GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Hunt for the Secret Hidey Place of Nice Boys

POSTED BY: MAI
UPDATED: Tuesday, May 30, 2006 07:49
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VIEWED: 25032
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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 11:21 AM

HAIDON


Well, I've been following this here thread since it's inception, but it's taken up till now to actually catch up and decide to make a comment of my own.

Firstly, I have been, on numerous occasions, accused of being a 'nice guy.' Those words were usually shortly followed by "Let's just be friends." As a result of this, I tried to be the bad guy. I was able to do it, but I didn't like what I had become. Not that it didn't get me women, which it did. But I seriously didn't like being the a$$hole.

So here I am, back to the normal me, and I've stayed that way for at least the last 4 years. I'm 28, and unattached. I've never been married, and I've only lived with one woman... good thing too; had I married her beforehand, there'd have been blood. And probably not hers... I'm not quite strong-willed enough to convince myself to injure someone.(Read: I'm a wussy-man.)

I don't do bars, since the types of people you find in bars typically are either already attached, or are looking for the cut chest/6-pack. You can't exactly get to know someone's personality in a bar. Too much noise for that.

So here I am, on the raggedy edge. Unable to keep the a$$hole persona, yet not beautiful enough to attract women with my merits. So where do I turn? Well, I tried e-Harmony. Have you ever been turned down by a dating service?? It's humiliating. I went through and filled out their personality test, and they basically said "No, we can't take your money; you're unhelpable." Some bull crap about how 20% of those that take the test are incompatible with their methods. Wow, like that wasn't just hurtful. Maybe I'll go get turned down for a car loan, or maybe that Chinese black market adoption ring will frown on my credit score.

I've signed up for several of those personals sites that give you emails every week with matches that fit your desires. I only signed up for the free service, since I was wholly unconvinced that these services actually work at all. Did you know that, according to Yahoo, in my area alone, there are over 50 women that are 25 years old, have a job in computers, look drop-dead gorgeous, and are interested in "Arts, Movies, Dancing, Computers/Internet," in precisely that order, and with no other interests? In fact, at least 4 of them are twins with other women in Yahoo personals. I know this because they look exactly alike. /nod.

Of course, I'm also the kind of guy that's excessively shy arond women. The only women I have dated asked ME out, not t'other way around. Even during that a$$hole period, I could only get a number if they asked me.

So, just as a hint, we hide at home, playing our MMORPG's, or at work. I'm sure there are other places, but those are the only places you're likely to find me. Now I'm off to the movie theater tonight - to watch Zorro. I'm sure there'll be plenty of available girls there; too bad I want a woman.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 11:26 AM

ZEEK


phew I think I finally finished reading most of this post. First thoughts: Ladies have you ever looked at yourselves to try to determine if you would attract "nice" guys? "Nice" is all relative anyway. I know plenty of guys who I would classify as jerks but most people classify as nice. So, I suggest trying to think like a "nice" guy and then figure out what to do to attract one. Being outgoing/aggressive is always a plus in my book. Us guys don't get subtle signals. Come over and talk to us. We get that one.

Quote:

Originally posted by Cybersnark:
I want a girl who's classy, geeky, highly intelligent, sophisticated, whimsical, critical (in the analytical sense), eloquent, doesn't mind junk food, watches cartoons and animé, likes sci-fi, plays video games, believes in the paranormal, wears a lot of black, won't try to get me drunk (I don't drink, don't feel the need to encourage me to, 'cause it'll just annoy me), and is okay with sitting together on the couch watching (way too much) TV.

People have told me my standards are too high. I usually reply that theirs are too low.


You make a good list sir. I want most all of that. I don't care about wearing a lot of black. I also don't care if she watches cartoons and anime or believes in the paranormal. The rest of it is pretty much right on. Some of my favorite times with past girlfriends has just been snuggling on the couch watching a movie or something. I've never been much of a drinker either. Just doesn't make any sense to me. I like my brain and it likes me. I don't want to poison it.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 11:30 AM

MAL4PREZ


Quote:


Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
I LOVE BBC's P&P!! I hope the new movie coming out is as good. I'm worried, though. 2hr movie versus 6 hr mini-series. Guess I'll find out this weekend when I go see it!

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/




So, do you find that men are only capable of enjoying something like P&P out of a need to understand that perplexing thing that is Woman? (ie You've got Mail)

Nice and NotNice guys: please chime in. And how about that clingy girl question someone asked over the weekend, I think Lightmedark was the only one who answered this and I am curious about it too. I will always be single rather than clingy, I hope that doesn't doom me to spinsterhood. (Good thing I knit, just in case.)

m4p


Ask Dr. Science ... he knows more than you do.

"I have a Master's degree ... in science!"


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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 11:33 AM

CITIZEN


Okay Haiden Just told my life story (cept the nice guy and a$$hole part, I'd be an Arsehole (British) and I'm evil, not nice in anyway).

Completly evil. I'm so evil I fool people in to thinking I'm not evil, because it allows more oppertunities for evil.

How evil.



More insane ramblings by the people who brought
Remember, the ice caps aren't melting, the water is being liberated.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 12:00 PM

HAIDON


The one woman I lived with: CLINGY with an uber-capital all of it!

The worst part was that she didn't show her true absolu-clinginess until after we had moved in together. If I answered the phone and said more than one sentence, the jealousy would begin. I suppose I could handle a bit of clinginess, but I have seen the dark side of clingy, and it's not a Bounce dryer sheet, let me tell you.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 12:03 PM

CALLMESERENITY


Quote:

Originally posted by mal4prez:
Quote:


So, do you find that men are only capable of enjoying something like P&P out of a need to understand that perplexing thing that is Woman? (ie You've got Mail)

Nice and NotNice guys: please chime in. And how about that clingy girl question someone asked over the weekend, I think Lightmedark was the only one who answered this and I am curious about it too. I will always be single rather than clingy, I hope that doesn't doom me to spinsterhood. (Good thing I knit, just in case.)




I've only known one guy that would watch Jane Austin with me, but he would never admit to it in public. And he was very sensitive. He's married now. Don't know what that means.

And, you know, I think it was Zoot(?) earlier that said it was the women who knew that they wanted that snatched up all the good men early on so there weren't any left for the rest of us (I'm paraphrasing here, obviously). But it has always seemed to me that it is the clingy (or co-dependent) girls that get married first. Like one of my college roommates who went through 7 (SEVEN!) guys in one semester before she latched onto the guy she ended up marrying. Talk about getting your MRS!

And if you end up being a knitting spinster for being independent and non-clingy, then I'll join you and we can knit together.

Also, this thread is getting way too long. We need a new one.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 12:16 PM

EST120


Quote:

Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
I've only known one guy that would watch Jane Austin with me, but he would never admit to it in public. And he was very sensitive. He's married now. Don't know what that means.



I actually own a film version of a Jane Austen book (I will leave you to figure out which one it is) and I enjoy very much. In fact, I went to see it on the first real date I ever went on way back in my youth....

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 12:30 PM

RIVERNOT


Quote:

Originally posted by chrisisall:
Just striking up a conversation about Serenity out of the blue works too.

Chrisisall, advice to the romance-seekers everywhere



Man! I wish I'd had that option years ago.

(Got myself a nice guy anyway.)

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 12:33 PM

RIVERNOT


Quote:

Originally posted by chrisisall:
Here's another: watch Somewhere In Time(Christopher Reeve, Jayne Seymour, 1980) with a guy and see if he cries at the end. Any guy that don't cry- hit the ejector button.

Chrisisserious



Somewhere In Time has one of the best movie kisses EVER!

(I think my nice guy would have flunked this test. Hmmm. Think I'll have to rent.)

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 12:34 PM

ZEEK


Quote:

Originally posted by mal4prez:
Nice and NotNice guys: please chime in. And how about that clingy girl question someone asked over the weekend, I think Lightmedark was the only one who answered this and I am curious about it too. I will always be single rather than clingy, I hope that doesn't doom me to spinsterhood. (Good thing I knit, just in case.)


Depends on what clingy means. I want a girl who wants to be with me. I've told my female friends, which for some reason I have a lot of currently, that I don't like dancing and going to bars, but that if I was going with a girl I liked, I would happily go with a smile on my face. Not because I suddenly like either event, but because I want to spend time with that person. What we do together isn't as important as being together.

So, no I don't want a girl who just goes off on her own all the time. I want some clinginess.

However, if clingy is just another word for insanely jealous, then I don't want that. I'm going to have female friends and I want to be able to have a boys night out once in a while. I'm not going to cheat. It's not who I am. Which I find hard to get across to the jealous type girls. I don't know how to prove I won't cheat. I just know I won't.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 12:52 PM

LFO


Quote:


So, do you find that men are only capable of enjoying something like P&P out of a need to understand that perplexing thing that is Woman? (ie You've got Mail)

Nice and NotNice guys: please chime in. And how about that clingy girl question someone asked over the weekend, I think Lightmedark was the only one who answered this and I am curious about it too. I will always be single rather than clingy, I hope that doesn't doom me to spinsterhood. (Good thing I knit, just in case.)



What does P&P represent here? Period films? Slow, lacking action? Drama? Poingantly emotional?

I'd have to answer differently for each category, but in general, I like "chick flicks" - but have to be in the mood for them (like anything, really). Say Anything and Breakfast at Tiffany's are a couple of my favorite films, and I like romantic comedies in general (though they are quite predictable ;) )

I may just be an odd duck, though - I always cry at the end of Terminator 2...

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 1:07 PM

RIVERNOT


Static. Brilliantly said!

Quote:

I heard somewhere the key was to watch a guys eyes when he laughs. If the laughter shows in his eyes, he's genuine.

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny[b/]



Ah, yes. The twinkle. This was something my mom had mentioned many, many times about fellas, and we would talk about guys if they had it, but it took me forEVER before I started applying it to my personal search. Hence, I met my fella, who has a twinkle, through a "great guy" I thought I was dating, who did not have a twinkle. It tought me that charm and charisma aren't everything if their ain't no twinkle.


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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 1:10 PM

CALLMESERENITY


Quote:

Originally posted by est120:
Quote:

Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
I've only known one guy that would watch Jane Austin with me, but he would never admit to it in public. And he was very sensitive. He's married now. Don't know what that means.



I actually own a film version of a Jane Austen book (I will leave you to figure out which one it is) and I enjoy very much. In fact, I went to see it on the first real date I ever went on way back in my youth....



Persuasion? Because that's my FAVOURITE of all.

But it was probably Sense & Sensibility because that's the only one that I can think of that's been made into a movie that's made it into a theater.

LFO-P&P is short for Pride & Prejudice. We were just being lazy.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 1:25 PM

LIGHTMEDARK


I read some of these replies last night. It is rather a good thing I did not post then as I was rather upset (especially with you're snippet BEG, which in hindsight was rather dumb).

Why was I distraught...well I've recently been contemplating a lot of things (obviously), and my loyalties get in the way sometime. As I posted earlier my cousin called needing a ride. He was as flippin' drunk as I've seen him in quite a while. So I picked him up, and he was hungry. So I took him to Burger King where he wanted to dine in instead of taking it to go as I suggested. As he sat at our table behind a pile of food that he bought and couldn't possibly eat (the club sandwhich he ended up buckling into my backseat...i named it timmy ;D), he loudly proclaimed hey if you ever see her jim's ex girlfriend has goneria (or however you spell it..and she doesn't). I took it good naturedly and shook my head to everyone. He was obviously drunk and so took no notice or nothing more than amusement. He told me today he was sorry and meant it in the best possible way at the time. After we finished eating and before we left he pulled out a number of some girl that had just walked up to him and given it to him and called her on my phone. He asked to see her (while his girlfriend is home pregnant with his child...I know that one's not working out. They're schedules didn't mesh so maybe next week.

After that as I was driving him home he says hey i thought we were going to stop at Fuzions (maybe it's fusionz, a bar). I said nah, I just really wanted to get home. So as we near his home a cop pulls up behind my bumper as we're rolling down the street. My cousin says just pull right into the Clinton, they won't think anything's up. I said I really didn't want to go, but that if he wanted to I would hang out for a bit. After a drink there he wanted to go to another bar, so I obliged. While we were there I told him I just wanted to get home so let's go. He said alright but can we stop up at the Casino (we both work there, big place) and wait for this girl to get out. I said sure whatever. He wanted her to drive him home (she has been lately). We waited there until about 45 minutes after she was supposed to get out before she finally did. Turns out she was taking a friend home so it was a wasted venture (for which my cousin apologized). They're going out to the bar tonight.

Then when I got home I spoke with my best chick friend for a while over IM. We got into an argument I left upset to which I read the following quote which I almost replied to in anger(I called her today and told her I was sorry I was such an asshole last night. she's a good friend). It's funny that I argue far more with friends than I ever have with past gfs. There were only two fights in my last relationship, and they were both about work. I don't even think my ex gf calls them fights, haha.

Quote:

Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
And LightMeDark: You know what? You know what's wrong with you. If you don't think you should be in a relationship, then don't be. It's your life dude, I'm only trying to show you some other perspectives and stuff. Opening your mind and your eyes can lead you to open your heart.



Yeah, I do. I am now putting my most sincere effort forward to fixing what must be fixed in order for me to date without heavy conscience. I appreciate your trying to help me. I'm sorry if I've made you feel diminished in any way (which I probably haven't, you're strong).

Quote:

Originally posted by ScorpionRegent:
the man who knows you may be seeing other men and isn't frightened off and doesn't immediately demand you commit to him and truly is interested in your happiness and is willing to give you the space to find it. Well, that man may just be your keeper, a man of true courage. So long as he's not hiding the fact from you he's married already, and is interested in a commited to a exclusive monogamous relationship. That is the prize right? The winner gets to share everything with you, exclusively. I'm not asking in a judgemental fashion, but it's important to know what you want and to communicate it openly because that's the key to success in so many things, communication. And when you change, hey everybody does, keep communicating. There is nothing more frustrating for a man than the cliche of a woman who sends out subtle signals and expects the man to read her mind.



He may, but he could also be that stereotypical (stereotypes are there for a reason) jerk guy that doesn't care about that stuff because he only wants your booty. I agree on the communication bit, but I think it's best if you restrain it. I tried that total honesty thing with the last gf. It is certainly part of why it unraveled. Sure, you may say it was doomed anyways then, and it probably was.

And there it is again, ladies...Stop with the hints. Smack him over the head with something that will be obvious to him. A lot of "nice" guys won't presume to take any of your gestures or subtle hints as indicating your interest in them.

Quote:

Originally posted by XeroGravity:
Don't get comfortable. I'm not done yet. Just recuperating. That was a 3-pronged attack by the female of the species, and my mojo is taxed. The "masculinst" movement must live.

XG



I love your sense of humour (if you are indeed trying to be humourous). If not, well, you're funny anyway.

Quote:

Originally posted by mal4prez:
I'm relatively new to FFF (and to internet posting in general, actually) so let me introduce myself a bit. I'm a scientist but I have my sides. Often my day will go like this - play ice hockey with the girls early, go to work and write code and plot squiggly lines all day, go to ballet/modern dance class, maybe catch some more hockey with the guys at night. Or go home and watch FF. I like dressing up and dancing at clubs (trance addict here) I play cello (oh, the Bach suites!) I knit. I rarely wear makeup. I'm a tall and skinny ballerina type but not so fashionable. I love scifi. I love Jane Austen. I home brew.
...
I was watching TV with a boyfriend once and The Age of Innocence came on, and after five minutes he said - "this is a chick flick" and immediately tuned out. It was too big a challenge to his masculinity, I guess! *wussy*

My man should allow me to paint his toenails if I'm in the mood and also take (or give) a hip check on the ice.



Wow, I was in love (especially the ice hockey comments...wait, you mean it's not just you? there's more than one girl playing hockey?) until I read about the dancing deal. I don't dance (well, alone or maybe a special private dance for my significant other ;D), especially to the kind of music you get at clubs. I wish I didn't live nowhere. Even if I did I wouldn't find a club with what I like...metal, hardcore, industrial, prog, etc. etc. and not the mainstream bs. I don't know who Jane Austen is.

I should probably be embarrassed to, but I like chick flicks. I like all kinds of stuff. I am become overly sensitive to cheese, though (as in overly cheesy not for the sake of being cheesy stuff in film). I've let my first gf paint my toenails...what she got out of it i'm not exactly sure, but it made her happy. That's cool.

Quote:

Originally posted by TotallyFryed:
but we, as men, tend to put on our track shoes when we meet someone who could be 'the one'. Fair enough?



I think I actually scare women away in this manner. I'm so incredibly serious about it that women often think there must be something wrong with me...a guy not afraid but welcoming committment?

Quote:

Originally posted by Haidon:
Firstly, I have been, on numerous occasions, accused of being a 'nice guy.' Those words were usually shortly followed by "Let's just be friends." As a result of this, I tried to be the bad guy. I was able to do it, but I didn't like what I had become. Not that it didn't get me women, which it did. But I seriously didn't like being the a$$hole.
...
Well, I tried e-Harmony. Have you ever been turned down by a dating service?? It's humiliating.
...
Of course, I'm also the kind of guy that's excessively shy arond women. The only women I have dated asked ME out, not t'other way around. Even during that a$$hole period, I could only get a number if they asked me.



Yeah, famous words. The bad guy thing works...my cousin is an asshole bastard sexist pig, but women flock to him. I should at least consider myself fortunate that I have gotten at least a phone number on my intiative...one of the hardest things ever. I think the only reason I did it is because I felt it was appropriate. I think my mind fools me into only pursuing a female in set zones...like you're only allowed to show interest in a girl in this location or in this situation. It really hampers me.

Quote:

Originally posted by Zeek:
Us guys don't get subtle signals. Come over and talk to us. We get that one.



There it is again, ladies. I just feel it's important to point this out as often as neccessary. Oh, and some of us don't even get the coming over and talking to us bit. I know I don't. Tell me, or get word to me through your friends or mine. I've become completely insensitized to hints as I think nothing one shows me is something that they wouldn't show any other person in the room.

Quote:

Originally posted by mal4prez:
Quote:

Nice and NotNice guys: please chime in. And how about that clingy girl question someone asked over the weekend, I think Lightmedark was the only one who answered this and I am curious about it too. I will always be single rather than clingy, I hope that doesn't doom me to spinsterhood. (Good thing I knit, just in case.



I have to say most guys don't like the clingy girl so you should be ok. Of course that's not everyone (as I've demonstrated).

---
inch towards daylight

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 1:27 PM

XEROGRAVITY


My brain cells are still regrouping for counter-attack but MAL4PREZ, I'm compelled to respond to your post...

Ok... you're checklist (and what men are thinking):

**cue up otherworldly harp music**

(1) Scientist. Ok... she's definately not blonde.
(2) Plays Hockey... that deserves a male grunt of approval.
(3) Writes code and plots squiggly lines... I have a crackerjack decoder ring and am a world-reknowned fingerpainter (critically acclaimed since kindergarten).
(4) Ballet/Modern Dance... ok, I'm thinking classy and sexy. I'm ready to dazzle you with my "uncoordinated white guy dance".
(5) Dance/Trance clubbing... Ok, maybe she is blonde. Still kinda sexy.
(6) Plays cello... More class. I'm thinking to myself, Ok, I can play gazoo, we can make beautiful music together. Romantic duets involving show tunes.
(7) Jane Austen... I didn't know Tarzan's wife lived in Texas. Learn something new everyday.
(8) Homebrew... ok, right about this point I'm thinking marriage proposal.


But then, the whole fantasy goes flying off the rails with a bloodcurdling scream of primal man-agony...

**cue up gothic Phantom of the Opera theme**

(9) Painting your man's toenails...

This is a man we're talking about isn't it?

When that witch's brew wears off and the man wakes up to this desecration of his macho-osity, he'll probably gnaw his own leg off. It's worse than a bear trap. Maybe even gnaw his whole body off from the neck down (difficult, but not impossible).

I don't even wanna imagine what #10 would be like after that one. Dress him up in leotards and make him jazzercise with you? Oh god no... it's just making my skin crawl.

XG


No such thing as gravity. The "Earth-that-was" just sucks.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 3:47 PM

CITIZEN


XG:
Actually I was thinking:
Hmmm, another woman waaaay out of my league.



More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
Remember, the ice caps aren't melting, the water is being liberated.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 6:10 PM

JADEHAND



BlackEyedGirl wrote:
Quote:

Jadehand: I'm completely available, and I'll get trashed with you and we can plan the innevitable downfall of stupidity. I'm also a schemer (this just doesn't look to be spelled right), and like Wash, I was laconic once, but never had a fry cook opportunity. So get a bottle of vodka and a notebook (cos we'll need to take notes of course, what good is planning if you can't attempt to make out your drunked scribblings the next day), and we will figure this out.

I always wanted a bumper sticker that said: I wish stupidity were fatal so you'd die. I figured I might get rear ended a lot with that though.
...


Thank you. This made my day. I've a bad couple of weeks, and this made the day bearable. Thank You.
I wish Wisconsin wasn't so far from NC.

I have some plans in the works, some of my friends and I have discussed this before. I think we start with removing all warning labels, and disallowing the silly lawsuits. More Darwin Awards yeah.

Comments on the nice boys Vs. getting hints: I can only speak for myself, I made a few embarassing mistakes in my past, misinterpreting ladies who were just being nice as giving signals. So now, if you're giving signals, I'll likely just assume you're only being friendly/ polite. You pretty much gotta hit me over the head, and drag me back to the cave. I won't mind waking up chained to the wall.


Also: CallMeSerenity wrote something about this thread getting too long and how we need another. What is the record here for longest thread? I second the request. Loooong load times for thread.

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."
"Say you understand me, And I will leave myself completely.
Forgive me if I stare, But I can see the island behind your tired, troubled eyes." -Fantastic Place (Marbles) -Marillion



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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 6:33 PM

BLACKEYEDGIRL


I started a new thread entitled: The Hidey Place of Nice Boys & Girls.

Let the pain begin again without the excessively long load time!

blackeyedgurl

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluralofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 6:41 PM

JADEHAND


Yeah! *hugs BEG!* thanks.
continue thread here:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=15042

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."
"Say you understand me, And I will leave myself completely.
Forgive me if I stare, But I can see the island behind your tired, troubled eyes." -Fantastic Place (Marbles) -Marillion



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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 6:58 PM

SCORPIONREGENT


I can see where 0G is coming from in regards to having toenails painted. Most guys aren't that secure about such things. In light of Mal4prez' resume I would say it's a reasonable price to pay to share time with such a lady. If anyone called me on it, I would tell them the same, "My lady is worth it." Of course it's understood, I don't come cheap either.

I can watch Jane Austen films if I am in a receptive mood, but in the spirit of reciprocation when I get to pick the movie I'll put on something from the Sharpe's series. Most women won't say no to Sean Bean being rugged and heroic.



Scorpion Regent

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 7:30 PM

RKLENSETH


Quote:

Originally posted by Barclay:
Quote:

Originally posted by Lofwyrr:
I'll tell you where we are. We're driving you home from the bar, drunk, as you cry about the hot guy that 'broke your heart' that night at the bar. We're holding back your hair as you puke. We're sitting at home when you call and say that your date for the night cancelled and can you come over and talk. We're sitting at the bar with you, watching your purse as you go up to the bar or out on the dance floor to hit on the hot guy, trying to get him to buy you drinks. We're waiting for you to realize that we'll treat you well all the time, not just when the hot, or rich, or nice car-having guys are done with you.

We're right in front of you.

Not that I'm bitter or anything

Be wary of rousing the wrath of wizards, for you are flammable and conduct electricity.



You know, I'm not usually into the random threads thing (and don't post all that frequently), but I like to think of myself as an observer of people, and especially relationships, and I think the post I've quoted has got all sorts of smarts to it.

For all interested in a bitter male perspective, visit http://www.intellectualwhores.com which has a wonderful theory. Even if you end up disagreeing with it, it's something to consider. And that's what we're about right?

But I imagine that most of you who are looking for a "nice guy" already have one around. And the fact that he's around, probably means he's interested. You know that whole "When harry Met Sally" thing that men and women can never be friends because if you don't want to have sex with him than he wants to have sex with you? Girls, I've got a news flash, it's absolutely true. Every female friend I have, I would date. Every one who I've had that I've decided it wouldn't be worth dating, I don't talk to any more.

So, when I'm there listening to a female friend talk about her (ex-)boyfriend, I'm taking notes. I'm learning more about her than said boyfriend does. Mainly so that if an opportunity comes up, there I am. And unless the guy is into guys, that's pretty much why guys are friends with girls.

So, where do you go to look for a nice guy? Odds are, you've already got him around. And odds are, he's also willing. You've just got to look around and see him not on the friend ladder, but on the relationship ladder (see link above). The problem isn't of finding guys (it's very easy to say "Why Hasn't a nice guy come along yet?") but rather why haven't you noticed the nice guy who's already there (a lot harder to ask that question). Expand the base of guys you're looking at... heck, for a day, or a week or whatever, size up every guy you meet as potential boyfriend material and see what you come up with (not that you have to act on it), but just to get your thoughts going in that direction.

"You are on the Global Frequency."
http://www.frequencysite.com
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com]

But then that wouldn't make them a nice guy, would it? They would instead be opportunist bastards. Just saying.

Oh, and play Cantr II at www.cantr.net.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005 2:26 AM

EST120


Quote:

Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
Persuasion? Because that's my FAVOURITE of all.

But it was probably Sense & Sensibility because that's the only one that I can think of that's been made into a movie that's made it into a theater.

LFO-P&P is short for Pride & Prejudice. We were just being lazy.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/



You are correct. Sense and Sensibility. I do not watch it often because I find it simultaneously happy and sad. Still, I enjoy it. I have a decent sized collection of romantic comedies too.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005 7:15 AM

CHRISISALL


Quote:

Originally posted by RiverNot:
Quote:

Originally posted by chrisisall:
Here's another: watch Somewhere In Time(Christopher Reeve, Jayne Seymour, 1980) with a guy and see if he cries at the end. Any guy that don't cry- hit the ejector button.

Chrisisserious



Somewhere In Time has one of the best movie kisses EVER!

(I think my nice guy would have flunked this test. Hmmm. Think I'll have to rent.)

Naw, give him the dvd, go shopping or whatever, but have a spy-cam on him. With no one around to be strong for, I'll bet he lets loose at least ONE tear....

*interesting film fact: When Jayne Seymour was 'adding' dialogue during her play and directing it to Chris Reeve in the audience, it was actually the writer, Richard Matheson, sitting in for Reeve, at whom she was looking.

Chrisisall, reaching for a tissue hisself

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005 10:41 AM

RIVERNOT


Quote:

Originally posted by chrisisall:
Quote:

Originally posted by RiverNot:
Quote:

Originally posted by chrisisall:
Here's another: watch Somewhere In Time...Any guy that don't cry- hit the ejector button. Chrisisserious



I think my nice guy would have flunked this test.



Naw, give him the dvd, go shopping or whatever, but have a spy-cam on him. With no one around to be strong for, I'll bet he lets loose at least ONE tear....



Won't work. "Inscrutable" is my fella. However, he will admit to being "moved."

Quote:



*interesting film fact: When Jayne Seymour was 'adding' dialogue during her play and directing it to Chris Reeve in the audience, it was actually the writer, Richard Matheson, sitting in for Reeve, at whom she was looking.

Chrisisall, reaching for a tissue hisself



I'd mixed up this bit of trivia with the bit about Reeve seeing the portrait for the first time and was about to call you on it. Oops. Good thing I checked first. Anyway, Matheson was supposedly so moved and upset by the experience, he had to call his wife and return home immediately. That's a nice guy.

Pass the tissue.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005 10:49 AM

CHRISISALL


Quote:

Originally posted by RiverNot:


Matheson was supposedly so moved and upset by the experience, he had to call his wife and return home immediately. That's a nice guy.

Pass the tissue.

That I did not know.

Back in 1980 I saw it in the theatre with my then girlfriend, who not only didn't cry, she said afterward that it was 'over-acted' (theatre major), it was then that I knew it would never work between us.

Chrisisall a Matheson fan

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005 11:02 AM

RIVERNOT


Quote:

Originally posted by chrisisall:
Back in 1980 I saw it in the theatre with my then girlfriend, who not only didn't cry, she said afterward that it was 'over-acted' (theatre major), it was then that I knew it would never work between us.

Chrisisall a Matheson fan



Once upon a time I had a crush on a fella and he took me on my very first date to Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977). I was, of course, enthralled! (Never worked for me on video. Only the big screen for that one.) He actually said something like, "I didn't really like it." Well, that quashed my crush right there. Actually, I don't think I went on another date for a couple of years.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005 11:20 AM

CHRISISALL


In '82 I took a girlfriend to see Blade Runner, she said it was 'good'. She married a nice guy (a 'not me' kinda nice guy).

A lot of weeding is done at the theatre, I see.

Chrisisall at the movies

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006 7:49 AM

SAFRON


Quote:

Originally posted by BruisersMom:
Oh, here's a thought from the BruisersMom files. Sometimes the nice guy is still single and a waste of time because he's terrified of commitment or just very comfortable being a confirmed thirtysomething bachelor and only wants a woman to be his girlfriend for the rest of her life. Ended a relationship with one of those nice guys about a year ago.

Oh, and here's something scary. The above mentioned exboyfriend had friends who were just like him. They use to go out to dinner and movies together on Friday nights when they didn't have girlfriends. Maybe, I should post their names so that single women can avoid wasting their time on them? Yeah, why not. Their names are David Poepoe, Webb Deneys and I forget the other guy's last name. His first name was Jason. You'll see him with the other two guys anyway.



Here's a thought from Safron's files:
Sometimes the nice guy is still single because he hasn't found the right girl yet and doesn't feel like settling into a loveless marriage with whoever just happens to be around.

I don't know who taught you your netiquette, but posting people's real names in an anonymous public forum like this is tres uncool.

But, since we're naming names,

Hi, Elizabeth, my name is Laura. I'm the girl who just married Webb last month, so thanks for telling the single girls to stay away from him. It's been a pleasure to meet you.

Also, Webb and I will be attending Jason's wedding to his fiance, Val, in October.

Dave, alas, is still Dave. We all hope that he will someday find the right girl, but short of the invention of a time machine who knows.

I wish you luck in finding someone to share your life with who won't ask you to take care of his kids with ADHD or expect you to provide him with a whole passel of new ones.

I am glad to see that this bit of petty immaturity seems to have been shortlived, as your other posts here showed a bit of growth and a desire to find your own strength in your solitude.

Until then, enjoy your teaching and your weekends at the ASPCA.

Much love,

Safron
AKA: Our Mrs. Deneys

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