The One Topic We Rarely Discuss.. Vaginas! by Calhoun

If you have seen episode 18 of season 10 SG1 you would know what I am talking about.

Bloody funny!

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Friday, March 9, 2007 2:14 AM

6IXSTRINGJACK

I for one welcome our new vaginal overlords.

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." http://www.myspace.com/6ixstringjack

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Friday, March 9, 2007 2:43 AM

PENGUIN

King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

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Friday, March 9, 2007 4:08 PM

ZOID

I forget which lame 70's movie it's from, but:

WOMAN: "Don't worry. It won't bite!"

GAY MALE: "Are you kidding?!? Have you seen the gums on that thing?"

Vaginally,

zoid

P.S.
As with any unfamiliar creature, I find it's best to approach them slowly, palm extended, and pet it slowly for a bit, until it senses you are it's friend... And then snatch that pussy and put it in a box!
(With thanks to George Carlin for the closing line, from his "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television".)
_________________________________________________

"I aim to misbehave." -Capt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity, a.k.a. 'the BDBOF'

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Friday, March 9, 2007 4:12 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

*damn, I think I just pee'd me pants*

vaginally blessedFMF

----
Bestower of Titles, Designer of Tshirts, Maker of Mottos, Keeper of the Pyre, Owner of a too big Turnippy smelling coat with MR scratched in the neck (thanks FollowMal!)

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

FORSAKEN original

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Friday, March 9, 2007 6:03 PM

YINYANG

You were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.

Sure. Childbirth, anyone? 'Cause I find that a fascinating subject. Just think - they always compare it to squeezing a pineapple from a hole the size of an orange (or something close to that). Neat, huh? I mean, think how much the vagina has to stretch...

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Friday, March 9, 2007 6:10 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by yinyang:
Sure. Childbirth, anyone? 'Cause I find that a fascinating subject. Just think - they always compare it to squeezing a pineapple from a hole the size of an orange (or something close to that). Neat, huh? I mean, think how much the vagina has to stretch...

(VERY IMPORTANT) Rules and voting: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=22892]

Yeah, but that equipment is made to do that. Try having my equipment (non vagina) and having surgical instruments... Uh. I can't even finish the thought.

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Friday, March 9, 2007 6:16 PM

YINYANG

You were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.

Quote:
Originally posted by FlyVote:
Yeah, but that equipment is made to do that. Try having my equipment (non vagina) and having surgical instruments... Uh. I can't even finish the thought.

They'd give you lots of local anesthesia and give you a C-section. Don't see what the big deal is. Although I will admit that putting a womb in you and doing artificial insemination (or eggination...) would be unnecessarily complicated.

Oh, and piercings?

::shudders::

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Friday, March 9, 2007 6:25 PM

I'm not suggesting that I'm volunteering for childbirth. It was something else.

If my penis had been the size of a baseball bat it still wouldn't have been big enough for the procedure that I had done. And it isn't. Not by a long shot. I generally don't talk about this, and really can't decide why I am now, but there it is.

I said "penis". Insert Beavis and Butthead laughter here.

I'm posting to a Vagina thread.

And I'm sober.

I really don't know me anymore...

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Friday, March 9, 2007 7:03 PM

Has anyone even seen the episode of SG1 which the title of this thread refers to??

Dose anyone know what I am talking about?

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Friday, March 9, 2007 7:05 PM

YINYANG

You were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.

Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
Has anyone even seen the episode of SG1 which the title of this thread refers to??

Dose anyone know what I am talking about?

Yes... a TV show.

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Friday, March 9, 2007 7:10 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK

I never really got into SG1. I liked it for a while but my interset just ebbed. It's not a bad show by any stretch though. I'll watch it if it's on. I'm not getting the reference myself. Sorry.

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." http://www.myspace.com/6ixstringjack

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Friday, March 9, 2007 7:28 PM

OUT2THEBLACK

Quote:
Originally posted by FlyVote:
I said "penis". Insert Beavis and Butthead laughter here.

I'm posting to a Vagina thread.

And I'm sober.

It's kinda sad , huh ?

Go get yourself some drink , man !

Mmmm , ' hot pink ' ; yep , that's MY favorite color...

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Friday, March 9, 2007 7:34 PM

PEULSAR5

We sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt.

Quote:
Originally posted by out2theblack:
Quote:
Originally posted by FlyVote:
I said "penis". Insert Beavis and Butthead laughter here.

I'm posting to a Vagina thread.

And I'm sober.

It's kinda sad , huh ?

Go get yourself some drink , man !

Mmmm , ' hot pink ' ; yep , that's MY favorite color...

Silly silly Browncoats.

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Friday, March 9, 2007 7:41 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK

I think that in these HARD times we could all afford a little more vaginality in our lives.

Wouldn't it be great if we all had a little box or two to sort out all of our problems?

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." http://www.myspace.com/6ixstringjack

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Friday, March 9, 2007 8:14 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

And now..... the naughty bits.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"We can be Heroes.... if just for one day."[/]

~Peter* Peter* power Re-peater~

What do you mean I have to wait
6 fricken weeks for Heroes?

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Friday, March 9, 2007 8:28 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by FlyVote:
I'm not suggesting that I'm volunteering for childbirth. It was something else.

If my penis had been the size of a baseball bat it still wouldn't have been big enough for the procedure that I had done. And it isn't. Not by a long shot. I generally don't talk about this, and really can't decide why I am now, but there it is.

I said "penis". Insert Beavis and Butthead laughter here.

I'm posting to a Vagina thread.

And I'm sober.

I really don't know me anymore...

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*FMF hears the Beavis and Butthead snickers and decides we need a couple of things here like a naughty couch and a dancing pickle*

FORSAKEN original

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Friday, March 9, 2007 8:41 PM

Ok.. i'll try to explain the reference.

Select to view spoiler:

at the end of episode 18 Teal'c was given some tickets to what was supposed to be a show of some kind.. as he sat down a woman on stage started talking(it was a talk show of some kind)and some of her first words were "The one topic we rarely discuss.. vaginas"... Teal'c gets a funny look on his face and starts to shrink down in his seat.

I laughed :)

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Friday, March 9, 2007 8:52 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
Ok.. i'll try to explain the reference.

Select to view spoiler:
at the end of episode 18 Teal'c was given some tickets to what was supposed to be a show of some kind.. as he sat down a woman on stage started talking(it was a talk show of some kind)and some of her first words were "The one topic we rarely discuss.. vaginas"... Teal'c gets a funny look on his face and starts to shrink down in his seat.

I laughed :)

Well I saw the epsiode, so I got it. But, I am just enjoying everyone else enjoying the subject!

You gotta go with the flow man! Wind blows north, you go north. Naughty Browncoats on a roll - just get out of the way

FORSAKEN original

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Friday, March 9, 2007 9:20 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

Simpsons announcer:

"And now what you've all been waiting for.... Hardecore nudity....."

Shake shake shake
Shake shake shake
Shake that booty
Shake that booty

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"We can be Heroes.... if just for one day."[/]

~Peter* Peter* power Re-peater~

What do you mean I have to wait
6 fricken weeks for Heroes?

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Friday, March 9, 2007 9:35 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Misstressahara:
Simpsons announcer:

"And now what you've all been waiting for.... Hardecore nudity....."

Shake shake shake
Shake shake shake
Shake that booty
Shake that booty

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"We can be Heroes.... if just for one day."[/]

~Peter* Peter* power Re-peater~

What do you mean I have to wait
6 fricken weeks for Heroes?

Ok, now I really am going to burn in hell -

----
Bestower of Titles, Designer of Tshirts, Maker of Mottos, Keeper of the Pyre, Owner of a too big Turnippy smelling coat with MR scratched in the neck (thanks FollowMal!)

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

FORSAKEN original

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Friday, March 9, 2007 9:39 PM

REDLAVA

I go to work, and I come back, and this is what I see.

For shame, for shame.

Bwhahahahahaha!

Sorry I just couldn't keep a straight face.

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Friday, March 9, 2007 10:51 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

It's the newest acsesorie dontcha know.

Well there's my trip down below.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"We can be Heroes.... if just for one day."[/]

~Peter* Peter* power Re-peater~

What do you mean I have to wait
6 fricken weeks for Heroes?

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Saturday, March 10, 2007 2:21 PM

JWHEDONADDICT

I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I joined this board! Hahaha!

You people crack me up!

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Saturday, March 10, 2007 4:47 PM

You know there are knitting patterns for cozies for your dildos.

You all may discuss all things vaginal only rarely, I do it all day long.

At work.

I'm a women's health nurse. Think Dr Ruth and you'll be on the right track. (Bunch of sickos.

)

I will cheerfully field all comers!

People with questions.

Oh, this is not going well.

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Saturday, March 10, 2007 4:54 PM

Have you seen that show that is on late at night. The older woman that Talks Sex ( I think is the name). I am sorry, it just cracks me up to see this woman that resembled my ex-grandmother in law, DEMONSTRATING the proper hand position for reaching the G-spot. Too too funny. My sons have chanced upon her and were just appalled that a grandma knew that kind of stuff.

Afraid I don't need a cunningly knitted cozy for my vibrator, cause Mr Dancing Vibrator Image is the only one I have. This town is WAY too small for me to even drive by the local Adult Toys shop!

OK tmi

FORSAKEN original

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Saturday, March 10, 2007 5:25 PM

Try the one in the next county.

As for stretching and birthing?

I've seen babies come out. Several of them.

NOTHING is meant to stretch that much, and it doesn't always. There is frequently tearing or an episiotomy. (Making an intentional incision into the vaginal wall in hope of preventing an uncontrolled tear. Falling rapidly out of favor as midwifery makes a comeback.)
Old scars (inside and out) from previous births are sometimes called "skid marks". Not in front of the patients, mind you.

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Saturday, March 10, 2007 5:58 PM

A fella I used to work with was present at the birth of his child, his wife had a tear and whilst the doctor was stitching her up he asks "can you put a couple of extra stitches in doc?". Needless to say this didnt go over well with his wife or the doctor.. still.. you gotta laugh

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Saturday, March 10, 2007 8:12 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER

Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
Have you seen that show that is on late at night. The older woman that Talks Sex ( I think is the name). I am sorry, it just cracks me up to see this woman that resembled my ex-grandmother in law, DEMONSTRATING the proper hand position for reaching the G-spot. Too too funny. My sons have chanced upon her and were just appalled that a grandma knew that kind of stuff.

What? Talking Sex With Sue Johanson? Yeah, I know that show. I gotta say it's both freaking hilarious and utterly mortifying to see a woman my mom's age discussing sex that frankly. She knows her stuff though...she used to work as a nurse like stinkingrose and got kinda frustrated with women got getting the edumacatin' about sexy things like they should

BEB

' border='0' alt='Sweet Charity' />

Come bid on my delectable derriere at the Sweet Charity auction! Buy me for a good cause;D

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 5:28 AM

DONCOAT

One thing the canon tells us about vaginas: Kaylee ain't had nothin' in hers don't run on batteries. At least, for quite a while.

*volunteers to help break the dry spell*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm pointin' right at it!

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 5:48 AM

You know a little virtual KY should fix that dry spell right up!

(Just let me know if I cross the line of acceptability. I have kind of lost track of where the boundaries society put up were.)

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 5:52 AM

SPICKY

I think the show they refered to on SG1 was The Vagina Monologues, it's been doing the rounds for a while and is a popular choice for female theatre goers apparently. Not that I've seen it. I believe some famous folks have been the star of the monologue e.g Gillian "whats her face" from the X files

Although funny, a bit of an obscure reference for a sci fi show don't you think?

Spicky x

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 5:56 AM

REDLAVA

Watching that old chick on tv is morbid and creepifying. What's worse is that my Mom used to watch her.

Redlava shudders

I've seen the Vagina Monologues. Our celebrity was Nancy Cartwright the chick who voices Bart Simpson.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 6:43 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Redlava:

I've seen the Vagina Monologues. Our celebrity was Nancy Cartwright the chick who voices Bart Simpson.

Did she have a cow?

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 7:15 AM

Redlava, if your mom watched/watches her then your mom probably has a much better understanding of her own body and her sex life may be even better too! Go Mom!
Just because you turn 40 doesn't mean your coochie closes up and seals over.

We have one of her books "Sex, sex, sex" at work for reference and edification. It's a good read.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 7:33 AM

OUT2THEBLACK

Quote:
Originally posted by BlueEyedBrigadier:
Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
... I am sorry, it just cracks me up to see this woman that resembled my ex-grandmother in law, DEMONSTRATING the proper hand position for reaching the G-spot. Too too funny. My sons have chanced upon her and were just appalled that a grandma knew that kind of stuff.

What? Talking Sex With Sue Johanson? Yeah, I know that show. I gotta say it's both freaking hilarious and utterly mortifying to see a woman my mom's age discussing sex that frankly. She knows her stuff though...
BEB

The granny thing doesn't quite do it for me...

Now , if it were ' Talking Sex with Scarlett Johansson ', I'd watch ! Especially for the G-spot demos...I'd loan her my ' Grafenberg Zeppelin ' for that !

On the subject of grandparents...I saw a recent article that disclosed one of the great discoveries of Science of late...Seems that the scientists have concluded that , statistically-speaking , chances are that if your grandparents never had sex , that you Never will either...

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 8:23 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by out2theblack:
chances are that if your grandparents never had sex , that you Never will either...

Not likely, but non-sex-having grandparent sets could have adopted your non-sex-having parents who adopted you.

Not likely, indeed, and relies on not calling your biological parents "parents", but only your adoptive parents. My advice? Break the chain. Go have sex.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 8:28 AM

Just because you turn 40 doesn't mean your coochie closes up and seals over.

Um....apparently.......um......it does......

FORSAKEN original

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 8:32 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
This town is WAY too small for me to even drive by the local Adult Toys shop!

If you have a strong "itch" I'm sure that a fellow Browncoat would volunteer to send you "goods".

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 8:56 AM

KURYA

FMF, in terms of going to a store... you know you could order them online! lol.

Anyways I watched that episode and laughed my butt off.

**************** SPOILER WARNING ************************

At first Teal'c was lead to believe tha tthe play he was going to see was the Virginia Dialogues! lol! And so when he went in found out it was vagina monologues and the woman was saying"vagina this and my vagina that etc"...he turnes to one side sees a middle aged woman smiles a bit..a.nd turn to the other side sees a punkish type of girl lol.

*******************************************************

Apparently it could also be a reference to one of the actresses o the show.. .the one who portrays Smanatha Carter(forgot the actress name)... she is going to or has performed in a vagina monologues play in Toronto.

Prakash

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 8:59 AM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER

Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:

Just because you turn 40 doesn't mean your coochie closes up and seals over.

Um....apparently.......um......it does......

----
Bestower of Titles, Designer of Tshirts, Maker of Mottos, Keeper of the Pyre, Owner of a too big Turnippy smelling coat with MR scratched in the neck (thanks FollowMal!)

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

FORSAKEN original

Wouldn't say that was quite true, FMF...my brother was conceived after my mom turned 40. Though since they had to do a caesarian section to get the bugger out...your theory could still hold water;)

Still...there are quite a number of women who are 40+ who I wouldn't mind getting know Biblically. So I imagine coochie self-sealing is more for keeping in the freshness till right person comes along than closing everything down for good

' border='0' alt='Sweet Charity' />

Come bid on my delectable derriere at the Sweet Charity auction! Buy me for a good cause;D

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 9:36 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by BlueEyedBrigadier:
Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:

Just because you turn 40 doesn't mean your coochie closes up and seals over.

Um....apparently.......um......it does......

----
Bestower of Titles, Designer of Tshirts, Maker of Mottos, Keeper of the Pyre, Owner of a too big Turnippy smelling coat with MR scratched in the neck (thanks FollowMal!)

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

FORSAKEN original

Wouldn't say that was quite true, FMF...my brother was conceived after my mom turned 40. Though since they had to do a caesarian section to get the bugger out...your theory could still hold water;)

Still...there are quite a number of women who are 40+ who I wouldn't mind getting know Biblically. So I imagine coochie self-sealing is more for keeping in the freshness till right person comes along than closing everything down for good

' border='0' alt='Sweet Charity' />

Come bid on my delectable derriere at the Sweet Charity auction! Buy me for a good cause;D

Blue

I am a none. I don't get none, I gonna get none.......LOL

FORSAKEN original

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 9:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
I don't get none, I gonna get none.......

"Closed for remodeling"?

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 9:54 AM

Closed for lack of offers

FORSAKEN original

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 9:54 AM

OUT2THEBLACK

Quote:
Originally posted by FlyVote:
Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
I don't get none, I gonna get none.......

"Closed for remodeling"?

Maybe it's not . Might just need a little
' mechanical maintenance ' . Get 'er ' reamed and re-bushed ' , she'll be good as new .

...Never really ' wears out ' !

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 9:59 AM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER

Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:

Blue

I am a none. I don't get none, I gonna get none.......LOL

Well...gotta save yourself for Nathan, anyway. Though I doubt our good Captain would want you to without companionship till he can ride up and sweep you off your feet

Really...I know there's someone out there who will be happy to give you some. He (or she, to avoid being all excludin' like

) is just being shy

' border='0' alt='Sweet Charity' />

Come bid on my delectable derriere at the Sweet Charity auction! Buy me for a good cause;D

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 10:21 AM

Let's all get excited and start "SqueeHarmony.com" for Browncoat dating...

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 11:04 AM

COLORADOCOMPANION

It could seal over?

Hmmmmm....better do my best to keep things open and working

::::runs off to find client::::

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 11:14 AM

Maybe we could hold a raffle?

FORSAKEN original

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 12:52 PM