Worst Firefly Cast by ThePistonEngine

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Worst Firefly Cast

POSTED BY: THEPISTONENGINE
UPDATED: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 16:34
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 16727
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Sunday, February 26, 2006 1:47 PM

What would the worst Firefly cast be?

Here are my thoughts:
Mal - Keanu Reeves
Inara - Winona Ryder
River - Reese Witherspoon
Simon - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Zoe - Queen Latifa
Wash - Kenneth Branagh
Kaylee - Christina Ricci
Book - Al Sharpton
Jayne - Orlando Bloom

One other thought, how good of an operative would Juaquin Phoenix make?

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 1:52 PM

HOEPERATIVE

Phoenix WOULD rock in that part, no doubt about it.

Hmm. I'd say casting Nick Cage as Mal would've ruined everything. Al Pacino as Shepherd also.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 2:03 PM

KHYRON

Jayne - Steven Segal
Simon - Rick Moranis
Mal - Ben Affleck/Bill Pullman
Inara - Fran Drescher/Katey Segal ("Oh Maaa-AAAaall")
Book - Clint Eastwood
Kaylee - Jaime Pressly/Tara Reid
River - Lindsay Lohan
Zoe - Janet Jackson
Wash - Robin Williams

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 2:03 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by HOEperative:

Phoenix WOULD rock in that part, no doubt about it.

Ok, I'm a little pre-occupied; you say "phoenix", and I *still* think: "River"! :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 2:03 PM

THEPISTONENGINE

Quote:
Originally posted by HOEperative:
Phoenix WOULD rock in that part, no doubt about it.

Hmm. I'd say casting Nick Cage as Mal would've ruined everything. Al Pacino as Shepherd also.

Ugh! Good call on Nicholas Cage. Makes me shudder.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 2:44 PM

RUXTON

Nice one, Khyron. I do so hate Fran Drescher.

Hafta say, you and ThePistonEngine are righteously quite ILL!

Too bad we all don't have something better to do, like comment on the new series/movie, etc.

Good laugh, guys/gals. Thanks.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 3:07 PM

RUXTON

My choices:

Mal -- Peewee Herman
Zoe -- Eric Idle in drag
Wash -- Jack Nicholson
Jayne -- Alec Baldwin
Book -- Eddie Murphy
Kaylee -- Oprah Winfrey
Simon -- Stacy Keach
River -- Pam Anderson
Inara -- Paris Hilton

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 3:24 PM

GUTTERBALL

Quote:
Originally posted by Ruxton:
Jayne -- Alec Baldwin

Ha! Can't you just hear him? "There are things in here that don't react well to bullets."

Quote:
Book -- Eddie Murphy

"Evil...is GOOD!"

Quote:
Inara -- Paris Hilton

"Um, yeah, this sex gig is totally hot."

Ha! Nice list, Ruxton! I'd be hard-pressed to come up with better, so I'll just praise you and move on!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 3:39 PM

DONCOAT

Just a couple ideas, no full cast yet:

Inara: Divine
Simon: Don Knotts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't disagree on any particular point.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 3:56 PM

DATALESS

The Worst Firefly Cast would be anyone but the cast we had. They were really amazing. Plus I think Don Knotts is dead, so yeah he would be the worst performance as Simon. I think they would have went a different way in Serenity Kaylee kissing someone all cropsified and gross might destory her mind.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 4:10 PM

KHYRON

The worst thing is, had any one of the people we've mentioned actually been cast as that character, the movie probably would've done better at the box office.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 4:40 PM

SIGMANUNKI

How about Tom Arnold for Mal?

----
"We're in a giant car heading into a brick wall at 100 miles/hr and everybody's arguing about where they want to sit."
-David Suzuki

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 4:51 PM

GUTTERBALL

Oo, ooo! How about Jean Claude Van Damn for Badger? Bwahahah!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 4:59 PM

QUIXOTIC

Pauly Shore is Malcolm Reynolds.

"We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty, buuuuuuddy."

Yeah, and if wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 5:21 PM

KHYRON

The Operative - Jim Carrey.

"Sir, they've disappeared..."
"Reea-ea-ea-eaaalllyy?"

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:20 PM

GUTTERBALL

*cracks right the hell up*

You guys are KILLING me!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:25 PM

THEPISTONENGINE

That's hysterical!

Quote:
Originally posted by Khyron:
The Operative - Jim Carrey.

"Sir, they've disappeared..."
"Reea-ea-ea-eaaalllyy?"

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:31 PM

KAYNA

I love my captain

Mal - Chris Rock
River - Beyonce
Simon - Antonio Banderas
Kaylee - Jessica Simpson
Jayne - Sylvester Stallone
Zoe - Callista Flockhart
Wash - Christopher Walken
Inara - (insert bleach blond bimbo with breast implants here)

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:38 PM

JUSTSHINY

Wow, this is probably the scariest, funniest, weirdest....scariest thread I've ever seen.

And, In all honesty, it's really disturbing my calm.

But it did tickle my funny bone so I can't complain...much.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:51 PM

KHYRON

Inara - Rebecca Gayheart.

And it almost happened.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:57 PM

ZAKNRFAMA

Jayne - Sean Connery
Adelei Iforgotlastname - Mr. T or Eugene Levy
Wash - Owen Wilson
Zoe - Gary Coleman
Simon - George Clooney
Book - Richard Pryor

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:59 PM

THEPISTONENGINE

Owen Wilson wouldn't make the WORST Wash. He'd be better than most I can think of.

Quote:
Originally posted by Zaknrfama:
Jayne - Sean Connery
Adelei Iforgotlastname - Mr. T
Wash - Owen Wilson
Zoe - Gary Coleman
Simon - George Clooney

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 7:01 PM

ZAKNRFAMA

Oh, well I'm sure there are worse. But I think Wash's sense of humor is too odd for Owen Wilson.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 7:11 PM

FREELANCEPILOT

No no no.

Mal: My buddy nick. Terrible.
Inara: The girl that sits next to me in US congress.
Kaylee: My korean Professor.
Simon: my buddy Adam... frat guy
River: My ex
Wash: My grandfather.
Jayne: The wendy's Guy, from www.thewendysguy.com
Zoe: My spanish Professor Memoria Jones
Book: My parish priest, Father Raj. (i can't spell the rest.)

Wash: Yeah, but psychic? That sounds like science fiction.
Zoë: You live on a spaceship, dear.
Wash: So?

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 7:18 PM

MONGO

mal: tom cruise

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 7:59 PM

KHYRON

Book - Bill Cosby.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 8:00 PM

MELAM

Mal: Brad Pit
Zoe: Halie Berry
Wash: Heath Ledger
Simon: Adam Sandler
Book: Will Smith
Jayne: The Rock
Inara: The freaky blond woman from Transporter 2.
Kaylee: Kate Winslet
River: Mary Kate Olsen

"Putting the Me in Mercinary, Jayne Cobb."

"Joss, what is the future of television? What will we watch? And how will we watch it? Surely you must know, for you are wise, and slender."

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 8:30 PM

HOIDY

Quote:
Originally posted by Dataless:
The Worst Firefly Cast would be anyone but the cast we had. They were really amazing.

I totally agree. the cast is what makes the series/movie so awesome!

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 8:37 PM

RUXTON

Kayna,

Stallone as Jayne really cracked me up. "Yo! Uunnhhh!", said Rambo.

And Christopher Walken as Wash, and Flockhart as Zoe. Excellent miscastings!

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 8:39 PM

RUXTON

GutterBall,
Thank 'ee kindly!

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 9:53 PM

JYNNANTONNYX

I delurk to say

River - Jessica Alba

And I think that is all I need to say. ... Summer would kick her arse anyday though

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 10:06 PM

ETHAN

Rob Morrow-Mal
Richard Lewis-Wash
Tracy Morgan-Zoe
Larry David-Wash
Amy Pohler-Inara
Jodie Foster-Kaylee
Will Ferrel-Jayne
David Cross-Simon
Nathan Fillion-River

special guests :

Conan O'brian-Atherton Wing
Richard Geer-Jubal Early
Ricardo Montivan-Niska
Madonna-Badger
Avril Lavigne-YoSafBrij
Rupert Everett-Nandi

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Sunday, February 26, 2006 11:14 PM

SINGATE

Quote:
Originally posted by Zaknrfama:
Zoe - Gary Coleman

Holy frickin God you have to be kidding me! I've been laughing so hard at this I almost popped out a contact lens.

I also liked whoever posted Christopher Walken as Wash. Just imagine his delivery coupled with some of that goofy dialogue.

The most bizarre choice I came up with has to be Chris Farley as Mal. I know he's not around anymore but just picture it.

_________________________________________________

We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 2:11 AM

MSCKAREN

Mal - George W Bush
Inara - Bernie Frank
River - Hillary Clinton
Simon - Robert Bork
Zoe - Condeleeza Rice
Wash - Al Gore
Kaylee - Arnold Schwarzanegger (sp?)
Book - Clarence Thomas
Jayne - Tony Blair

...actually I would probably pay MORE to see these people reenact OMR than the original cast...make it for charity...yeah, yeah, a CHILDREN'S charity!...people will do anything for a children's charity...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Appears they've cancelled the show and we're still here. What does that make us?"
"Big damn junkies, Sir!"
"Ain't we just."
http://karenallover.blogspot.com/

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Monday, February 27, 2006 4:45 AM

SERENITYSLITTLEANGEL

Is it bad I'm desperate to see Arnie in Kaylee's floral dress / teddy bear overalls???

------------------------------------
20 conversions and counting!!!

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:01 AM

KIDREGAL

I love all the suggestions, but I've got one question, dear friends: How is it possible that no one, NO ONE, suggested the best possible male actor for any role, male OR female....

William Shatner!

C'mon...think about it...let it grow and fester in your mind...

"We're just...too pretty..."

I've ridden the great moon worm!
-Al Gore

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:16 AM

OTMA

Mal - Bruce Campbell
Inara - Courtney Love
River - Barbara Streisand
Simon - Elton John
Zoe - Martin Lawrence in the fat suit from Big Momma's House
Wash - Hulk Hogan
Kaylee - Dame Judi Dench
Book - Shaquille O'Neal
Jayne - Woody Allen

And, of course, the Oompa Loompas from the 1971 Gene Wilder Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory as Reavers!

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:21 AM

UNREGISTEREDCOMPANION

I think this is the worst of the worst. Don't know if this makes me a genius or just sick! Bwaah haa haa haa!

Simon: Leonardo De Caprio
River: Jennifer Love Hewit
Mal: Russell Crowe
Inara: Marcia Cross (The weird redhead from Desperate Housewives)
Zoe: Jennifer Lopez
Wash: Kato Kaylin (O.J.'s former groupie)
Jayne: Seann William Scott (the guy who plyed Stufler in American Pie)
Book: Jessie Jackson

~~~~~
"Funny and sexy. You have no idea. And you never will."

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:22 AM

DICKYBOY3001

If you really wanna stuff things up, put in some Old school WWF characters

mal - hulk hogan
jayne - ultimate warrior
etc etc

now that would be %&^@ed up

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:43 AM

ALEN

Shatner - ROFL!!!!
:)))))
And imagine him as a captain, lol
"Men...you hold...hold... till I...get back..."

shirst would have to be ripped in fights, and the firefly crew would be in pajamas :D

if life were a Lucasarts adventure:
Use CHAINSAW on BOSS. PULL CORPSE. OPEN WASTE DISPOSAL UNIT. USE CORPSE on UNIT. CLOSE DOOR.
USE LIGHTER on CIGARE

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:45 AM

GIXXER

Not the worst cast. Just maybe not the youngest...

Mal: George Peppard
Wash: Dwight Schultz
Book: Mr T
Simon: Dirk Benedict
Zoe: Claudia Black
River: Gigi Edgley
Inara: Claudia Black again
Kaylee: Say, hows about that Claudia Black?
Jayne: Jason Isaacs

This did start out as a crap / unsuitable / hardly worth the name actor list, but I'm feeling mellow today. I'll settle for a goes-without-saying unuseable cast composed of worthwhile folk.

G

My dear, I've kicked more ass than you've sat on. (Zhaan)

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:52 AM

RIVER6213

Quote:
Originally posted by ThePistonEngine:
What would the worst Firefly cast be?

Here are my thoughts:
Mal - Keanu Reeves
Inara - Winona Ryder
River - Reese Witherspoon
Simon - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Zoe - Queen Latifa
Wash - Kenneth Branagh
Kaylee - Christina Ricci
Book - Al Sharpton
Jayne - Orlando Bloom

One other thought, how good of an operative would Juaquin Phoenix make?

You should be shot for this list.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:53 AM

RIVER6213

Quote:
Originally posted by Khyron:
Jayne - Steven Segal
Simon - Rick Moranis
Mal - Ben Affleck/Bill Pullman
Inara - Fran Drescher/Katey Segal ("Oh Maaa-AAAaall")
Book - Clint Eastwood
Kaylee - Jaime Pressly/Tara Reid
River - Lindsay Lohan
Zoe - Janet Jackson
Wash - Robin Williams

OMG! Were you an abused child?

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Monday, February 27, 2006 5:54 AM

RIVER6213

Quote:
Originally posted by Ruxton:
My choices:

Mal -- Peewee Herman
Zoe -- Eric Idle in drag
Wash -- Jack Nicholson
Jayne -- Alec Baldwin
Book -- Eddie Murphy
Kaylee -- Oprah Winfrey
Simon -- Stacy Keach
River -- Pam Anderson
Inara -- Paris Hilton

Thank god they invented sniper rifles.

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Monday, February 27, 2006 6:29 AM

CANUNDRUM69

I think even thought they are bad choices,
someone might want to consider a Firefly Parody with some of these choices :)

Zoe - Hank Azaria
Simon - Nathan Lane
Mal - Robin Williams
Wash - Eddie Izzard
Jayne - Willam Defoe
Kaylee - Devine
Inara - David Bowie
River - Mikhail Baryshnikov
Book - Gregory Hines

or

Wash - Sylvester Stallone
Simon - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Book - Jean Claude Van Damme
Mal - Michael Clarke Duncan
Jayne - Bruce Willis
Kaylee - Brigette Neilson
Inara - Demi Moore
Zoe - Rachel MacLeash
River - Liv Tyler

or 25 years later

Mal - Ian McKellen
Jayne - Patrick Stewart
Simon - Richard Harris
Book - Red Foxx
Wash - William Shatner
Kaylee - Julie Andrews
River - Anne Margaret
Zoe - Eartha Kitt
Inara - Julie Numar

I'm "HUGE" In Japan!

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Monday, February 27, 2006 6:32 AM

INDIANABANZAI

The sports edition!

Mal - John Elway
Inara - Danica Patrick
River - Tanya Harding
Simon - Jeff Gordon
Zoe - Venus Williams
Wash - Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Kaylee - Cami Granato
Book - Terrell Owens
Jayne - Barry Bonds

The ex-Bond actors edition!

Mal - Roger Moore
Inara - Carey Lowell
River - Talia Soto
Simon - Pierce Brosnan
Zoe - Grace Jones
Wash - George Lazenby
Kaylee - Tanya Roberts
Book - Bernie Casey
Jayne - Sean Connery

The other TV shows edition!

Mal - Kiefer Sutherland (24)
Inara - Jennifer Garner (Alias)
River - Grace Park (Battlestar Galactica)
Simon - Hugh Laurie (House)
Zoe - Geena Davis (Commander in Chief)
Wash - Eric Balfour (was on 24)
Kaylee - Rachael Leigh Cook (was on Las Vegas)
Book - Dennis Haysbert (was on 24)
Jayne - Tom Welling (Smallville)

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Monday, February 27, 2006 6:38 AM

DAVEC5

Quote:
Originally posted by Ruxton:
My choices:
Mal -- Peewee Herman

come on, i'd never chage the cast of Firefly, but Peewee Herman...that would be HI-larious.... paul rubens is a genius

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Monday, February 27, 2006 6:39 AM

DAVEC5

maybe in the Mad magazine version of Firelfy

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Monday, February 27, 2006 6:51 AM

GRAYFURY

I did this on a previous post....where attempts were made to have stars play our BDH's ....I'll try to remember what I wrote....

Mal ~ Steven Wright
Jayne ~ D J Qualls
Book ~ A Phone Book
Wash ~ George W Bush
Inara ~ Rosie O'Donnell
Zoe ~ C3p0
Simon ~ Corky from Life goes on
Kaylee ~ Courtney Love
River ~ The Number 4

With special guest stars...

The Operative ~ Steven Hawking
Mr. Universe ~ Arnold Shwartzenegger
Badger ~ A Badger
Hands Of Blue ~ Waldorf and Statler
Nishka ~ Stripe from Gremlins
Saffron ~ A cheese sandwich

"Smellin' alot of IF comin' offa' this plan!"

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Monday, February 27, 2006 6:55 AM

GRAYFURY

Quote:
Originally posted by ThePistonEngine:
What would the worst Firefly cast be?

Wash - Kenneth Branagh

Neither of those sandyhaired actors have any lips... Coincidence?

"Smellin' alot of IF comin' offa' this plan!"

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