Male and Female Imponderables- real wild children by msg

(Flies out the door for Blockbuster. Returns shortly there after due to still being on the clock)

Crap. Guess its gonna have to wait 'til later.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 11:04 AM

The Unit comes on right after NCIS so I have caught a few. It's ok and relatively realistic, but way too much soap opera drama for my taste ( example the CO is sleeping with one of his men's wives and so keeps sending the guy on mega dangerous missions to keep him out of the way) Not caught my attention, but give it a try, you can always change your mind.

My new favorite is Eureka on scifi...love that show it cracks me up. I love the whole isolated town full of brilliant scientist who are practicality challenged:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 11:17 AM

OK gotta bail for the joy of tutoring and such...sigh!!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 11:22 AM

Bye Bye MSG. Hope your evening is better than your morning.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 1:02 PM

RMMC

Wow...lots to catch up on.

Game playing Loathe and despise it. This would be why I'm unmarried and not dating.

Marriage qualities well, as mention above, I'm hardly qualified to have much of an opinion, but what I'd like (to the best of my limited knowledgement)
1.) Mutual Respect/Likeability without this, it's going nowhere fast. (I'm grouping it together even though these qualities can be mutually exclusive...yes, I've respected people I didn't particularly like and vice-versa.)
2.) Mutual Commitment If you're not both working for your relationship, it won't last.
3.) Mutual Love this encompasses both physical love, but also the mental/spiritual devotion to each other.
4.) Humor I feel that a need to be able to laugh at absurd situations and discussions without being insensitive to each other is very necessary.
5.) Compromise From seeing various friends' marriages (ones that did and didn't work) the strongest ones are the ones where both parties can and do compromise for the best of the union, or in some cases for the mental/emotional well-being of their spouse.

FIRE!! Okay, I did this one for real earlier this year so I'll just tell ya what I did take:
1.) Firefly DVD (yes, I really did.)
2.) Purse
3.) keys
4.) Cell phone
5.) Nightgown and change of clothes.
6.) Spare glasses
7.) meds
8.) Current book I was reading (it was in my daily 'take to work bag' which I used to shove stuff into)
9.) shoes
10.) coat

I had all this stuff in under two minutes.

Things I'd like to take:
Family photos

Name Game I've always taken it as a given I'd take my spouse's last name. Have no strong feelings any other way, except would NOT want my mother's maiden name. My maternal grandmother's name, on the other hand, would be fine.

Also, at least in Michigan, married folks can both keep their own names. Have some friends who did that as they are both professionals. Their son has his father's last name.

I think that was it.

Dinner time!

********
RMMC
"Those grenades?"
"Captain don't want 'em."
"Jayne, we're robbing the place, we're not occupying it."

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 1:07 PM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
Wow we have Penguin(s) in triplicate...LOL

So to ponder- What 5 qualities do you think make a good marriage?

Mine are ( in no particular order)
1-Respect for each other
2-Forgiveness
3-Passion
4-willingness to compromise(or see the other's point of view)
5-Willingness to keep trying and not give up on each other

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

1. the exFMF is not involved
2. the exFMF's lawyer is not involved
3. the new spouse does not remind me of the exFMF

----
Bestower of Titles, Designer of Tshirts, Maker of Mottos, Keeper of the Pyre

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 1:40 PM

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Lol, FMF, I can't believe you forgot the most important one:

4. Mr. Nathan Fillion *is* involved!

I'm taking a I-quit-smoking-six-years-ago break, thought I'd check in real quick and I just couldn't pass that one up.

On the other topics, FWIW, I personally think it's best to wait to decide if you will or won't take your husband's name until you're actually faced with the decision. At a party right after hubby and I announced our engagement, I met someone in our industry for the first time, who upon hearing my (maiden) name, said "Are you related to...?" I cut him off and said "Yes, he's my father." It struck me right then that I was going into the same line of work as both my husband and my father, and I would be forever carrying around one of their two names.

I took my husband's name, and started working for my dad right after I returned from my honeymoon. It's been a great help to my career to not have the same last name as my boss. Hubby tends to run in different circles than Dad and I do, and we've never made it a secret that we're married. I'm pretty up front about my boss being my father, but in an industry that does so much communication online, it's been helpful to not have people immediately recognize my connection to my dad, and to have them not realize that I am young enough to be his daughter.

Ok, cookie finished (told you it wasn't a smoke break!), rushing off again...

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 1:40 PM

Howdy FMF. Long time.

Those are some good guidelines.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 5:17 PM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Hey - I forgot the games question... was it a question? I love those flirting games - the ones where you catch another person's attention and along the way find out/reveal more about one another - but I have never understood the 'jealousy games' where I've seen people play one 'potential' off against another! Where would that lead? ... nowhere I'd want to go!

Also - I completely understand and respect people's choices regarding the 'not-marrying thing' and I think they've all explained it well,... & I think my conviction about my sister & her family is evidence that I believe it has to be right for each party involved! ...but for me a marriage is more than just a ceremony or a piece of paper... it's a commitment for life, made in the presence of your friends and family so that they too are part of the commitment. I remember taking very seriously that I (along with everyone there) was asked to support a friends' marriage at their ceremony and I said 'I will' as a part of that - when they had marrital problems I was there and she said it meant a lot that I took that seriously - they reconciled, with counselling and lots of work and now have a stronger marriage than ever!

I like to feel that I have a role in their marriage - even though I'm not one of the two parties!

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 5:24 PM

BELOWZERO

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
Wow we have Penguin(s) in triplicate...LOL

So to ponder- What 5 qualities do you think make a good marriage?

Mine are ( in no particular order)
1-Respect for each other
2-Forgiveness
3-Passion
4-willingness to compromise(or see the other's point of view)
5-Willingness to keep trying and not give up on each other

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

Honesty is a biggie. Not to mention faithfulness. Although I would be willing to forgive if I didn't find out by the "other woman" calling me at work, telling me she is pregnant (with teh child he would nto have with me because he "didn't want to share his toys", direct quote) and have him say he didn;t want to tell me because he didn't want to ruin my holidays. Erm.

I didn't believe in divorce before that.

"Do not go gentle into that good night....
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. . ."
--Dylan Thomas

Though my soul may set in darkness
It will rise in perfect light.
I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 5:29 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I agree with you, Ms G, which is why I say that during sex it's a whole other thing. I was talking about my ramble yesterday that I never played 'hard to get' when it came to sex, and I think my ex found it les and less exciting. Yes, I let him tie me up, and I tied him up and tortured him, and that was all plenty exciting for me. Just, looking back on it, I get the feeling that he, as I said, had some kind of addiction to things being difficult, and he never, ever had to work at getting me into bed. That's what I meant. I have plenty of games I'd play IN bed (the good kind of games) just don't like to play annoying mind games. Ever. Let alone when it comes to sex.
Ok, see, that was TMI

My fault, I brought it up.
I like the idea of summoning. I've tried to do a few 'bring a perfect love to me' spells, but they've all been little things. Have to be careful with those things.
*shudders at spider-talk* I've gotten a little bit over my fear of squishing them, but I hate cleaning it up! They're still so creepy, even after they're dead!!!
*laughs a little* Ms G, you will be convinced my best friend is crazy (well, cuz she is) but she actually thinks tarantulas are very cute. *shudders again* She likes all spiders. She used to be phobic, then woke up and went to buy a taratula. She doesn't even get it. But she rhapsodizes about her spider the same way she does about her gorgeous cat. I've known other people with a similar attitude. *more shuddering* All I can say is, were she and I to ever be roommates, there would have to be some kind of understanding about the spider, because she does take the thing out to pet it and stuff, and I would be SO freaked if it was just running around the house. And female tarantulas can live for up to 20 years! Gaaaaaaaaaah!
Anyway.
RMMC, you have an excellent list there.
Hey CK! Are congrats in order on the not smoking anymore? That is quite a run! Good for you!
Did I miss anything?
*edit* Yes, I did because people were posting while Iw as reading and replying! Hiya, jie-jie!

You put marriage things in good perspective, I think.
Belowzero, eh, that totally sucks. Honesty is always the best policy (another thing that many, many people say they believe but then chicken out...)
Well, I think I'll go sit by the bonfire now.

http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow in sunlight. - Gautama Siddharta

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 5:49 PM

BELOWZERO

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:

Any hoo, speaking with my bestest friend over the phone and I thought of something.

I want so bad to fall in love, but I'm thinkin' I have no clue how anymore.

Not that there are according to Hoyle rules, but it might be nice to have 'em.

Would it ever!!!
Been 10 years for me since I even been *kissed* by anyone other than my kid and my cat....

If my house (crappy apt) was on fire I'd start chucking stuff out the window. I know I would try to save my son's baby book but honestly, when we had forest fires a couple of summers ago and they were getting close, I couldn't decide. Living things get saved first (cat, kid, frog, fish) and obviously I better grab keys and clothes. But other than that most of it can be replaced.

My son has my last name. I have my unwed mom's last name, which I believe was my grandmother's as well. My son did get his dad's last name as an extra middle name but it wasn't a long one so it was no big deal.

I agree with those who mentioned marriage as a kind of ownership; I've always kind of felt that. Not that I wouldn't be handfasted or I won't commit; far from it. The one marriage I had, I lost everything that meant anything to me: land, self-respect, self-esteem, ability to love....never gonna do that again.

And the only name I would even consider changing my last name to is "Fillion." LOL I just had to say that!!! (altho basically I probably wouldn't just cuz I wouldn't want to get "Are your elated to...?")

"Do not go gentle into that good night....
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. . ."
--Dylan Thomas

Though my soul may set in darkness
It will rise in perfect light.
I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 6:07 PM

KAYNA

I love my captain

Ok, on the name thing. I really don't know. I like my last name. I also like my mothers last name (they got divorced and she took back her maiden name). I'm very close to both my parents and would like to pass on both of thier names if I ever have kids. If the guy is a part of the picture I wouldn't wat ot cut him out of course. I like the idea of letting the kids choose.

As to taking his name for myself. Not so much. as I said I like my name. It's mine. And not doing the hyphen thing I already have two middle names I don't need two last names as well.

I don't know. I've just never had anything in me that wanted to be married or be some guys wife. If I meet the right guy maybe I'll do one of those handfasting type things. Something that works for both of us. And definately NOT in a church or with christian preist. My cousin was recently married by a man wearing a roman collar and reading form the bible. It felt so false to me. She's gotten pregnant four different times off of four different guys and I don't hink she's attended chuch since she was about eight years old. I do not want something like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Op: You're fighting a war you've already lost.
Mal: Yeah, well I'm known for that.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 7:29 PM

MAZAEN

About marriage. I'm married these are good things:

Not fighting: If we have an arguement we have a speaking stick. Whoever has the speaking stick is the only person who is able to talk. If we want to talk we ask for the speaking stick.

Respect: Acknowledging my partner is a totally different human being and has different ideas.

Commitment: The honeymooon rose-coloured glasses don't last forever. Accepting that a deeper love develops after a few years that is different to when you first met. Some people say the rose-coloured glasses come off at 5 years of marriage.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 11:34 PM

SPACEANJL

Dumb question here - I noticed that the US members here talk about marriage as a religious ceremony only - do you guys not have civil ceremonies? I don't mean the quick legal registry office sign the paper jobs, but proper ceremonies without religious content? My H and I got married that way - we had an Elizabethan panelled room with a big stone fire-place and stained glass windows, so we had the ambience without the religiosity, and a civil ceremony with proper vows, (though without the 'obey' bit - I don't obey anybody.) It was secular, but it satisfied older members and friends of the families (including some elderly religious ones who were very worried about a 'godless' wedding.) So we have a happy commitment to each other that we made in public in front of people we chose to be with us.

And then we had a massive party with an Irish band and a lot of alcohol.

Spiders - ack. My cat just stares at them. Too lazy to catch anything, including his breath.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 11:49 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

No, we have courthouse/civil ceremonies. You have to go the courthouse at some point for the license and stuff, and you can do it all there and hae a judge sign it or you can have some form of preacher sign it.
I think, again, it goes back to the roots, which were religious. Which is (part of) why the religious right is kicking up a stink about gay marriage. Many states now will allow 'domestic partnerships' but not marriage. I say everyone should just have a domestic partnership. I'm tired of people nattering about the word. Stupid religiousity trying to creep into our laws

http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow in sunlight. - Gautama Siddharta

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 12:04 AM

SPACEANJL

I always found the origins of marriage really bizarre.

At one point, the woman didn't even have to be present. It was a business transaction between her father and the groom. The church blessing part didn't come until later, and that was originally just in the porch of the church.

It's a shame you don't have the same set-up for civil things. We have all kinds of places that can get a licence for ceremonies - country houses, museums etc. As long as they have solid walls and a ceiling, I think. But you cannot have any religious content. The county registrar even checks the musical choice. I saw one ceremony that had gone for pure all-out medieval gothic - as long as you have your set vows (which are short, legal and secular) and sign the certificate, the rest of it is your own to play with.

It's the conflict between legal rights that causes the hassle. Who counts as next of kin. I think civil partnerships should count - can't see much difference between them and a civil marriage.

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 12:12 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Oh, no, plenty of places can perform ceremonies, but they have to get the marriage license from some form of courthouse, I'm pretty sure. It's a legal document, after all. But come on, we have drive-thru weddings in Vegas. They're legal - the license is issued by the state.

http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow in sunlight. - Gautama Siddharta

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 12:12 AM

DANCINGNEKO

Hey AnJL:

I know that where I live there are civil marriages that can be done at court, but they can be held outside of court to....I know there's at least one place that hires judges during lunch to officiate, and at least one wedding where the judge did the cerimony outside of court...

Hope that helped.

ETA: If I'm reading it right, you're asking about the locations? You can hold the ceremony outside of the church...you mainly need the liscense...

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 12:27 AM

SPACEANJL

I think we are now in the same frame of reference. The certificate, the legal registration, can be mobile here - you register your intent to marry at the registry office (what you guys think of as the courthouse, I guess) but the signature bit can take place in a licenced building. Priests are optional - it's the little bit of paper that is the key.

Fun thing - my witness was my best mate Magda, who is (ethnically) Polish. The registrar had fun with her surname. She, like me, has declared that she would change her name for the purposes of restaurant bookings and taxis!

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 12:36 AM

DANCINGNEKO

Okay...I think I get your question..

You can hold the cermony at almost any location...and getting the liscense varies from state to state, I believe. (Where I am, the place to get a license to marry at the State Department of Health, with both parties there at the same time.)

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 12:38 AM

JAMESTHEDARK

I can't say as I've thought overly much about the subject of marriage. Mostly because there's not much point worrying about the parking spot when you haven't gotten out of the driveway yet.

Rose: 0_0 I think you've officially entered too much information. Not that I mind... I'll be in my bunk...

--------------
I ain't lookin' for help from on high. That's a damn long wait for a train don't come.

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature.

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 1:01 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Hi Neko!!

tis good to see you here! There's a few folk I've missed recently who've popped in to ponder on this/these topics - we have civil and religious ceremonies in Australia and they don't have to be in the designated places that they do in the UK. I know my cousin wanted to be married in the ruined castle in the town she & her husband lived, but couldn't because it wasn't a registered place to hold a ceremony... we can get married in our back yard if we want to - provided we have the right paperwork and a recognised celebrant - either a religious or civil one! Plenty of people I know have been married in public parks or on the grounds of places where they are holding their celebration!

I honestly think the big deal is understanding what 'marriage' is - it's not about the ceremony or the celebration that follows - it's not about setting up house together or living the dream - it's about making a life together work... there's a few folk who've posted about those things here...

I love the imponderers!

- Magda x x

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 3:42 AM

TRISTAN

Morning, all!
Coffee is our friend...

Alright, what'd I miss...?

FMF, I think I may be right there with you regarding the new SO not reminding us of the old SO!

I guess I should throw in what my idea of marriage is...with a bit of background first.
I am an atheist. Any religious ceremony would mean nothing to me, but as my ex was slightly religious and the parents on both sides were traditionalists, we had a wedding led by an ordained friend of mine. Of course, being both in Drama, it was quite a production. The marriage to me happened when she looked me in the eyes and said "I will". We didn't need a religious ceremony to get the piece of paper, but it was a public declaration of our love to each other.
So, with that, marriage to me is a promise between two people to love, honor, and respect each other, through thick and thin.

Crap, work beckons...I'll be back when I can!

______________________________________

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 4:41 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

aawwwww... that breaks my heart Tristan... you deserve someone who actually will be there through thick and thin you know... and you will find that - I'm sure!

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 4:55 AM

James- ok your still in the driveway thing just cracks me up a ton.Maybe we could say your train of relationships is still boarding at the station or something.
Tristan- I agree with you. I got married when I promised my husband, in front of our friends and family that I would be with him no matter what.

The rest was just blah blah, but I am really glad my dad ( ok step dad) got to give me away...I personally love that tradition of passing from your parents loving care to your spouses. But I am betting that's just me and may have something to do with the fact that I am firmly convinced my dad is the greatest person ever!!!

FMF- so does Nathan remind you of your ex? 'cause I think you'd still marry him even if he did:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 5:05 AM

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Hi gorgeous MsG!!

I think we just overlapped posts!!

I agree with you about the 'loving care' and there's a little symbolic - my Dad is no longer the most important man in my life thing too... I know that if I really think about the connotations of it all it really irks me - then I think it would be cool to just arrive with your betrothed and walk up to the celebrant together... but the traditionalist who loves her Dad to bits would probably go for the 'Daddy walk me down the aisle thing' in the end!

So are folk starting to wake up now...? It must almost be my bedtime then...

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 5:33 AM

Night lovely Magda sleep well and HUGS

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 5:55 AM

Hey new thready time...as this is a bit long in the tooth ( wonder how that saying came about)

New thread
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=24434

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 5:56 AM