manners by boris

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manners

POSTED BY: BORIS
UPDATED: Wednesday, December 5, 2007 17:01
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Tuesday, December 4, 2007 7:46 PM

the airplane ettiquett thing brought up one of my pet peaves where have all the good manners gone?...I was raised to be curteous: smile politely at all times, say exscuse me before waliking in front of someone, wait patiently in queues, give your place in the queue to the poor woman with grumpy tired children, or the little old gentleman who should be sitting down etc etc.I spent years at work pushing the importance of courtesy and good manners for kids and my young staff memebers , sometimes ridiculed by others for doing so. Proper ettiquette is an elusive thing these days and it shouldn't be as it takes less effort than being grumpy and rude, it makes you feel good, and you often get good stuff from it. The kids in my care, always got the best seats in the cinema coz they were so polite. our centre regularly received positive feedback, the kids got freestuff and discounts on exscursions and were always welcomed warmly by people who knew they would behave appropriately
I myself get alot of positive stuff etc. people know who I am at the grocery store so I get discounts I get alot of extra help at Uni when I need it, and regular free bus rides because I'm polite. more importantly than the material benefits, being polite makes other people feel good, and encourages them to act similarly and thus dissipates any potential negativity. any thoughts on this subject?

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Tuesday, December 4, 2007 9:51 PM

FREEBROWNCOAT

You got that right.

"What do you pay him for?"
"What?"
"I was just wondering what his job is.
On the ship."
"Public relations."

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Tuesday, December 4, 2007 11:49 PM

WHITESILENCE

The disappearance of manners seems to correlate with the disappearance of common sense. While I don't recall ever getting perks the way you've described, I feel that having manners and acting politely should still be the norm instead of the oddity it's becoming.

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 2:27 AM

BROWNCOAT1

May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

I many times find myself wondering where manner have disappeared to myself. Growing up in the South I was taught by my mother to be courteous, considerate of others, respectful, and above all else be chivalrous in concerns to women. Coming up people were courteous and respectful in return.

Now if I hold a door for a woman I am lucky if she even acknowledges me. I am not saying she has to act like I just saved her life, but damn, eye contact and a smile would be nice. People walk in front of you and don't say "Excuse me", people cut each other off short in traffic, people are rude, inconsiderate, etc, etc.

I know understand why my parents moved way out into the middle of nowhere and hate coming anywhere near the city. I for one can't wait to get enough money together to move away from Richmond myself. I abhore ill manners and rude people.

__________________________________________
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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 2:53 AM

FLATTOP

I teach a martial arts class in my community. It's open to all ages, but we get a high percentage of children.
One of the many things I stress in class is proper behaivior & being polite. "Yes Sir," "No Sir," "Yes Ma'am," "No Ma'am," don't touch people, don't touch anything that you don't own, hold the door if someone else is about to pass through it/has a load, be quiet, stand still, etc. etc. etc.

I really believe that it has everything to do with a complete lack of training by parents. That and the bad examples set by their parents. If you are rude, your children will be worse. If you don't have the time to train them, why the heck do you have them? You've brought a life into the world, it is your responsibility to care for and educate him/her!

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 3:27 AM

PHYRELIGHT

Amen!

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 3:44 AM

DUN

nods head

seems too be the younguns that have less manners but i reckon its people getting greedy, sometimes that includes me,its a material world but i like too think theres a lot of good in it all the same

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 4:43 AM

WASHNWEAR

Quote:
Originally posted by BrownCoat1:
I many times find myself wondering where manner have disappeared to myself. Growing up in the South I was taught by my mother to be courteous, considerate of others, respectful, and above all else be chivalrous in concerns to women. Coming up people were courteous and respectful in return.

Now if I hold a door for a woman I am lucky if she even acknowledges me. I am not saying she has to act like I just saved her life, but damn, eye contact and a smile would be nice. People walk in front of you and don't say "Excuse me", people cut each other off short in traffic, people are rude, inconsiderate, etc, etc.

WWHD? Time to break out the fava beans and chianti...

It was like that when we got here!

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 6:07 AM

WHITESILENCE

Yeah, I'm a longtime martial arts person too. My school tries but there's so many kids with learning disabilities that it's hard not to just facepalm yourself. Ah well, I try anyway.

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 6:16 AM

SISTER

Manners, courtesy, common sense - all seem to have disappeared from our society along with things like customer service. We have this prickly, nastiness now, fostered and encouraged by many of the 'reality' tv shows where the most mean-spirited seems to "win." All instruction starts in the home; with parents who have either forgotten how or feel so guilty because, in most households, BOTH parents must work that they 'ease' up on the instructions of the basics for a well-behaved child and polite society.

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 6:25 AM

MSB

Manners are definitely important. I know I spend endless amounts of time trying to get the basics into my students... right now we are working on keeping your hands to yourself and not taking or touching things that belong to others.

____________________________________________

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 8:46 AM

SINGATE

Quote:
Originally posted by BrownCoat1:
Now if I hold a door for a woman I am lucky if she even acknowledges me. I am not saying she has to act like I just saved her life, but damn, eye contact and a smile would be nice.

I've had a few funny experiences slightly different from what you are talking about here. On several occasions while holding doors open for strangers, both men and women, not only do people show a lack of gratitude but quite often I have been given a sideways glance like I'm doing something wrong.

Another episode occured when I was taking a female co-worker to lunch. We took my car so I thought it proper to open her door first. She responded with "what the hell are you doing?". My response was "my grandfather would slap me if I got into a car before opening the door for a women first". She was extremely puzzled.

The sad thing is I'm not exactly a paragon for decency or respect. There are things that I do believe are proper and still adhere to but society on the whole has disregarded many of these values. It is a dark day indeed when I have to be a beacon for proper behavior.

_________________________________________________

We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 9:19 AM

GRAYFURY

It should be publicly taught from kindergarten... In schools You can learn how to disect a frog, you can learn about the cradle of civilization, You can learn portugese, you can even learn how to bake a cake... But they don't have any classes for manners. Side note, I work in the King Of Prussia mall... there is no less courteous creature on the face of the earth than a teenaged female consumer. attrocious.

"Smellin' alot of IF comin' offa' this plan!"

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 10:18 AM

STOWEAWAY

I am working hard at raising 2 rambunctious little boys. And manners are a REQUIREMENT in our family.
It's not an easy task and I constantly remind them to use their manners. But they are finally learning to do it on their own. And I get frequent compliments from their teachers and total strangers.
I think learning to be polite helps children learn compassion too. If one of their friends falls down, I ask my boys to help them up. If a stranger drops their load of goods, I ask the boys to help gather it back together.
And my kids are given free stuff too when they are well-behaved and use their manners.
But you guys are all correct -- it starts with the parents. I've seen plenty of rude parents picking up rude children from school. Or parents who expect their children to behave when they themselves don't model good behavior.
In our house, everyone says please and thank you no matter what. I don't tell my children to do things. I ask them with a please and thank them when they're done. (Or at least I always start with a polite request -- by the 3rd try, it's not nearly as polite.)
Bottom line is I treat my children with respect so they learn to treat others the same way. I wouldn't necessarily say that absolutely NOBODY uses manners anymore but I've definitely seen the ones who don't. I always tell my boys that they should be the models of good behavior for those who don't know any better. What else can I do?

** BTW, my boys don't always act the way I want them to. I'm sometimes the lady at the store with monkeys swinging from trees who act like they've never been in public before. I'm sure plenty of locals have rolled their eyes at me too. **

--Tanya

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 5:01 PM

BORIS

maybe we should start a new movement. If we all stick to our guns re the courtesy and good manners we may encourage it in others. also re the people who look at you funny when you are courteous, I find looking right at them and smiling warmly...either illicits smiles, or puts them off even more, but it makes me feel good so I'm cool with it. I may write good manners into the kid's book I'm writing. also for busy working parents...just try role modelling everytime you spend time with your kids. it makes for much more pleasant interactions.

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