Male and Female Imponderables--The course of true love never did run smooth by Tristan

I think it sounds fine FMF. You, or Jason, can also request that his dad be put on the list of not allowed visitors so that the hospital staff will ask him to leave if he chooses to show up and you won't have to:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:29 AM

Howdy!
Been in and out of the office. Thanks to all the concerned folks and your thoughtful messages.

Been feeling better. Sat up with Baby V a few early mornings and realized that I'm still a whole person, just a bit turned about is all.

Gotta catch up both here and at my desk. Be back soon.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:30 AM

RugBug

#2 is 15. He has no desire to speak to his dad at all and on the occaisions that he has to he gets sick for days afterwards. This is a child that adored that man and wanted to see him - Dad kept making and breaking dates. The 1 time he came and got number 2 - number 2 thought they were having dinner - the

took him to the stop and shop, bought him a soda and on the way home said "you can tell your mom I am going to marry that woman" anddropped him off.

So, not going to upset him before major surgery

one of the Forsaken TM

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:32 AM

NVG! Welcome back!

______________________________________

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:36 AM

NV-well that is much better than all our fevered imaginings that you were lying in a ditch...very relieved you are fine...glad you are enjoying the baby. There is just nothing like a baby to make you feel happy:)HUGS!!

glad you're back!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:37 AM

MAL4PREZ

Hi FMF!

I would scrap the last bit about him answering the phone, and just say you'll leave a message. Unless you really want to talk to him... do you really need the added stress of a conversation with the bozo?

Been shamelessly lurking folks, life is busy! Also, not much personal experience with jealousy and divorce.

Edit: Yay! NV is back! We need streamers...

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:40 AM

FMF- I never knew my dad. Met him twice, both times he was drunk. I understand partially to #2's pilght. I never wanted anything from him and I never got anything. Found out he died end of last year. Feel bad for his family, but he was a stranger. My great uncle on his side that I've known my whole life is trying to convince me to try for the Shoshone Claims settlement from Uncle Sam. Honestly, I want nothing to do with it (20,000 to 30,000 dollars). I want money, but not money that has to do with him unless he wants me to have it. With the kids in the house, it may be a godsend. But my reasoning is different from some.

My sisters dad, whom I consider my father, taught me better than to sell out.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:46 AM

ODDSBODSKINS

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
My great uncle on his side that I've known my whole life is trying to convince me to try for the Shoshone Claims settlement from Uncle Sam. Honestly, I want nothing to do with it (20,000 to 30,000 dollars). I want money, but not money that has to do with him unless he wants me to have it. With the kids in the house, it may be a godsend. But my reasoning is different from some.

My sisters dad, whom I consider my father, taught me better than to sell out.

could always rationalise it as cosmic/karmic conpensation for him never being there to be your father?

gaaah, shouldn't make light of what may be a sensitive subject, so apologies, but, joking aside, i can understand and relate to that point of view, just hope that, in the rare event of it being put to the test, i have the confidence and courage to do the same.

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:48 AM

Hey at least we all made it to Friday more or less intact:)
So here's an imponderable for us: does anyone have an office spouse? ( defined as a co-worker of opposite gender that you end up helping out/ partnering with on a regular basis thereby developing a close relationship kind of like a marriage) There's a male teacher I wrk with that this applies to. He and I eat together, and are always there for each other...it's nice

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:55 AM

NV put in a claim. Look at it from the standpoint that he OWES it to you. Or just look at it from the standpoint that you are a parent and as long as its legal, it doens't matter where the money comes from - its money. Or look at it as coming from your ancestors and not necessarily him.

one of the Forsaken TM

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:57 AM

I can't find streamers....

MSG, I have an office "sister"...does that count? She's my age, and the two of us are separated by the next youngest person by 20 or more years...we are the "babies" here. Never had an office spouse before...sounds kinda neat, though.

______________________________________

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:57 AM

Mine is at a nother company in CA. He even calls/emails me on the weekends. I am sure his real wife wouldn't approve.

one of the Forsaken TM

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Friday, July 21, 2006 6:59 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

NVG's alive! NVG's alive!

Um, I need to go to bed, but here I am still posting. Heh.
I was out getting wood! My place of employment had someone come in and chop up the huge beautiful bush outside, and there were all these lovely branches lying around so I got a trash bag and went and got them.
Have I mentioned I like making wands? Haven't sold one yet, but someday the right person will see just what they need on the auction site and have the perfect magic wand.
Sorry, sidetrack.
FMF, I would honestly just not tell him in advance. I'm sorry, but it seems like the best thing to do would be to wiat until #2 is in surgery, and then you can call and say "Just so you know your son is having this done, I waited to tell you out of respect for his wish that you not come before he went in. I will let you know how it goes."
But then I am a bitter, bitter soul. Fathers damaging their children through lack of attention that way really gets to me. Well, parents damaging their children in any way gets to me; I see it too much and experienced it to some extent. That;s part of the reason I would really, really want my hypothetical child to have a good daddy.
Will I go to bed or won't I? Not sure yet. I'm sure I'm starting to miss stuff though because I'm tired.
*edit* damn see I'm posting slow too! Don't have an office anything as I don't really see the people I work with. Night Ghost.

**********************************

**********************************

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:02 AM

Does polygamy apply to work? Problems have arisen in the past on this subject (Ms. Whatever we refer to her as now). It seems that we all do have at least one in our office. Kinda cute really. Ending each others sentances, calling to check in, getting griped at for not making more coffee. (Sudden depression sets in) I haven't had a steady partner for three years. And now I'm in a position to not need one. Confusion. Gonna get some coffee. WHO DIDN'T MAKE MORE COFFEE!!!!!

Thanks MSG for the card. Think I'l get a cup of the unmanly coffee today. It looked tasty.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:04 AM

PR- you should get some sleep sweety...the wand making sound nice.
Tristan yes it is nice. Good to have someone to fasten necklace/bracelet since I can't and who stocks diet coke in his mini fridge for me etc...it's going to be interesting. He was at my old school and left a few years ago and I chose the new school I am at because he is there. It's interesting watching the other people in the dept when we interact because we have a lot of verbal short hand and can just glance and know what the other means or is asking so it should be fun!

EDIT- and in a fun moment I got my new schedule of classes and noticed I had first period as prep time my work spouse had told our dept head that I don't do mornings:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:12 AM

RUGBUG

FMF: I see. That's perfectly reasonable then. And your 'script' sounds fine. The Ex is just a pile of space trash, eh?

I still think at some point, #2 should tell dad, (maybe through a letter...then he doesn't actually have to talk to the loser) how he feels. If he's getting physically sick from talking to him, he's GOT to get those feelings out somehow.

And good luck to him with the surgery. He's got the imponderables wishing him well.

NV: Welcome back! We've missed you and we were about to send the vet-wrap! (horse joke that no one will get, but I think is funny.

)

***************
"My feelings are changeable but intense" Anya (season 7 Buffy)

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:23 AM

LOL rugbug:) OK I am going to the zoo with the mini munchkins so I will be back in a while HUGS

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:30 AM

RUGBUG

Yeah, MSG gets my joke.

I should've known.

NV: Get the money. It's not like there's anyone on the other end of it with expectations. No one is trying to buy your affection at this point. And if you find it odious to use it for yourself, put it in a trust fund for the kidlets. Raising them into adulthood ain't cheap and there's no better time to start giving them a chance at college/buying a house/life/whatever then right now.

***************
"My feelings are changeable but intense" Anya (season 7 Buffy)

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:31 AM

SERYN

NV! you're alive, thank goodness for that!

and now for the highly mercenary part of the post - if you have a legitimate claim to that money, and lots of babies to feed clothe and send to college, you'd be a daft bugger not to claim it - especially as his family are encouraging.
even if you don't touch a panny, you could put it straight into an account and sit on it until they come home needing a car or a home deposit or even bail (joke!)

Claim it, and even if you feel totally laothsome afterwards, you can donate it to charities! at the moment, its doing no one any good but the government.

Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:36 AM

Isn't vet wrap that duct tape for horses stuff. I think thats what a buddy of mine would carry in his medpac for patching stuff up and holding body parts on. Oh the good ol' days. Thanks.

FMF: Never been one to say good luck on such issues. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and #2. I think he should write a letter to the chucklehead. Though it may not trigger the pain and guilt he should be feeling, at least your boy would have told him. If he is willing, have him tell the a&$*&#e where to go, what horse to ride, and that he loves him in despite of it all. Chances are he does feel that way and wishes to tell him. Hugs to you and #2.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:42 AM

SERYN

ok, sorry rugbug, i just repeated everything you said.

notice here how the bloke who replied instantly went the honour and bravery route, while the women all took the 'you have children to look after, take the money' option.

or at least i think they did, i'm still confused over who here is a male or a female.

I'm a girl by the way.

I will say good luck - i wish you and #2 the best of it.
At such a high pressure time i wouldn't make him confront the BSC, but as rugbug says, it does need to be done.

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:52 AM

Seryn, I know that someone in here (Mal4Prez, RugBug...can't remember!) made a list a few posts back as to who was male and who was female...

______________________________________

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Friday, July 21, 2006 7:57 AM

Not to sound like a complete ass, but I could use a new car to haul the kids around in.

I was kinda thinking the money would go to my own kids, but since I'll probably never have kids, who knows. My sister doesn't seem to be making any headway so I'll probably have them for quite a while.

On the gender thing: I tend to forget momentarily from time to time. All of the incredible, and sometimes brash comments from y'all take me for a loop occasionally. Kinda neat the confusion.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 8:01 AM

ODDSBODSKINS

wouldn't say so much honour and bravery as 'i share your bloody-minded pride' but it is an interesting wee divide in't it?

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Friday, July 21, 2006 8:11 AM

COPILOT

Hi everyone.

NVGhostrider your back! I've missed you! On the issue of money from the governement I can actually understand you. One of my tribes has a casino that will give me money if I apply and can prove my bloodline and other bullsh*t. I don't want it. If I had children on the other hand I'd take them for every penny and then go to uncle Sam and make him cough it up (not welfare but the Indian stuff). Althougth I'm just assuming that's what the money is. My advice is unless that person who told not to sell out is standing there is assistance (not neccsarly money) just do what you need to do to give those kids the best life possible.

An I carried such a torch

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Friday, July 21, 2006 8:26 AM

I have no problem taking money from the government for land that I would be living on, its just the parent thing. If my sperm donor wanted me to have anything to do with him, he woulda given it to me. I don't hate him for that. I don't know him well enough to hate him. Think I may try for the money. Sure would make things easier with the kids and all.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 8:27 AM

NV, you just said you dont have kids, meh I'm confused, but working off the thing where you had the two critters... take the money, put it in a bank or something, and in 15 years when they need it, you could actually pay for a college or something. Imho, get the money as soon as you can, bank it, then you can argue the moralities of it for as long as you need. Just keep in mind, money, especially free-ish money, is good. Lol, maybe I learned that from Firefly.

Ahh divorces... I too am a product of a divorce, though a surprisingly civil one. At some point when I was... 6 or 7, my parents just sorta split up, no big fights, (that I saw, obviously), just some signing of divorce papers, some organizing of child support, etc......

Used to be i'd see my dad every tuesday n saturday, and damnit it was annoying. He would come, it'd disrupt my entire schedule/life, because he always wanted to spend time with us, and although he is a technical guy, he really looks down on computer games, which is what I use to pass the time. (My sisters read, I dont near as much.) Anyways, on saturdays we'd go places, which ironically i never did with my mother... but i resented him for it, because i had school five days a week, homework that generally i did on sunday, so one day of the week off, and he came and ruined it.

Then, a year or two ago, after some big arguments, some intervening from my sisters (who like him) and my mother, he just stopped inviting me, he'd come and pick up my sisters for awhile, and i just didnt have to come. So I didnt. And damnit I liked that. But it really didnt help matters. Urgh.

He remmarried once, with a woman he really had nothing in common with as far as i could see, high mantenance in the extreme, really... That combined with a bunch of lost jobs, sorta ruined him financially in terms of savings... so not much help in the college department is he. Now at least he's found someone new who even I can see is really his type, speaks a ton of languages, really sweet... i'm happy for them. I'm slightly disturbed that they are moving to france, but um... yeah. Such is... stuff. And the sad part about all this is that my dad is a great guy, really is, he's nice and funny and loving and all that... bah but he always seemed to have this prideful streak, that I'd have to come to him and make amends or something, well damn him, that didnt work out well.

Wow I have issues, sorry to make the 'divorce thing' so long.

Blarg, it's morning, I have to pack n stuff, I should do homework, damnit I hate summer.

P.S. Techies are, as we say online, 'teh awesome'. Actors... meh, they suck. (I say this affectionately as an actor.)

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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Friday, July 21, 2006 8:33 AM

COPILOT

I forgot FMF don't tell the stupid f*** about your childs surgery. He might just show up and make the recovery longer or cause serious complications! If your child doesn't want him around don't tell him anything.

____________________________________________

On a slightly hopefull note it's day four of sobriety for me. I know that doesn't sound like much to anyone else but I've been an alcoholic since I was about 18 years old. I've tried this twice before but since this is my choice on my terms I think it may work. I'm not going to meetings or doing any self help things I'm just staying in my home away from people who party and asking everyoneone not come near me if they want to. Hope springs eternal!

An I carried such a torch

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Friday, July 21, 2006 8:35 AM

Sorry, there are so many threads gone by that I may have to claify. My sisters kids (2 1/2 and infant) are living with me and my family in the family house due to her illicit activities.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 8:43 AM

I had a three year stretch of sobriety. I wish I could have kept it up. But the drinking I do now is so different than before. No binges, not out of anger, and limited quantity. I actually feel responsible with my drinking now.
I'm glad you are doing this on your own terms. There is really no other effective way. Can't stop smiling. Happy you are giving it a whirl.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 9:53 AM

MAL4PREZ

Quote:
Originally posted by Whitefall:
Then, a year or two ago, after some big arguments, some intervening from my sisters (who like him) and my mother, he just stopped inviting me, he'd come and pick up my sisters for awhile, and i just didnt have to come. So I didnt. And damnit I liked that. But it really didnt help matters. Urgh.

Hey Whitefall - it's a familiar tale to me. My parents aren't divorced, but I'm divorced from them, so to speak. They're not bad people, but we just don't work well together, so going our separate ways was the best option.

Guess I'd give you a run on for the 'got issues' title!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Friday, July 21, 2006 10:44 AM

MAL4PREZ

Wow, can I kill a thread or what?

Well, happy Friday folks. I'm off to dance in a kettle! (Long story...)

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Friday, July 21, 2006 10:45 AM

*FMF runs through the thread in a panic* We've got Llamas! The Llamas are loose and stampeding! I gotta get to the partay thread and get the licorice lasoos!

one of the Forsaken TM

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Friday, July 21, 2006 10:56 AM

DAYVE

good night and have a pleasant tomorrow,
lone wolf dave, signing out

"endeavor to persevere..." Chief Dan George as Lone Waite, Indian chief

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Friday, July 21, 2006 11:16 AM

ODDSBODSKINS

Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
*FMF runs through the thread in a panic* We've got Llamas! The Llamas are loose and stampeding! I gotta get to the partay thread and get the licorice lasoos!

one of the Forsaken TM

*hides the remains of a lassoo-ish piece of liquorice dangling from the corner of his mouth*

edit: well that fell flat on it's face. note to self: ingratiate more before interactive quips.

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Friday, July 21, 2006 11:24 AM

Ok, Friday is catching up to me...may not be back on here before the close of day...if not, y'all have a pleasant weekend. If this thread gets too long (and I know it will), PR, feel free to start a new thread...just give it a Shakespeare quote so I can find it when I come back Monday!

Love to all!

______________________________________

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Friday, July 21, 2006 11:32 AM

RUGBUG

I'm probably out of here as well, but for the weekend. Everyone have a good Sat and Sun.

CoPilot, stay strong and keep up the good work.

***************
"My feelings are changeable but intense" Anya (season 7 Buffy)

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Friday, July 21, 2006 11:37 AM

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Hmm, I think I'll be avoiding the par-tay thread for a bit, lol.

I am still in a super good mood, so shield your eyes if you must.

Things are going really well with work stuff (which is really all I do, now that I think about it, other than play games and go to the beach (and post here!)). Nothing I can talk about specifically (have I mentioned the joy of Non Disclosure Agreements?), but I've had a lot of happy bouncy squeeey moments the past two days. Once I get off the phone that is. Must be professional in the phone meetings.

On that note, I've never really had a "work spouse" (though for a moment, MsG, I thought you were asking if anyone of us met our SOs at work -- did that one), especially since I've been telecommuting for the past three years or so. I do, however, currently contract for my father's company (among others), so I suppose I literally have a "work daddy", lol. I call him by his first name for all business stuff, which seems to make everyone but my mother more comfortable with the situation.

Copilot, congrats on the sobriety! I think one of the biggest aspects of breaking any addiction (chemical or otherwise) is removing yourself from the places and people that would lead you back into the addiction. Feel free to stop by here and gripe at us about it, we all support you in this I'm sure!

Aw, everyone seems to be leaving for the weekend! Makin' me sad. It's only 2:30pm here, so I'll be around for another five hours at least, and then off and on over the weekend. Maybe a topic of conversation will bring the lurkers out...

This may not be an imponderable per se, but since I've got work on the brain, what's your dream job?

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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Friday, July 21, 2006 11:39 AM

Copilot, that's really awesome. Don't listen to what the media tells you, if you believe in it, that's all you really need. Meeting are for folk who have trouble doing that, but you have it down.

Let me... try... and relate. See, I may have mentioned, last summer, lost a bunch of weight by really cleaning up my eating habits. Obviously it's not the same thing, but it does compare: so, imho a great way to live without whatever it may be is to get rid of it all in the place you spend the most time, namely your place o' residence. Then when your body tells you to eat/drink a lot, it's not on hand so its easier to ignore. As for social gatherings, just tell people you're sober... I tell em something similar when I go to the occassional sort of party that is designed to eat junk food in. It aint easy, but I think the key is not to think of it as a time without the alchohol (some folk feel that that is like living with a sort of eternal temptation), but rather just a different life where you dont need it.

(Wow, that turned out pretty well, hope it sorta relates and isnt making light of the problem or anything.)

Edit: CK, gotta say atm my dream job is to write for TV. It be a stable sort of job, but not too stable, and at least it's more likely to happen than being able to live as a playwright or author.

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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Friday, July 21, 2006 12:37 PM

Wow, what a slow Friday.

Well, I'm out. Love to all the 'coats and 'skins.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

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Friday, July 21, 2006 2:36 PM

see it was slow because I wasn't here...grin
I am sorry I didn't get a chance to say bye and good weekend to all so Cyberspace hugs!!!
CK- hmmm my dream job is the one I have now! Sorry I really love my job and ( if I may be immodest for a moment) I'm really good at it..be nice if my dream job had real money attached to it instead of my pittance ( which by the way I figured out if you count all the hours I work, I make $3.14 an hour)
Anyway, hardly the point:) So BOUNCY BOUNCY fun day playing with two profoundly cute babies...there is just nothing like babies to fill you with joy and laughs:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, July 21, 2006 3:11 PM

BUMP - just for you CK so you'll know you aren't alone:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Friday, July 21, 2006 3:18 PM

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Woohoo, thanks MsG! I'm sort of in and out -- sewing, cleaning, and getting ready to go to synagogue all at the same time.

Hmm, must remind myself that I work in a tech field. I'm not an 18th century woman, I'm not, I'm not! Heheh.

As for the job thing, I'll admit that I, too, have my dream job. Still growing in it, not quite sure I could call myself "good" at it yet. Working at that. Though I did have the experience today of suddenly being the person in the room who had the most experience and knew the most about the task at hand. I'm around people who do what I do so often that I forget sometimes how much knowledge and skill I have built up over the years. That was an invigorating experience.

I feel so odd not being able to give a better description of what it is I do. But here's this: it's tech, it's creative, it involves a lot of writing, and I love it. Someday my NDAs will be moot and I'll be able to talk about it.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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Friday, July 21, 2006 3:19 PM

PENGUIN

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Friday, July 21, 2006 3:30 PM

Lol now i'm curious.... is for government stuff? or just sorta... the corporate espionage sort of NDA.

Slow night indeed lol.

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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Friday, July 21, 2006 3:55 PM

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Lol, Whitefall, I don't think I'd usually be able to answer that, but I think I can safely say this: I have active NDAs of both sorts.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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Friday, July 21, 2006 4:45 PM

Wow Ck, you're so badass!

P.S. REALLY slow night lol.

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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Friday, July 21, 2006 5:04 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

*yawns and rubs eyes*
Morning everyone! I almost overslept today, which is kind of a first on a work day. Blegh.
Dream jobs... I have many. I'd like to run things. My dream dream job would be having about five different major art-type companies (music, movie, computer, canvas, writing) so that I could have the actually good stuff made. For now, however, I would settle for someone at one of those types of companies saying I really had talent. I adore PhotoShoping (for those of you who aren't sick of hearing about it yet) and would love to sit around doing photoshops all day for money. Right now that's the only thng I would really want to make a career of. I wanted to write for awhile, but I don't do it constantly anymore and I think it would become a grind and the joy would whoosh out of it. Similar with singing; I love to sing but I couldn't put up with being expected to be a little diva princess, even if someone did think I had enough talent to make it a career. Music is more my brothe's thing; he can actually play it and write it and sing, while I can just sing.
Basically I'm at that place of life of "I knew what I wanted to do but I was wrong and now what should I do?"
First step is to get out of this place and get a job with benifits that pays well and will help me pay for some schooling. So then I get the schooling and then I can make some better money. Oddly enough, I'm looking to go into finance, because I think intuitive intelligence could be useful there and there's a lot of money in it, and then I can do what I want in my down time. A dream right now would be if album covers weren't basically being phased out and I could design really shiny ones. Of course that would involve being seen by people who wanted me to design for them...
I'm tired of working so hard. Screw it, I want to sit at home and be mailed checks

Copilot, sounds like you're doing well. Your own terms is the only way to go.
Now I have to try to remember a Shakespearian quote...

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Friday, July 21, 2006 5:14 PM