Male and Female Imponderables--Continued Yet Again by Tristan

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Male and Female Imponderables--Continued Yet Again

POSTED BY: TRISTAN
UPDATED: Friday, June 30, 2006 20:00
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VIEWED: 9730
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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:46 AM

Virginity, grown back. Almost showered my dang keyboard with diet Pepsi.

Gotta use that the next time someone asks an appropriate question.

"So you wanna go to my place and have sex?"

"Okay, but you gotta be gentle.
My virginity grew back."

MAL: "What happen about me?"

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:51 AM

MSG

yeah you can do that with kegels too:)
Ok just discovered my husband's complaint is true. His keyboard really does smell like coconut sorbet lotion now. It's my new favorite scented lotion ( I have lots of different kinds for different seasons/moods) and I've been using it alot and using his keyboard and I just realized the scent is now coming from his keyboard...I think I'd better clean it.
Mind I am now typing more than usual 'cause I love this new nail glaze color...goldspun opal ( kind of pale gold with undertones of flash)
EDIT_ I just realized all this pointless info is TMI for you guys so feel free to ignore it! Sometimes my girly streak goes a bit bonkie

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:52 AM

RIVER6213

I can't even remember when I last had sex.

River

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:52 AM

RIVER6213

I can't even remember when I last had sex.

River

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:57 AM

MSG

NV- that has all the makings of a fantastic personals ad..giggle
Female
I like long walks in the rain, vodka martinis, and Firefly. But only gentlemen should apply as my virginity has grown back:)
Male
I like guns and ammo, rock and roll, but be gentle ladies my virginity has recently grown back:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, June 30, 2006 9:00 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
yeah you can do that with kegels too:)
Ok just discovered my husband's complaint is true. His keyboard really does smell like coconut sorbet lotion now. It's my new favorite scented lotion ( I have lots of different kinds for different seasons/moods) and I've been using it alot and using his keyboard and I just realized the scent is now coming from his keyboard...I think I'd better clean it.
Mind I am now typing more than usual 'cause I love this new nail glaze color...goldspun opal ( kind of pale gold with undertones of flash)
EDIT_ I just realized all this pointless info is TMI for you guys so feel free to ignore it! Sometimes my girly streak goes a bit bonkie

Sounds pretty, that color.

Funny, and this might have a TMI warning on it, but I've basically done kegals since before I even knew what they were. I just wanted to see if I could, you know, stop the flow.
Anyway I got this "kegel-pro" kegal excerciser; don't know if I mentioned the sex-toy company my answering service used to answer for, but they had this thing, and I thought "Hey, that sounds like a good idea and I get a discount" so I got one. It's got a spring and you're supposed to insert it and squeeze it shut. So I did... and it was already shut, there was nowhere left for me to squeze to.
I'm not sure if this is further proof that I am just tiny, or if I have the strongest kegal muscles in the world!

**********************************

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Friday, June 30, 2006 9:04 AM

MSG

WOW..maybe you should mention that on dates...I bet you'd get a rise out of the guy

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, June 30, 2006 9:09 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER

HOLY SPHINCTER HELL, ITS RIVER6213.
Where ya been. Or have you been here the whole time? You do like to creep about.

MSG- May add that under the Who I'd Like to Meet section of MY Myspace profile.

PR: Definitely piqued my interest!

MAL: "What happen about me?"

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Friday, June 30, 2006 9:09 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

That would be an interesting way to break the ice! "Yes, I have extremely strong kegal muscles, by the way..."
Now I just need a date.

Y'all are too entertaining! I need to go to bed and sleep now! Should have done so hours ago, in fact! So I love you and good night.

**********************************

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Friday, June 30, 2006 9:24 AM

COPILOT

I've "done" my friend twice since the "devoroce". I've liked him since we kinda dated junior year of high school. Suckage because I still really want to "be" with him!
Deepgirl- I totally understand about the correction phase goodness do I know!!!!
sorry about the qoates people I'm just in one of those moods
Still yay for sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An I carried such a torch

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Friday, June 30, 2006 9:27 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

This would work only if they knew what a kegal muscle was

MSG - he should be so lucky. Who doesn't want a sented keyboard? It could be worse, it could be full of oreos and Dr. Pepper.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 9:53 AM

MSG

LOL- FMF you are so funny! My husband's just not big on girly stuff being on his stuff and I can understand 'cause I'd be less than thrilled if my cell smelled like his bodywash...no wait I love how his body wash smells...yeah what is his problem?

NV- go right ahead:) I just made up stuff from what I like for both so it's all yours:)

Copilot- hey now you've had something twixed your nethers that weren't battery operated:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, June 30, 2006 10:07 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER

Out for the weekend. Hope all goes well for everyone.

MSG- Just added it. Looks a little funny, but I'll keep it.

Well BROWNCOATS, keep your weapons clean and at the ready!

(Paul Harvey voice) Good day.

MAL: "What happen about me?"

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Friday, June 30, 2006 10:27 AM

TRISTAN

As far as starting out spicy...I have no problem with that at all. I have, however, run into the following dilema:
At the beginning of a physical relationship, all the stops are pulled out, nothing is taboo, sex is a circus without end. After awhile, things calm down, a routine is established, and things that were once normal happenings disappear from the bedroom completely. When the issue is brought up, the discovery occurs; "well, I never really liked that"...

Ok. This would have been good to know WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING! I know I am not much of a catch, but I do think I am pretty well-versed when it comes to sex. I like spicy, but I also like normal...not all the time, but spicy can sometimes be too much. I try, when I am starting a relationship, to get across that I am open-minded and willing to try all sorts of things. When my partner indicates the same, all is well...fun and excitement ensue. It seems to me that sex is sometimes used to "get" someone, then once you have them, you quit trying. I need some input here: Anyone else here have this kind of thing happen? You start dating what you think is a perfect sexual partner, only to slowly discover you are actually attached to Mother Superior incarnate? What used to be the sex-drive from hell has puttered into, "alright, we can have sex...let's say tomorrow night if I'm not feeling too bad"...Sex occurs at night, with the lights out, very little foreplay (if any), one or two positions, clean-up, then sleep...bah!
As I got older, I slowed down stamina-wise, etc, but have not lost my drive or desire. I am happy now, for the most part, but remembering those kinds of relationships drives me batty!

Damn, another long post...see what you do to me, PR? Typing dysentery abounds!

NVGhostrider...has the name/dating thing worked yet?

Piz, amen. I think that may be what I was trying to get at with the above rambling.

Virginity growing back...y'all just kill me sometimes!

PR, kegals...yes, that would be good to put on a resume...pardon me, I'll be in my bunk

______________________________________

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Friday, June 30, 2006 11:24 AM

Ah, virginity...nothing like it.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 11:37 AM

TRISTAN

13, keep it as long as you can. Well, find the right person...then it'll be ok. Yeah, that sounds about right.

______________________________________

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Friday, June 30, 2006 11:59 AM

MSG

In the nature of warning/info did you know that the pill has been determined to be a serious libido killer in women. Over 40% of women taking the pill have reported seriously decreased to completely absent sex drive... They are just now figuring this out:) So those out there using it may want to check and see if it's affecting them. Apparently it's a gradual decrease and has been hard to discover because dr.'s assumed that the decreasing libido reports were due to age, stress, etc. Not until they finished this big study with blood test etc. did they realize that what all cases had in common was the pill and it's effectand blood tests confirmed it

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, June 30, 2006 12:07 PM

RUGBUG

Tristan,

I got nothing for ya. It's the weekend, it's end of the fiscal year at work, it's bonus time, it's par-tay time. The only thing I am able to imponder for the moment is how much can I drink and be sober enough to drive in 4 hours. Yeehaw!!!!!

Happy holiday weekend to all my imponderable buddies.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 12:13 PM

MSG

OOOH have fun for me Rugbug!!! do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! I personally plan to have either a martini or a nice mojito tomorrow:)
owie and damn the bruise on my thumb is getting bigger ( smacked a metal bar into it while setting a weight pin)
Anyway, Tristan sweety HUGS I wish I could help:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:07 PM

WARNING: Family Guy Reference

Brian: He made me a mojito.

What? I don't think it's a gay drink.

(peers at glass) Mo-HEE-toe.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

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Friday, June 30, 2006 1:24 PM

FIREFROMHEAVEN

Tristan, I hope you won't consider it improper for me to make my first post to this interesting conversation be a response to your request for insight. Because I do feel your pain.

Before I get into any of why (and I'll try not to belabor it), let me say that I am and have always been a fan of books. For intimate relationship books, I am currently a fan of Ian Kerner. I consider his books “She Comes First” and “He Comes Next” to be companion books and bought them for my husband for Valentine's Day. Of course, I read them, too. These books are readily available at Borders, or online at Amazon. I'm sure they're available in other bookstores, too.

You sound like you are at a tricky pivot point in your relationship. I have so been there!

I have been with my DH (Dear Husband) for sixteen years. Let me start out by saying that this man was and is the love of my life. I was intensely crazy about him! And, boy, has he driven me crazy at times!

When we were dating, our affair was so hot that my most liberal girlfriends did not want to hear about it! So, after a few years we get married. A couple more years, we have a baby. Suddenly, it seems that I am married to your classic Victorian wife – you know the ones, once they've had a baby, they've “done their duty,” and they're basically done. My reaction can be summed up as WTF. It got to the point that I grieved this relationship, even though we were still married and that wasn't going to change.

So, I hear you. In my case, for a million reasons, it took several years to get this worked out. Friends? It's a good thing that we started out as best friends, because there were phases where we were ships-passing-in-the-night roommates. It sometimes seemed that we lived in the same house, and that was all.

It doesn't have to be that way and it doesn't have to take years to work out. One of the (many) confounding factors for us is that my husband, the IT manager with an engineering degree, is like most of those guys: not completely plugged in to the emotional side of life. There is an actual “engineer personality” that can be discerned on personality tests.

In some ways, it seems that most IT guys and/or engineers are at least mildly autistic or have some characteristics of Asperger's syndrome, even if they aren't diagnosed as such and don't have the whole spectrum of issues. In one conversation, I said to him (in frustration), “If emotions were colors, I have the enhanced box of 128 Crayola, and you have the elementary school box of 8!” He looked at me coolly and replied, “No, I don't. I have a pencil!”

Did I mention that he's funny? Wonderfully funny? That has undoubtedly kept him off the couch many a night. He's also five years younger than I am. We married when he was 29 – it definitely didn't feel like cradle robbing. I usually have more energy than he does! I have always had more of a sex drive, but that wasn't apparent early on.

So, back to you. As I recall, your wife is younger. Younger than 30. Despite growing enlightenment, I think a lot of women are still raised to be rather ambivalent about sex. Often, they don't even realize it. But that internalized pressure to be a “good girl” is usually buried in there somewhere. All too often, being a good girl also means not being too sexual. Ironically, this can also translate into being less sexual because of being married. I know: huh?

Also, a woman's internal sexual signals can be very subtle. It can be really hard to know what it feels like to even be approaching an orgasm unless you masturbate and figure that out. It can be really easy to lose that thread of subtle sensation. There is nothing inevitable about it. This is often a problem for young women. And then there are all those awful messages you can get about masturbation, that it's sinful or what not. It's a wonder any of us ever get this figured out right! But, I conjure, if you don't masturbate and figure it out for yourself, you wind up way too dependent on someone else. It's almost like needing the SO to be an empath or mind reader, and that's too hard. Also, if you don't know yourself, you don't even know what or how to communicate to the SO. And you might not even realize it.

I remember being in my 20s. Despite my best efforts, including reading “Joy of Sex,” really, I was woefully out of touch with myself, and especially with my own sexuality. This can be true regardless of sexual experience. I was married in my 20s. In my late 20s, I started to get over all of those mixed, even toxic, messages from how I was raised. I realized that my first husband's sorry self had to go and I eventually divorced him. (Different long story.)

Sometimes, working this stuff out can mean getting some counseling. DH and I have done that, too, but early on in the relationship, interestingly enough.

Working it out for me came down to: tolerance, understanding, forgiveness, communication and listening. I set my own ego to the side for a very long time. We had a lot of other stuff that was interfering with our lives, too.

Then one night, DH started a conversation with me about myself and our relationship. Believe me, this was unprecedented. I resisted the (very strong) temptation to make jokes, snide remarks, or anything else. I let him talk for quite a while. I mostly listened. In a very long pause, I finally said, “You know, there is a simple and straightforward thing that you could do that would solve a lot of this. It won't solve all of our problems mind you, but it would solve half of them.”

He looked at me like I must be crazy. “What?!” he finally demanded.

“You should make love to me once in a while,” I replied.

There was a very long silence. I said nothing more. I just looked at him and let him look back, clearly struggling with his thoughts and emotions. He has the prettiest blue eyes. I don't mind looking at them for a long time. Finally, he said, “Shall we just go get naked?”

It's been a whole new world ever since.

The point is, even with a similar problem in a situation where the distance seems to have become intractable, and over several years, it is possible to truly overcome it.

Don't get discouraged. Seek new knowledge. Give it all a rest on occasion. Talk. Listen. And, realize that it may not be about you at all.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 2:30 PM

SERYN

Hallo River!

And NVG - huge hugs! I know they ain't much practical use, but there you go, hope you know they're always available. (by the way, I moved out at 17 too, familie! can't live with 'em, can't sell 'em for a profit.

FMF - mum to the rescue! Tell her she's wonderful. I'm glad it was sorted, big hugs as well.

Kegels - Maybe if you are usuing the kegel thing as a chat up line, bear in mind that in the uk they are called 'pelvic toners' - that might give the guy more of a clue. Yeah, i had to do those exercises for some reason when I was a kid, and just carried on doing them, you'll still find me at bus stops sometimes aparently concentrating very hard on nothing. Still his has its benefits, my ex used to love the, ahem, 'massages' *OVERSHARE ALERT*

Names - (ok, now i'm blushing

) Braedon I love - such a strong sexy sounding name, Lila also. And Bryce is extremely pretty, and Dentalia, I have to admit i did a doulble take on first seeing it, but the sound is very pretty, and like someone said, you wear it so well! (and BTW - Yey! for sex, you go girl, &c, &c now if only i could get some. :pout:) The only name I don't like so much is Tiara, I can't help thinking that is something Paris Hilton would call her chiuaua. However, I think Tia would be a lovely pet name (not in a chiuaua way!) for a little girl, so...

I always had my favorite names picked out, so i'm going to need to get lots of cats - for girls, it was Ariadne Mia, and Amritha, Merle and Isolde/Isobel, for boys, it was Nathanial Griffin and Richard. I also love Darcy, but its to much of a girls name now. Braedon is added to the list as well, I was always thinkning about Brendan, but didn't like the 'n' sound so much, didn't occur to me to take it out. And pronounced softly 'Bre dan' its perfect. I'm so fussy about how they'd be pronounced 'Na than yal' 'Gry fen' 'y so belle' 'y zold' 'mer lay' and 'ari ad nay'

I don't mind my name so much, (Helen) its a little boring though, when I found out that I should have been Elynor, and my dad said no and called me Helen, I wouldn't speak to him for months. The one thing that annoys me though is idiot people who can't be botherd saying the whole thing and call me 'hel' I hate it, for obvious reasons, but try as i might, i can never convince people to use the equally short and easy to say approved pet names - Hen or Nell. Either of which I love, but will people co-operate? no!
idiots.

What else was there?

I'm finding more and more that communication with words is incredibly difficult - for both sexes.
But I do think women are more sensitive to, so probably better at, non vocal communication - body language and facial expressions, men instantly pick up the more overt signals, but women get the subtle nuances. Like most people can pick up that someone is lying, but lots of women iknow gat tell what you are lying about and why. Which is bloody scary.

"Talking about love is like dancing about chocolate" or words to that effect, have to find out where that quote come's from.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Friday, June 30, 2006 2:56 PM

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Is it not normal to dance about chocolate?! I do the Happy Chocolate Dance when the buzzer on the oven rings, singling that my brownies or chocolate chip cookies are done! Or when the hubby says we can get dessert at a restaurant. Or... pretty much anytime chocolate is involved.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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Friday, June 30, 2006 3:01 PM

SERYN

I dance about chocolate - but ialso dance about other thing - like i'm going to atlanta! *dance* its my weekend off! *dance* etc.

I don't think the word was actually chocolate, but the rhythm was right, so...

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Friday, June 30, 2006 3:11 PM

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Which of course brings us to the age-old question: Sex or chocolate?

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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Friday, June 30, 2006 3:23 PM

SERYN

hey, this is the 21st century...

Sex and chocolate (easy-wash bed linens)

Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:40 PM

TRISTAN

FireFromHeaven, welcome to the board!
Thank you for your advice...but I am actually in a very good point in my life/relationship...my typing was from experiences in the past. Mostly from my ex-wife...and because of her, I hate all things French now, despite being half French-Canadian...
Yes, there are rough spots at times now, but they are easily worked through.
My wife is younger than I, and was raised a bit differently as well. My experiences far outweigh hers (not bragging, just speaking truth) and a lot of my hang-ups come from not being what I once was. We both attended the same university, and both received degrees in Drama...granted several years apart, but I was always a fixture in that department even when going after other degrees. I am not sure if you are familiar with Drama departments, but they are one big, happy, disfunctional family. There are no secrets, so before she became my wife, she knew what I had been like in the past. Every male slows down and becomes a shadow of his former sexual self as time goes by. This has happened to me. She has never complained, nor has she ever asked anything more from me than I can give in this respect, but it would be nice to be eighteen again, even if it was just in bed.

I also realize that women are more difficult in their sexuality than males. As I have said before I am no Casanova, but I have had many lovers, and was always able to satisfy them both physically, emotionally, and otherwise. I am trying to do that with my wife, and am succeeding for the most part. There are just times when things do not mesh, and I need to vent. Nobody's relationship is ever perfect.
Communication is key, and we have that...sometimes it stutters a bit, but it is there. And I do realize that it is not always about me.

Thank you again, and I hope you hang around with us!

______________________________________

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:56 PM

FIREFROMHEAVEN

No, nothing is ever perfect. I do have some passing familiarity with drama departments, mostly from college. I never had any ambitions of being on stage; too shy, I suppose. I had friends, and one boyfriend, who had those aspirations, so I worked in the background of the occasional production.

For some reason, the title of one of them has always stuck with me: "Lou Ann Hampton Laverty Oberlander."

Communication, alas, isn't as obvious as it seems it should be. That truth is a wellspring of human problems that reaches far beyond personal relationships.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 7:57 PM

PENGUIN

*cough* time for a new thread *cough*

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:00 PM

TRISTAN

On the way!

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=21918

Our new home!

______________________________________

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