Male and Female Imponderables Part IV by Tristan

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Male and Female Imponderables Part IV

POSTED BY: TRISTAN
UPDATED: Monday, May 22, 2006 03:18
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Thursday, May 18, 2006 5:21 AM

COPILOT

Wa Hoo!!!!!!!!!

An I carried such a torch

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 5:32 AM

WORSHIPMAL

Yes, it worked out pretty well

Now I just have to see if I can get a repeat performance in again soon!
I also want to get in on some of these other topics - so much fun!

I am not a huge fan of jewelry on men as a rule, but I definitely agree with Mal4Prez that it depends on the guy. If you can pull it off, it can be sexy. But I tend to prefer that my men err on the side of too little bling rather than too much.

Talking during sex is one of the toughest things to get used to. It can be so awkward, but it can also be so HOT. CoPilot - I too have had times in my life when it seemed like if he wasn't gonna talk dirty to me then I just wasn't going to get there. But ultimately, there are lots of other things that work! I guess I can take it or leave it. And like PhoenixRose, I'm pretty vocal too in a non-coherent way. Sometimes I talk a little bit, but I'm never quiet! I do a lot of screaming into the pillow to keep the neighbors from calling the cops.

Finally - cuddling! I adore it and this was a big problem with me and my ex, who had a very typical "I'm a guy and afterwards I just want to have some space" attitude. He was warm and affectionate, don't get me wrong, but not much of a cuddler. Now, my current boyfriend, I am convinced, could win an Olympic gold medal for cuddling. We literally sleep all night every night totally entwined. Often we wake up in the exact same position we fell asleep in. And we have it down pretty well so that we are both really comfortable. This reminds me of the brief discussion on spooning that made an appearance in Imponderables part deux... it works great when he puts his arm out just under my neck, so that it is just a very slight cushion for me and my head isn't weighing down on him. Then nobody's arm falls asleep, and we can lay like that for hours!

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 5:37 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Awwwwwwwww....
Yay for you! I am jealous of the cuddling. I am sad I have no one to cuddle. I agree with the arm under neck thing, btw.

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 5:45 AM

WORSHIPMAL

Don't be sad PhoenixRose! You are young yet. You'll find a champion cuddler of your own I am very sure!

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 5:51 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I hope so!
'Tis not easy for me, the finding of people I actually wish to cuddle. The talking and falling for people. The wondering if they actually like me or not. (this is due to many past experiences.) Then with the finally being able to cuddle...
*sigh*
No, 'tis not easy.

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 5:55 AM

TRISTAN

WorshipMal, Shiny! Glad it worked! And the line you used would have worked on any man! Dessert first...yeah, ok!

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:11 AM

WORSHIPMAL

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
The finding of people I actually wish to cuddle. The talking and falling for people. The wondering if they actually like me or not. (this is due to many past experiences.) Then with the finally being able to cuddle...

I sooo hear you. It's never easy... although it can sometimes seem like it is for everyone else. But trust me - for someone as self-aware and comfortable in her own skin as you seem to be, it can only get easier!

And Tristan - thanks again for the great tip

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:18 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Thanks!

It's good to hear that because sometimes I feel like my self-aware kinda gets in my way. Maybe it's better to say it limits my options somewhat. I wouldn't give it up, but sometimes I wonder if I'll just stumble across someone who will actually fnd it attractive.
For the record, a lot of men have seemed to find it attractive initially, and said it was a good thing, and then gotten a little unnerved by it. I think I have witnessed actual devolution of spirit in these instances. Sad and tragic

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:18 AM

TRISTAN

It wasn't just me, WorshipMal, all the browncoats come together to help!

No, it's not easy to find the right person. I can't speak, as I have found mine (or did she find me...?), but keep at it. Look at every failed match as experience; you will always learn something good even from something bad...like what to look for in the next partner. Or, if all else fails, come talk to us...we are here to help! Browncoat Lovin' Helpline...what to do when your mate is an idiot! Can a Browncoat find happiness out in the black?

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:21 AM

DEEPGIRL187

Wow, the fourth incarnation. The imponderables just keep coming don't they?

I don't know if this had been brought up already, but here goes:

Since much of this thread doesn't actually apply to me (I've never had a boyfriend or had sex) I thought I'd bring up a topic that does. I've always had trouble talking to people (though when I was a child it was easier to speak with boys). So I was wondering how many of you guys find it easy to speak with the opposite sex, or people in general.

**************************************************

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:27 AM

EMMARIGBY

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
I hope so!
'Tis not easy for me, the finding of people I actually wish to cuddle. The talking and falling for people. The wondering if they actually like me or not. (this is due to many past experiences.) Then with the finally being able to cuddle...
*sigh*
No, 'tis not easy.

*************************************************

I totally sympathise! There are a real shortage of people I've ever felt instant chemistry with. (It's much easier to lust after people on telly somehow!) In fact I can count them on the fingers of one hand the people who have made my insides melt. One was a guy who I tried desperately to pluck up my nerve to flirt with right up until he introduced me to his boyfriend, another was a girl who is so very straight! There were 3 others but either I never approached them or they never noticed I was alive!

A friend of mine once said that I was too picky. I wish she could tell that to my body! There's been a couple of guys that have liked me and been really sweet that I tried to fancy but it was all just a bit of a damp squib! Sigh!

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:32 AM

TRISTAN

Ooh, Deepgirl, that is a good one. I'll go for the "general first". I have spent most of my life in front of people (Drama, jobs, etc) and have always had to talk. I don't mean just stand on a stage and talk at people loudly, I mean mingling with the masses in character, etc. I am also in a business that requires me to talk to people daily (insurance). I don't have that much trouble doing it, but here's a secret; if I had my choice, I would rather not actually talk to many people at all.
As far as the opposite sex goes, I have always been a bit hesitant. I am more articulate at writing (I love the internet!), but I can talk when I need to. I of course had the same early school-boy red-faced bashfulness around girls, but I grew out of that around high-school. I now find it easier to talk to females, and generally get along with y'all better than with the males where I now find myself living.

I still meet someone every now and then that can still turn me into a stuttering idiot-boy, but it is rare...I have a feeling it will happen when I meet the BDH's!

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:42 AM

DEEPGIRL187

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
I still meet someone every now and then that can still turn me into a stuttering idiot-boy, but it is rare...I have a feeling it will happen when I meet the BDH's!

LOL. Agreed. I would turn into a babbling moron in a space of about two seconds. Especially in front of Adam Baldwin...and Nathan Fillion...and Alan Tudyk...oh hell, probably all of them.

I also find it easier to talk on the internet or write. It's amazing how fast an idea that sounds so good in your head turns into comeplete gibberish once it finds its way out of your mouth.

**************************************************

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:52 AM

EMMARIGBY

Quote:
Originally posted by deepgirl187:
Wow, the fourth incarnation. The imponderables just keep coming don't they?

I don't know if this had been brought up already, but here goes:

Since much of this thread doesn't actually apply to me (I've never had a boyfriend or had sex) I thought I'd bring up a topic that does. I've always had trouble talking to people (though when I was a child it was easier to speak with boys). So I was wondering how many of you guys find it easy to speak with the opposite sex, or people in general.

**************************************************

I again sympathise! I was always a silent wallflower with my head buried in a book rather than have to talk to people.

What really helped me was joining the drama society. Once I got over the terror of standing up on stage in front of people nothing was ever as scary again! Plus, I found I really enjoyed pretending to be other people for a while. If you can act like a confident and extrovert person, sooner or later you find it's become less of an act! That's just how it worked for me with strangers in general. Still working on the whole talking to those I really like thing!

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:54 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER

Oh what a thread! deepgirl187, maybe you should try putting yourself into situation where you have to talk with people. Avoid place where people go trolling for relationships. Try talking with the cashier at the grocery and maybe even the people in line. I know people go hunting at the store, but in general most people just look to the front of the line waiting for their turn. Also try this in an elevator, at the DMV, or go to fundraisers like bake sales, benefit auctions, or benefit car shows. Then use your interests to meet someone with things in common with you. It gets easier with time.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:59 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Quote:
Originally posted by EmmaRigby:

There are a real shortage of people I've ever felt instant chemistry with. (It's much easier to lust after people on telly somehow!) In fact I can count them on the fingers of one hand the people who have made my insides melt. One was a guy who I tried desperately to pluck up my nerve to flirt with right up until he introduced me to his boyfriend, another was a girl who is so very straight! There were 3 others but either I never approached them or they never noticed I was alive!

A friend of mine once said that I was too picky. I wish she could tell that to my body! There's been a couple of guys that have liked me and been really sweet that I tried to fancy but it was all just a bit of a damp squib! Sigh!

That is sad! I've had that "kinda the wrong sexuality" thing happen, too. Badness.
Yeah, be nice if we could just tell our body to react! I'm close, but there still has to be something for my natural response to work with!

This seems to be a real theme for a lot of people; the one-sided crush. I mean, I've had 'em, but usually there's a fairly mutual attraction. Only in high school was there from-afar lusting after people who never looked at me much. Even that was kinda weak tea, y'know? If I really, really crush on someone I've met, it's likely that they're feelin' something too. I don't know about others really, really crushing on me and being unrequited; never been approached or asked out by someone I wasn't interested in (who actually knew me. Not including clubs and bars and such, here) It's just always seemed like if the chemistry was there, it was there (also assuming they like women-folk. Heh) and if it wasn't really there it kinda died away easy. Any thoughts on this?
Oh! and the talking to people thing. Sometimes I still find it difficult, but other times it's just so easy to start a conversation. I figure if I can't start a conversation with someone, we have nothing to say. I can generally try, but it's usually something like "Hey I like that ring/necklace/piece of clothing" and if something develops from there, I can talk pretty easy. If not, well, they don't wanna talk to me, I guess.

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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