Joke for the day! (perhaps we should have a category for these?) by Static

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Joke for the day! (perhaps we should have a category for these?)

POSTED BY: STATIC
UPDATED: Thursday, July 8, 2004 14:31
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VIEWED: 2144
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Wednesday, July 7, 2004 1:51 PM

Zoe was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and 'low-and-behold' a genie appeared! The amazed warrior woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?"

Zoe did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Galaxy. See this map? I want these planets to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Alliance to love the Independants and vice-versa. It will bring about galactic peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, are you crazy? These planets have been at war for hundreds of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five thousand years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish, and please be reasonable.

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I love my husband, but he's a bit of a goofball. He plays with toy dinosaurs, talks with funny voices in bed, snores like a mule and is constantly making wisecracks. I'd like for him to grow up, be a little more mature, learn to cook and stop snoring. That is what I wish for."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that friggin map again."

==================================================
"Wash. . .we got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss."

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:08 PM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

Not with out its charm.

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:11 PM

STATIC

Okay, here's another one!!

The teacher gave her young class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the wagon when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Jayne. Uncle Jane was a crook and on a job, his hovercraft got hit. He had to crash land in the middle of a bunch of Feds and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a gun named "Vera" and a big knife. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 Alliance Feds. He killed seventy of them with the Vera until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the knife till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't f*ck with Uncle Jayne when he's been drinking."

==================================================
"Wash. . .we got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss."

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:13 PM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

Now THAT one I like !

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004 2:22 PM

RAWDEAL

Couldn't stop laughing after reading the second one

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004 5:35 PM

KELLAINA

LOL!!! Those were great - I almost spit water onto my keyboard after reading the last one!

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004 5:55 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL

just about peed

www.thatweirdgirl.com

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004 6:44 PM

HOWDYROCKERBABY1

Here is a REAL joke of the day...

So i'm flipping through the channels and i stop on a channel with a commercial, just to see what is actually on it... and ENTERPRISE comes on...but this wasn't any normal ENTERPRISE... it was ENTERPRISE Western style....

if i had been drinking water...i would have spit it all over the television at what a pathetic excuse that was for a fresh idea

excuse me while i have a valley girl moment:

HELLO! Firefly did this 2 years ago, and you are just a wannabe!

*shakes head*

okay...i'm better now

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MAL: This is my scrap of nowhere. You go on and find your own.
SAFFRON: You can't just leave me here, on this
lifeless piece of crap moon...
MAL: Sure I can.
SAFFRON: I'll die.
MAL: Well, as a courtesy, you might start
getting busy on that, cause all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.

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Thursday, July 8, 2004 2:41 AM

BROWNCOAT1

May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

Static wrote:

Quote:
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Jayne. Uncle Jane was a crook and on a job, his hovercraft got hit. He had to crash land in the middle of a bunch of Feds and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a gun named "Vera" and a big knife. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 Alliance Feds. He killed seventy of them with the Vera until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the knife till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't f*ck with Uncle Jayne when he's been drinking."

ROFLMAO

That is hi-larious Static! I needed that laugh.

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."

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Thursday, July 8, 2004 4:10 AM

DRACOS

Quote:

HELLO! Firefly did this 2 years ago, and you are just a wannabe!

Actually, the original Star Trek did that. Turns out it was some sort of alien influenced dream-sequence recreating the some famous battle thing. A lot of the plot involved Spock trying to make sleeping gass to use on their adversaries and Chekov whining a lot.

Sadly though, the Enterprise episode in question is one of the better ones.

"Dont ask me silly questions.
I wont play silly games."
-Blaine
--------------------------------------------------
"Somebody tries to kill you you go ahead and try to kill them right on back!"
-Mal
--------------------------------------------------
"I'm gonna kill you with my tea-cup."
-Riddick

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Thursday, July 8, 2004 2:31 PM

CHRONOS

For the purpose of this joke, assume the Alliance and the Independants each have their own president.

Two guys, a purplebelly and a browncoat were discusing politics.
The purplebelly says 'We have such a level of democracy that I can go stand in front of the president's home and yell 'Down with the president!'. I bet you can't go do that!'
The browncoat replies 'Can you be an hour late for work?'
'No, I can't' says the purplebelly
'Can you drink on the job?'
'No, of course not!'
'Can you take care of personal business while working?'
'Certainly not'
'Can you leave work two hours early?'
'No' answers the purplebelly
'Then tell me, why in the 'verse would I go and shout 'Down with the president!', huh?'

Take me out to the black, tell them I ain't coming back

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