How Firefly got my girl back (may not be app for kids) by KuangZheDe

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

How Firefly got my girl back (may not be app for kids)

POSTED BY: KUANGZHEDE
UPDATED: Tuesday, June 6, 2006 08:01
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VIEWED: 5764
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Friday, June 2, 2006 4:14 AM

Caution, this post may include language of a graphic nature not suitable for children or people without a since of humor. You have been warned.

KZD

As it has been sometime since I have posted, I feel I should explain my situation and, in turn, how (as wee all know) Firefly was the solution.

It is commonly known that for most common ailments, starvation, poverty, flat tires, crushed 3rd and 4th vertebrae’s......the only solution is Firefly. With this wisdom in mind, I thought, "well, why can't this work on relationship issues."

Back story

I was seeing this girl who I was beginning to like and was invited to her birthday party. As with all tragic stories, this one involved a large number of libations, an exboyfriend, and my dumb ass. Not to bore you with the details, this waste of space would not keep his hands off of her, while visibly taunting me, and she was claiming "we are just friends...he always rubs my back like this." I relented...for awhile...as my blood level became more and more thinned with the relatively massive amount of alcohol intake, I really was not willing to put up with this nonsense any longer. So I pretty much made a scene, told them exactly what I thought about the situation and told them they could orally ingest certain parts of my anatomy.

After storming off, I was fairly certain I would never hear from her again or her oversized, hairy, and all around mentally challenged ex-boyfriend. But fate is a cruel and confused little miss. So about a week later, she calls me. I am still "not a happy camper" about the whole situation, but agree to see her.

So, though I have dragged this out long enough, she wanted to come over and see me. When see came over, she wanted to watch a movie...so I recommended we watch the pilot of Firefly. One hour forty-seven minutes later, our clothes are all over the room, the DVD intro is playing for the umpteenth time, and I am "in like Flynn"

(maybe not a good choice of words, as 'in like Flynn' was coined after Errol Flynn beat a statutory rape charge- she is 23 for the record)

She now wants to watch all of the episodes. So, two birds with one stone. I can't tell you how cute it was to wake up next to her with her wearing my "chain of command" t-shirt.

Now what do with the new girl I was seeing for the entire previous week?

Well the old girl did say she had something for asian women, which the new girl happens to be

Going straight to hell, no passing through purgatory.....straight to hell.

..where me and Satan will have a good laugh about all this and probably watch "out of gas" (its his favorite)

More details to follow as my developing love triangle will most likely began to fall apart.

If this offended anybody, I am sorry, I just think it important to realize that if a relationship starts getting a little rocky, break glass, pull out Firefly, and trust me, you will have a happy ending ;)

KZD

Kuang Zhe De

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Friday, June 2, 2006 4:18 AM

KENOBIUS

Whoa... good story.

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Friday, June 2, 2006 4:45 AM

FOLLOWMAL

Hey, Firefly works for whatever ails ya!

Good to see you back!

"You hold. Hold 'til I get back." Mal

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Friday, June 2, 2006 4:47 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Good to be back..thanks for the push

Stay Shiny

Kuang Zhe De

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Friday, June 2, 2006 4:52 AM

FOLLOWMAL

Quote:
Originally posted by KuangZheDe:

Going straight to hell, no passing through purgatory.....straight to hell. ..where me and Satan will have a good laugh about all this and probably watch "out of gas" (its his favorite)

As we have a rather joyous thread devoted to those of us in this exact same position, I thought I'd tell you about the Forsaken thread.. I believe Satan himself has sent us a cake in the ongoing hijinks over there. You might like to join us for 'smores, whiskey and whatever else we all dream up. I'm sure you'll fit right in. The evolution of that thread is a pretty good read, if you care to go back and follow it. In between dates maybe?

OoG is my favorite too, let me know, might have to join you!

"You hold. Hold 'til I get back." Mal

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Friday, June 2, 2006 6:03 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Great, now I am consumed with making emos', it is a slippery slope

Kuang Zhe De

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Friday, June 2, 2006 7:51 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD

...Fornicator

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Friday, June 2, 2006 8:21 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER

Who do you think you are? I can't believe that you even considered the threesome. Drinking alcohol , telling people to

your

, promicuous sex during Firefly. Are you some kind of monster. The hell you burn in will be very warm and unrelenting! Guess I'll see you there. I'll be sure to bring some beers and a camcorder. Seriously, have fun. But beware. You may end up in a long term relationship with one of them and if you do opt for the threeway, it could be a source of pain and mistrust forever. Until then, fight on BROWNCOAT.

JAYNE: [disappointed] I was gonna get me an ear too.

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Friday, June 2, 2006 8:30 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Only too true, this will obviously be a bonehead move to attempt. Ghostrider brings up an all to important point. Not only that, I could possibly be killed by one of said ladies if things really got ugly. Most likley, the sitiuation would play out as follows.

Threesome begins, and they really get into it, and the both realize that they don't really need me, they just need each other

So my plan backfires and I lose both of them and my pride.

That would be both hilarious and morally crushing.

Good advice Ghostrider, I think I will follow it,but certain parts of me, namely the demon that lives inside of me, are still trying to convince me that I should give it a shot, even though I know it will end tragically.

Morality, what a

Keep on flying and more details to come as weekend onfolds. Good bless you Joss for giving me the opportuinty, no the privelage, to screw my life up even more with such useful tools as firefly.

Kuang Zhe De

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Friday, June 2, 2006 8:32 AM

SHEPHERD2BE

"I think I might cry."-- Ariel

Nice work, but have to agree with NVGhostrider.

Cannot remember where I heard it but,
"Threesomes are like communism. Great ideas on paper but don't always fly in real life."

Play safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll be in my bunk

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Friday, June 2, 2006 8:35 AM

AGATSU

Hm, that's one shiny recruitment MO, man.
I'm gonna have to try that.

Proud Member of the FFF.net Event Team
Department of All Things Insane
Serenity Now/Equality Now screenings / Serenity Day (unrelated):
June 23rd www.cantstoptheserenity.com www.serenityday.org
Serenity Summer Campaign:
June 23rd - Sept 30th www.FireFlyFans.net
Serenity 'Versary:
September 30th www.FireFlyFans.net
Be there or be a purple-belted poop head. (<- not the official slogan)

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Friday, June 2, 2006 8:45 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Appreciate, now remember I am a trained professional, this should not be attempted by any man with his actual ex-girlfriend. If you run into a situation where you beleive that firefly may save a failing or failed relationship, email me and I will hop a plane to whatever remote part of the world you live in and watch it with your ex-girlfriend. I promise good results and that your ex-girlfriend will associate firefly with very overpowering since of satisfaction and pleasure.

KZD, fighting the good fight, recruiting Browncoats one thrust at a time.

And sure as

going to hell

Kuang Zhe De

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Friday, June 2, 2006 9:18 AM

KUANGZHEDE

On a side note. I am a pig, as all people can probably tell at this point. If people have issues in regards to my conduct and behavior on this post, remember, you were dutifully warned ahead of time and

Kuang Zhe De

The fastest baby eater, east of the Mississippi

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Monday, June 5, 2006 4:04 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Though this thread has been lost to obscurity already, I feel for those who have viewed it, the weekend needs to be told to give this closure.

I have taken ghostriders advice...for now...and am concentrating my efforts on my previous relationship. We watched every episode of firefly (breaks after ever two for spirited adult entertainment and wrestling) and followed it up with Serenity.

This poor girl, who was not so secretly falling in love with Wash, was beginning to concern me. I have trouble measuring up to fictional characters. As we all know, Wash has a King Kong Toothpick accident in Serenity. She was crushed...but as the humanitarian that I am, I was there to pick up the pieces and help her cope with the situation.

Does anybody remember the post for why Wash was still alive. I made a diagram showing a torso section of Wash with impact damage zones and why there is a 100% chance that there is a 10% chance Wash may have lived. I can't find it anymore.

As I think we all know, after finishing these episodes and the movie for the first time, there is a deep since of wanting. So she is hooked for life as nobody can get enough of firefly and I in turn cannot get enough of her

In all seriousness, though I joke about this situation as if said female is a piece of meat, I do have strong feelings for her and am not using her as a pawn in my ridiculous social experiment about the effects of Firefly on the male and female sex drive...at least not yet.

KZD's Five F's Firefly Guide to Seduction:
1- Firefly
2- Fondling
3- Foreplay
4- Fornication
5-

one of these

and repeat...forever

Tonight, we begin to watch the episodes with commentary...I am exhausted, but when you can't run anymore, you crawl, and when you can't do that... well, you know the rest

Stay Shiny

And if anybody has had a relationship form with a significant other do to firefly, I would love to hear it.

Kuang Zhe De

The fastest baby eater, east of the Mississippi

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Monday, June 5, 2006 4:14 AM

CHRISISALL

Quote:
Originally posted by KuangZheDe:

KZD's Five F's Firefly Guide to Seduction:
1- Firefly
2- Fondling
3- Foreplay
4- Fornication
5-

Oh God! I can't KNOW that!

Chrisisall !

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Monday, June 5, 2006 5:45 AM

MONKSDAD

lol

"And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community."

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Monday, June 5, 2006 5:47 AM

JOSSISAGOD

originally posted by KuanZheDe

Quote:
After storming off, I was fairly certain I would never hear from her again or her oversized, hairy, and all around mentally challenged ex-boyfriend.

And I think calling him that is an insult to the mentally challenged community.

Most of the mentally challenged people I know would never hit on their ex while in the presence of the new boyfriend. Sorry, but it had to be said.

JOSSIS(Most Definitely)AGOD

Self appointed Forsaken! Been on the list for a while now!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 6:20 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Quote:
Originally posted by KuangZheDe:

KZD's Five F's Firefly Guide to Seduction:
1- Firefly
2- Fondling
3- Foreplay
4- Fornication
5-

one of these

and repeat...forever

AGATSU brought up an important point in another thread in regards to the 5 F's. These masterful tools of seduction, which are only to be used to convert Browncoats, can now be applicable to members of the same sex as well as family members. Though taboo, the cause and need for browncoat recruits is too great to not take it to this next level of extreme recruiting. I appreciate your understanding in this regard and get out there and basically screw whatever you can get your hands on....remember, it is for a noble cause. The 5 f's are your friend

Kuang Zhe De

The fastest baby eater, east of the Mississippi

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Monday, June 5, 2006 6:24 AM

DONCOAT

Quote:
Originally posted by KuangZheDe:
These masterful tools of seduction, which are only to be used to convert Browncoats, can now be applicable to members of the same sex as well as family members.

Okay... now I can't know that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't disagree on any particular point.

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Monday, June 5, 2006 6:38 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Understandable, While this may SEEM extreme, well it is extreme but... ok you are right, this is going a little far, but I ask this question to you...How Far Are YOU Willing To Go? call yourself a browncoat do you...that is purplebelly talk if I ever heard it

Kuang Zhe De

The fastest baby eater, east of the Mississippi

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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:25 AM

KUANGZHEDE

I find it difficult to beleive that nobody has a had a relationship formed or fix by making their significant other (or soon to be sig other)watch Firefly. Am I the only person to use this magical tool for such occasions...a shame..you all are missing out.

Kuang Zhe De

The fastest baby eater, east of the Mississippi

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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:31 AM

MSG

Hey hell or not at least you aren't on the way to the special hell:) Sounds like you found a great solution. Just keep in mind that girls can be as big a player as guys ( not trying to spoil your fun just inject a note of caution) but hey if you don't have something wild to look back on are you sure you've actually lived? Have fun !

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:38 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Good point, the worst that can happen is that it ends brutually, I can live with that. And trust me, I know, girls think many steps beyond man. If you screw up (or more appropriatly, if they find out you screwed up) you are in for a nightmare.

Kuang Zhe De

The fastest baby eater, east of the Mississippi

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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:39 AM

TAYEATRA

They should film that story and show it every Christmas.

*****
Taya
*****
I'm going to S3!!!
(*Insert hysterical celebration dance here*)

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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:40 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD

No matter how happy you are now, your relationship will end in heartbreak.

One of you will probably cheat on the other.

But even if you avoid it and live long, happy lives together, one of you is going to die before the other.

Just a friendly reminder.

-----------------------------------------------
They say I am a sinner and seducer, they try to put the blame on me, but I don't give a fuck for the way they see

Stand up and you'll win, surrender and you'll lose, it's heads or tails, you have to choose.

Heads or tails, which way will you choose? Die or live, surrender or fight? Wild and free, together we'll stand, strong and proud, we will claim our right.

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Monday, June 5, 2006 8:49 AM

KUANGZHEDE

Chris I love your comments

you are so upbeat.

Now understand, this is beginning to get off topic I think. This is really not about ME, it is what firefly can do for you and yours. All in good fun, and don't worry, I am fairly sure I will die before she does if it ever, and doubtfully, gets to that juncture. That being said though, I am in this life for the laughs, I am sure to have plenty more. Besides, why worry today about events that MAY happen tommorow. I am not asking this girl to marry me, she cheats on me, we breakup, I get another girl to watch the DVD's with me, and poof, back to square one. A beuatiful cycle of pleasure and pain...God I love firefly, the only woman I will truly ever love.

Oh and um...that one of us will die first thing...I think I got that worked out...

Kuang Zhe De

The fastest baby eater, east of the Mississippi

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Monday, June 5, 2006 9:05 AM

MSG

Sorry KZD I have a mommy impulse that tends to get the best of me. Just wanted to be sure you were at least marginally protected..and speaking of that BUY IN BULK....

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 9:08 AM

MSG

Chris darling we really have to lock you in a nice room with the care bears for a few hours... that's some real lunatic optimism you have there:)

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 9:23 AM

KUANGZHEDE

I am not whoring around, I just got caught in peculiar situation, but thanks for the advice. I am not sleeping with both of these women, and I do not sleep around, I am a relationship oriented human being with strong christian values

(is anybody believing this)

who strives everyday to make the world a better place for whales, puppies, and other forms of small furry mammals. I would never truely think of cheating on a woman, especially if something better came along. In fact, I am insulted that anybody would think, after all the moralist post I have done on this thread, as well as other classy threads on this site that this is the case.

(I think I have them convinced)

What has the world come to when a man can be intersted in two women at the same time (as well as about 34% of the world's population), and he is ASSUMED to be a no good, cheating, pig of a man who treats a woman's body like an object.

(go in for the kill)

It is just really sad and says a lot about other people and the issues they have been through in their lives. Well off to Church were I am preaching a serman, building a house for the homeless, running a food and blood drive, before I work the soup kitchen later tonight.

(they are eatting out of your palm now!)

Insulted is all I will say and may God have mercy on your souls. I pray for you all.

Pious is my middle name (not really)

They better have cigarettes in hell

Kuang Zhe De

The fastest baby eater, east of the Mississippi

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Monday, June 5, 2006 12:16 PM

MSG

Now see if my husband checks out other women I assume that means he has good eyesight. We're married not blind and I don't know why any woman would feel the need to get all upset about that sort of thing. I know my husband loves me and I don't need him to ignore/not be attracted to all other women on the planet to know that. Hey I bought him playboy channel once for our anniversary. I figure he's a big boy and smart enough to know the difference between a quick gratification of a passing urge and a loving committed relationship...surprisingly that works just fine and he's never done anything that would make me feel like he didn't love me

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Monday, June 5, 2006 12:44 PM

VOLK564

You are my new hero. And my old one was Mal.

-Volk

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Monday, June 5, 2006 12:47 PM

NVGHOSTRIDER

Ya know Big K, being interested in two women at the same time is fairly normal. I get the feeling that all joking aside you really do feel a fair bit of anxiety on this whole ordeal. A man should not feel bad for treating a womans body like an object. But I do believe if one were to treat an entire female being like an object then they may be in the wrong. Besides, all men are pigs naturally. Its how you redeem yourself that matters. All sex cannot be about love and vice versa. I feel that most women want to be taken passionately from time to time. Some women are even piggier than alot of men. On the downside, there are also the elements of past trauma and abuse to think about. No BROWNCOAT expects you to be what you are not. And none of us are to judge your actions,(we all have those things in our pasts). Besides Pastor KDZ, where would we be without the strange happenings down in Happy Land? Very bored and very fat.
P.S. They better have cigarettes in hell or I definately ain't brinin' the beer.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 5:36 AM

MSG

ok getting confused now..how does wanting to have sex make you a pig?? I may need some clarification nvghostrider...I figure it just makes you humanand a happy human at that*grin*. Or am I wrong? I have often been wrong as I tend to think more like a guy. ( This may be why I keep coming up as Mal on that dratted quiz)In any case, it definitely makes you a relaxed pig/human:)
Oh and what kind of beer are we talking about here?? We denziens of hell are quite picky about our beer;)

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 7:55 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
Chris darling we really have to lock you in a nice room with the care bears for a few hours... that's some real lunatic optimism you have there:)

You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!

I will perform unspeakable evils on the care bears. Indeed, the doctors from Auschwitz will cringe when they see what horrible atrocities I've commited, sins against God and nature the likes of which the world has never seen.

-----------------------------------------------
They say I am a sinner and seducer, they try to put the blame on me, but I don't give a fuck for the way they see

Stand up and you'll win, surrender and you'll lose, it's heads or tails, you have to choose.

Heads or tails, which way will you choose? Die or live, surrender or fight? Wild and free, together we'll stand, strong and proud, we will claim our right.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006 8:01 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER

It just seems that when you want sex these days you almost have to frequent a bar or meat market.
I am saying that I am around women too much and really need to get out more. I like scoping out women and talking with them, but it also seems that I have been so conditioned to be polite and respectful that I trip over my own RAINSTICK, crashing and burning and spending more and more time in my bunk because it gets harder and harder to meet like minded women folk who like to be outdoors and shoot and have sex and talk to eachother as equals. Uhhh, too much caffine bad.

I'm glad to see that there are women out there who have such a dynamic personality. I seem to be very stuck on one right now that loves the outdoors and RPG's (Role Playing Games) who talks with me as an equal. And she loves to shoot (pool and firearms)

As for the beer, I tend to take Killians Irish Red to get togethers. Guiness also goes over well. I'm not much for watery Corona or that gorram trendy Heiniken.

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