My humble attempt at a Firefly story by dreamslaughter

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

My humble attempt at a Firefly story

POSTED BY: DREAMSLAUGHTER
UPDATED: Thursday, June 3, 2010 13:22
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VIEWED: 6012
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Wednesday, June 2, 2010 7:39 PM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

http://blog.dreamslaughter.com/2010/06/precious-firefly-fandom-story.h
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Thursday, June 3, 2010 3:41 AM

BYTEMITE

Hey there. Not sure why you didn't post in the Blue Sun Room, I guess maybe you wanted to be unique.

Pretty good. I especially liked the first part, with the action and fighting and job-gone-wrong.

The earring and it's brain tendril was pretty squick, you could feel something bad was going to happen from the moment you describe it. I'm a little curious as to why it had the effect it did even when the crew hadn't put it in. Also how members of the crew who don't have their ears pierced put it in. I suspect that's another squick, and that I don't want to examine that too closely.

You did get a little OOC I think when the earring was going around. That was probably intentional, but even so, I think I might have liked to see the effects of the earring, with the obsession and paranoia and backstabbing happening with the characters still approximately in character.

Or maybe the earring has these little spider legs that pop out, so they can take crew members unawares...

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 7:24 AM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

Thanks for the reply.

I'm not familiar with this forum, just joined. Had I known that Blue Sun Room was more appropriate I would have put it there. My bad.

The earring is obviously some kind of high tech magical device. If it can do what it did to Kaylee, there's no reason it can't have some kind of affect by just looking at it. That was my thought anyway.

I like your suggestion about no one having pierced ears, It's a good point and I'll fix it. I'll make it a clip on earring. That's what editors and notes from others are for. You are the first feedback I have received and I will make a couple of changes. Thanks.

I wrote this in about six hours and really didn't go back and analyze it too critically. There was a limit on its length of about 10,000 characters, though I did go over by a little bit.

Thanks for the input.

Browncoats forever!

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 7:48 AM

PLATONIST

Read this last night, too.

The Earring for the Ring, made for an interesting parallel.

The line about "the most beautiful woman Mal had ever seen" took me clear out of your narrative, though...we all know Inara holds that distinction:)

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 8:14 AM

BYTEMITE

Quote:
The line about "the most beautiful woman Mal had ever seen" took me clear out of your narrative, though...we all know Inara holds that distinction:)

In all fairness, "the most beautiful woman Mal had ever seen" used to be a man. If the mustache comment is anything to judge by.

Now, maybe knowing that the lady used to be a man doesn't bother Mal, he's not homophobic at all, but I do get the distinct impression that despite her beauty, Mal isn't attracted.

And besides, maybe dude-looks-like-a-lady is attracted to other women, and not roguish male captains.

Gender reassignment does makes things confusing, doesn't it?

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 8:25 AM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

@ PLATONIST

Yes, I had a problem with this too. Inara is obviously the most beautiful.

I'll go back and change it to the "SECOND most beautiful woman"

Thanks for the note.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 8:27 AM

PLATONIST

Keep it simple, how about just a beautiful woman?

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 8:30 AM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

Quote:
Originally posted by Bytemite:
Quote:
The line about "the most beautiful woman Mal had ever seen" took me clear out of your narrative, though...we all know Inara holds that distinction:)

In all fairness, "the most beautiful woman Mal had ever seen" used to be a man. If the mustache comment is anything to judge by.

Now, maybe knowing that the lady used to be a man doesn't bother Mal, he's not homophobic at all, but I do get the distinct impression that despite her beauty, Mal isn't attracted.

And besides, maybe dude-looks-like-a-lady is attracted to other women, and not roguish male captains.

Gender reassignment does makes things confusing, doesn't it?

Okay, I see that I wasn't clear about this. I meant for Lillacutt to have said this to Mal. I reread it and it is unclear. Either Mal or Lillacutt could have said it. I corrected it.

ps - I thought about the concept of Lillacutt being a man and it is interesting, but decided not to go there. Thanks for the head's up.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 8:32 AM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

Quote:
Originally posted by Platonist:
Keep it simple, how about just a beautiful woman?

How about "one of the most beautiful women Mal had ever seen"?

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 8:39 AM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

Put a notes credit for you guys at the bottom.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 8:39 AM

BYTEMITE

...Oops! Sorry.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 9:34 AM

PLATONIST

How about "one of the most beautiful women Mal had ever seen"?

That will work..IMHO, this verse's standard of beauty will be forever measured against Inara's.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 10:44 AM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

Quote:
Originally posted by Platonist:
How about "one of the most beautiful women Mal had ever seen"?

That will work..IMHO, this verse's standard of beauty will for ever measured against Inara's .

Indeed, corrected.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 11:20 AM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

Quote:
Originally posted by Bytemite:
Hey there. Not sure why you didn't post in the Blue Sun Room, I guess maybe you wanted to be unique.

Is is appropriate to cross this post to Blue Sun Room or should I just leave this post only?

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 11:45 AM

BYTEMITE

If you want to post it there, sure. Just remember it's Blue Sun Room at the top of the toolbar on the main page, not the Blue Sun Room Forum. They're different things.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 11:51 AM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

I already screwed it up, I went there to see how to do it. I didn't click submit but unfortunately it listed my non entry as a post.

F*ck me.

Any way you know of to delete the errant post?

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 11:58 AM

BYTEMITE

No way to remove it completely, I'm afraid. You have to just wait for it to drop off the main page.

Like I said in response to that, make sure you fill in all fields. The title won't change while it's on the front page, unfortunately, but this field:

"Enter the title your your fanfic:"

That's what you're looking for, for naming your story.

"Write a little blurb that briefly describes your fanfic:"

This one is a summary that appears if you go from the main page into the Blue Sun Room proper or click the "see additional blogs/stories" option on the main page.

"Pick one really good quote from your fanfic for promotional purposes:"

In the Blue Sun room archives, there's a banner at the top of the page that with every navigation or refresh gives a link to a story and a sample of the writing. You can either have no description, and leave this blank, or paste in a sample block of text.

"Paste your fanfic here:"

This is where the story goes.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 12:21 PM

DREAMSLAUGHTER

Done. Thanks.

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Thursday, June 3, 2010 1:16 PM

DREAMSLAUGHTER