MORE monty python! by Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown

*liberty bell march plays*

Gumby: Monty python's flying circus

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 1:38 PM

*squelch*

*******
RMMC

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 1:42 PM

OOKAMIKAWAHARA

Don't forget the Mooses and Llamas.
They don't like it when you forget them and shall be sacked.

Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean.

Try explaining Monty Python to the Japanese ---- I have done considerable field work and have yet to find one that finds it hilarious. Well now to find more vict.... I mean friends to show it to

mata, Ookami yori

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 1:45 PM

how to recognize different parts of the body

Quote:
Originally posted by RMMC:
*squelch*

#1 the foot

#2 the shoulder

and #3 the other foot

#4 the bridge, of the nose

#5 the naughty bits

#6 just above the elbow

#7 2 inches to the right of a very naughty bit indeed

#8 the kneecap

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 2:16 PM

Number nine. The ear.

Number ten. The big toe.

Number eleven. More naughty bits.

Number twelve. The naughty bits of a lady.

Number thirteen The naughty bits of a horse.

Number fourteen. The naughty bits of an ant.

Number fifteen. The naughty bits of Reginald Maulding.

Number sisteen. The hand.

******
RMMC

"My...brain....hurts!"

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 4:05 PM

DAVESHAYNE

It's a fair cop but society is to blame.

David

"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 6:15 PM

Doctor(!)....

...

...

DOCtor(!)...

...

...

DOCTOR(!!)...

...my brain hurts...

"Ken's only problem is that he's got a very small pah-ticle of brain lodged within his skull" and "his friends think he's a stupid, inbred stack of meat."

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 7:13 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

And now for something completely different.

A man with a tape recorder up his nose.

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:24 PM

RCAT

I lure the mosquito out with flares, then Roy takes them down with starfire missles.

I've been a hunter all my life. I love animals, that's why I like to kill 'em!

I thought of changing my name but Sniviling Little Rat-Faced Wilson sounds just as bad.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 10:50 PM

I know I put this up before but I love it

(Cut to a critic. Superimposed caption: 'GAVIN MILLARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR')

Art Critic: Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world. The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our oesophagus, the guard's van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? It's over there in a box. Shunt is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is the same only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew his sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 12:03 AM

ARABIKUM

http://orangecow.org/pythonet/sketches/index.htm#B

Here´s my favourite sketch (just imagine the Pythons all dressed up in Superman costumes!!):

Voiceover: This man is no ordinary man. This is Mr. H G Superman. To all appearances, he looks like any other law-abiding citizen. But Mr F G Superman has a secret identity. When trouble strikes at any time, at any place, he is ready to become... BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!

Superboy: Hey, there's a bicycle broken, up the road.

Superman One: If only Bicycle Repair Man were here!

Superboy: Yes, wait, I think I know where I can find him. Look over there!

Caption: FLASH!

All Supermen: Bicycle Repair Man, but how?

Superman One: Oh look... is it a stockbroker?

Superman Two: Is it a quantity Surveyor?

Superman Three: Is it a church warden?

All Supermen: NO! It's Bicycle Repair Man!

Superman: MY! Bicycle Repair Man! Thank goodness you've come! Look!

Caption: Clink! Screw! Bend! Inflate! Alter Saddle!

Superman Two: Why, he's mending it with his own hands!

Superman One: See how he uses a spanner to tighten that nut!

Superman: Oh, Oh Bicycle Repair Man, how can I ever repay you?

Bicycle Repair Man: Oh, you don't need to guv. It's all in a days work for... Bicycle Repair Man!

All Supermen: Our Hero!

Voiceover: Yes! whenever bicycles are broken, or menaced by international communism, Bicycle Repair Man is ready!

A.

Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.

Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?

Ted Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 3:21 AM

WHOOPS

Blackmail skectch

Music up-- wild applause and cheers from the audience)
Announcer:
Hello! Hello! Hello! Thank you,thank you. Hello good evening and welcome, to BLACKMAIL! Yes, it's another edition of the game in which you can play with *yourself*. (applause) And to start tonight's show, let's see our first contestant, all the way from Manchester, on the big screen please: MRS. BETTY TEAL! (applause, which suddenly stops when the clap track tape breaks) 'Ello, Mrs. Teal, lovely to have you on the show. Now Mrs. Teal, if you're looking in tonight, this is for 15 pounds: and is to stop us from revealing the name of your LOVER IN BOULTON!! So, Mrs. Teal, send us 15 pounds, by return of post please, and your husband Trevor, and your lovely children Diane, Janice, and Juliet, need never know the name... of your LOVER IN BOULTON!
(applause; organ music)
Thank you Onan! And now: a letter, a hotel registration book, and a series of photographs, which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and possible criminal proceedings for a company director in Bromsgrove. He's a freemason, and a conservative M.P., so that's 3,000 pounds please Mr. S... thank you... to stop us from revealing: Your name The name of the three other people involved,
The youth organization to which they belonged, and The shop where you bought the equipment!
(organ music)
But right now, yes everyone is the moment you've all been waiting for; it's time for our Stop the Film spots! As you know, the rules are very simple. We have taken a film which contains compromising scenes and unpleasant details which could wreck a man's career. (gasp) But, the victim may 'phone me at any moment, and stop the film. But remember the money increases as the film goes on, so,.... the longer you leave it, the more you have to pay! Tonight,
Stop the Film visits the little Thames-side village of Thames Ditton.
(music--announcer's voice over)
Well, here we go, here we go now, let's see...where's our man. Oh yes, there he is behind the tree now.... Mm, boy, this is fun, this is good fun.... He looks respectable, so we should be in for some real...real shucks here.... A member of the government, could be a brain surgeon, they're the worst.... wHOW! Look at the *size* of that... briefcase. Aah, yes, he's, he's up to the door, rung the doorbell now.... O-oh, who's the little number with the nightie and the whip, eh? Heh-heh. Doesn't look like his mother.... could be his sister.... If it is he's in real trouble.... And just look at that, they're upstairs already... whoah, boy, this is fun! A very brave man, our contestant tonight. Who-ho-ho!! This is no Tupperware party! Very brave man, they don't usually get this far... What's--what's that, what's she's doing to his.....is that a CHICKEN up there? No, no, it's just the way she's holding the grapefruit... Whoah, ho no... ('Phone rings; buzzer goes off. Applause) (picking up 'phone)
Hello sir...yes...aha-ha-ha...yes, just in time, sir, that was...what? No, no, sir, it's alright, we don't morally censor, we just want the money. Thank you sir, yes,... what? You...okay....Thank you for playing the game, sir, very nice indeed, okay....okay, see you tonight, Dad, bye bye.
Well, that's all from this edition of Blackmail. Join me next week, same time, same channel....Join me, two dogs, and a vicar, when we'll be playing "Pedorasto", the game for all the family. Thank you, thank you, thank you.... *

Sorry about it being long just so funny this skectch.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Love. You can do all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air you
don't love, she'll shake you off sure as a turnin' of worlds. Love keeps her in
the air when she oughtta fall down. Tells you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens.
Makes her a home." Mal

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 4:28 AM

ROCKETJOCK

It's only spelled "Luxury Yacht"; it's pronounced "Throatwarbler Mangrove".

Okay, now a true story; in the early 1980's I was in the U.S. Navy. My ship was changing homeports, so I was "Manning the rails", standing at parade rest in my summer white cracker jacks. As we pull into the harbor, I notice a nice two-deck cabin cruiser. On her bow is the name "Throatwarbler Mangrove."

Wait, it gets better. I tried to place the name, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Then, about three or five minutes later, the dime drops, and I start giggling uncontrolably, a distinct no-no during a naval ceremony.

It wasn't just the the Python reference that did it; it was the fact that if the boat's name was spelled "Throatwarbler Mangrove" , then it must be pronounced "Luxury Yacht"!

"Hermanos! The Devil has built a Robot! Andale!" -- Numero Cinco

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 4:35 AM

TRISTAN

Anyone familiar with the "Anne Elk" sketch?

______________________________________

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 5:31 AM

HAZE

"My lovely horse running through the field" woops! Thats Father Ted.

Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, which goes 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the' (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeker) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mannering (hoot, 'whoop') Smith.

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 6:55 AM

PAGANPAUL

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
Anyone familiar with the "Anne Elk" sketch?

"Mrs. Anne Elk."
"Miss"
"MISS Anne Elk, who is going to present her brand new theory on dinosaurs..."

* - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * -

流口水的婊子和猴子的笨儿子。
Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh bun ur-tze.
"Stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey."

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 7:20 AM

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Brought forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh, brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken!
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.

His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed and his bowls unplugged,
And his nostrils raked and his bottom burnt off,
And his penis--

Robin (interputing): That's...That's, uh... That's enough music for now,
lads. It looks like there's dirty work afoot.

Three headed knight: HALT!!!

Voice over: YES!! It was the dreaded Three headed Knight, the fiercest
creature for *yards* around!
For second.... after second..., Robin held his own, but the
onslaught proved too much for the brave knight. Scarcely was
his armor damp, when Robin suddenly, dramatically, changed his
tactics!

Minstrel: Robin:

Brave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away away....
When Danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly chickened out..

Bravely bravely bravely bravely
Bravely bravely bravely bravely
Bravely bravely brave Sir Robin!

Robin: (at the same time)
No!I didn't!I didn't! No!!I never did!
All lies! I never!

Damn you Fox! Damn you to Hades!!

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 7:26 AM

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

This board has put me in the mood to go and watch the Holy Grail!

Damn you Fox! Damn you to Hades!!

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 8:00 AM

LWAVES

"Bring out the dead".

Gotta love Python and that Holy Grail sketch in particular.

Favourite TV sketch would have to be the Four Yorkshiremen.

"You were lucky. We used to live in t'shoebox in middle o' t'road".

This would be followed by the 'Bruces' sketch.

Classic stuff. If you don't know any of it then you haven't heard comedy. Go get some now.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 8:06 AM

SAHARA

FYI, any Michigan Browncoats who are also MP fans...the Ann Arbor Summer Festival is showing The Holy Grail (for free!) on July 5. Movie starts at around 10p.

Schedule at this link:
http://www.annarborsummerfestival.org/top.shtml

Blackbird fly into the light of the dark, black night.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 8:29 AM

FRELLINGBLONDE

"I'm not your grace. I'm your Elsie."
"What a terrible joke!"
"But it's my only line!"

"This parrot wouldn't voom if you put four thousand volts through it. It's bleedin' demised."

"No member of the faculty is to mistreat the Abbos in any way. If there's someone watching."
"I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their rooms after lights out."

"It's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can!"

"Now Socrates himself is particularly missed, a lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!"

"And pray that there is intelligent life somewhere out in space, 'cause there's bugger all down here on earth!"

Why yes, my father DID raise me on Monty Python from when I was five years old. Believe me, that explains a great deal about yours truly.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 10:12 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by sahara:
FYI, any Michigan Browncoats who are also MP fans...the Ann Arbor Summer Festival is showing The Holy Grail (for free!) on July 5. Movie starts at around 10p.

And I get up at 4am....gos se!

I guess I'll just have to throw in my dvd and watch at home.

Man: Yes, you know it's a man's life in England's Mountain Green.
Colonel: Right I heard that, I heard that, I'm going to stop this sketch now, and if there's any more of this, I'm going to stop the whole programme. I thought it was suppose to be about teeth anyway. Why don't you do something about teeth--go on.
Man: What about my rustic dialogue? I'm not sleeping with that producer again.

********
RMMC

Splunge!

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 10:21 AM

SAHARA

Awwww, c'mon!
Who needs sleep???

;-)

Blackbird fly into the light of the dark, black night.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 11:43 AM

As I cannot partake of caffine due to medical reasons...me. What can I say, I'm old.

And since I'm already taking the 3rd off, I don't have any time off left to ask for the next day, either.

Who had the brain child of putting it on at 10 at night during the week anyway? *grump*

This is a hold up, not a botony lesson. Right, now my fine friends, no false moves please. I want you to hand over all the lupins you've got.

*******
RMMC

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 1:13 PM

LITTLEALBATROSS29

I just can't resist this one .

"All right. All right. It's bloody... albatross flavour... Bleedin' seabird bleedin' flavour. ALBATROSS. "

I have to go open my boxed set now.

Bryce
*********************************************

I swallowed a bug.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 1:33 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

And now for something completley different.

A man with a tape recorder up his brothers nose.

*MUSIC*

And now in Stereo....

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 5:59 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown:
I know I put this up before but I love it

(Cut to a critic. Superimposed caption: 'GAVIN MILLARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR')

Art Critic: Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world. The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our oesophagus, the guard's van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? It's over there in a box. Shunt is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is the same only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew his sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.B]

Oh thank you, thank you, Guy... for transcribing this whole damned incredible thing; I HAVE found myself, in the past, wanted to see it done. Did you get it from a script or did you notate the hard way? ...I mean: as I did with Cleese's rantings from the Architect Sketch.

For those of you who don't speak Python, the rant from the "Critic" (that Guywhoetc so thoughtfully transcribed), and played by the Immortal John Cleese, is spoken at such a blindingly breakneck speed that he catches fire from friction at the end and has to be doused with a bucket of water. John's probably the best ranter the comedy world has ever seen and I'd LOVE to hear what he thinks of The 'Verse.

And furthermore, judging from the popularity of the Python threads, all-us-all Browncoats probably ALL speak Python. I wonder about all the Browncoats who are under 25 'cause, obviously, there's bunches of all-YOU-all and, after all, Flying Circus was filmed - FILMED - from 1969 to, I think, it was 1972... kinda before you were all born. I wonder to what degree our BDJ(oss)W(hedon) was inspired by Python? I mean, he surely has the wit for it and, apparently, in spades...

If any of you Browncoat Junior Auxiliary chaps (and chippies) haven't discovered the delights of Monty Python, ma-aa-an... have you EVER got a WORLD of discovery awaiting you. You cannot consider yourself a sentient, English-speaking (or German, as they did a buncha stuff in German) Human Being without... without... ah(!)... I - I... I'm... transFORming... ARRGGHH(!!)... without... without... A SHRUBBERY!!... I mean... sputtersputter... A HERRING!!! ...and one that looks nice... and not too expensive... Now, GO!!!

slap yourself with your own damn ...shrubbery... "or your friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat."

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 6:14 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Unsardonic:
I - I... I'm... transFORming... ARRGGHH(!!)... without... without... A SHRUBBERY!!... I mean... sputtersputter... A HERRING!!! ...and one that looks nice... and not too expensive... Now, GO!!!

Oh LOOK... I'm having to reply to myself because, apparently, I'm the only person(s) I know who understand(s) that I have enough multiple personalities to carry on several simultaneous intelligent conversations with myself... ...or not...

"One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous" ...SHRUBBERY!!... I mean... sputtersputter... A HERRING!!! ...and one that looks nice... and not too expensive... Now, GO!!!

Go on, keep moving... nothing surreal to see here... "or your friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat."

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 6:18 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by RocketJock:
It's only spelled "Luxury Yacht"; it's pronounced "Throatwarbler Mangrove".

Okay, now a true story; in the early 1980's I was in the U.S. Navy. My ship was changing homeports, so I was "Manning the rails", standing at parade rest in my summer white cracker jacks. As we pull into the harbor, I notice a nice two-deck cabin cruiser. On her bow is the name "Throatwarbler Mangrove."

Wait, it gets better. I tried to place the name, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Then, about three or five minutes later, the dime drops, and I start giggling uncontrolably, a distinct no-no during a naval ceremony.

It wasn't just the the Python reference that did it; it was the fact that if the boat's name was spelled "Throatwarbler Mangrove" , then it must be pronounced "Luxury Yacht"!

Go on, keep moving... nothing to see here... nothing surreal going on, we (in the government) SWEAR...

pretend that none of this is happening... "or your friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat."

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 6:22 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by lwaves:
"You were lucky. We used to live in t'shoebox in middle o' t'road".

LUX...ury... now We had it rrooff...

...cut your children in two with a breadknife and dance about on their graves singin' "Glory Hallelujah" "or your friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat."

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 10:41 PM

ASARIAN

People keep asking me: "RB, how come you're so good with the quotes?" And I keep telling them:

"You have to know these things when you're a King, you know?"

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:36 AM

SIMONWHO

Interesting fact: The Four Yorkshiremen is not a Monty Python sketch. True, they did perform it on stage but it was originally in At Last The 1948 Show, with that sketch written by and starring John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Marty Feldman.

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop this post here because it's not silly enough. It started out promisingly, with reference to four Yorkshiremen but descended into factual references, correcting other posters. Also you can tell the signature is fake, its hair is far too long.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 6:13 AM

ZOID

And now -- completely without apologies of any kind for its length -- I mean, if you've got it, flaunt it -- an essential sketch from Monty Python's "The Meaning of Liffe":

Quote:
The First Zulu War.

Natal 1879 (not Glasgow)

[Inside a tent.]

Pakenham-Walsh: Morning Ainsworth.

Ainsworth: Morning Pakenham-Walsh.

Pakenham-Walsh: Sleep well?

Ainsworth: Not bad. Bitten to shreds though. Must be a hole in the bloody mosquito net.

Pakenham-Walsh: Yes, savage little blighters aren't they?

First Lieut Chadwick: [arriving] Excuse me, sir.

Ainsworth: Yes Chadwick?

Chadwick: I'm afraid Perkins got rather badly bitten during the night.

Ainsworth: Well so did we. Hah!

Chadwick: Yes, but I do think the doctor ought to see him.

Ainsworth: Well go and fetch him, then.

Chadwick: Right you are, sir.

Ainsworth: Suppose I'd better go along. Coming, Pakenham?

Pakenham-Walsh: Yes I suppose so.

[Chadwick leaves. Ainsworth and Pakenham-Walsh thread their leisurely way through the line of assegais. Pakenham-Walsh's valet is speared by a Zulu warrior but Pakenham-Walsh valiantly saves his jacket from the mud. They enter Perkins's tent. Perkins is on his camp bed.]

Ainsworth: Ah! Morning Perkins.

Perkins: Morning sir.

Ainsworth: What's all the trouble then?

Perkins: Bitten sir. During the night.

Ainsworth: Hm. Whole leg gone, eh?

Perkins: Yes.

[As they talk, the din of battle continues outside. Screams of dying men, crackling of tents set on fire.]

Ainsworth: How's it feel?

Perkins: Stings a bit.

Ainsworth: Mmm. Well it would, wouldn't it. That's quite a bite you've got there you know!

Perkins: Yes, real beauty isn't it?

All: Yes.

Ainsworth: Any idea how it happened?

Perkins: None at all. Complete mystery to me. Woke up just now... One sock too many!

Pakenham-Walsh: You must have a hell of a hole in your net.

Ainsworth: Hm. We've sent for the doctor.

Perkins: Ooh, hardly worth it, is it?

Ainsworth: Oh yes... better safe than sorry.

Pakenham-Walsh: Yes, good Lord, look at this.

[He indicates a gigantic hole in the mosquito net.]

Ainsworth: By jove, that's enormous.

Pakenham-Walsh: You don't think it'll come back, do you?

Ainsworth: For more, you mean?

Pakenham-Walsh: Yes.

Ainsworth: You're right. We'd better get this stitched!

Pakenham-Walsh: Right.

Ainsworth: Hallo Doc.

Livingstone: [entering the tent with Chadwick] Morning. I came as fast as I could. Is something up?

Ainsworth: Yes, during the night old Perkins had his leg bitten... sort of... off.

Livingstone: Ah hah!? Been in the wars have we?

Perkins: Yes.

Livingstone: Any headache, bowels all right? Well, let's have a look at this 'one leg' of yours then, shall we? [Prods bloody stump with stem of his pipe] Yes... yes... yes... yes... yes... yes... well, this is nothing to worry about.

Perkins: Oh good.

Livingstone: There's a lot of it about, probably a virus. Keep warm, plenty of rest, and if you're playing football or anything, try and favour the other leg.

Perkins: Oh, right ho.

Livingstone: Be as right as rain in a couple of days.

Perkins: Thanks for the reassurance, doc.

Livingstone: Not at all, that's what I'm here for. Any other problems I can reassure you about?

Perkins: No, I'm fine.

Livingstone: Jolly good. Well, must be off.

Perkins: So, it'll just grow back then, will it?

Livingstone: [Pauses] Er... I think I'd better come clean with you about this... it's... um it's not a virus, I'm afraid. You see, a virus is what we doctors call very, very small. So small in fact, that it could not possibly have made off with a whole leg. What we're looking for here is, I think -- and this is no more than an educated guess, I'd like to make that clear -- is some multi-cellular life form with stripes, huge razor-sharp teeth, about eleven foot long, and of the genus felis horribilis. What we doctors, in fact, call 'a tiger'.

All in tent: 'A tiger'...!!

[Outside, everyone engaged in battle, including the Zulus, breaks off and shouts in horror:]

All: 'A tiger!'

[The Zulus run off.]

Pakenham-Walsh: 'A tiger' - in Africa?

Ainsworth: Hm...??

Pakenham-Walsh: 'A tiger'... In Africa...?!

Ainsworth: Ahh... Well... It's probably escaped from a zoo.

Pakenham-Walsh: Well, it doesn't sound very likely.

Ainsworth: [quietly] Stumm, stumm...

Respectfully,

zoid

P.S.
For Python aficionados and the uninitiated, alike, the following link to Monty Python's Completely Useless Website, from whence these snippets:
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/scripts.asp

Learn it, know it, live it...
_________________________________________________

"I aim to møøsbehave." -Capt. Mal 'Møøse' Reynolds, llama tamer and møøse dietician, Serenity, a.k.a. 'the BDBOF'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:16 PM

I know it's long, but I don't care, it is my FAVORITE sketch in the history of monty python

also, I'm 16

TV Announcer:
That was episode two of "The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots", adapted radio by Bernard Hollowood and Brian London. And now, Radio 4 will explode.

Music

(The radio explodes
Two old women are sitting on the couch listening to the radio when it explodes. One looks at the other.)

First Old Women (Graham Chapman):
We'll have to watch the telly then.

Second Old Women (John Cleese):
Yes.

First Old Women:
Well, what's on the television then?

Second Old Women:
It looks like a penguin.

(On the TV set there is indeed a penguin. It sits contentedly looking at them in a stuffed sort of way. There is nothing on the screen.)

First Old Women:
No, no, no, I didn't mean what was on the television set, I meant what programme?

Second Old Women:
Oh.

(The Second Old Women goes to the TV, switches it on and returns to her chair. The set takes a long time to warm up and produce a picture. During this pause the following conversation takes place.)

Second Old Women:
It's funny that penguin being there, innit?
What's it doing there?

First Old Women:
Standing.

Second Old Women:
I can see that!

First Old Women:
If it lays an egg it will fall down the back of the Television set.

Second Old Women:
We'll have to watch that.
(pause)
Unless it's a male.

First Old Women:
Ooh, I never thought of that.

Second Old Women:
Yes, looks fairly butch.

First Old Women:
Perhaps it comes from next door.

Second Old Women:
Penguins don't come from next door,
they come from the Antarctic.

First Old Women:
BURMA!
(sound of tea spoon being dropped into tea cup)

Second Old Women:
Why did you say Burma?

First Old Women:
I panicked.

Second Old Women:
Oh. Perhaps it's from the Zoo.

First Old Women:
Which zoo?

Second Old Women:
How should I know which Zoo?
I'm not Dr. Bloody Bronowski!!

First Old Women:
How does Dr. Bronowski know which zoo it came from?

Second Old Women:
He knows everything!

First Old Women:
Oh, I wouldn't like that, it would take the mystery out of life. Anyway if it was from the zoo it would have 'Property of the Zoo' stamped on it!

Second Old Women:
No it wouldn't, They don't stamp animals 'Property of the Zoo'!!! You couldn't stamp a huge lion.

First Old Women:
They stamp them when they're small.

Second Old Women:
What happens when they moult?

First Old Women:
Lions don't moult!

Second Old Women:
No, but penguins do. There, I've run rings around you logically.

First Old Women:
OH, INTERCOURSE THE PENGUIN!!

(On the TV screen there now appears an announcer)

TV Announcer:
Hello. It's just gone 8 o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.

(The penguin on top of the set now explodes.)

First Old Women:
How did he know that was going to happen?!

TV Announcer:
It was an inspired guess. And now ...

if you don't like it that's your problem

BURMA!

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Friday, June 30, 2006 6:10 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown:
BURMA!

..."Now, why'dja say, 'Burma,' then?"

immediately satisfy my pressing Benedictine addiction... "or you're friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat"

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:58 PM

I panicked

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 8:45 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown:
I panicked

y'know dude...

If you really are all of 16 years old (the following to be read in your finest Mr.Blint-out-of-"Consequences" voice), "as you claim to be..." then, you give me hope for our next generation.

I'll insinuate all manner of Python & Firesign (and "Consequences" & "Rawlinson End" & "Hitchhiker's Guide" & "Zappa" ...and Dorothy Parker... AND... all those delightful "'Verse'isms") into my conversations as a normal matter of course - as simply a way of making tangential commentary on ...oh, "life, the universe and EVERYthing"... and if I do it with someone in their 20's or 30's, at best, they think I'm some sort of loony eccentric. At worst, they think I'm annoyingly insane... but whichever: it's over their damned heads & they simply don't get it.

To find a chap of all of 16 with a complete knowledge of 40-year old Python routines really amazes me & cheers me up all kinds o' ways.

If you haven't already mentioned this somewhere and I just missed it, what got you interested in Python & why'd you pursue it obsessively enough to have it all memorized?

42 "or your friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat"

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 1:54 PM

my dad, I was about seven when he randomly said "BURMA!" so of couse I asked him why he said burma and he replied "I panicked"

he then proceeded to outline the exploding penguin sketch, the one I placed above,

then, 8 years later I had dish network, including BBC america the day I remembered I had that channel there was a marathon of Monty Python's Flying Circus and I was hooked

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 9:31 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown:
my dad, I was about seven when he randomly said "BURMA!" so of couse I asked him why he said burma and he replied "I panicked"

he then proceeded to outline the exploding penguin sketch, the one I placed above,

then, 8 years later I had dish network, including BBC america the day I remembered I had that channel there was a marathon of Monty Python's Flying Circus and I was hooked

VERY cool...

very...
very...
very...
very...
cooOOoolll...

Now... how well have you pursued their movies? And, just to whet yer whistle: are you aware that the American Film Institute, in their list of the "100 Greatest Comedy Movies of All Time" place "Monty Python's Meaning of Life" at the very top as the "Greatest Comedy Film of All Time." ...deservedly... where it just simply deserves to be? I recall the LA Times review of that day saying, that 'no one else had the guts to tackle a topic as profoundly fundamental as the very meaning of life within a comedy movie' besides Ponty Mython... and... and... and.... DAMN!! (I feel another "metamorphosis" coming on)... omagawd, I cain't stawp ii-ii-iitt-ttt...
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEmanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable..."

If ya don' le' us call ya 'Bruce' ta keep things simple, "your friends will think you're a stewpid, inbread stack o'MEET!!"

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 6:53 AM

I've only seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail

saw that before the marathon

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 4:02 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown:
I've only seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail

saw that before the marathon

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 4:28 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown:
I've only seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail

saw that before the marathon

yeah... you can ignore the "Ghost Post"...
Anyway, "Grail" is a good start - but they only got better after that. Absolutely essential is,

"Life of Brian" and, even more, the previously mentioned, "Monty Python's Meaning of Life." Not only did it give me one of my Most Fundamentally Profound Theatrical Experiences (that's... another story

) BUT... it features Jane Leeves' first role as one of Graham Chapman's executioners

THEN (oh you're just getting started)... you've got to pursue the works of the Pythons as solo-filmmakers. Most significant in that list would be Terry Gilliam who you'll maybe remember as "Patsy" from "Holy Grail." He was also their animator - all of it. Anyway, he's done a bunch of movies but, the standouts are:

"The Time Bandits" - one of the best kids movies of all time, the hero is a boy of about 10-12, but it sure is smart enough for adults, meaning, Python-o-philes. This movie was wildly successful, making Terry's fortune & the ability to make all those other movies that followed, most importantly...
"Brazil" - inimitable - one of the most amazing and important movies ever made. Also, one of the most controversial... the studio decided it was "Too Much" and they took control, recutting it after the fact so that what was released to theaters did NOT have Terry's own approval. He was incensed... in all, 3 different, so-called "Director's Cuts" were released to theaters, some for Europe only. The best way to see what he really intended was the Criterion box set that includes all 3 PLUS... it is the ONLY way that anyone can see Terry's own authorized (he even autographs the box - a "Signature" version) original cut. CAN NOT BE RECOMMENDED ENOUGH.

Then there's "The Further Adventures of Baron von Munchhausen" which kinda gets back to his making a kid's film. But my experience is that it just gets better and better with each viewing. It was a financial flop but, I think undeservedly so... as I say, it's only gotten better with time.

Another very fun and very fine Python offshoot was John Cleese's & Michael Palin's "A Fish Called Wanda - delightful, especially in the context of all those other Python & post-Python works.

still wonder how much Python inspired our BDJW...
Even more... i wonder if any Pythons (or Firesigns) just happen to be Browncoats? I mean, I started with those guys but, hey(!)... The 'Verse came a'callin'...

anyway, sorry to go on like that but, I hope it helps out so... Enjoy

you wouldn't want "your friends to think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat," would ya?

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 8:53 PM

have you ever seen the series "Fawlty Towers"?

it has John Cleese in it

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Tuesday, July 4, 2006 5:46 PM