Male and Female Imponderables--The Troubles are Past by Tristan

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Why thank you, MSG! I do try. I'll be the next Dr Ruth one day, just you wait!

Cleaning, yeah. Never had that problem. Was going to move in with Ex of Doom, but you all know why that feel through. I know he was expecting me to manage the money, and he wasn't a very neat person, though I was trying to coax him into cleaning up a bit more. I would much rather not get stuck with too many chores, and I would definitely not spoil or coddle my SO unless they were feeling like crap. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I would just hate it. And once you start and someone gets used to it, they wonder what's gotten into you if you stop. Oh, and child rearing? I don't wanna even think about that, but I would not want to do it on my own. I'll only have kids when I'm sure they'll have a devoted daddy.
Why am I still awake? *mutter mutter* Stupid protesters getting me all riled up and un-tired.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 7:24 AM

Good morning to all you wonderful BROWNCOATS. Glad to see you back FMF. Hope all is well.

Chores, chores, chores. I guess as long as partners can just pick up after themselves and do the deep cleaning at the same time things seem to go smoother. I always loved Sunday morning at the ex's house. Laundry and vacuuming in the morning, movies and lazying about in the afternoon. Mellow days in mellow times. I just hate when there is too much on my mind and the need to clean is just irritating. Lets just say the truck has never shined this good since it rolled out of the factory.

I must say that walking past the large coffee bean dispenser at the grocery makes me so hungry. Can't imagine that appatizing smell on a woman. Must find out.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 7:31 AM

Can't regret what is in ones nature. I am a nuturer. I "do for" people. It is just me.

And thanks. I am feeling better.

OK Now I am going to vent and I apologize - but GUYS (and I mean the idiots OUT THERE IN THE WORLD - not you lovely men) OK, yes, I have large breasts and yes I am kinda sorta cute and YES I drive a cool car and NO I am not wearing a wedding ring but NONE OF THAT MEANS THAT I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. Yelling things of a personnal nature, honking repeatedly, yelling pssssssst at me NONE OF THIS will help.

ok. I am back now. Ooh heart rate is up. gotta go chill!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 7:36 AM

FMF, I must apologize for the less-than-evolved members of my species. They can sometimes be annoying. Please, feel free to borrow my chainsaw for the next one.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 7:38 AM

thankee. Does it have a launch and retrieve capablilty? Is it, in fact, a chainsaw boomerang?

edited cause I really CAN SPELL

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 7:47 AM

Hmm...we may have to have Penguin make the modifications...

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 7:59 AM

I'm here! I've arrived!

I'm still struggling writing up my thesis (15,000 words of notes so far and 250 of written product!)

but I had to take a moment to take in our shiny new digs!

Me like! Very relaxed.

___________________

Hissssssssss!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 8:02 AM

Emma! Welcome back!

Oh, and Lysander, I saw you earlier, but did not say hello...I feel ashamed!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 8:03 AM

psssst, pssst - hey you, little girl, I bet we could find you a good thesis in the depths of hell. got us some brains down here!

sorry. channeling a drug dealer.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 8:03 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Oh Emma! Every writer can relate to that emote! Wherever did you find it?

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 8:10 AM

Oh dear, not only has my computer got confused and posted twice, it (or possibly I) seems to have posted in the wrong place! I was meaning to check out the new Forsaken digs.

Arrgh, brain burnout!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 8:20 AM

Thanks for the welcomes everyone! Actually my work looks more like this at present!

Anyway we're supposed to be talking about buys in here aren't we? What's a suitable reward for a guy who's driving 4 hours tonight to spend a week helping me with my project? And what readily available substances are there to give me the stamina to carry out that reward on very little sleep?!

Edit: the above was meant to read either boys or guys and kind of got contracted. I wasn't really contemplating hiring a male hooker. Not at the moment anyway.
___________________

Hissssssssss!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 8:24 AM

cocaine it has to be the co kah eeeeeeeee na

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 8:25 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I thought that's what it sounded like. That's okay, though, there's a place for you by the fire even if you get lost along the way!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:16 AM

Emma hmm you could make a nice homemade dinner to say thanks...Also brownies are good:)
NV- yes coffee scented woman...se now you don't need the truck:)
FMF_ I am right with you. (double DD cup and small everywhere else)I swear I want a shirt that has an arrow pointing up with the notice this way to face. If one more guy has a conversation with my breasts or makes a comment...argh!! Ok you'll love this one. I was at the gym yesterdy doing my usual 5 miles on the treadmill. I finish and stop and the guy next to me says" oh are you leaving, damn" I'm confused so I say why and he responds" Your tits and your ponytail bounce in rythm it's really hot." Points for me for not punching him ( mind you I was petty enough to slyly hit the stop button on his treadmill making it jerk to a stop and he tripped.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:38 AM

MSG, FMF, and all the well endowed womenfolk out there- It is probably no secret that as a guy, I like boobs. Love them in fact. But I think a definite "re-education" is in order for most of the males of the nation. Maybe even the world. I must admit to being guilty of the occasional glance, but never a stare. Besides, I prefer eye contact to the chesticle stare. Love feeling the intensity of a woman's actual self rather than the fantasy of her body. Not to mention I am an occasional craftsman and work with my hands. Can't really learn much by just looking.

Really hate it when I am talking to a woman and she moves in a way that defines the wonderful lines of the femanine form. Kinda hard to continue a conversation with that dreamy look in your eye. Especially when you enjoy eye contact as much as I do.
Wow, time for something cold to drink.
Must splash face with cold water.
MUST END SENTANCE FRAGMENT!
Stupid inner cave man.

PS. Kudos to MSG for handling the D-bag on the tread mill. Still, I think jostling his junkyard with your running shoes woulda been acceptable, (not to mention funny).

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:48 AM

Haribo!

Or kendal mint cake. 100% sugar. With a fresh minty flavour.

As for the David Tennant question, from way back there. Up until a few episodes ago, I would have said no, he just doesn't do it for me. But he's (both as The Doctor and from what i know of him, in real life) this fabulous combination of intensity, real honest to god passion, and boyish, enthusiastic whimsicality.
He swings between saving the universe with a fierce glare and a cheeky grin, and waxing lyrical about the brilliance of a race that can think to invent edible ball bearings.
It does strange fluttery thing to me. If I had anyone who cared about me even half as much as he manages to act caring about Rose, I'd never bitch about my life again.
Until now my longest standing crushes were Trent Reznor and Christian Bale - DT is a million miles away from them, certainly looks wise. And Chriss E I would certainly not say no too (given sufficient time to get to know him, of course *innocent face*)

But i'm slowly being won over to the quirky side of the force.

As for cleaning, I've never co-habited, so I wouldn't know.
But I appear to be a little blokish when it comes to tidying up by the sounds of things - My spaces always seem to be barely controlled chaos (or a total shit-pit as my mother calls it) everyso often, i'll have the urge to tidy (even as a child, my parents would wake to find my room spotless, my furniture rearranged, pictures hung, homework done and on several occaisions, my hair cut into a neat bob) but i've learned from bitter expreience tha i can't tidy too much - my memory is crap, and if Ican't see something every day, I forget I own it, so when i need it, i go and get another. This is how I ended up with 16 rolls of sellotape at one point.

So my stuff tends to litter surfaces, and just get moved about. My clothes, the ones in regular circulation are rarely put away, for the same reasons.

Basically, this would drive a neat person insane.

11, Understanding.

So i've never even entertained the idea of me sharing a space with someone, and the thought of chores in that situation fills me with dread.

So, to sum up. David Tennant, *wibble*, chores, I don't have a clue.

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Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:50 AM

LOL NV yes, but I will save that for another time. I try not to injury the jackasses of the world too often. What I really wanted to do was give him a short jab to the kidney on my way, but I thought that might have been a bit much. I'm actually on my way to the gym now...I have $50 says he'll avoid all eye contact and scurry away if he sees me:) Back in about an hour.

Also, I don't mind the glances I know they're huge and it's sort of a startlement. I mind a 20-30 min conversation where by the end the guy not only doesn't know what color my eyes are, but doesn't even know I have eyes, since his haven't made it that far north. I have actually gone so far as to rip open shirt and bra and yell " there did everyone get a good enough look..if not take a damn picture." It had been a long day at the theater for rehersal and I was fairly pissed.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 12:06 PM

urgh. I hate my boobs. they are a bloody odd shape, they make it impossible to wear low cut tops with out endless checking fussing and rearranging (which just destroys the whole point of wearing a low cut top) they don't even seem to work that well. stupid things. Its why I don't skit that much at women getting boob jobs (apart from Jordan of course, freak) 'cause I know if I had the money i'd be making the appointment tomorrow.

And as the ultimete proof of their crapness, I rarely see guys checking them out.

So i'm actually in the wierd position of hating guys who talk to your tits on principal, and secretly wanting them to do it to me (once or twice at least) and hating the surgery culture on principle, and secretly hoping that the prices come down soon.

Bah.

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Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 12:55 PM

MSG- Wow. If I weren't mistaken I would guess you have a set of man parts that would put most anyone to shame. May have to take the bet just to see how broke I can get. If not, you would have a definite reason to punch the dude in the nuts. Losing fifty bucks is a good motivator.

SERYN- I can't really condone the surgical route, but thats why we are graced, (or burdened), with free will. Can't speak for others, but I've never been a fan of fakies. But then again I am secretly a womanizer and love all parts of all women. Well, most parts anyways. If there were only surgery for emotionally stunted and emotionally retarded women. I mean, c'mon. If a guy like me who is inevitably doomed to be some lucky womans bitch can learn to stand up for himself then some medical procedure must exist to help those poor women who can't appreciate the wonderful things set before them. Then again, there is a reason for everything. Especially the emotional distance between folks. Rambling. Must shut up and work.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:29 PM

NV- your ramblings are cute:) work is highly over-rated. Yeah I definitely have a set of big brass ones..sadly this comes of spending all my time round guys. I am also painfully direct...so it was rough finding guys who didn't want to just be buddies:)

Seryn- before surgery have you tried one of two things...the little cutlets( trust me any sales clerk will know) that give you a bit more and a lift as well and look/feel ( I've been told) natural...or my personal choice gaffers tape..it's a single sided tape that is used by every actress I know to move boobs to desired position and then use tape to make em stay there...then go out and knock em dead:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 5:10 PM

JAMESTHEDARK

I guess that just goes to prove how naive I am. Whenever I see breasts of D cup or higher, the first thought that runs through my mind is "Now wouldn't those look better if she knocked 'em down a size?" Back in highschool, I actually surprised a classmate with some rather spectacularly large mammaries by never breaking eye contact. Just before she left, she asked if I was gay, and I told her (well, besides the obligatory no) that I prefer the lithe form to the top-heavy.

So that's my word of advice. If it's causing you grief and/or physical distress, by all means, reduce. It doesn't make you any less lovely (and to me, probably makes you more.)

But, as I mentioned before, what would I know?

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I ain't lookin' for help from on high. That's a damn long wait for a train don't come.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 5:23 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I have never had guys talk to my boobs because if they are insisting on staring I don't talk to them for very long.
I saw some pins once that I thought were really funny. There were several, but the two I remember said "Yes, they are nice" and "What color are my eyes?" respectively. I so wanted to buy them and just wear one on each tit, but they were solid pewter and about $10 a pop.
Pointless anyway. I don't know why it is, but even the men who stare tend to look at me when they're talking. Perhaps it's my intimidatin' manner.
Plus as I'm not tiny everywhere else, they probably don't look disproportionate. I, in fact, have near perfect proportions; or did last time I took my measurments.
And yes, gorrammit, I think there should be some procedure for making people not be dumbasses who do not appreciate what's right in front of them!

Sorry. Still not in the best of moods. Stupid boy.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 10:31 PM

yes, i have the chicken fillets, and the tape (double and single sided) and the everything. I don't wan't to get any bigger, i'm a c cup (well, ones a c, the others a d and possibly bigger, are you getting a hint of my bra buying dilemma)

Prepare fo random TMI, but after a three year course in a theatre school with 13 other girls and a gay guy, and several corset fittings, one thing i don't have issues talking about is boobs.

Do remember that awful thing that went around, that if you could hold a pencil under your breast, it meant they were saggy (some people will takl any old sh**e won't they?) well when I was a bout 15 or so i tried that. I got a trifle hysterical and tried the entire pencil case in fact. Still, handy carrying facility if my hands are ever full.
Then about two years ago, a friend gave me a great name for them 'Jungle tits' - you know in those documentaries about tribes, and all these little old ladies who have never worn bra's? well, mine have been like that since they grew.

Nature can be so cruel.

So like I said, bra's are crap, tops look awful, even shirts constantly pull to one side and I loose buttons all the time, and like I said, their defective - the back of my neck generates more sensation than they do, so I don't see any problem with messing around with them. (I ain't having kids)

I wouldn't get them enlarged (unless I suddenly lose all my boddy weight and the emptied like two balloons) and I'd never get sillicon. But they can do amazing things to shape them nowadays, and if any extra was needed, they can take it from my ass.

So one day, I might have boobs that I can just slip into a bra and top and go. Even better, one day I might even be able to go braless, when a particular top demands. Oh, imagine the shopping possibilities!

I just need 3,000 quid. Bah!

As I hope you can see, there are no emotional issues here, its simply a case of looking at them and thinking, oh you are so crap, if you were hair, you'd have been cut into a decent style and had highlights by now. And its not like i'm forgoing the rest of mylife in order to desperetly save up. so I'm not too worried about my mental health.

Ok, what else where we talking about?

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 10:38 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
I, in fact, have near perfect proportions

grrrrrrr!

Quote:
And yes, gorrammit, I think there should be some procedure for making people not be dumbasses who do not appreciate what's right in front of them!

There is, its called an enforced vasectomy for stupid people. If they'd started it in the 50's we wouldn't have this problem, but apparently its against human rights or someother such piffle. Stoopid namby pamby human rights.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:22 PM

Gosh I need to catch up quickly before getting on with my work. I'd hate to miss anything out. Plus I only have 2 hours to work before my friend wakes up and he is bound to distract me in fun ways!

Okay, there was mention of David Tennant. Definately coming round to the idea that he is fantasy material! This has happened a lot recently. Men (especially on TV) that I had previously not looked twice at are becoming pant wettingly hot to me. Case in point, Hugh Laurie. I grew up with him (not literally, but saw him all the time on programmes such as A Bit of Fry and Laurie and Jeeves and Wooster) and it never occured to me to fancy him. Now I can't get enough of him in House!

Chores - don't do them very much most of the time but when working to a deadline they go out of the window. Something in me thinks that that 5 minutes spent washing a mug will make me fail my degree (whilst remaining strangely quiet on the issue of posting on the web!) Ah well, there'll be time to clean afterwards, if I don't disappear beneath my own filth!

Breasts - don't talk to me about breasts. Sometimes I think I am about 2/3 woman and 1/3 breasts. I have a friend with big ones who enjoys them. She had some guy a bit ago come up to her and ask "Where did you get those?!" She just gave him a look for saying something so very stupid and responded "The supermarket. They were on special. Two for one." which I particularly liked! I half like having big ones, they make my waist look smaller. Still, it would be nice not to have to spend so much money on bras (and why is it so hard for bra manufacturers to gather that just because you have big breasts doesn't necessarily mean you wish to have two heavy duty tents strapped to your front. A bit of lace might be nice!)

Surgery? Probably not. Although I have occassionally wished for a C cup as opposed to a DD verging on E I don't have the money plus would be scared of it going wrong. Haven't I heard that they have to detatch the nipple? I like my nipples to work thank you! The only problem is that dieting never seems to reduce them. They only ever get bigger, no matter what the rest of my body does. I could never get pregnant for fear of suffocating under a vast expanse of boobs.

Okay, have fun today and I'll catch up with you tonight. If I'm back before then shout at me to get back to work!

___________________

Hissssssssss!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:42 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I'm sorry, but this is really cracking me up! It shouldn't, but the phrase "suffocate under a vast expanse of boobs" is simply hi-larious to me.
I have talked to many women who have the problem of one not being the same size as the other. They all claim that this is just a fact of life; that sometimes it only differs a tiny bit, sometimes a full cup size or more. I have never had this problem myself, mine seem to be very close to the same size. I have gone from a 36C to a 42C in the past year, though, but I'm pretty sure that's due to weight gain. Mine, unlike Emma's, do fluctuate with my fat ratio. If more fat would go to them and less to my waist, I would be very happy, but such is life. Like I said, proportionate; I gain fat the same all over my body.
If my size difference was huge, I might consider surgery, but I prefer the idea of just staying as I am. I do enjoy having decent sized boobs, though I do always wonder if a man is attracted to me or my cup size. I just hope they don't cause any back trouble later in life.

Oh, I needed a laugh...

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 2:48 AM

Morning, all!

Ah, seems we are back to breasts. I think I spoke on them at length a few threads back, so I won't rehash the whole thing. Suffice to say, I enjoy them, but do not see them as the focal point of any woman.

Got one for y'all today on the subject of children. Do you fluctuate between wanting and not wanting children? And are there factors that impact this decision, ie your SO, your financial stability, etc? Been running this one through my mind for a few weeks, and I need some other input.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 3:15 AM

(1) there is never a "right" time for children.
(2) children are expensinve in both time and money
(3) You will never be free of worry - EVER -for the rest of your life
(4) The immense love you will feel for this tiny little person will make absolutely everything in your life pale in comparison.

did that help?

I am a kid person - but I absolutely think that if there is any doubt in ones mind about children-then DON'T have them. I don't enough room in my house to take in all the unwanted kids.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 3:27 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Oooooo, childrens. Yes, I have to say I have flucuates a few times.
Main things I would need in order to have children:
1) Financial stability; I want to know I could afford them, wouldn't want to be worried about it all the time
2) A good daddy

Short list, I know, but that's what it would take. I know right now that I could not take the stress of raising a child on my current budget. I want to be able to love my child, not have to work constantly just to make sure it survives.
I want children because I think I have a lot to teach the next generation, and I hope I would improve upon my own parents rearing techniques, which were pretty good.
I worry about having a child because I don't know how patient I would be. Probably it's different when it's your own kid, but most of the time I get worn out by small children in the space of a few hours and just want to tell them to go away and leave me alone. This is obviously unacceptable behavior when raising a child. I don't want to make that kind of common mistake of making someone feel unwanted, and I don't want to be too snappy with my children because I remember what that's like. Of course you have to be firm at times, but being really snappy is different.
Mostly I just want to know I'd be a good parent and that I wouldn't be alone. I don't think I would be a good parent until I've had some more life experience and my temper has cooled more with age. It has cooled a lot even in the last few years, so I have to think that will continue. And I do not want to try raising someone by myself. Who has that kind of time or energy? Kid needs a devoted father. And we all know that hasn't happened yet.
So I will remain on the pill until I am sure of myself and my situation, then I think I would like to have children. And I know my mom wants to be a grandma, and I think she would be a good one.
But I might change my mind in an hour. Hard to tell.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 3:31 AM

FMF, yes, thank you. That kind of follows how my mind has been working. Sometimes I want them, sometimes I don't. I always worry about being able to take care of them, worry about providing for them, etc.
I'd say you set my mind at ease...but you actually pointed out the reality of the situation, and for that I thank you.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 3:37 AM

COPTERDOC

Good morning from the new guy. First of all let me say that one of my favorite thing to watch is how a thread evolves ,changes and takes on a life of its own. Been working a couple of days OT so it made for some enjoyable reading catching up with this one. Second off "Breasts" what can you say that hasn't been said. Most women like to fuss about our infactuation with them but they know that they are their secret weapon and will not hesitate to pull them out and use them when needed. Breasts are kind of like ornaments on a christmas tree. Without them its just a tree in you living room. They symbolize everything that is wonderful about the feminine form. They are soft, yet firm, Comforting, yet exciting. They are multi functional. They bring us pleasure on many levels. They bring you pleasure. But the most wonderful thing that a man can ever experience is seeing his wife breastfeeding his child. If any of you men have experienced this I don't have to tell you that it is one of the most fulfilling moments you can have in your life. It just can't be put into words. That brings us too children. I have two daughters ,one when I was 18, poor and struggling to carve out a place in the world. Our second when I was in my mid thirties and very well set up in my piece I hacked out with a chainsaw or whatever else I could find. I would not change a thing. You just make it work. The key is realizing that when you have children its not about you any more its about them. The last movie that I saw that wasn't animated was serenity. You just wait for the dvds and watch them at night. Ok thats my rambeling pre-coffee addition to this thread. Post Script: A woman's Real beauty is in her eyes and in her smile. Those two things will tell you everything you need to know

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 3:44 AM

Welcome Welcome!

Glad to see you! Stick around and post often. Look for FollowMal for your Browncoat!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 4:12 AM

Morning all hey the breast thing was a random sympathy thing notmeant to generate such conversation
FMF- HUGS couldn't you just pop when you look at your kids. I even feel that way about my students. I just want to gather them up and hug them silly:) Kids are way better than anything else around.

James- Yes I am having them reduced...I had to wait till my weight had been stable (lost 120 pounds) for a year before insurance will cover it as they cause back and shoulder problems on my small frame.

Tristan_ I have to say I agree with FMF. If you wait until the time is perfect to have kids, you will never have kids. Long as you have enough love for them, everything else will be fine. Babies are the best thing ever! Which is why in about 2 hours I will head out to spend the day with my sister and sister-in-law and play with the babies ( Wyatt is 9 months old and Annie is 1 year)

Emma- it must be nice to be all tall and amazon like and with as pretty as you are I bet you have a really big stick to beat the guys off with:)

I am trying to wake up..hmmm iced mocha or iced latte?

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 4:31 AM

SAFEAT2ND

Whoa, this thread is hard to keep up with.

MSG, GREAT job on the weight loss. My wife has hit her 90lb loss mark last weekend. And I'm proud of her. She wanted to lose weight, I've always told her she was beautiful no matter what size dress she wore. And yes, they do weigh on her too. Back pain and all. But I digress.

I must confess, I'm a breast man too. I appreciate them descreetly. Not lurker style, just no staring. Besides, my wifes eyes are just too pretty not to look at.

Seryn, don't worry about it. As a man, I don't care what shape they are or if one is bigger than the other. To let you in on a secret, we're not measuring, we're just happy to be able to see them on occasion.

On the cleaning thing. I never married to get a maid or a mother to me. I admit, I don't do laundry (colour-blind). It's safer if my wife does it. But I vaccum, wash dishes, tidy, lawn work etc. But it's not a matter of splitting the chores, it's just what has to be done just get it done.

I know lots of guys that treat their wives like maids and want to be mothered. I see that as a sign of a weak spirit and pity them on what they are missing out by not being equals. My wife is my other half, literally. I am less with out her.

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 4:44 AM

COPTERDOC

I forgot to address the housework issue. I work 7and 7. Thats seven days on and 7 days off. When I get home I have a full days worth of yard work to catch up on. I am a bit of a foodie so I love to cook. My wife helps out but I do 90% of the cooking when I am home. We love to open a bottle of wine and cook a big meal. I pick up after myself (towels, clothes etc.) but other than that my wife keeps up with the house and teaches pre-school. She is very organized and takes great pride in her home.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 4:57 AM

see now that's lovely copterdoc...So either you're a firefighter or ( based on your name) a life flight medic/doctor? Anyway, it's nice to see we all have such different arrangements, but that it works for each of us...
So next ponderable question:could you /would you forgive your SO for lying to you?
Edit-and how long would it take you to forgive it?

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 5:07 AM

COPTERDOC

Actually I am a helicopter mechanic. I don't really know what you are getting at with the other question. All couples have their differences that must be worked out. I guess if you have something that is worth saving you work it out, If you don't you move on.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 5:16 AM

PENGUIN

I'm still trying to figure out what Seryn is going to do with 3,000 squid!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 5:31 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

MSG, the answer is no. No no and no.
The big reason I wouldn't get back with my Ex of Doom (also why I even call him my Ex of Doom) is that I feel he lied to me, and that it was about something very important to me; how he actually felt and what he actually wanted. When he wanted out of the relationship (which he now seems to be saying he didn't) he wasn't straight with me, he just avoided me, and then spun a story in and e-mail to sever ties completely. At least, that's the way it seems. Saying that we were only together because we were lonely and that's all it ever was is about the worst thing to say to me because, at least from my end, it was a total lie. And if that's all it was to him, then everything he said to me while we were together was a lie. That he's singing a different tune now is irrelevant, and in fact just makes it worse. Boy can't make up his mind, nor can he walk his talk, and to me that is a deal-breaker. It's also the reason I have no interest in being friends with him; I don't allow my friends to lie to me either. If a friend lies to me I start to wonder about them all the time and the friendship eventually falls apart. No point in going through that when I already have reason to wonder if he's willing to be honest with me. The only way I would ever forgive someone is if I could be convinced that they had really, really changed, and since I wouldn't completely trust them, how would they convince me? The only way to prove you're honest is to never lie. The only way to prove you're honest after lying is to never lie again, and never is a long time.
So, there was the long answer. The short answer is no.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 5:54 AM

wow- thanks phoenix ( I think) the reason I brought it up is this ( ok warning really long story)
My husband bought a new ipod and I got his old. At the time my favorite student had just moved and a group of students and I were putting together a package for him. His girlfriend bought him an ipod shuffle and it went in the package. My husband heard me talking about the ipod and thought it was his old one. I promised it wasn't. I had left the ipod at my school. I am somewhat forgetful and several times my husband asked me to bring it home and I forgot. He got angry about it and I got stubborn and refused to bring it home to prove it to him. Meanwhile the ipod was stolen from my closet, but I hadn't noticed it was gone. ( I teach in an inner city school and should have been more careful) several other teachers had things stolen around the same time ( turned out the be a janitor) When I started to tell my husband of th thefts at school he said" don't tell me your ipod was stolen' cause that's just too convenient" He was convinced I had sent it to the student and even the student telling him I hadn't didn't help. Well I went and bought a new ipod and lied about it quite a few times because at the time we were having serious problems and I was frightened that it would be a last straw thing. It was really wrong of me and I know I totally screwed up. Finally I admitted the truth. It's been over a year now and he still goes on and on making comments about how untrustworthy I am even though I have never lied again. It kind of bugs me that he's not over it.
This is probably TMI for you all so feel free to ignore or comment:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 6:02 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

So... him not trusting you... caused you to lie to him... in order to avoid having a problem, because you were having problems... and...
*blood starts running out of ears*
I think my brain is injured from the twisting itself around this! Gah! I'm melting!

Seriously, why didn't he just trust you in the first damn place? If you hadn't lied before, what reason did he have to think you were lying about something stupid like that? And, I have to ask, why didn't you just take him to work with you the next day or something so you could point and say "See?! There is is!"

I keep adding to this post, I'm sorry.
Unless he is joking around with you, he needs to shut up about it. Not saying it's all his fault, because you shouldn't have been too stubborn to prove you were telling the truth, but it was him accusing you of lying the the first place that caused the whole mess and he has no right to keep harping on it when it was just as much his fault as yours.
When you said lying, I thought you meant about something important...

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 6:08 AM

he has serious trust issues before due to an childhood incident...I know twisted logic and all and looking back I just don't know why I lied. We we just in such a bad place and I was so panicked that if I told him he'd leave me and I just freaked and kept lying...Haven't lied once since and all so hopefully he will be ok:)
Wdit- oh and I work like 45 minutes away so he didn't want to drive up and all and after him getting really cranky about me not bringing it home to prove it to him ( I did have several people verify over phone it was in my closet at school) I got kind of defensive and refused to bring it just to prove it to him( I wish I had now 'cause it wouldn't have been stolen)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 6:15 AM

MSG, as far as lying goes, depends on the level. White lie, like "I love that outfit!", no problem. But if it is something that would have an impact on my/our lives, then I am less inclined to forgive. I never forget, either, and expect the same if I ever lie.

Sounds like yours was a failure to communicate...not that that makes it better, just...I have to agree with PR. My brain is trying to escape my skull trying to figure that one out...

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 6:45 AM

LYSANDER

As far as the having kids thing goes, I too am on the fence. There are times when my wife and I talk about how it would be with and without kids. Ultimately, we are not ready and probably never will be. It is a difficult decision and takes a lot of time. We've decided that without is the best decision for us. With my wife's illness we are not even sure if she can have kids.

As far as lying goes, it depends on the lie. There are a lot of things that I can forgive, but if it really hurts the relationship, there has to be a lot of talking going on before decisions are made.

Simon: What if he(Mal) tells you to kill me?
Zoe: (without hesitation) I kill you.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 6:59 AM

Afternoon, Lysander!
I am sorry to hear about the illness. I won't pry, but know my thoughts are with you. I have sometimes thought that having children would really ruin my life, and then the next day thought they could be my life. We shall see. I think the perfect line for this comes from Finding Neverland...(don't remember it exactly, but something like) I don't believe children should have children...

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 7:05 AM