Life Onboard Serenity: Londinium or Laudanum? by SameErtia

You're welcome for my witty remark.

*Pain stepped out of the shower feeling clean and refreshed. He noticed that Fly wasn't there and headed back to the infirmary. He entered the infirmary just as Ertia woke up. Pain smiled, kissed her hand and said*

Welcome to the land of the awake sleeping beauty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 1:36 PM

(You think the GREMLIN was bad?! Shoulda seen what the original Orphan plot was gonna become!)

(There were to be dragons and even more swords. Then I got smart and remembered I'm an idiot, and killed him.)

"What? It LOOKED like I was supposed to ride it!" 13 shouts at the gang of Core partiers blocking the doorway, rubbing a bruised side. "Guess I should just LEAVE then, huh?"

"Sir, I believe that would be in everyone's best interest," a cop says from behind him, having just arrived after tracking 13 through the city. "Return to your area of residence or we will have to detain you."

"DETAIN me? DETAIN ME!? What is WRONG with you people! Good God, why can't you ju-"

He is interrupted by a lengthy taser-bolt, flaring into his temple. 13 remains on his feet while the officer continues to taze him, and his eyes begin to take on a bright blue color.

-------------------------------------------------

'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 1:40 PM

darn! you beat me! And that was so amusing to write.

Ertia returns Pain's kiss groggily.

"I gots a SHDATE!" Pushing to her feet, she discovers they aren't underneath her, and careens directly into Zoe.

Zoe catches her easily and pushes her back onto the table. "Whoa there!"

Ertia shakes her head, the room spinning around her, "Pain? We gots a schdate! Gimme outta here."

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 1:44 PM

"Whoa," the officer manages as 13's eyes light up, the flaring blue glow spreading across his body and intensifying. "Um, sir, that is light pollution, according to Stature 5 of the-"

"Stature, smature. I've got a ship to get to."

-------------------------------------------------

'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 1:49 PM

Sorry. You can beat me next time.

*Pain smiled and said*

Our date isn't until a few more hours babe.

*He turns to the doc and says*

How much longer will she be like this.

*Simon replies*

She'll be groggy for thirty more minutes. The drugs from the tranquilizer are still in her bloodstream.

*Ertia slurs out before falling asleep*

Wees gossta gos ons our shdate Pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 2:25 PM

Really? I didn't know you were into that!

Oh dear, 13! Can't you go anywhere without getting into trouble? and.. uh.. Dragons?
(did you get the pm message I sent you earlier, btw?)

Ertia wakes again to the all too familiar sight of the infirmary ceiling. Turning her head, she can make out Wash, just waking up across from her. His face and neck are pocked with red dots from the needles.

Turning the other way, she finds Pain sitting beside her. "Heya."

"Heya yourself." He kisses her forehead lightly, "You all right?"

Thinking for a moment, she nods. "Yah. I think so. Simon?"

"What? Oh yes. You can go. Drink plenty of water and don't go swimming for at least four hours." He answers without looking up from his computer screen.

Swimming? Ertia raises her eyebrows and Pain shrugs in bewilderment. Gingerly, she stands up, reaches for his arm to steady herself.

"You kids have fun now. Stay out of trouble." Zoe admonishes. "We're going to finish up here and then head to the Harrow mansion. See ya there in two days."

"Trouble? Us? Never!" Pain and Ertia say at the same time.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 2:42 PM

LOL

*Pain and Ertia make their way to Shutle 2. Pain opens the airlock door and lets Ertia in first, she says to him as she enters*

You're quite the gentleman Pain.

*Pain grins and says*

I'm gentle when I can.

*Ertia smiles as Pain closes the door. He says to her*

Get the shuttle warmed up while I change please.

*Ertia smiles and says*

Sure thing baby.

*She flips some switches and lets the onboard computers run through their diagnostic programs as she turns around and watches Pain get dressed. Pain gets the feeling he's being watched and says as he changes into his suit*

You enjoyin' the show bao bei?

*Ertia smiles and says*

Oh yes I am, although it'd be better if you were facing me.

*Pain smiled and turned around as he buttoned up his shirt. He saw the disappointment in her eyes when she saw that he already had the pants on. He smiled and said to her*

Don't be sad you'll get to see me naked when we enter our hotel room. Now I could use some help puttin' on this tie if'n you don't mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 3:48 PM

*Ertia said as she tied his tie*

Oh I think I'll be a lot happier when we get to the hotel. Maybe even sooner than that.

*Pain smiles as Ertia kisses him and then remembers she's forgotten her dress. She breaks away from Pain and says*

I forgot my dress! I forgot my dress!

*She kisses Pain again and says before she leaves the shuttle*

You stay here don't leave.

*Ertia bolts out of the door saying as she runs out of the shuttle*

I gotta get my dress! I gotta get my dress!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 5:39 PM

Running across the catwalk, Ertia trips, falls and barely catches herself from going over the rail.

"Hey! Watch it!" Jayne yells from below, but she doesn't pay any mind, rushing to grab her dress and the shoes she borrowed from Inara. The shoes are a bit tight, but for one evening, what did it matter?

As she comes back across, she hears Wash and Zoe coming into the cargo bay below her. "I was shot by a MONKEY, Zo! Sorry if I'm not taking it as well as anybody else is!"

Ertia stops in her tracks and leans down, "WHAT? Wash? Did you just say we were shot by a MONKEY!"

"Yah, big ugly one!" The pilot cranes his head around to look at her. "Uglier than Jayne!"

"HEY! I'll ugly YOU little man!" Jayne barks out, but Ertia is already shaking her head.

"We were shot. with tranquilizers. By. A. Monkey."

"YES! Ugliest thing I ever saw...except for that time I saw Jayne in his privvies."

"It's true." Jayne answers, to everyone's surprise. "WHAT! The MONKEY! Not the... oh... gorram it." Jayne shrugs on his jacket and strides out of the cargo bay.

Monkey. WIth a tranquilizer dart.
Uh huh.

Ertia heads back into the shuttle and seals the door. "We're good, babe! You fly while I change! You wouldn't believe the story Wash is telling!"

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 5:50 PM

*Pain sits in the pilot's seat, starts the disengage sequence, turns his head and says*

What wacky story was he talkin' about now?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 8:41 PM

EXPERIMENT62

back for one or two posts till school starts
62 finally wakes up in a trash can

"uurrrrgh" moans 62 and tries to stand up, but not having any hand or legs he flops back down.

*he is able to crawl on his tiny nubs out of the full bin, and back into the cargo hold.*

* he drags himself back to place called the
infirmaty. he saw lots of medicine things there...*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RAGLESCHFLUGLE!!

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 9:04 PM

Onboard Shuttle #2

*Pain says as Ertia finishes Wash's story*

That thing was a monkey? It looked like a giant hairball with a lizard tail.

*Ertia nods and says*

Yes it was hideous. Could you zip me up?

*Pain felt the shuttle leave the docking clamps, entered the coordinates to the restraunt's landing pad, set the controls on autopilot, and went to help Ertia with her dress. He said to her as he grasped the zipper*

You know I'd be more than happy to.

*He zipped up her dress and kissed her on the neck. Pain said to her as she sat down in the copilots seat*

Our dinner reservations are under the name of Donovan Richards. It was the name Inara made up for me.

*Ertia tilted her head slightly and said*

Is this Mr. Richards a client of hers?

*Pain shook his head and said as he disengaged the autopilot and took control of the shuttle*

Nope just a good old alias. You know you ain't the only one with arrest warrants.

*Before Ertia could reply Pain said*

Welcome to the Chez Londinium where the food is expensive and the waiters speak with an accent.

*Ertia said as Pain landed the shuttle in a vacant spot*

Really Pain they do?

*Pain shrugged and said as he opened the door and crooked his elbow*

I dunno I just said that to be funny. Now will the attractive lady please acompany me to the door?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 10:27 PM

SHIPSCAT

Wow.. I go away for a couple of days and end up tranq'd! Hmmmm... Atleast I've still got Simon to look after me.

Simon sighs as he checks on the still-sleeping grey tabby. "Third in my class, you know." he tells the cat with an ironic smile. "And here I am playing vet to the vermin patrol on this go-se wreck." He sighs again, adding "Atleast you don't have fleas. And so far the worst thing you've done to anyone is scratch Jayne." He frowns thoughtfully as he looks at the cat. "Then again, I'm not sure that really counts as 'bad'."

"She only scratched because he kicked." River muses from the doorway. "Soft, so soft. Sleeping softly." She drifts in, and starts gently stroking the little cat's side. "Furtive, furry friend. Sleep well and dream of warm milk. And no squalling creatures shooting at you." She looks sideways at her brother, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "Little kitten likes to sleep on your bed."

Simon sighs again, giving his sister a long-suffering look. "I know. Where else would the grey cat hair come from? The hair fairy?"

River giggles, and returns her attention to the sleeping cat. "You should sleep on his pillow." River tells the cat in a conspiratory whisper. "His bed is lumpy."

Behind her Simon snorts in mock-annoyance.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 4:48 AM

(I've always been one for havoc, Ertia. Do it!)

Meanwhile, In the City...

"I'm here in downtown Londinium (or Laudanum?) where a startling show of rebellion has seemingly erupted from nowhere." The reporter walks towards a grey-uniformed officer, twisting the mike to his face. "Officer...Wilkins was present at the scene. Could you tell us what took place at this horrible scene of destruction?"

She gestures to the left, where the street is burned black and the concrete shattered, almost torn apart by some powerful force.

"We had a report of a domestic disturbance roughly three hours ago, and had to track the man until we had the best opportunity to detain him. We found him here, angry and possibly inebriated, and Officer Smyth was forced to administer a repressive shock."

"Where is Officer Smyth, Officer Wilkins?"

"There." The reporter's face turned green. "And there. Some of him's over there, too."

-------------------------------------------------

'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 5:35 AM

EXPERIMENT62

back from school and ready to write! by the ay i am not a furball with a lizard tail attached! just to get that down

62 finally, after a long time made it to the infirmaty. panting and wheezing*

"why my hands?" wonders 62 just as he passes out on the disinfected floor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RAGLESCHFLUGLE!!

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Friday, June 30, 2006 5:37 AM

Welcome home, Shipscat! Lovely post! Heh...Cat hairs on Simon's bed. I bet that just drives our tidy medic crazy.
13... Alliance officer bits??? Ewwww??

Ertia feels something inside her relax as they leave the shuttle. The familiar sights and smells of real civilisation surround her and she takes a deep breath of the sterile feeling air. Not quite like home, but close enough.

She puts her arm through Pain's, smiling as she catches a glimpse of their reflection in high wide security windows. They look handsome together; Pain's suit fit him immaculately, the blue-black color setting off his eyes.
Her own dress, the shiny black satin with it's dashed front that exposed a daring amount of cleavage and flooding skirt that swirled around her knees, enhaned all of her curves in just the right places.

For a moment, she wished she'd done something with her hair, instead of it's usual loose fall down to her shoulders. Yah. Like she'd had time for that, what with being drugged... how exactly had that happened?

"Donovan Richards? Party of two?" The waiter, an older gentleman with a stiff bearing, pauses as he looks them up and down. Then he breaks into a wide smile, "Your table is right this way."

"Apparently, we look like money." Ertia whispers to Pain and squeezes his arm.

Just then, sirens wail outside, and all heads turn, looking out. Ertia and Pain both tense, Pain's hand going under his jacket for his gun. But the sirens pass by and the waiter shrugs, "There is some kind of disturbance downtown" The word comes out in as much a sneer as the upper crust gentleman can manage, "The authorities will sort it out. Would you care for drinks to begin the evening?"

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Friday, June 30, 2006 5:59 AM

As the sirens draw closer, wailing eagles attempting to snatch a mouse, 13 struggles to form a plan of escape.

As a railway-hovertaxi flits past, 13 leaps onto it, hands struggling to take a hold. Three squadcars close in behind him, words blaring from their coms.

"Yeah, yeah, light pollution. Doan catcha dis here boy, Ossifer! My'an mawma beat may plum to DAY-UTH ya do!"

"Sir, please vacate yourself from atop that mode of transport, or we'll be forced to fire!"

"Alright, you want me to vacate?" Defying all laws of gravity and physics, 13 jumps to the left, slamming onto the roof of a squadcar.

"Sir, a three-meter distance of a PF squadcar is strictly proh-"

13's fist crashes through the roof, grasping the officer by his hat. Twisting the man's neck, 13 lets out a grunt as it snaps. Jumping away just as the car veers into oblivion, 13 neatly slips away into the city.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 6:00 AM

*Pain responded to the waiter's question*

I'll take a gin and tonic and bring the lady whatever she wants.

*The waiter replied*

Very well sir. What will the young Miss be having?

*As Ertia thought of something to drink, Pain took a moment to glance around the vast dining area, taking into account the location of the security cameras.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Friday, June 30, 2006 6:25 AM

"Chardonnay, please, a Chateaux DeVeroux if you have it." Ertia raises her eyebrows slightly, as if daring the waiter to say they don't.

"Chateaux DeVeroux. We have both the '68 and '71 vintages in stock."

"Hmmmmm...no '70? The weather conditions were ideal that year." Ertia ponders for a moment, and then says, "The '71, then, will be ideal."

As the waiter walks away, Pain gives her a "How the hell you know that?" look.

"My dear friend Dr. Chee is a wine connoisseur. I do hope she's all right. Last I heard she was on the Rim doing medical research in the colonies."

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Friday, June 30, 2006 6:26 AM

Through much breakrunning and taxihopping, 13 has made his way back into uptown (?), convinced he has avoided the police.

"Disguise, need a disguise...excuse me, ma'am? Could I borrow your makeup, please? I'm in a hurry, and..."

The woman strides away, looking properly indignant. 13 grits his teeth, mutters, "Fine."

Ripping the purse from her, 13 is gone before she can even scream.

After painting himself up quite well, he goes back out into the street. Now he only needed new clothes...

A well-dressed woman, confined to a wheelchair, rolls past him. 13 moans as he realizes his only course of action, and proceeds to execute the immoral plan.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 6:51 AM

As Pain and Ertia begin a fine, cultured meal, an odd, short-haired young woman enters the restaurant by wheelchair, eyes darting back and forth. They come to rest on Ertia's face, and the woman's eyes narrow, then widen. She mutters a string of swearwords, beginning to leave, when the maitre'd says, "Miss, do you have a reservation?"

"Um, yes, I do, in fact. I'm here with..Donovan...Ri..char..ds?"

The man smiles at the scent of more money, and wheels 13 over to Pain and Ertia's table.

"My, dear sister Clementine," Pain says loudly, cracking his knuckles. "How wonderful for you to join us.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ertia whispers to the disguised 13, punching him none too lightly in the shoulder. "What's with the disguise?"

"I ran into some trouble downtown, had to ditch my clothes for something more Core-wear."

"And make yourself into a drag-queen?"

"Well, they've got a warrant, and they can't be able to recognize me! I was a little pressed for time!"

"13, get back on Serenity before I melt you down for engine parts!" Ertia growls.

"Can't do that, E. The docks'll be crawling with police. I'm giving it two, three hours before they're done not finding me."

"So you're saying that, on me and Pain's one chance to do something on the Core together, we get stuck with you?"

"Just pretend I'm not even here. Act normal."

"You expect us to act normal when you've got a city's worth of cops after you?"

"I'll only be around for three hours, then I'll head back to the ship!"

"Ain't soon enough, 13," Pain puts in. "You really like making good things bad, dontcha?" He sighs, and, out of curiousity, asks: "Where'd you get that wheelchair?"

"Some woman, I don't know," he waves his hand casually. "I'm not even here!"

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:00 AM

well it was kinda hectic here.

*wolf walked into the infermary to check on his old friend wash.*

wolf" how are ya buddy?"

wash" hey dude, im ok"

*wolf notices a mass of gore walking in the door.*

*wolf goes to kick the vile beast in the face.*

62" NOOOO,NOOOOO i good gremlin! i goood gremlin now! chip that give me pain and aggresion gone! gone with genitals!"

*wolf takes pity on the beast when he see's the light in its teary eyes and promises to reconstruct him as a cyborg, it would be hard but if he got kaylee and fly, maybe 13 to help, it would be a big project. he would talk to the others later. he picked up the creature and put him down next to the drugged cat.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:10 AM

Ertia groans and takes another sip of her chardonnay. The wine, though spectacular, has taken on a sour taste. "Why can't things ever go smooth?"

She meets Pain's eye with a frown, "I suppose we'd better eat and then take Clementine back to the ... house."

"And then shove him...err..her out the gorram airlock." Pain grumbles under his breath.

In the meantime, 13 has flagged the waiter, and poured himself a glass of the Chateaux DeVeroux, "Oh, sir, could you bring me the caviar over fresh spinach and the crab canapes? Oh, and a bottle of catsup!"

Ertia groans and buries her face in her hands.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:18 AM

"What house? You mean hote-oh." 13's anticipatory smile drops into a frown. "Waiter! Yes, some mashed potatoes laced with barbecue sauce would be spectacular, and do you carry Frosted Flakes?"

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:48 AM

okay, now my customers are staring at me wondering what's so funny!

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:53 AM

why where do you work?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:54 AM

*raises hand* Ooh! Ooh! I wanna know!

*The waiter replies in an indignant tone*

Sorry ma'am we don't carry Frosted Flakes. Would the sir like another Gin & Tonic?

*Pain answered*

No thanks but I will take something with a lot more alcohol in it though.

*The waiter responded*

Very well sir. I'll bring your drink and the madam's mashed potatoes and barbecue sauce shortly.

*Pain nodded his head and said*

Thank you.

*Pain turned to 13 and said in a low growl*

You better not be expectin' me to pay for your gorram food.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:56 AM

"You really think I look like a drag-queen?"

Ertia moans, picking at her food. "For the last time, YES! It's like you took a paintbrush to yourself."

"You don't think that, do you Pain?" 13 turns to the man, crimson-lidded eye's fluttering.

"Ummm...you look...nice? The violet lipstick is kind of garish, but...hey, those mashed potatoes are here!"

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:28 AM

www.languagequest.com
I'm the Travel Books & Map manager. :)

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:40 AM

Yeah those maps sure can be unruly little buggers. It's a good thing you're their manager.

*The waiter handed 13 his/her plate and handed Pain his drink. The waiter said to the three*

Is there anything else I can do for you?

*Pain thought to himself*

Yeah get this cross dressin' bucket of bolts out of here.

*Instead Pain said*

No I think we're fine thanks.

*The waiter nodded and resumed his work as Pain picked at his food and said*

Today just isn't my day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:52 AM

Ertia reaches under the table, sliding her hand across Pain's thigh. "Just pretend he..she's not even here."

"Hey, this is pretty good brew!" 13 knocks back more of the expensive wine, "Kinda fruity though."

Tears sting the back of Ertia's eyelids, but she plasters on a cheerful smile, "This garlic chicken is wonderful, isn't it?"

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Friday, June 30, 2006 9:39 AM

*Pain says with a forced cheerful smile*

It sure is bao bei. It's the best in the 'verse.

*Pain sees 13 take another swig from the expensive wine bottle. He snatches it from 13 and says through grinding teeth*

Now now Clem remember what the doctor said about drinking too MUCH.

*Pain sets the bottle far from 13's reach as 13 replies*

Oh that doctor was just full of it. A little booze never hurt me.

*13 tries to reach for the bottle but Pain blocks his hand, forces a smile and says*

Isn't time for you to GO sis?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Friday, June 30, 2006 10:42 AM

*wolf left the ship and went to the hotel, he went to reception*

wolf" hi...er...i've got a reservation?"

snooty worker" name, sir?"

wolf" um.. freezefast."

snooty" yeeeeess! sir, your room is number 789."

*he hands wolf the keys.*

snooty" and will the young lady be staying with you?"

wolf" huh? what lady? oh."

*wolf looked around and kaylee had been standing next to him the whole time.*

wolf" oh hey kay, didn't see ya there."

kaylee" oh yeah, you said that you had a hotel room so i thought id come along."

wolf" sure, you can stay."

*they go up to the room and look around wolf's shiney room.*

kaylee" wow! "

wolf" yep, now this is luxury!"

kaylee" imagen, all those people who live like this everyday!"

wolf" yeah but we havent got long, only 2 days so lets do it all!, room service, films, expensive baths, the works!"

kaylee" how bout diner first, theres a resteraunt downstairs, lets go there."

wolf" yeah, chasing gremlins through air ducts makes me hungry."

kaylee" yeah i dare say you need to get your strength back."

wolf" what for?"

kaylee"

you tell me"

*they walk down smilying consiritoriously (sp?) they sat down and ordered their food.*

waiter" and what would sir and madam like?"

wolf" just drinks for now."

wolf thinks: finally some peace with kaylee, free of mercs, gremlins or mal..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 11:19 AM

"No, I think I'll stay a while longer, with FATHER looking for me," 13 says, smiling falsely.
"Now, who would like to try my potatoes a la BBQ?"

The door to the restaurant opens loudly, and an angry, red-faced Mal strides in. Ignoring the maitre'd, he makes his way over to Pain.

"Got any clue where 13's at?" he whispers furiously. "Cops breathing down our neck at the docks, and-" He notices Ertia pointing at 'Clementine.'

"Ertia, who's..." 13 smiles weakly, raising his hands in the air. Mal's jaw drops to the floor.

"You got me, Mal."

"13, could you possibly locate your sanity and get back to Serenity?!"

"Um, Mr. Richards." The maitre'd makes an appearance. "We cannot compensate for the..unexpected patronage of your father. He does not fit the, erm, dress code." The man looks up and down Mal's long duster, nose upturned.

"Dress code? Exactly what's wrong with what's hanging off my back?"

"Mr. Richards, please. No offense to your daughter Clementine," (13 mouths, 'ME.') but she herself is barely of adequate appearance to be served here."

"Barely adequate?" 13's smile is now wiped off his face. "BARELY ADEQUATE?" His voice booms across the restaurant, and Pain quietly screams, "That isn't the most *ladylike* of you, Clementine."

"I really couldn't care less, Pai-Donavon. Why, I oughta..." 13's hands ball into fists, and he rises from his wheelchair, eyes bright with electricity.

The maitre'd is sweating quite profusely.

"Clementine, I suggest you sit down," Mal barks.

13 blinks, realizing he's standing. "Oh, yes, of course. Erm, uhmm: 'Oh, my spine! Doth suffer from injury! Dearest father, can you not fetch my medicine?'

"I'll fetch your medicine, alright," Mal strips off his duster, rolling his sleeves.

"Sir, if you continue with the intention to harm your daughter, I'll have to force you to leave."

"SHE'S NOT MY DAUGHTER! I mean...she's dead to me anyway, what with the...booze and the men! Yes, that's what she is!"

As Mal, 13, and the maitre'd engage in a circle of flaming argument, Ertia and Pain hang their heads, and try to look pleasing to the onlooking patrons, simperingly sweet and apologetic smiles pasted to their faces.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 11:44 AM

SHIPSCAT

Meanwhile, back on Serenity

Simon frowned at Wolf as he dumped the gremlin on the exam table next to the sleeping cat, but Wolf wisely left before Simon could voice his protests.

River looms over the creature, also frowning thoughtfully. "Not soft, or cuddly." She says firmly, her dark eyes unreadable. "Causes trouble. Won't get to eat from Kaylee's plate or sleep on Simon's bed. Wash won't talk baby-talk gibberish to it and let it play with his dinosaurs late at night. Mal won't pet it when he thinks no one is watching." River wrinkles her nose disapprovingly and repeats "Not cuddly."

She gathers the limp cat up in her arms protectively and turns to her brother. "Taking the cuddly one to our bunk. Keep her safe. Safer there, with me." As Simon opens his mouth to argue River sticks her tongue out at him, clearly enjoying teasing her older brother. "On your pillow." River tells him over her shoulder as she turns to leave.

Simon shakes his head bemusedly, knowing that nothing he says will make any difference to River. "Keep her on YOUR bed, please, River." he says, but his sister only sticks her tongue out at him again and wanders out, a spring in her step as she gently pets the furry bundle in her arms. "You can sleep on Simon's pillow." she promises the unconscious cat.

Simon sighs fondly at his sister's antics, but all the amusement is gone as he turns back to the creature on the exam table. Now he looks annoyed and put-upon, and Simon crosses his arms and grouses "Now WHAT am I supposed to do with you?"

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Friday, June 30, 2006 12:17 PM

Meanwhile in the Chez Londinium

*Pain scratched his head, looked at Ertia appologetically, and said in a whisper*

You wanna leave 'cause I don't see this argument dyin' down anytime soon.

*Ertia wiped her mouth off with an expensive napkin and said in a hushed tone*

That seems like a plan.

*Pain motions for a waiter to come to the table. A younger looking man with neatly groomed black hair came to their table and said*

Can I help you sir?

*Pain nodded and said*

Could you bring us the check please and make it snappy.

*The waiter nodded and said*

Very well sir and what about them?

*Pain looked at 13 and Mal, who were still arguing with the other waiter and said*

Can you call secuirty and have them thrown out?

*The waiter smiled, nodded and said*

Indeed sir. I'll do that as I bring you your bill.

*Ertia looked at Pain and said in a hushed voice*

Are you really going to have the Captain and 13 escorted out by security?

*Pain smiled and said as four burly men in dress clothes surrounded 13 and Mal*

Looks like. Now come on let's get out of here before they notice.

*Pain and Ertia got up, every patrons eyes focused on the four security personel escorting Mal and 13 outside. Pain stopped the waiter with the bill, looked at, pulled out some Creds and said*

Heres 2,100 Credits plus a little extra for you and the other waiter who waited on us.

*The waiter looked at the large sum of cash and said with a smile*

Thank you sir. I hope you and the lovely miss come back under less stressful conditions.

*Pain looked at Ertia, smiled at her, then said to the waiter*

I think we may.

*Pain and Ertia left the restraunt as they heard 13 shout out*

Donovan! Are you just going to leave me and daddy here with these men! Donovan! Donovan!

*Pain said to Ertia as they headed for the shuttle*

Just ignore them babe soon we'll be relaxing in a nice hot bath in a plush hotel room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Friday, June 30, 2006 12:36 PM

"Cannot believe this," Mal grumbled as he and 13 made their way to the docks. "Look like a gorram pimp dragging around his man-whore."

"Come on, Mal, I don't look *that* bad," 13 smiles devilishly and attempts to link arms with Mal.

"I told you, stop doing that! Your creepy 'nough as it is, even without the makeup and...dress."

"Just like watching you squirm."

"You got no shame, boy. Stealing a wheelchair and clothes from a respectful woman? Damn lucky I weren't there, lemme tell ya."

"You would've done the same."

"That was one time, and it was special circumstances!"

"Yeah, tactics, right?"

"Damn right! Don't go impugning my manliness. Now, let's just get back to Serenity and forget this whole gorram business ever happened, alright, Clementine?"

"Let's just hope Pain and Ertia keep quiet, too."

Arriving at Serenity, 13 and Mal are greeted by Inara.

"Huh, that was a little quick. Guess that one didn't have as much bang as his buck, huh 'Nara?"

"*Her,* actually." She coughs behind her hand, eyes flittering between Mal and 13. "I never thought you one for that sort, Captain."

"Wha? No, no, you got it all wrong! See, 13-you know what? It's a story best left buried. Let's just try not to have too much trouble." Mal stomps his way to his bunk, leaving 13 and Inara standing awkwardly in the cargo bay.

"So." Inara's face is prim, lips pursed.

"Look, I'm gonna go get this off my face, and you're going to head to your shuttle, and nobody will ever know any of this ever happened. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

What 13 doesn't notice as he walks away is a hiding River, a camera held tightly in her hand.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 12:52 PM

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

in the hotel londinium restaraunt.

*the diner over, wolf and kaylee went to the bar and decided to get severly drunk.*

45 mins later

wolf" 'ow 'bout u then? u drnk yet?"

kaylee" yesh i fink show, i'm shorney!"

wolf" wah'?"

kaylee" take me to bed."

*wolf picks her up like the hero picking up the damzel, exept for the fact that they are completely drunk.*

kaylee" woah!"

wolf" careful there."

*they stumble up to wolfs room and calaps on the bed, imeadiatly grasping each other and enjoy the sweet embrace of each others flesh.*

3mins later

*out side the room a waiter is walking down the hallway, there is a gasp and a moan of pleasure from their room. the waiter tuts and keeps walking.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:00 PM

man, have I been out of it

*makes his way to the infirmary to check on the strange mutation*

Guy: well, my little, er... thing ifn' you so much as look at the kitty in a way that might be perceived as threatening i will empty the cylinder of my magnum into your head before you can blink, dong mah?

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:12 PM

Having avoided the rest of the crew on his clean-up mission, 13 proudly walks out of his bunk, fresh-faced and with only a hint of lipstick.

"Why, if it isn't the Master of Disguise."

13 whirls behind him to see Fly, smiling broadly.

"What?"

Taking her hand from behind her back, Fly reveals a wafer-thin capture of 13 in the cargo bay, in full drag.

"Yarrgh," he manages weakly. "Who else knows?"

"Who doesn't? Think I'll put this on the Cortex."

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:21 PM

ooh thats just plain mean!

*they lay there in each others arms, they lay there for 20 mins or so then kaylee jumped on wolf, arousing their passions once more.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:34 PM

Ertia is near tears as they escape the restaurant and head for the hotel. Gorram it! Why couldn't they have ONE peaceful meal? ONE nice moment?

Pain is still scowling as he lands the shuttle. "I cannot believe 13!"

"I know." Trying to salvage some bit of fun, Ertia makes an attempt, "And that dress was horrid! Did you see the flowers?"

"Let's just forget about it. A nice soak in the jacuzzi, a little wine, and just the two of us. Alone." Pain sighs as he shoulders both their bags.

Ertia starts to protest that she can bloody well carry her own gorram bag, but then stops and shakes her head. Guess that core-world, civilized life is further behind her than she thinks!

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:50 PM

( Got nothing. And how DARE you insult my taste in clothing! )

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:55 PM

nothin here too so im gonna write a fanfic in stead, i'll post the link when im done. its my first one so keep that in mind if you comment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:56 PM

is it a CROSSOVER fanfic?

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Friday, June 30, 2006 2:03 PM

*Pain and Ertia walk into the hotel lobby, Ertia's jaw almost hits the floor as she scans the room. Pain is awed himself as he looks at the chandeleirs lighting the room, the hustle and bustle in the hotel's restraunt and lounge. Ertia says to Pain as they make their way to the front desk*

Oh Pa..er Donovan this is so beautiful.

*Pain smiles, puts down the bags, and says*

I'm glad you like it babe.

*He turns his attention to the clerk seated behind the counter and says*

Hello I'm Mr. Donovan Richards I have a reservation.

*The middle aged lady in hotel uniform taps a few buttons on the touchscreen and says*

Aw yes Mr. Richards you're staying in suite number 1126 on the 100th floor.

*The lady hands Pain a key card and says*

Here's your key card Mr. Richards. Would you like some help with your bags?

*Pain smiles and says*

That won't be neccessary.

*He hands Ertia the key card and picks up the bags as the front desk clerk says*

Very well sir, have a nice stay.

*Pain nodded as him and Ertia made their way to the lift. They stepped inside and Ertia said as she pressed the button for their floor*

Wow a suite! I'm suprised.

*Pain sets their bags down and says*

Yeah me too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WWJD: What Would Jayne Do?

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Friday, June 30, 2006 2:18 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SameErtia:
is it a CROSSOVER fanfic?

er no sorry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 2:24 PM

here ya go, enjoy

http://www.fireflyfans.net/sunroomitem.asp?i=11391

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 2:55 PM