Hope This Can Bring A Smile To Some Browncoat Faces! (Not BDH/BDS/BDM Related) by MrShinyVerse

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Hope This Can Bring A Smile To Some Browncoat Faces! (Not BDH/BDS/BDM Related)

POSTED BY: MRSHINYVERSE
UPDATED: Thursday, April 26, 2007 15:31
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Thursday, April 26, 2007 2:16 AM

Since F*x has gone and done it again I thought I'd post this to hopefully cheer a few of you up. Nothing to do with Firefly but it brought a smile to my face when I read it,

Ever Wounder where we are headed...

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing
Liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?

...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

AND...

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the
only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that would be how???....)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
This because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

MrShinyVerse

"I'm here for a good time, not a long time" - that's my motto, or it might be if I start having a motto

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 3:04 AM

BROWNCOAT1

May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

Those are great! Thanks for that MrShinyVerse.

__________________________________________
Holding the line since December '02!

[img]

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Richmond, VA & surrounding area Firefly Fans:

http://www.richmondbrowncoats.org

Color Sergeant

[img]

[/img]

http://76thbattalion.homestead.com/index.html

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 3:31 AM

GRAYFURY

Why do calculators count up and phones count down?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways

why are there locks on the doors of 7-11's if they are open 24 hours a day?

why in the 6th century of enlightenment do we still have 400 languages?

why does the government take money away from me to give to people who dont work?

why was Firefly cancelled after 2 months and dancing with the stars is all the talk around the watercooler? (did you see when he twirled her?...that was awesome!)

"Smellin' alot of IF comin' offa' this plan!"

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 3:40 AM

ARTISOXYGEN

OMG.....I laughed 'til my sides hurt...Thanx Mrshinyverse!

Art.

Life beats down and crushes the soul and Art reminds you that you have one. -Stella Adler

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 3:41 AM

MRSHINYVERSE

Some more great ones there. Anyone else have any more "Why" one liners or some dodgy warnings / instructions?

MrShinyVerse

"I'm here for a good time, not a long time" - that's my motto, or it might be if I start having a motto

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 5:33 AM

HOBBLEIT

I have one

From Tesco's on a box of eggs: Allergy advice: may contain egg.

******************************

http://www.myspace.com/muddy_waters

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 6:31 AM

MSG

I actually know why they sterilize the needle for lethal injection. It's in case there's a stay of execution after the needle has been placed. They don't want the newly saved prisoner to get an infection.

However I also have one. On large plastic storage containers with lids they have a pic on the inside lid showing someone filling the container with water, placing a baby in the water, and placing the lid on the container with a big red circle with a slash through it...to warn those of us who bath our babies by placing them in a storage container with the lid on.

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 8:55 AM

SHAMELESS

Quote:
Originally posted by GrayFury:
why does the government take money away from me to give to people who dont work?

"Smellin' alot of IF comin' offa' this plan!"

::frown:: But some people CAN'T work. Disabled, etc... just throwin' that out there!

I've seen all these before - the exact same ones - but it's always good to see them again. Thanks for all the smiles, guys!

------------------------------------------
RPG launcher bought in third world country illegally - $10
Landmines - $50 per
Attack/track dogs bred 1st class - $250-500 per
Highpowered assault rifles - $600 per
The look on your face when I show up on your doorstep with a bigfoot - ... Priceless

"You gotta love that the first pirated HD DVD is the one about space pirates who broadcast a video that the government wants to keep secret.

Can't stop the signal."
-reavers_ate_my_dvd

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 2:42 PM

MISSTRESSAHARA

Hilarious, thank you for the laugh.

BTW, I think they can't make the whole plane out of the black box material because it would be too heavy to take off. Anyone with experience with planes, confirm or deny.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*Peter* Peter*; power *re-peater*~
`@/
/Y
/_)

*Petrelli for President. Together we can soar.*
**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm the leader of the free world,
I'm the most important person there is."

HEROE'S IS MY CRACK!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 2:54 PM

PENGUIN

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
However I also have one. On large plastic storage containers with lids they have a pic on the inside lid showing someone filling the container with water, placing a baby in the water, and placing the lid on the container with a big red circle with a slash through it...to warn those of us who bath our babies by placing them in a storage container with the lid on.

But it's much easier to shake the baby clean that way!

King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 2:54 PM

NAFLM

I've got a bunch of these in a book, which isn't at hand at the moment. I do recall a couple of warning labels:

Hair dryer: Not to be used in shower.

Insect repellant: Fatal to bees.

And one that I'm sure was an entry in a contest:

Refrigerator: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 3:02 PM

TYRANTKILLER

okay, i'm amased this one isn't better known cuase it's hilarious.
on a lite up globe, "note: activating light does not set continants on fire."

and i own one of these so i know no one made it up or anything.

"when you cant run, you crawl, and when you cant do that, you find a friend to carry you!"
-the browncoats

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 3:04 PM

TYRANTKILLER

oh and, on a superman cape "warning: wearing cape does not enable user to fly" (well thanks for destroying a universal childhood dream.)

"when you cant run, you crawl, and when you cant do that, you find a friend to carry you!"
-the browncoats

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Thursday, April 26, 2007 3:31 PM

CLJOHNSTON108

Huge collections here...

P O N D E R A B L E S
http://ponderables.twice21.com/

The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws
http://tinyurl.com/2dzzqv

Ol' Buffalo Aviation Page
http://www.three-peaks.net/aviation.htm

These just make me giggle a bit...

Despair, Inc.
http://www.despair.com/

YouTube - Sci-Fi Has-Been Talent Agency

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