Male and Female Imponderables--Time After Time by Tristan

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Magda! You have emotes! Shiny!

Yes, this little family means a great deal to me as well. I really don't know what I would have done with myself these last several months if I couldn't come here.
Biiiiiig hug to everyone!

Tristan, I posted on your blog, but you know we're here for you, right? *poke poke* How you doin'?

A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with them. - Gautama Siddharta

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Monday, September 4, 2006 3:09 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Quote:
Originally posted by SpaceAnJL:
Hmmpph! So what am I? Chopped protein?

Seriously, gotta second this post. With my SO away for a month, I'm gonna be lurking about like a no-mates quite a lot.

You are so shiney I saved a separate post just for you Darlin' SpaceANGL!!!

and even a llama one!!

Mwaaah - Magdalena x x x x x

(sorry couldn't find any juicy mangoes

)

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Monday, September 4, 2006 5:13 AM

ASORTAFAIRYTALE

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
Hello, all.
Brief drop-in while I have a moment. Life has definitely taken a turn for the weird. I posted it in my blog...I don't want to take up too much space here. I'll be back by on Tuesday for a spell.
Hope you all have a great holiday (those that get one, that is)!

Hey Tristan, I just read your blog too...I'm really sorry for you! As everyone else said, remember that we're all here for you!

------

We're all just floating...

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Monday, September 4, 2006 5:24 AM

PENGUIN

*gives Tristan a man-hug*

King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

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Monday, September 4, 2006 3:16 PM

Thank you all for your thoughts and words of comfort. I will be relying heavily on my Firefly "family" to see me through this. It's not as hard as I thought it was, letting go. My goal was to always make her happy, and somewhere along the line, I seem to have failed. Because of the age difference, I tried to give her the freedom she needed in order to grow and still have fun. I had become a stay-at-home husband, with many things to tinker with to occupy my time. She still enjoyed going out, having fun...but I always knew she would come back to me. Just turns out she was no longer happy with what she was coming home to. In trying to not be an overbearing husband, I "gave" her enough freedom to destroy a marriage. And no, it was not all my fault either. Her affections towards me waned while they grew for another. He may have been the catalyst to this whole thing, but he is not the main reason behind the troubles, and he is not who she will be going to. She will be standing on her own for awhile by her own choice. In order to fulfill my vow to make her happy, we have to divorce. Yes, in the long run it will turn out to be the best thing we can do, but right now, she is upset and I am just dead inside. I don't feel sorrow nor anger nor loss anymore...just kinda floatin' around. That may change when we actually sign the papers and start dividing up our stuff...but right now...
Again, thank you all for being here and giving me support. I will be back again as the cheerful, peppy, slightly cynical Tristan...just give me a bit of time and be patient with me.

______________________________________

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Monday, September 4, 2006 3:48 PM

we'll give you all the time, love, and support you need Tristan. We are all with you in heart and spirit at all times. HUGS we love you big guy:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 3:06 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
... Yes, in the long run it will turn out to be the best thing we can do, but right now, she is upset and I am just dead inside. I don't feel sorrow nor anger nor loss anymore...just kinda floatin' around. That may change when we actually sign the papers and start dividing up our stuff...but right now...
Again, thank you all for being here and giving me support. I will be back again as the cheerful, peppy, slightly cynical Tristan...just give me a bit of time and be patient with me.

Hey Tristan - it's called shock... that dead feeling. I know from the way you wrote about her that you cared very much - sounds like you still do - and you always did what you thought would make her happy - we know.

Don't push the peppy thing - we love you however we find you... That's what being part of a family is all about - there are times to celebrate together and times to just be there for one another... it's our turn to be there for you and that is a privilege.

and look - I learned how to do emotes so this weekend wasn't a total loss... now was it...

...and if there's any trouble - I'll come and protect you!

Love you sweetheart! - mwaaah - Magda x x x

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 3:22 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Yeah, I remember that dead feeling. Ugh.

I'm looking for a really tasty picture of comfort-coffee, but I think you have the nicest one I've yet seen.
So here's a hug

and another hug

and a goofy 'cheer up' thing

There's a true imponderable for us. How do two people that so obviously care about each other end up drifting apart like this? It seems like it happens all the time, and I never, ever understand it.

Virtue is persecuted more by the wicked than it is loved by the good. - Gautama Siddharta

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 4:36 AM

Morning, all!
Thank you again for your kind words...it really means alot that y'all are here.

I am not entirely sure this is shock, per se...I knew this was coming, I just did not know when it would hit. The last divorce had none of these feelings...I was happy and thrilled the moment I knew it was over. This one doesn't even hurt. The major feeling was anger, because the discovery came Saturday night at D*C. I was not able to stay feeling the way I was, so it destroyed the weekend for me. We are now at least talking to one another, and trying to remain civil until the end. We shall see how that works.
I did not want to turn the Imponderables thread into a personal discussion, but thank you all.

Magdalena, glad to see you emoting! Love the protector!

PR, thank you for the cheer-up. I am pondering your question and am still trying to figure it out...I'll get back to you on that one!

Time for coffee. My email notification from FFF.net is not working again, so forgive me if I don't respond right away. I'll try to keep an eye on everything today.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 4:38 AM

You know I've often wondered that too. In my experience, it has to do with growing and changing. No ones personality is static and as you develop and adapt who you are depending on experience, you can turn into someone else ( sort of). I think that you can start out being a person who's totally compatible with your mate and as time progresses and your understanding of who you are and who you are itself changes, you might end up not being someone who's compatible with that person any more. ( This seems rambling, but I swear I have a point) I guess my theory/point is as you change and grow, you can become someone no longer suited for a specific relationship.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 5:28 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

MsG I agree with you - I've never been married but I have been in relationships that had 'this is not forever' stamped on them, and I have seen close friends marriages disintegrate as one grows but the other seems to 'hold them back' or they both grow but in different ways. Friends of mine whom I both love so much have just separated and are going through the counelling sessions to help them understand what went wrong. It was basically the same thing there - I could see her growing, taking on new challenges and even trying to be passionate aobut the things that he found inspiring - but in the end she felt it was no longer a marriage but a tug of war or a game of give and take that had allowed her to lose a sense of herself. They know they are better off apart - but after 32 years of marriage it's very hard for them.

Tristan - have you thought about some councelling together? It might help you both to understand what happened and to feel freer to move on...

EDIT: hmmmmm if the notification isn't working then you might not have got my PM - but if you did I wasn't hitting on you just coz you're suddenly single

I was genuinly offering to be a friend.

GPR - after that conversation I found an emote for the 'ex of doom' situation, as well as Tristan perhaps - might make you smile

or I'll come and 'he-bitch-man-slap' the lot of them!!!

or better still

Mwaah - Magdalena x x x

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 5:48 AM

Mornin' all.

Thought I'd send a big man-hug to Tristan before I proceed any further.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 5:49 AM

Morning, MSG! I have been perusing your receipes...and really, really wish I lived closer to you!

Will wash dishes for food!
I agree with you on the changing part. When she and I first met, we were both very compatible...I was involved in Ren Faires and theatre, doing what I loved and enjoying life. I knew, however, that I would eventually have to settle down and start a "real" life, especially if I wanted to marry her. In doing that, I changed my fundamental nature and became the polar opposite of what she desired.

Magdalena, we did not try counseling. I have a degree in Psychology, and while it does not help to use it on our marriage, I sorta did...there is no helping this. We let things go for too long and are now paying the price. Live and learn!
I did not get your PM, but I am now intrigued!

My direct email is tristan71@cableone.net. I am pretty sure that is working...

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 5:52 AM

Morning, NVG! Thanks for the hug.

And Penguin, when you get here, I want to thank you for the hug, too. Sometimes men need virtual hugs from men.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:02 AM

RUGBUG

Morning.

Ugh, Tristan, I am just sitting here in shock. I am so sorry to hear about this.

After a weekend of listening to one friend tell how she's being dragged, kicking and screaming, into motherhood, and trying to comfort another as her marriage hits the skids, and now this, I'm bound and determined to stay single.

Tristan, big hugs and as much peace as possible through this.

***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:15 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Tristan - I have hotmail so if your eamil hasn't bounced it you shoud find some waffle-that-doesn't-make-any-more-sense-than-the-pm-probably-didn't there...

I think I'm getting sleepy... it's 2.15am

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:21 AM

Funny, the quirks in our roles these days.
As another guy looking to be tied down, I can't help but think the world is against me. Heaven forbid an old fashioned sort of guy wishes to lead the kind of life most normal folk lead.
But my heart seems to be stuck in a very different time. Here is the problem. I need to be saved. For anyone who has spent their lives saving others and fixing problems for which few have the intestinal fortitude, I salute you. Take off you capes and armor. Lay down your weapons and start looking now.
Here's the reason why I say this. Reflecting on my life expectancy, time is the enemy. If in the next two years I am lucky enough to marry and have children, they will most likely be just getting into high school when my time is up.
Of course there is the chance for a few extra years, but it is only a chance.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:23 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

This is my favorite slappy emote:

Just, you know, cuz I can. Stupid emote stomping on hearts and stuff. Needs a little more slapping

My friends and mother both say I outgrew my ex of doom and that likely contributed to what happened. I'm still rather... Well, I've talked about it a lot, y'all know how I feel about it. I'm all confuzzled. Always confuzzled. That "outgrowing" thing. Just seems like it would make more sense to grow together, you know? But who says life makes sense? A true imponderable. Grrr. Arrg.
I wish I didn't like being in love so much; all these reasons to stay single, it seems! Still have a crush on that damn barista, though. Got his name and winked at him last night...

I was all smooth and didn't even trip over my own feet as I left. It was great!

Um, anyway. We'll see if anything beyond that even happens. Just wanted to, maybe, inject a bit of happiness. So many people having troubles right now. There can't be nothing but sadness!

I should go to bed...

On a random note, I can hardly believe one thread has lasted us this long!

Virtue is persecuted more by the wicked than it is loved by the good. - Gautama Siddharta

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:33 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

I was thinking it was a long lived thread too GPR! It was a slow weekend and I realised today that there was an extra day off in America so I guess people were away or those who rely on their work computer to drop in were out of touch - still it's shiney to see people back!

I missed you all last week - my father kept insisting on using his own computer and I never got to catch up! (for those of you who don't kow I was living with my parents for 6 whole days last week...) I found myself wondering what you were all up to...

Well - it's late and I must go to bed so goodnight my FFFfamily! mwaaah - Magdalena x x x

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:34 AM

NV- Umm doing some math here ( as a hopefully expectant parent at 32) and if you are say 36 when you have a kid, then when the kid is 10 you will be 46, when the kid is 20 you will be 56, when the kid is 30 you will be 66, when the kid is 40 you will be 76( which is the average life expectancy for a male) so I don't think you can rule out having kids if you don't have them in the next 2 years or something. Sheesh!!

Rugbug- have a Zoe moment " I an't so afraid of losing something I won't have it" DOn't give up on all relationships because you know of some that didn't work ok HUGS

Night PR:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:44 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

According to the Death Clock ( http://www.deathclock.com/) I'm going to die in 2064. So when I'm 80. But I bet it's wrong because I have powerful long-lived genes in my family.
I got plenty of time.

And now I am actually going to bed. Well, technically going to bathe and then go to bed. Good night everybody!

Virtue is persecuted more by the wicked than it is loved by the good. - Gautama Siddharta

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:50 AM

ok you keep saying you're going to bed...and yet:) We love you darlin

Yeah everyone in my family lives to at least 92 if not longer. I always think it's weird if someone dies in their 70's or 80's.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 6:54 AM

I hate correcting folks. But you're a teacher and I loved F'ing with 'em in school.

NVG-28
Married W/ child- 30
Life expectancy- 44 or 45

Its not that I will not consider having kids later in life, but I have seen the drawback in doing so.

Mostly I use age as a correlation of time. I can't imagine at this point in time taking another five years getting to know someone well enough to have kids. But then again my imagination seems a bit stunted these days.

Had more to say, but it just seems so whiney. Need something sweet. Think there is chocolate in the truck. Time to go huntin'.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 7:10 AM

RugBug, thank you. The scary part about all this is that she and I were discussing starting a family after our anniversary...which would have been a month from now. Kinda glad that didn't happen...would have been hell on the children.

Magdalena, got the email...this is going to be fun!

NVG, I empathize wholeheartedly. I am 35. This marriage was going to be the one that lasted, the one that I was looking forward to bringing children into. Now, prospects for the future look sorta bleak, and I am tired. I can look forward to being a good uncle, assuming my brother ever decides to have children.

PR, unfortunately, people do not always grow together. I am obviously preaching to the choir here, but know that I understand you. I am not as "confuzzled" as I know something of what happened between she and I, but in reviewing the big picture I am surprised it went so bad so quickly. That will always be an enigma to me.
Congrats on the not-tripping thing! Maybe you ought to pursue him with more vim and vigor?

It's good that you are having moments of happiness...please, share them often!

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 7:13 AM

GED

Hey all! I got back from my trip to CA and all I can say is wow! I went there to attend an annual jujitsu convention, but I also met up with an old friend while I was up there. She and I hung out for a while and decided that we wanted to see each other, so I have joined the relationship ranks once again. TX to CA is quite a long ways away, but we'll make it work! Haven't had time to catch up on the threads, I'll see if I can do so during some down time at work!

__________________________________________________
This above all, — to thine ownself be true.
http://www.myspace.com/artv

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 7:28 AM

I was gonna ask you about the pic on myspace. Guess I got my answer. Right On! Glad to hear you'e joined the ranks again. Sounds great. So you've known her a while huh?

I am an uncle three times over (possibly four times. I fear my sister will return from Mexico pregnant). I feel pretty good about the next generation. They appear bright and loving. I just hope they can be protected just enough as not to lose those qualities.

Has anyone ever walked in a wetland? There are places you step and don't step. Mostly if you look out well enough, you'll be fine. Occasionally you step on one of "those" spots and end up knee deep in muck. I seem to have that feeling now. About what? I don't know.
I hate this feeling.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 7:31 AM

MAL4PREZ

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
I wish I didn't like being in love so much; all these reasons to stay single, it seems! Still have a crush on that damn barista, though. Got his name and winked at him last night...

Good job! I'm intrigued by the flirtation...

Tristan... I left something on your blog. I know you don't want this to take over the thread, but I can't leave it alone. I want to take every chance to send out a hug! I wish I could help! That dead feeling is just awful.

If it helps, I think it's been clear to all the woman on this thread, (and most of the men too LOL!) that you are a lovely person and an ideal partner in so many ways. I can't see your future as bleak, even if it looks that way to you right now.

Edit: NV, I'm scared to ask... but why the short life expectancy?
-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 7:44 AM

What's up in your neck of the woods M4P?

Short life expectancy? Average lifespan of the men in my family. Sure, a few of them made it to 80's and 90's, but they are at the top of the curve.

I've had a white stripe in my hair since I was thirteen. I know this may be a vitimin deficiency, but I attribute it to alot of the things I'd seen and done from that point on.
On the brighter side of things, I'm trying real hard to keep what little young feeling I have alive.

Think I'll get some sidewalk chalk and color the back porch this evening with PsychoBilly.

ADD: Play Dough- Smells great, tastes bad. Though I learned that when I was five. Guess I needed a reminder.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 7:54 AM

Play dough is fun:)...hey what's with the life expectancy of 44??? Um sure if you were living in Somalia, but the average life expectancy for a male living in the U.S. is 76.5 years according to the latest census data. Unless you're taking up some profoundly dangerous sport, have a serious genetic defect or degenerative disorder, or a suicidal nature, You should survive quite nicely into your 70's at least. Just because family members die early doesn't doom you. Look at their lifestyles, eating habits, behaviors, etc and see if their choices might have been a factor in their early demise. Sorry I just hate to see people fatalistically convinced of impending demise and using that to prevent them from enjoying life. I have a diabetic friend who has decided never to marry of have kids because he's so sure he'll be dead any minute...the fact that most diabetics live lives no shorter than average doesn't seem to get through to him... NOW stop basing your chances on someone else's life and get out there! I note your mom seems fine. How old is she???? because life expectancy is based on BOTH sides of your genetic code and unless it's a hereditary disorder, comparing yourself to males in your family is just sloppy science:) HUGS

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 7:56 AM

GED

Tristan,

I just caught up some and read your blog and I have to say that I'm truly sorry man. These are tough times ahead, but we'll be here for you bud *hugs for you*. When I was going through some tough times, one of my professors used to say to me, "This too shall pass." Please feel free to hit me up if you ever want to talk!

__________________________________________________
This above all, — to thine ownself be true.
http://www.myspace.com/artv

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 7:59 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

NVG - Play dough is supposed to taste bad so you don't eat it - mine is very salty - I make my own!! And don't you dare write yourself off!! I just turned 39, currently single and still hope to be a married mother one day - OK I might not biologically have a child - but I have too much to give to one to think it will never happen. And I believe that there is someone out there for me to 'love & cherish all the days of my life' (

love Jane Austin) just hope he's worth the trauma I've gone through to find him!

Edit: and I have been positively silver since I turned 20 - it's genetic, so was my grandmother p nothing to do with trauma apparently! You sound like one strong man and I anticipate you'll outlive us all...

Ged - that's wonderful news - I'm sure she's very special - it is wonderful when you find it and didn't realise it was there all along...

Tristan - thanks for the email - this is going to be fun

GPR - will you or I get to sleep first? - it is almost 4am here but I tend to be an insomniac at the moment and... most of the imponderers hit the site at the time I should be sleeping...

so it's a temptation to get up when I can't sleep.

Well - goodnight - again!

mwaah - Magdalena x x x

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 8:04 AM

GED, congrats! I hope things work out for you! Keep us informed, eh?

NVG, let me know what I can do, and I'll see if I can pull you out...give me a bit, though, I feel I am in the same spot.

Mal4Prez, thank you very much. You don't know how much it means to me to have y'all to talk to. I just did not want to dominate this thread with a somewhat depressing topic while there seems to be happiness creeping in here and there. And yes, it does help to hear that...thank you again!

NVG, yes, PlayDoh bad. However, it's good if you have a salt deficiency.

______________________________________

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 8:20 AM

Tryin' not to anger here, but my calm is a bit damaged.

Who here lives or have lived in a Native community?

I'm not saying that my lifestyle points to immediate doom, but here it is known that life is short. Literally.

I won't give up on a family of my own. If it is to be, then it will be.

But I am not an average American male in average America.

All of this is fine and dandy, but my ultimate goal has more to do with living in a way that permits me to enter Heaven. I know alot of the non-belivers out there just tuned out, but here is my case. Regardless if there is a Heaven or not, I want my life to reflect being worthy. A life lived in the service of my family and fellow man.
Honestly, if god does not exist, fine. If there is nothing after all this, great. But living will not have been for nothing. I hope that my sins had been absolved and all the good things about me would have carried on to someone who would do the same in the hope of a better tomorrow.
If I have children or not, that is the legacy I hope to leave behind. Not the nightmares or residual sounds of suffering.

So check my numbers MSG. Native American male between the ages of 18 and thirty. Smoker. Drinker. Overweight. Family history of heart disease, diabetes (diagnosed a year ago), suicide, depression, poverty, etc., etc. I use none of these things as a reason. Just indicators of possible problems.
I live as well as humanly possible for me. I get exercize. Eat very little fatty foods. Try to avoid drinking too much (two beers the whole weekend). Smoke a pack a week. And I seem to be the onl;y person in the house capable of working.

All the Gorram worry will get me before anything else.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 8:51 AM

HUGS NV wasn't trying to lecture sweety just didn't want you to give up on yourself like that:) I think any kid would be incredibly lucky to have you as a dad and I'd love for you to have that experience...Just wanted you to know it's not set in stone...and by the way, my grandparents ate a pound of bacon between them each morning and smoked a pack a day until the age of 65 and they lived til their 90's so I'm not all that sure all those doctors and their statistics really know what they're doing. And I'm pretty sure the worries will do us all in...mind you we could be like Aristotle and be killed by a falling turtle dropped by a seagull.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 9:06 AM

MAL4PREZ

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
All the Gorram worry will get me before anything else.

Ain't it the truth!

NV, I think your goal of passing on goodness to the next generation is wonderful. Just don't pass by the goodness before you get some yourself! You deserve a big chunk of that too...

MSG - are you serious about the Aristotle thing? I had no idea!

As for where I've been - went camping with the new flame. Situation is... I think I'm in love with him. I've never been in love before, and I'm 34. So there you doubters - it's never too late!

I'm not saying it's for life - I've known him less than a month for chrissake! I'm also not saying he loves me, although I know he's at least very fond. But I'm experiencing being in love, and that's all I need right now. It's cool.

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 9:29 AM

I think it's Aristotle...I know it's one of the greek philosophers...hang on quick internet search
couldn't find that one but found some seriously odd ways to die

Tennessee Williams - writer
1983 --- choked to death on a on a nose spray bottle cap that accidentally dropped into his mouth while he was using the spray. He was 71.

Tommy Tucker - musician
1982 --- carbon tetrachloride poisoning sustained while he was finishing floors in his home.

Keith Relf - musician (The Yardbirds)
1976 --- electrocuted playing guitar in the bathtub.

Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson - Confederate General
1863 --- pneumonia, after accidentally being shot by his own troops. Last words.

Frank Hayes - jockey
1923 --- heart attack during a race. His horse, Sweet Kiss, won the race, making Hayes the only deceased jockey to win a race.

Jim Fixx - made jogging popular
1984 --- died of a heart attack . . . while jogging.

Sir Francis Bacon
1626 --- pneumonia. He was experimenting with freezing a chicken by stuffing it with snow

Sherwood Anderson - writer
1941 --- after swallowing a toothpick at a cocktail party he died of peritonitis on an ocean liner bound for Brazil.

Attila the Hun
453 AD --- bled to death from a nosebleed on his wedding night.

and on that silly, but strangely morbid note...I leave you to ponder:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 9:50 AM

Whoa. The weird ways in which some humans depart this Earth!

Ok, off to the lawyer's office...be back in awhile.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 9:53 AM

HUGS Tristan...just breathe in and out and know we love and support you at all times in all things:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 9:57 AM