Imponderables....dancing in the dark by msg

Firsties? Really? This long after a new thread?

Oh and meh I think you can change some stuff, but not all of who you are. It really depends on what stuff your friend changed.

I mean people just change over time in general. Like wanting different things from life and changing themselves in order to get them.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 5:58 AM

Good morning folks.

Change? Is it possible?

Sure. But I think a person is basically the same no matter how much their outward change is. Mostly I've seen folks change the way they act around certain people.

Busy morning. See y'all in a bit.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 6:02 AM

If y'all had known me 5 years ago, you might not recognize me (personality wise, not in appearance, which has been the same since the end of high school basically). I have changed a lot, and I am talking about deep down changes. I like who I am now, and am sometimes amazed that I could have come from what I used to be like. As best as I can, I try to be myself around people, though I have to restrict myself at work and around my grandmothers and such.

*glomps MsG*

to his fellow Browncoat Man-Whore, NVG

~jimi
Lt. Alexander - Chief Medic / XO Alpha Co. / Logistics Specialist - 76th IAB

I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

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Monday, September 10, 2007 6:51 AM

(Browncoat Man-Whore secret handshakey thing)

I feel the way Jimi does. I like myself. Well, I think I actually love myself and can recognize that now. It is nice. No, it's fantastic. Things get better over time. I feel twenty now and felt fourty at twenty. So much time wasted on crap.

But there are those times I see a reflection of my old self. The hopelessness and brooding starts, it sucks. Reaching for pieces missing...

On the other hand life will stabilize whether we want them to or not.

I've been talking in small doses to Mindy. I am the one who is very guarded and standoffish and I am not wrong for being that way. It is just wierd to have her say she is wrong, that she is working on her issues with a professional, and the apologies... whoa. Yet I'm still on my guard, but hopeful I can at least have back my friend some day. Everything can be okay but we'll see where it goes from here.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:13 AM

*returns super-secret Browncoat Man-Whore handshake thingy*

I think it's good to be on your guard as far as Mindy goes, and taking things slowly is certainly the way to go.

Yeesh, I really am a baby as far as Browncoats go. Between some folks thinking I'm older and preferring the company of somewhat older folks, yeesh ...

~jimi
Lt. Alexander - Chief Medic / XO Alpha Co. / Logistics Specialist - 76th IAB

I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:22 AM

Yeah, that dreaded *cough*thirty*cough* thingy just happens to be a little over six months away. Oh joy (yank yank).

It's all goos though. Seems my bud John figured me for being older than he but it just so happens I am almost four years younger. Guess the white streak fools a few.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:29 AM

ZEROKIRYU

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
Yeah, that dreaded *cough*thirty*cough* thingy just happens to be a little over six months away.

_________________________________________________

When snow melts, what does it become? Spring!!

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:31 AM

I think it's the beard that does it for me, that or the way I carry myself.

~jimi
Lt. Alexander - Chief Medic / XO Alpha Co. / Logistics Specialist - 76th IAB

I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:31 AM

Oh I think some of us just were a bit startled Jimi sweety...HUGS and snuggles. I think we're all past that now.

NV- You know how I feel about this so I'm glad you're taking it slowly and carefully. You deserve every bit of happiness...and you're going to get it ( if I have to beat someone with a stick to get it for you)OK not really a stick( maybe a brick) Yes I am making the overprotective frowny face, but it's just instinct. HUGS

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:43 AM

I saw someone post elsewhere of Jimi possibly spotting HK taking pictures at the parade because of his keen observation abilities and how it was countered with the fact he's like seven feet tall and could spot her in Kansas.

Definately a bit startling. But such is a good thing to have a man so great amongst out ranks.

So stick, sure, brick, definately. Happiness, pour it on. Honestly if there is a way to make a fresh start I'd be welcome to it. But there is no way I can fall in the way she wanted before. I love her. And I love her kids. But there is no way to make an instant adjustment from me to that. I just want to date for a bit and see where it goes. If it ain't gonna be her than so be it. Regardless of who it is that is all I can offer.

Knowing that is so refreshing.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:45 AM

HUGS NV and my fingers are crossed for you honey. And yes Jimi is great in so many ways...

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:52 AM

spot her in Kansas, heh, too true.

Somewhere floating around is a picture of my giving her a side-hug for size comparison, you can see that it would take about 3 HKs to make up one Jimi-bear. :)

~jimi
Lt. Alexander - Chief Medic / XO Alpha Co. / Logistics Specialist - 76th IAB

I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

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Monday, September 10, 2007 8:14 AM

(Runs right past that one and into...)

So my mom called this morning to tell me my elderly Uncle Darrel is in ICU and will more than likely not make it to tomorrow. Strangely I am happy. He didn't lead the best life but lived simple and most of the time seemed happy. One of the last true old timers in our valley.

Ponder: We're all gonna die. In a way it sucks depending how you look at it. But in the spirit of love and all its trappings I wonder who you'd like at your funeral. I've told MSG about a great dream I had of meeting Mags and Flash the Basset Hound from the Dukes of Hazzard last night. On the other hand Mindy (who has been taken off some of her meds) has been sleeping and dreaming regularly. Her dream had me telling her that I don't even want her at my funeral. Kinda F-ed up aint it.

As for me: Anyone who wants to come. Preferably if the bring food. Of course I'll be at the disadvantage of trying it, but a bunch of folks enjoying themselves eating and partying sounds like a good time.

ADD: I loved that pic. HK was smiling like a kid who won the giant sized teddy bear at the carnival.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 8:32 AM

I want to be the food at my funeral, and I want y'all to drink and tell funny stories about me. None of this sadness bullsh*t. Make it a true Irish wake.

~jimi
Lt. Alexander - Chief Medic / XO Alpha Co. / Logistics Specialist - 76th IAB

I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

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Monday, September 10, 2007 8:40 AM

BARBECUE!!!

Anyone remember Joe Diffe and Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox? The stiff with sunglasses floating around the bar is some funny stuff. I always liked the idea of being seated in a larger throne-like chair, revelers passing by dropping gifts (smokes and drinks and trinkets) and as the sun comes up a large bonfire to welcome a new day. A true burning man event.

What a party!

As for be the food Jimi, is there a vegitarian option for the evening?

If you say salad I will be slightly disgusted but proud of the quick wit nonetheless.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 8:51 AM

At my funeral...

I think I just want close family and close friends. I hate having to go to funerals that I don't feel too close to the person who died. I don't want co-workers showing up. I don't want cousins that don't know me well being dragged to it. Just people who actually care so they can comfort each other over the passing of the most important person in their lives.

That or they should at least hold it at an arcade so the people who want out can just go play games while they wait for everyone else to stop sobbing.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 9:11 AM

NV- HUGS well that shows even her subconscious knows what she did was hurtful...at least she's working on it.

Jimi- you've got it darlin... 3 day Irish wake with you as the main dish ( ok I cannot be held responsible if all anyone eats are the side dishes) Of course with you gone, who will bring the beer?

Zeek- as each day passes, you make me more convinced that I need to hug you!

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Monday, September 10, 2007 9:54 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
Zeek- as each day passes, you make me more convinced that I need to hug you!

You're gonna make MrG all jealous. I won't hear of it!

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Monday, September 10, 2007 10:08 AM

http://amazon.com/Serenity-Collectors-Nathan-Fillion/dp/B000Q9IZ5C

one little hug Zeek....

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Monday, September 10, 2007 10:17 AM

FOLLOWMAL

Dropping into the Imponderables thread hoping to get some help from my fellow Browncoats to digg this article, if you're a member of digg or maybe you'll help us out anyway?

It's an interesting article about Nathan's friend PJ Haarsma who's a writer and there's a bit about how he and Nathan started up the KidsNeedtoRead charity that is so near and dear to my heart.

Thanks ahead of time to each of you.

http://digg.com/celebrity/Movie_maker_turns_writer_after_hearing_voice
s

http://www.kidsneedtoread.org

http://www.completehero.com

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Monday, September 10, 2007 10:30 AM

http://amazon.com/Serenity-Collectors-Nathan-Fillion/dp/B000Q9IZ5C

Well as a teacher I can say I can't think of a better charity!

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Monday, September 10, 2007 10:34 AM

FOLLOWMAL

I know, MSG... it makes me grin with each step forward we accomplish.

Thanks!

http://www.kidsneedtoread.org

http://www.completehero.com

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Monday, September 10, 2007 10:38 AM

http://amazon.com/Serenity-Collectors-Nathan-Fillion/dp/B000Q9IZ5C

Hey if they can't read, there's not much point:) HUGS

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Monday, September 10, 2007 10:40 AM

FOLLOWMAL

Exactly!
HUGS back!

http://www.kidsneedtoread.org

http://www.completehero.com

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Monday, September 10, 2007 11:24 AM

Wow I killed like 4 threads in one swoop...ooops

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Monday, September 10, 2007 11:40 AM

Over at the 76th board I was messaging Mags about the dreamy thing. Seems she is still living it up 'til she leaves for home.

Ponder: Why are hugs so good? They mean a billion things to a billion people in a billion situations. From goodbye to hello they are all something important.

I think I just wanna hug.

Well, out to lunch (late as usual on payroll day). Seems I gotta find me some food and hugs.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 11:43 AM

Hmmm I think it depends on who's hugging, but for me I'd say just the warm fuzzy connection...or if it's Jimi the sense that all is safe, well and right with the world:)
Hugging Magda is all shiny and bubbly...Rose is just soft and strong at the same time..hey we could do a whole analyze the hug thing:)

My stupid school blocks the 76th board...sigh

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Monday, September 10, 2007 12:32 PM

RUGBUG

A quick drive by...hope big brother is watching...maybe they're browncoats to. You Can't Take the 'Net...I mean, the Sky from me.

Quote:
Originally posted by Zeek:
At my funeral...

I think I just want close family and close friends. I hate having to go to funerals that I don't feel too close to the person who died. I don't want co-workers showing up. I don't want cousins that don't know me well being dragged to it. Just people who actually care so they can comfort each other over the passing of the most important person in their lives.

That or they should at least hold it at an arcade so the people who want out can just go play games while they wait for everyone else to stop sobbing.

Zeek, you absolutely crack me up. I often think I could've typed the same things you do.

I don't want anyone to sob at my funeral. I want laughing and dancing and fun. I want a party. A celebration.... Anyone who wants to come, come. Those who find it a burden or who want to mourn, can do so elsewhere.

And while I don't think you necessarily need a hug, I might be inclined...just cause. In the very least you get a wink and a smile.

Back to 1984...or 2007.

***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

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Monday, September 10, 2007 12:58 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by RugBug:
Zeek, you absolutely crack me up. I often think I could've typed the same things you do.

I'll take that line over a hug any day.

Good to see you drop in RugBug.

OK I think I'm off for the day. Wish me luck at poker night folks. For some reason I feel like taking my friends' money tonight

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Monday, September 10, 2007 1:03 PM

Taking their money? What else are friends for.

Good fortune Zeek.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 1:52 PM

TRAVELER

The last funeral I went to was about ten years ago for a close friend my age. I was 45 years old at the time. Someone commented on how many people there were at the funeral.

I said "Die young."

My mother is 88 years old and has outlived all here friends and family except me and my sister. So her funeral will be very quiet.

I really think if there was a class reunion for my mother's graduation class she would be the only one to show up. It was a small class to begin with.

Can people change?

Yes. If they see for themselves that change is required of them and they are willing to put the work into it. It does not happen overnight. It can take several years and require some help. But it can be done.

I myself have found I needed not only the help of others, but medication to deal with the bipolar disorder I have.

I was such a mess that my doctor took years to discover it. If you knew me twenty years ago, well you would have had to hang out in taverns all day to know me. I did not have much time for anything else. I suspect most people here are not typing out these posts leaning over a bar in a smokey Milwaukee tavern.

So twenty years latter I am still busy trying to change. Remember, baby steps, one day at a time.
I got a million quotes from AA.

I just realised, we start our meetings with, "God grant me the serenity." No wonder I fell In love with this show. I was brainwashed. Go figure. You follow the right path and good things will happen. I discovered Firefly.

"What made Milwaukee famous made a fool out of me."
Traveler

http://www.imdb.com/mymovies/list?l=28764731
Traveler

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Monday, September 10, 2007 2:11 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
...or if it's Jimi the sense that all is safe, well and right with the world :)

RIMG *heart* MsG, a lot

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Monday, September 10, 2007 2:18 PM

I love it when ya drop in Traveler. No bullshit.

A friends dad once observed me hammering stakes in the ground while setting up a tent for his wedding reception. He said, "That is a confident hand you have."

I occasionally think back to that and wonder why he'd say it. I've never been an overly confident person. But it seems I learned to rely on myself more than others. I think this may be a determining factor for things being fixed and things yet to come.

Wether it is the drill hand or the hammer hand that is injured we all have to rely on someone to hold the drill and risk being hurt by your hammer or we must take drill in hand and risk the striking agony of someone elses swing.

Thanks for reminding me of that.

On a lighter note I know so many folks who have been through AA/NA. Seems there is always a different rank of folks to draw recruits from. I completely forgot about the Serenity Prayer.

Gotta go. See y'all on the flipside.

ADD: Aww. Now I want a Jimibear hug. Danged interwebs bring folks together all warm and fuzzy and the like.

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Monday, September 10, 2007 2:46 PM

ZEROKIRYU

"If it's possible for one person to be hurt by another, then it's possible for that person to be healed by another."

I love this quote!!

_________________________________________________

When snow melts, what does it become? Spring!!

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Monday, September 10, 2007 4:00 PM

MAVOURNEEN

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
Over at the 76th board I was messaging Mags about the dreamy thing. Seems she is still living it up 'til she leaves for home.

Magda will be a guest at Chez Mavourneen in 72 hours...

------------------------------------------------

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Monday, September 10, 2007 7:57 PM

ZEPHYR1956

lets see if I can catch up...

people changing. maybe. maybe not. they have to want to change and not just superficially

funeral. don't much care what folk do at mine. I'll be back soon enough. tell stories, though. stories are good. y'know, something along the lines of "who? wasn't he the guy with the beard?"

hugs. i'll take what i can get. especially from my brothers and sisters in the 76th.

next pondering.... what does love mean? is it temporary hormonal thing? an attitude? right place/right time? does it even exist?

Commander, Alpha Company, 76th Independent Battalion

also the designated sasquatch

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:55 AM

I personally like the Captain's bit on love from the end of the BDM:

Love.
You can learn all the math in the 'verse...
but you take a boat in the air that you don't love...
she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds.
Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down...
tells you she's hurting before she keels.
Makes her a home.

I like to think that to love someone is to put their needs and/or wants before your own. To make your happiness dependent on theirs. To do things for/with someone because you want to, not because you have to.

gorramnit, I got something in my eye again ...

~jimi
Lt. Alexander - Chief Medic / XO Alpha Co. / Logistics Specialist - 76th IAB

I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 2:33 AM

ZEPHYR1956

good answer. of course, that could also describe friendship as well. I know a couple folk who are always trying to do for each other because they want to, not because they "have" to.

Commander, Alpha Company, 76th Independent Battalion

also the designated sasquatch

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 2:45 AM

Well, I _love_ my Browncoat friends. Otherwise, would I have driven 1300+ miles over the Con weekend?

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 5:16 AM

I think there's more than one kind of love. I love my siblings and nieces and nephew a great deal...which is different from how I love my friends...which is different from how I love some of my special friends...which is different from how I love my spouse...( I could keep going here)
I think the one thing all these kinds of love have in common is the need to bring the people we love joy and happiness. Also the desire to protect and care for them. And the willingness to make any sacrifice to make their life a better place. I'd say the final commonality is the instinct to defend them at all costs....but that's just me.

We love you too Jimi

and you Zeph ( so don't forget that)

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 6:05 AM

Thanks for the quote Zero. Side note for ya: I am afraid to watch FMA. I always held a fondness for the brothers and their plight. It was just very intense watching the first few episodes and like the Rurouni Kenshin addiction I'd hate to spend so much on anime at the moment.

Oh dear, there will be pictures, yes Mavs?

Well?

I'm such a pic feen after this last weekend. After the initial anger of giving up my vacation it seems there was a little sadness then a whole lotta excitement as the piccies filtered in.

Hey there Zeph. Glad to see ya back in our little part of the 'verse. I've actually been at the 76th board gathering intel quite a bit lately. It is such a busy place. Very easy to miss any number of small bits if you don't pay good enough attention.

As for love, it seems to have so many forms and intentions. I thought it to be easily pushed aside, fleeting. But the real s*^# takes a while to release it's hold. Natures perfect drug.

But making your happiness dependant on theirs, I could argue that one from personal experience. When someone is so unhappy that it literally drains your being and shows no sign of improving the other person, that is a very unhealthy thing. Happiness is relative to each individual person and their own perceptions. Really unhappy people are more often than not VERY unhappy with themselves. Sometimes we must endure for the love of that person otherwise we compromise our own being for an unhealthy relationship. As hard as it is sometimes all that stuff has to be let go.

Stupid long postey stuffs.

Anyhoo Zeph, want versus need: want is the way to go.

Jimi: Crazy MF'n so and so. That is a whole lotta want. I'm a driver myself so WHEN I am there thext year I will be more than willing to take up a driving shift so's you can enjoy more Con and less Autobahn.
Seems the rental and driving the whole span idea for a vacation is still a good one. Otherwise mailing everything and renting a vehicle while there...

Oh goodness MSG. Seems I have my friend back (in limited doses). She is actually making side trips to see me for a change. And having someone to do that for a change is nice. Strange, but nice. Hopefully this stupid staff meeting will be over soon enough so we can take lunch together as she had mentioned it last night. We'll see.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 6:11 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
That is a whole lotta want.

You have no idea

(or maybe you do).

~jimi
Lt. Alexander - Chief Medic / XO Alpha Co. / Logistics Specialist - 76th IAB

Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires.

If the universe has any purpose more important than topping a woman you love and making a baby with her hearty help, I've never heard of it.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 6:19 AM

Oh there are sooooo many things I want to say to that... can't say anything...argh may explode...

OK on to other topic...NV- HUGS darlin just watch your back ok. Can't stand to see you hurt.

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 6:26 AM

That was kinda the point.

~jimi
Lt. Alexander - Chief Medic / XO Alpha Co. / Logistics Specialist - 76th IAB

Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires.

If the universe has any purpose more important than topping a woman you love and making a baby with her hearty help, I've never heard of it.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 6:33 AM

I hate this whole guarded feeling and stuff. It is driving me insane. A person shouldn't have to guard themselves from one they love like the will literally stab them repeatedly with the nearest improvised pointy object. I hate it. As described to her the other night this is confusing because it is a mission with no set objective. I'm not sure if it that or the fact that I realized I still want her.

Talk about Argh.

So very ARGH!!!

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 8:47 AM

Jimi...you are so wicked

NV- HUGS honey wish I could fix it...

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 11:52 AM

Things are a little less guarded and slowly fixing themselves MSG. Seem lunch went well. We are at least friends and that is a good thing. Now to guard against other in the near future. Still may prove difficult but I think things can stay on a friend level.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 11:56 AM

Well I've got my money on you sweety:) You can do anything. HUGS

"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:19 PM