Male and Female Imponderables--Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie by Tristan

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I didn't know how to be "minor-appropriate" when I was myself a minor.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:40 AM

morning my darlings I must got get coffee or I may die, but I will be right back...and explain the desperate need for coffee.

So here's my imponderable... If your SO is really scared of something even if you think it's silly should you blow them off over it?? ( note yes I am somewhat bitterbrb to explain)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:49 AM

Morning, PR! Yeah, I was the same way...I just don't want someone coming on here and corrupting the minds any further. I like a nice, civil place to discuss Imponderables!

Morning, msg!
Coffee is the food of life. Without it, there can be no morning that is good. (For those that don't need caffeine, ignore that remark).

I would not blow someone off because of a fear; rational or otherwise. I understand phobias. I also know they can be helped (read: Implosion Therapy

). I have an irrational fear, so I treat everyone else's with respect and dignity.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:50 AM

Morning yall. How is everyone this oh so very fine day?

MSG-we talking good natured teasing or something downright cruel?

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:54 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I would never blow off a fear. I've had my fear of spiders blown off and it isn't pleasant. I might say "Well, that's silly but if it bothers you c'mere and have a hug..."
That's just my answer to everything

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:55 AM

PDCHARLES

What happened? He see your face?

I don't think you should ever just blow them off. (well...

)

Whether they are scared of clowns or heights. I do think you should attempt to discover the root of their fear. It could be genetics (dark, heights maybe??) a childhood experience (like 13's bad doggy), or fear of pain, emotional or physical. The latter two may have solutions and you should try and work on them with your SO.

But if they are being a BIG BABY and refuse help... Well, just kick 'em in da ass. (figuratively)

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:59 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I know why I'm afraid of spiders; there are many reasons. Knowing doesn't always help. I can calm down quicker now, but there's still that initial reaction:

And I need a hug. Also I have issues killing spiders or any other large bug with lots of guts. Yucky.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:03 AM

Hey, isn't the slaying of bugs a male job? I've heard that alot, and have known females that won't go near a bug, let alone kill one...

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:04 AM

funny you should mention spiders...that's my phobia. Ok so here's what happened. I was sitting on the bed eating a snack and reading. I felt something drop ( I was wearing a low v neck tee) and I look down and brush at my chest and move on. So I decide to take a bath about 20 min later and as I am undressing when I take off my bra a black spider jumps out. It had dropped on me and was inside my bra...so I freak a bit and husband comes and kills it while rolling his eyes. ..fast forward to bed and I cannot sleep as it was on the bed that the spider dropped on me. He falls asleep and I am jusy lying there trying to calm and sleep. He throws off his covers and it scares me as they brush me and I kinda of panic scream ( quietly) he tells me to be quiet and goes to sleep. an hour or so later I get up and then come back and he asks why I'm not sleeping and I tell him I am too scared and he says ok then and rolls over and goes back to sleep!! Am I over reacting that I think he should have at least hugged me and said comforting things?

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:09 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I agree that the killing of bugs should be a male job, although I have killed several bees (mom is allergic) when there was no man in the house and she took care of the spiders. But now my stepdad takes care of them most of the time, unless he's out.
Ms G, your story made me shudder. *shuddershuddershudder* and I think your hubby is being a bit... Um... We're supposed to keep this civil...

Civil enough?
Short answer, no you are not overreacting and he should have cuddled you to oblivion! If you're scared enough to not sleep, it doesn't matter what causes it.
I've had nasty spider nightmares before. Ex of Doom, for all his faults, was very comforting at those times.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:10 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
. Am I over reacting that I think he should have at least hugged me and said comforting things?

I'm gonna play atleast partial devil's advocate on this. Yes, a hug and comfort would have been appropriate, however, if your hubby is anything like me, cohereant thought is next to impossible when you wake up in the middle of the night.

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:10 AM

PDCHARLES

What happened? He see your face?

MSG- No not at all. I guess critter fears is a whole nother category. Very common. I am a little scared of them myself. I usually would make a lil joke at first, depending on the level of fear, and then comfort my SO. Middle of the night occurences are up in the air though.

But if you are scared enough not to sleep, at least check the covers for ya and get close.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:16 AM

I think he should have held you and comforted you...

And thank you cuz I probably won't sleep tonight!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:23 AM

Sorry penguin didn't mean to traumatize you. Here's some comfort

( told you that you shouldn't have taught me how:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:24 AM

Here's a sorta imponderable I guess. How come women get comforted for their irrational fear and men get made fun of for theirs. I also have the whole spider problem but if I go looking for comfort after a spider attack, I just get laughed at and told to grow up.

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:26 AM

Yep, hugs and comfort would have been appropriate. I would have slain the bug proudly, proclaimed the area safe, and then comforted you until you fell into a restful sleep.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:27 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

By who, Mircea? I've always comforted SO's who have a spider issue (or any other issue) or are you talkin other guys here?
Well, here are spider-comfort hugs from me:

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:29 AM

Hey my husband has a phobia and I have never made fun of him or said to grow up.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:31 AM

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:31 AM

Ahhhhhh. thank ya PR.

Actually, I've had women who shared my spider fears make fun of me for my spider related fears. I know better than to ask males for comforand understanding.

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:34 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Yyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh!

Bad evil scary not good icky big nasty mean spider emote thing!

Moving on from that...
So they shared your fear and yet told you to grow up?
Bitches.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:34 AM

Mircea, we are supposed to be the ones not afraid of anything. No spider shall make us quake, nor bump in the night. We shall banish all fears from our minds, as we are men!
Ok, now that that has been said...I do think it is the fault of society for doing this; or rather, we did it to ourselves. Hard to be seen as tough if something makes us scream and run, ya know? Give you an example...my fear is animated teddy bears. I kid you not; Teddy Ruxpin, the Snuggles bear from the commercials, etc. I cannot be in the same room. Those commercials come on, you better not be between me and the door. You can imagine that I have received all sorts of grief from others because of this. "You're scared of...talking teddy bears?!?" Yes, yes I am. I don't know why, I just am. So, when people find that out (oops, let that out, didn't I?), they have a good laugh. The only comfort I ever got was like that of a five-year old "oh, poor baby", and even that was sarcastic.
So, no respect for men's fears to be found anytime soon.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:34 AM

MSG-Good. I'm gonna move and hang out with you, cause my friends are apparently real

.

Pen-Could we stop with the electronic spiders please? Real ones are bad enough

Tristan-I'm not real fond of talking dolls of any sort. Not exactly a phobia, but I find them unsettling.

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:35 AM

Double-post, ignore!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:35 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:

( told you that you shouldn't have taught me how:)

I've created a monster!

I love smilies!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:35 AM

I'd offer to kill the spiders for you Mircea, but I can't as they scare me beyond the capacity for rational speech, but we could huddle together while waiting for someone else to kill them

oh thanks penguin talk about nightmares

EDIT- if it makes you feel better Tristan., I am very uncomfortable around dolls... fav book series main character says" they are like tiny little dead people, why would I surround myself with tiny little dead people" and I totally agree. I just keep waiting for the dolls to move or something:) HUGS
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:41 AM

Thanks MSG. Actually I can kill spiders. I work very hard at overcoming my fears, even the ones that make me wanna hide under the covers and breathe thru a snorkle. Of course it leaves a somewhat limited response. I either run from spiders or rush in and kill them before they can get me.

edit: My bad I missed ya earlier PR. Yes they were bitches. That's why I don't date them anymore.

edit: Allow me to demonstrate my spider killing technique

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:48 AM

I hate creepy crawlies. They're OK outside where they belong, but if I find one in the house I won't sleep for DAYS! Bug bombs are my friend!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:51 AM

I can't kill them. I can't even approach them. My sweet psychiatrist even tried desensitization which sadly provoked the first and only panic attack I've ever had. Once had to get my psych professor to explain to my physiological psych prof that he had to take the tarantula cage out of his room if he wanted me to be able to learn or take the test. Oh well I am usually really tough I figure one weakness isn't so bad...and surprisingly my students think it's cute and they are very protective of me over spiders so I have lots of willing spider killers on hand:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:52 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

There are HUGE spiders where I work sometimes. I researched them and know they can't kill me, but they are so big and scary. At one point there was one right under my internet computer that wouldn't move so I had to kill it so I could get on here. I threw a phone book at it. I chanted for awhile afterwards, though, because I was so freaked out.
*edit*
Ms G, glad the students are good to you

I have a wonderful friend who has a pet tarantula. She used to be phobic, too, but now she loves them. Freaks me out, but it's not that bad unless I see her move. She is not out of her cage when I'm over.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:56 AM

I suspect my spider killing ability has a lot to do with, as Tristan said, years of society telling me I'm supposed to be tough and fearless.

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:00 AM

wow you are brave PR. I'd have to quit that job.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:01 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

*shudder* Trust me I'm working on it.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:04 AM

RUGBUG

Spiders. What a way to start off the morning. :shivers:

Not a big fan of spiders, but I can coexist without getting to freaked. If the spider doesn't move, we're all good. If it does, it must be taken out. And since I live alone, that is my job.

When I had a roommate we would switch off spider killing duties.

Now let's talk snakes. I have an irrational fear of snakes. And sharks. These used to be little fears, but as I've gotten older, they've grown. And lets just say a swimmer was killed by a shark at a local beach a year or two back, so statistically speaking, I should be in the clear. But I still don't want to go in the water. I don't like not knowing what's underneath me. Lakes are all good. Oceans? No thanks.

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"My feelings are changeable but intense" Anya (season 7 Buffy)

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:05 AM

I may be the weird one here, then...I love spiders. I have a healthy respect for them, and I do kill Brown Recluses whenever I see them, but I like watching them spin webs. I guess I kinda like all bugs...I even used to have an Emperor scorpion as a pet. A female I called "Fluffy". It was quite impressive to watch her hunt.
She kind of looked like this:

But Fluffy was much, much prettier.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:07 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

My dad is afraid of snakes. And frogs. Reptiles, really. I remember one time there was a little garter snake that got into his couch somehow, and I was the one who ended up catching the thing and taking it outside. My Montesory school had a pet garter snake and we were all taught how to handle it so I wasn't afraid at all. Though oddly enough it was our pet black widow that likely started off my spider phobia, because we were told to be very careful around the jar because if we knocked it over the spider could seriously harm us. Blegh.
That was a really pointless little story. Sorry.

*edit* Oh Lord and Lady Tritan don't talk about brown recluses! Those are the scariest thing on the face of the planet! In fact the only reason I can bear having the wolf spiders at work with me is that I read they eat brown recluses. Lesser of two evils.
Scorpions I don't really want to be anywhere near, either. And since Ex of Doom was a Scorpio, I even have a double reason.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:11 AM

PDCHARLES

What happened? He see your face?

Thankfully my cat takes care of the spiders in the house. Just last night she got a house fly on the second chase & swat.

EDIT: Hey, Scorpios rock

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:11 AM

Heya Rug.

Snakes and sharks never really bothered me. Sharks don't bother me prolly because of the very slim chance of running into one around St Louis. I have no idea why snakes don't.

Tristan-Fluffy?

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:12 AM

HUGS to all.. Actually PR a black widow bite started my phobia. I saw the pretty web ( I was 2) and I poked the spider which of course bit me and I ened up terrible ill and my mom freaked and kept me away from all spiders with great panic...oh well

Rugbug- I really don't like any inhabited water 'cause who knows what's in there, plus sadly my personal electric signature is apparently quite attractive to sharks...our biology dept in college used to use me to bring the sharks up to tank top 'cause they are just drawn to me ( gee that's just so nice isn't it)

That's a lovely scorpion Tristan ( am ok with scorpions so long as they stay in their cages)
Snakes are fine too:)

EDIT- PR wolf spiders??? you have wolf spiders at work and you are still there??? run away!!!!!! I really really really don't like wolf spiders. I would require sedation and a serious head injury before working anywhere near a wolf spider
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:16 AM

PR, after I learned what Brown Recluse bites did to the human body, I killed with extreme prejudice any and all brownish spiders I saw. It wasn't until I studied what they looked like that I began limiting my targets.

Mircea, yes, Fluffy. Actually named by my wife (well, soon to be wife at the time...2003-ish). If you get close to the Emperor scorpions, you can see that they are covered with sensor hairs, giving her a "fluffy" appearance...and it stuck.

She lived about three years after I got her.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:17 AM

"Candygram..."

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:19 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

My mom recently gave me Hypericum, which is an anti-venom homeopathic remedy, and I keep it with me in case I get bitten. She keeps it with her too, in case of bee stings, though she has used it for spider bites. When she was cleaning out my grandma's barn she got bitten by what must have been a black widow, and it's quite fortunate she had that stuff with her as the closest hospital was quite a ways away. It cleared it right up, according to her. I am of course not giving medical advice here as that would be illegal, but just sharing a story and saying it might be a good thing to have around the house. Avoid that panic phobia-sparking reaction, maybe.
I still hate spiders. They're freaky. I hate the way they move, and even having an anti-venom I don't like that something that small could do such horrible things to me. I think it would be the same with scorpions if I lived in a place where they ran wild. But I don't.

*edit* Yes, wolf spiders. You should have seen me right after I started the graveyard shift and saw them running around. I told them I would quit if I saw another one so they called an exterminator. I then used my massive work down-time to research them. They are brown, which is part of why I got so freaked out. But they aren't climbers so they can't catch my by surprise or reach me in my chair, and they aren't overly poisonous, and they kill brown recluses, so I have an uneasy truce with them. It's actually slightly helped my phobia, but like I said I still have that initial panic.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:19 AM

"Landshark!"

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:21 AM

ODDSBODSKINS

guess i'm lucky not to have extreme phobias about any of the above, although one of the scariest things i remember did involve water and what was underneath (more finding out what was underneath afterwards then not knowing though

) was when i was wee and taking dinghy lessons, me and the body i was sailing with cappsised on the wrong side of the tire barrier to be easily seen, and it seemed to take ages before anyone got out to help (wee being really really wee, didn't have enough body weight to right the thing even when we both jumped on the daggerboard) anyways, we were treading water out there for what felt like half an hour (ten minutes or so probably)within yards of this tire barrier. it was a few weeks later i'd been talking to someone about the marina and found out the tire barrier was home to several conger eels, which was why people took great care if they were diving around it. had me a panicky moment when i found that out

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:24 AM

Well, its time for me to be drug kickin and screamin into the real world again. Take care. Hopefully I'll get time to talk again tomorrow.

I do the job, and then I get paid.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:25 AM

Im back! After several days of nonstop war against the forces of my computer I have finally defeated it and can once more surf the glorious web

feels excellent to be back and dive into yet another Imponderables. Now before I get to dramatic...

Phobias: People should respect others fears and one should give support to people when they get scared. I have a phobia for large bodies of water and its brought me a world of fun every time I have to take a boat or on occasion when people have tried to "convince" me to take a dipp in pools.

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:25 AM

Im back! After several days of nonstop war against the forces of my computer I have finally defeated it and can once more surf the glorious web

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:25 AM

Im back! After several days of nonstop war against the forces of my computer I have finally defeated it and can once more surf the glorious web

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:25 AM

Im back! After several days of nonstop war against the forces of my computer I have finally defeated it and can once more surf the glorious web

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:25 AM

Im back! After several days of nonstop war against the forces of my computer I have finally defeated it and can once more surf the glorious web

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:25 AM

Im back! After several days of nonstop war against the forces of my computer I have finally defeated it and can once more surf the glorious web

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:27 AM

dammit, double post...

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:27 AM

dammit, double post...

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:27 AM

dammit, double post...

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:27 AM

dammit, double post...

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:27 AM

dammit, double post...

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:27 AM

dammit, double post...

You can’t stop the Signal.
Keep spreading the word about Firefly!

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:27 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I would be afraid of sharks if I had a chance to encounter one. I am as land-locked as you can get, though.
I have heard that shark attacks are pretty rare, even when they're in the same area as humans they rarely attack. Still, I would only feel safe swimming with a pod of dolphins.
That'd be pretty damn shiny, actually...

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:31 AM