
Did I mention that I love coffee.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 7:25 AM

Coffee good. Weapons good. Woman with weapons very good. Woman with coffee in one hand, weapon in the other...penultimate.
Welcome back, NVGhostrider.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 7:38 AM

EMMARIGBY

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
In the past, I have shut down my sex drive in order to attain goals (Masters degree was one such occasion)

Oooh, then you feel my pain! I'm soooo stressed out right now that sex is the last thing on my mind. But my 'friend' is coming over in a few days so I hope he's patient and willing to put up with possible rejection if I can't be coaxed out of my stress funk (although he's very good at that!) After all, he's coming over to help me out with my project so I feel he deserves some rewards for his efforts!

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Monday, June 26, 2006 7:41 AM

HUGS Emma is there anything we can do to help? NV and Tristan you may want to swing by Bath and Body Works and pick up their cappuchino lotion/perfume and enjoy with a friend/SO

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, June 26, 2006 2:24 PM

MMM, cappuccino scented. Now if the scent of beer were only more appealing.

Well BROWNCOATS, I'm out for the evening. All I can say is , "Handle your weapons skillfully and often."

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Monday, June 26, 2006 3:12 PM

yeah they have lots of lovely stuff..it's fun silly thing to do with a SO pick some scents you both like ;) Anyway, heading out for the night as well...see you tomorrow ( hopefully)fingers crossed that site will mend:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, June 26, 2006 5:19 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Holy Kalliope! See what I miss when I sleep? See what a waste it is?
I'm an expert now? Oh, good...
No, I wish I was. I'm sure there's lots I don't know, I'm just very, very willing to learn. And I do know more than most, I'll give myself that.

Everyone's in an icky mood! I have to say, I'm still not in the best frame of mind. Must be something in the air.
Um, list of ideal traits. Ok, then.

1) Honest
2) Self-aware
3) Open-minded
4) Respectful
5) Similar interests/outlook
6) Kind
7) Nice smile/laugh, used often
8) Willing to communicate, no matter what
9) Healthy sex drive/good in bed/sees loving as an art
10) Appreciates me for me

I'm sure I could go on longer, but I will leave it at that. I'd put "attractive" on there somewhere, but that can be relative.

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Monday, June 26, 2006 10:06 PM

i'm generally a little dubious about lists, but here goes.

1, Passion (for everything, music etc etc)
2, Intelligence (no need to be superbrain, just enough for me to respect)
3, Idependance (has to have a life of their own, strength to stand up for what they believe in, to like what they like, to form their own opinions and not care what others say)
4, Humor (not a jokey type, just someone who can see the funny side of things)
5, Creativity (imagination)
6, Honesty (coupled with ability to confront issues when needed)
7, Quirkiness (i'm thinking DT as The Doctor type quirky here, not someone who breeds fruit fly for kicks. Experimental and unafraid of the New)
8, Kindness (supportive and reliable)
9, Sensual (the enthusiasm thing, in bed and out)
10, Good looking, attractive to me (i'm shallow, sue me! ;D)

I may change the positions of these, not so sure whether I value sensuality more then quirkiness.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Monday, June 26, 2006 10:56 PM

EMMARIGBY

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
HUGS Emma is there anything we can do to help?

That's so sweet but it really helps for you guys to just be here! I was going to reward myself with a FFF break yesterday but when I got here the site was down. Put me in a grump all evening!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:55 AM

Morning, all!
I apologize for yesterday...I think PR was right when she said things were a little off. I think I am better now. I have coffee and FFF.net back, so the day should go well.

MSG, did you say cappucino body wash? See, that has the potential for being my kryptonite...a woman wearing that would become a prime target! I may have to go get some of that!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 3:19 AM

EMMARIGBY

It may be back for us but my poor friend Chaoshascome has been apparently been booted out. Possibly because he joined during the 'troubles' he says his username has been rejected and all his posts deleted!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 3:22 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Apparently anyone who joined after May 15th was not properly recovered. Tell him to join up again with he same email and name and all should be put to rights!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 3:43 AM

Good morning all:)
Emma-yeah my email address and password had been reset to my previous one so he probably just got reset:) Tell him we welcome him back
Tristan- yes seriously cappuchino body wash, lotion, and body spray...mmmmmmmmmm I also have their tiramisu and creme brulee they all smell and taste great:)
Phoenix- hey I think you're an expert:)
Seryn- are you mocking my fruit fly circus? ( just kidding)I do have to ask..you like david tennant then? I loved Chris so I am just a hair skeptical of the replacemnt ( especially since I can only see the evil Barty Crouch Jr.)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:25 AM

...a coffee-scented woman....wow...I don't know what to say about that...just, wow...

Alright, I'm kinda weak on the questions today...can't really think of one. Anyone else?

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:33 AM

OK how much taking care of your spouse is too much? As I laid my husband's clothes out while he showered, then cooked his breakfast while he dressed, and then packed his lunch while he ate breakfast...I began to think I wait on him a bit too much ( this only happens in summer)However I do all cooking, laundry, pet care ( including litter change and dog clean up in yard), and most of the other chores all year long. My husband's only chores are dishes ( except during the summer when I do them) and taking out the garbage....so to make a long rant short ( too late I know) How does everyone else divide chores with their SO or how have they in the past ?

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:41 AM

Ooh, good one!
Unfortunately, both my wife and I are generally sporadic cleaners. I do not mean we live in a dirty house; dishes always get done by whoever is closest or happens to be off that day, laundry gets done by whoever runs out of clothes first, etc. We just do not spend a lot of time deciding who is going to do what. Neither one of us makes breakfast for the other, nor packs the others' lunch (except in rare circumstances). One of us will cook something every now and then, but our eating schedules are usually not in the same groove. I have a steady work schedule; I know when I am working and when I am not. The wife does not know what days she is working until the week before. Knowing this, we can sometimes plan when things get done around the house. And then there are what I like to call the psycho cleaning fits. I get them about once a month...the wife less so...but it invloves trying to clean as much of the house as physically possible before the caffeine wears off. This is usually best accomplished when the wife is nowhere around, as she usually gets in the way.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:49 AM

well this brings up a part 2 to my question..
1st part being- how do you divide chores with a SO/ How much is too muuch waiting on someone?
2nd part now is- why do guys seem prone to cleaning fits?
For me I clean daily and I can't understand how sometimes (usually when I am not in the mood) this odd sort of cleaning mania will seize my husband and he will begin tidying like crazy. It never seems in response to any pressing mess or event, it's just like a small demon with an ocd streak grabs hold.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:51 AM

MSG, mine is usually induced by clutter and fueled by caffeine. Never thought about the demon angle before...may have to research that.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:54 AM

MSG

There was no division in my house. I did all of the above as well as all the shopping, bill paying, child rearing, money managing, problem solving - etc, etc, etc. Phew, I really didn't him did I?

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 5:02 AM