Busted Gut : Favorite Funny Scenes/Lines by serrada

FIREFLY EPISODE DISCUSSIONS

Busted Gut : Favorite Funny Scenes/Lines

POSTED BY: SERRADA
UPDATED: Wednesday, September 7, 2016 18:12
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VIEWED: 44379
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Sunday, February 5, 2006 3:40 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by oiamslain:
“I think I really made a difference in their lives. Me, Jayne Cobb!”
“I know your name, jackass.”

Just reading that cracks me up all over again.

The "Kaylee's dead" does it for me everytime.

But my favorite is Mal's "A swhat?" in Shindig.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 8:40 PM

KITCH

My virgin voyage, be gentle. HUGE FAN!!!! One of my favorites (there are sooooo many) is in "Our Mrs. Reynolds, when Mal asks Jayne "How much he drank last night?" and Jayne says " I don't know, I passed out". The look on Mal's face is priceless!!! BDH.......

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Monday, February 6, 2006 1:35 AM

BOOKADDICT

Jayne in "The train job" I was aiming for his head.
Gets me every time!

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Monday, February 6, 2006 10:29 AM

LEIASKY

I have a long list of things that make me laugh...

At the top would HAVE to be Jaynetown. That whole episode was just filled with hilarious lines.

"Too - much - hair"
"Its that all?"
"Hell yes preacher if I didn't have things to do I'd be in there with her."
"He's putting - away - the hair now"

"I swear, when its appropriate."
Jayne tearing up infirmary.
"Now see, this'd be the perfect time
for a swear-word."

"My God, you're like a trained ape!
Without the training"
Dripping with sarcasm. "Enemies? You? No! How can it be? "

"They say the snow on the roof is too
heavy--they say the ceiling will cave
in--his brains are in terrible
danger-- "

And that's just one episode! hee

Tammy

"A government is a body of people usually notably ungoverned."

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Monday, February 6, 2006 10:40 AM

CAPELLA

There are so many great funny moments in the series. When I did the screensaver and collected the soundbites just from the Serenity-ep, I could not stop myself from cutting out more and more lines, because they are just so humorous.

I am very fond of Wash. So maybe my two favourite funny lines are both by him.

In Serenity when he plays with his dinos:
"We will rule over all this land and we will call it ... this land."

In The Message, when he talks to the fake alien cow fetus: "Do not fear us, our's is a peaceful race"

I also just love it when the crew bickers Mal in Serenity, because he wants to do business with Patience even though she shot him once and he says: "Everybody is making a fuss" with this very funny-confused undertone in his voice.

Have fun,
Capella

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Monday, February 6, 2006 11:29 AM

The entire episode of Jaynestown, Mal stabbing Atherton while he's down, Kraal the henchman getting kicked through the engine. My favorite bit of all time, ever, had to be anything with RIver. THe funniest moment on FIrefly was the Geisha doll bit. I piss myself every time.

I think a little chaos is in order.

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Tuesday, February 7, 2006 12:38 AM

NAIJALOLA

My Top 3

I'm surprised this hasn't been posted: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I'll end you.

Also: No, this is what going crazy must feel like.

And:
Jayne: Wanna go little man?
Wash: Only someplace with candle light.

--------------------------------------------------
No power in the 'verse can stop me, baby.

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Wednesday, February 8, 2006 3:42 AM

MARKR

most have already been mentioned, but a couple which made me grin are

"you didn't have to stab him"
"yeah i know, it was just funny"

"you could have got off with Book, and spent some time meditating"
"beats just sitting"

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Wednesday, February 8, 2006 2:16 PM

KIZYR

Quote:
Originally posted by naijalola:
I'm surprised this hasn't been posted: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I'll end you.

!!!

I would've mentioned it!

That's the single line that got me hooked onto Firefly. As soon as I heard the words 'pretty floral bonnet', I knew this show was something unlike anything else. KF

~KF

Lord, I'm walking your way. Let me in, for my feet are sore, my clothes are ragged.
Look in my eyes, Lord, and my sins will play out on them as on a screen. Read them all.
Forgive what you can and send me on my path. I will walk on until you bid me rest.
~Haven Prayer

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Wednesday, February 8, 2006 3:12 PM

DAVESHAYNE

From Trash,

Saffron: See, all you have to do to be a rich woman is get over it.

Zoe: (after decking Saf) I'm in.

Though my favorite line also delivered by Zoe(though considering the situation it is delivered in I wouldn't call it exactly funny) is, "If they board us they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very lucky they will do it in that order." Absolute genious.

David

You wanna go, Little Man?
Only if it's someplace nice with candle light.

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Thursday, February 9, 2006 4:50 AM

MUDDER1

One of the greatest moments in the series is in Safe when Jayne is reading Simons diary. I believe the line goes something like:
"Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. . . Got kidnapped by hill people and were never seen again. It was the best day ever."
The fact that he spits out a tongue depressor to read it is priceless.
That is, of course, one among too many to mention.

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Thursday, February 9, 2006 5:35 AM

BROWNSPARROW

I love all the crew dialogue in 'Objects in Space,' but this especially--

JAYNE: Anybody remember her coming at me
with a butcher's knife?

WASH: (remembering fondly)
Wacky fun...

JAYNE: You wanna go, little man?

WASH: Only if it's someplace with
candlelight.

ZOE: Sir, I know she's unpredictable. But
I don't think she'd harm anyone.

JAYNE: ("Hellooo...")
Butcher's knife...

ZOE: Anyone we can't spare. I mean, far
as we know, the girl's never even
picked up a gun before.

The exchange between Wash and Jayne is priceless, but Zoe's quick retort "anyone we can't spare" about kills me every time I hear it.

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Thursday, February 9, 2006 2:52 PM

ELOISA

Under the circumstances, River's line "We'll freeze to death first" in Out of Gas is hilarious. It's all in the delivery.

(yes, OK, I was watching it earlier...)

***
http://forums.ffonline.com/forumdisplay.php?f=19
Creative Writing

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Thursday, February 9, 2006 3:08 PM

SPACEMANSPIFF

Near the start of The Train Job, when River throws the tray, and Mal says to Book outside the med bay;

Yeah...he's my hero...

Just the way he says it...HI-larious! Put it under my avatar, even.

Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?

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Thursday, February 9, 2006 3:14 PM

SNAP

From cafePress.com:

Serenity: Revenge of the Sis

lol Not from the show, but I loved that. Adding it to my Sig! ;)

I still get a kick out of the "Kaylee's Dead" scene. It's surprising that I got caught by it the first time having watched the movie before the series. During the Doc's run to the infirmary I knew she would live, so I thought he was going to rescusitate her or some such and earn his way onto the crew. It was Big Damn Funny.

We have done the impossible and that makes us mighty.
http://www.joss.whedon.youaremighty.com/

Serenity: Revenge of the Sis

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Thursday, February 9, 2006 4:05 PM

OLDFOGEY

In Ariel when Simon is coaching Captain, Zoe and
Jayne how to speak doctor talk. That whole thing
just cracks me up every time.

"..dilapitated."
"Dilated."

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Friday, February 10, 2006 6:59 AM

PENGUIN

"Heart of Gold" Wash to Jayne...

"Would be you get most poetical about your pecker."

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Friday, February 10, 2006 7:14 AM

ASARIAN

Oh, there are funnies a'plenty in here. :) But this one, from Jayne, in the BDM, always gets to me:

"Well, now I know that."

(right after Zoe's: It only works on her, Jayne.)

EDIT: Well, since the topic says "Scenes/lines", I think one of the funniest scenes, also in the BDM, is the unbeatable expression on River's face in the hilariously cute River-to-Zoe-in-bar:

"Duh, I'am the psychic here!" look.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Friday, February 10, 2006 7:38 AM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by markr:

"you could have got off with Book, and spent some time meditating"
"beats just sitting"

Yeah. But, for me, the punchline really cracked me up:

Wash: "It *is* just sitting." :)

Hahaha! :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Friday, February 10, 2006 7:58 AM

LEIGHKOHL

My fav funny lines ever are from the deleted scene from OMR when River is telling Book that she and SImon want to get married and Simon turns to him and says, "She's really crazy!" and then River kicks him! Kills me! And after when he tells her that that's something brothers and sisters just don't do..."Well on some planets, but only pretty bad ones." So Funny!

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Friday, February 10, 2006 4:02 PM

ELOISA

I have a definite fondness for "Hamsters is nice..." (Kaylee to Simon in Jaynestown, when plastered)

***
http://forums.ffonline.com/forumdisplay.php?f=19
Creative Writing

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Friday, February 10, 2006 4:14 PM

FWBBROWNCOAT

I'd have to say one of my favorites is from "Trash" after YoSafBrig has stolen the shuttle and leaves Mal nude in the desert.

Mal(yelling at shuttle): WHORE! WHORE! FILTHY, FILTHY WHORE! YEA YOU BETTER RUN!

"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all." - Malcolm Reynolds

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Friday, February 10, 2006 5:05 PM

SAVEWASH

Now I am learning about scary.

Everybody mentioned such great ones! Here's one of my favorites, from "War Stories":

(when they see Mal fighting with Niska's henchman)
Zoe (stops Jayne): No, Jayne, this is something the captain has to do on his own.

Mal(shouting): No, it's not!

Zoe(surprised): Oh.

Then Jayne, Zoe & Wash:

I absolutely loved that.

"We have to keep our heads so we can...keep our heads."

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 6:43 AM

CIOCCOLATA

My favourite would be from the movie where Wash says something to the effect of:
"Lets get back the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90lb girl, that never gets old"
or something to that effect.

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Saturday, February 11, 2006 7:21 AM

SHADOWCHILD

"Mine is an evil laugh! HA HA HA! Now DIE!" -Wash, playing with his dinosaurs.
The things they say in Chinese are funny too when you look up the translations.
"Stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey!" -River, ranting at Mal(translated)
Or the part from the message:
River: "My food is problematic"
Jayne: "Mind-readin genious cant even figure out how to eat a rice ball"

WHY DID IT HAVE TO END??? It was such a beautiful show!!!!!

Also, I can kill you with my brain.

"You are such a boob."

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 5:48 PM

ARCPLAYER

My favorite funny moment depended on knowing the characters and how they'd act in a situation.

Out of Gas, Wash and Mal's shouting match in the cocpit. MAYBE I SHOULD DO THAT THEN! YEAH!!
Jayne comes up the halway,"What the guay do you two think your doing, fighting at a time like this" Cut to Wash and Mal's astonished faces as i'm thinking {Oh, My, God, he's the last person i'd expect to give the we've all got to pull together speach} jayne continues," Your gonna use up all the air!"

Knocked me right over. Yes he was just being Jayne after all. It was just a perfect moment. The writer got EXACTLY the reaction he was hoping for from me. And it all flows from Knowing the characters as people.

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 7:15 PM

WYOBAR

Quote:
Originally posted by oiamslain:
“I think I really made a difference in their lives. Me, Jayne Cobb!”
“I know your name, jackass.”

even reading this makes me laugh

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 7:16 PM

GUTTERBALL

Here's a favorite quietly funny part. It's more the way Simon responds -- that kinda distracted, not-really-interested snark -- than the comment itself.

Book: Live with a man 40 years. Share his house, his meals, speak on every subject. Then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge, and on that day, you'll finally meet the man.

Simon: *distracted* What if you don't live near a volcano?

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Sunday, February 12, 2006 10:24 PM

CDINCBR

Jaynestown has to be one long hoot.

On my (only I'm sorry) second viewing of Firefly, I liked Mal's response to the drunk in the bar on Unityday who says,"that coat's kinda brown" and Mal says, "I got it on sale."

Carol in Canberra

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Monday, February 13, 2006 3:13 PM

GORBISHUN

Quote:
Originally posted by serrada:
I love it in Jaynestown when River is hiding after seeing Shepherd's hair all hanging out,and Zoe is trying to get her out and says "He's putting the hair away now." River replies:It doesn't matter it'll still be there....WAITING!!!!I literally almost pissed my pants.

I have to agree with you, that was one of the funniest scenes ever. If I had needed to go pee I'm pretty sure I would have pissed my pants.

That whole episode was a gut buster.

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006 8:03 AM

ASARIAN

This one always gets me going, too:

Wash: "I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it."

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006 11:09 AM

GUTTERBALL

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:
This one always gets me going, too:

Wash: "I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it."

Ha! That one cracks me up!

Hows about this from OMR:

Mal: I didn't marry her! I don't even KNOW her!
Jayne: Then...can I know her?

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Thursday, February 16, 2006 11:40 PM

OLDMANSPLITFOOT

I always really liked River's lines, and the ones in Jaynestown were among the best.

"The snow on the roof is too heavy, the ceiling will collapse. His brain is in terrible danger."

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Friday, February 17, 2006 2:30 AM

SERENITYFOREVER

Simon: I've never shot anyone before!
Book: I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone yet.

My personal favorite, from the movie...

Operative: Do you know what your sin is?
Mal: Aw, hell. I'm a fan of all seven. Right now, I'm gonna have to go with Wrath.

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Friday, February 17, 2006 7:37 AM

WOLF359

Don't ahve the specific quotes from it butin Heart of Gold when jayne is in the room with the whore and Mal's trying to talk to him on the radio.Jayne's too busy saying something about what the gal is doing being "dirty" I believe to immediately respond.A nice creepy little Jayne moment.

His drunken moment of love fo rhis rain stick in Our Mrs.Reynolds is funny too.

Basically any scene with Jayne not trying to kill someone is funny most often.

Like a trained ape without the training!

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Friday, February 17, 2006 8:11 AM

ISAACSHEPHERD

One of my favorites is from Safe at the end. I can't remember the lines exactly because I loaned out my DVD and it's been a while since I've seen the episode. Anyways, it takes place when the townspeople are going to burn river and everyone arrives just in time. The line goes something like this.

Mal: What's that make us Zoe?
Zoe: Big damn heroes!
Mal: Ain't we just!

Mal's last line gets me every time.
IS

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Saturday, February 18, 2006 11:16 AM

CHARLENE

Mal: No I don't! No I don't!

Which episode was that? I honestly don't know...

Hmm funniest line... That's a tough one, so many HI-larious ones already mentioned...

Hmm I read all and I don't remember seeing:

Wash: Some people juggle geese!

Kaylee: Oh, sweetie, don't feel bad. He
makes everybody cry. He's like a monster!

Mal: I'm not a monster!

Mal: So what does it say in there about divorce?

Mal: Whatever happens, remember I love you!

Zoe: Sir?!

Mal: Because you're my wife!

Kaylee: You couldn't possibly have!

Simon: I wish I was lying. I just -- we'dall just made surgeon, that was it, we were the elite, the world was ours, you know --

Kaylee: -- so you had to be naked.

Simon: Naked, yes, and on top of the statue of Hypocrates, and -- Can you just picture me?

Kaylee: Naked? I'll have to conjure up --it'll be tough.

Kaylee: (cont'd)So the feds came?

Simon: There were no feds. Until I started singing.

Kaylee:(laughing)Oh no! What'd you sing?

Simon: This is not funny. This a morality tale about the evils of sake.

Simon: Are you Alliance?

Early:(not understanding)Am I a lion?

Simon: What?

Early: I don't think of myself as a lion.
(smiles)You may as well, though: I have a
mighty roar.

River: River's gone.

Early: Then who exactly are we talking to?

River: You're talking to Serenity. And Early... Serenity is very unhappy.

Early: Where'd she go?

Simon: I can't keep track of her when she's
NOT incorporeally possessing a spaceship, don't look at me --

Mal: Am I dreaming?

River: We all are.

Mal rolls his eyes.

River: Don't make faces.

River: He takes so much looking after!

So that're all right now, but I'll be back...

--------------------------------------------------

I am 94% Like River Tam

The Fugitive. You are clever and dangerous, which is a nasty combination.
The fact you are crazy too just adds to your charm.
They did bad things to you, but you know their secrets.
They will regret how they made you.

--------------------------------------------------

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Saturday, February 18, 2006 6:17 PM

THINGY

I'd have t'say that there is no gorram way I could choose one favorite line. However, there was one funniest episode: Our Mrs. Reynolds hands down. That episode kills me everytime that I watch it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - ... +
"She's in Congress?"

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Saturday, February 18, 2006 7:07 PM

GUTTERBALL

Jayne: Let's move this conversation in a "not Jayne's fault" direction!

Jayne: What'd ya'll order a dead guy for?

Jubal: Your brother's brains'll be flyin every which-a-way! *aside to Simon* You understand. I'm kinda on a clock here. 'S frustratin.

Mal: One of you is gonna fall and die and I'm not cleaning it up!

Niska: Have you ever read the works of Shan Yu?
Mal: You startin a book club? What...are you tryin to...*grunts, chokes, bleeds*...tryin to torture me?

Jubal: You folks are all insane.
Simon: *grins and sits back* Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood.

Jayne: Well...*slaps table*...I don't like the idea of someone hearin what I'm thinkin.
Inara: No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking.

Kaylee: *staring fixedly at Jayne's statue* Everywhere I move...his eyes keep followin me.

Mal: He's got the pretty fits. Soft hands, obviously a moneyed individual. Good skin, all pale and lily-white--
Simon: All right! I'll do it. Just...stop describing me.

And, of course, a completely non-verbal funny: the looks on Jayne's, Wash's, and Mal's faces the first time the Bard sings "The Hero of Canton! The man they call Jayne!" Hahah! Priceless stuff!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006 11:00 PM

MELAM

Jayne: I'm just saying, *points at Tracy* Gold.

"Putting the Me in Mercinary, Jayne Cobb."

"Joss, what is the future of television? What will we watch? And how will we watch it? Surely you must know, for you are wise, and slender."

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 12:04 AM

PEULSAR5

We sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt.

It's been mentioned already, but Simon holding his head with his mouth hanging open when they're singing "The Hero of Canton." Cracks me up EVERY time.

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 4:43 AM

SAMAFIN

Quote:

Ha! That one cracks me up!

Hows about this from OMR:

Mal: I didn't marry her! I don't even KNOW her!
Jayne: Then...can I know her?

OMR's hysterical. I personally love the way Zoe says "Jayne, don't sully this!" like it's some sweet, romantic thing, when you know she's just trying her hardest not to laugh.

S.

What is this signature you speak of?

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 3:11 PM

JACKEBROWN

From "Our Mrs Reynolds"-Saffron explaining about the nasty "Blubberous" guys She'd seen married to other Girls while talking about Mal- Mal checks himself out.."There's Blubber??"

Also OMR..Following Book's "Special Hell" dig to Mal..on Hearing Mal had Kissed Saffron "Isn't that..Special?!"

River's "They didn't know they were cows inside" lines in "Safe"-
Mal-"Is it bad that what She just said made perfect sense to Me"?

www.grrr.argh

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 3:37 PM

LAINCOUBERT

Don't know if somebody said it already, but my personal humorous favorite (w/ the exception of tons of stuff you all said from OMR, and probably several moments from every episode if I get started thinking...) from Objects in Space is the following (or something close to it):

Early: You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, your sister is the smallest cargo I've ever had transport, yet by far the most troublesome. That seem right to you?

Simon: What did he do?

Early: Who?

Simon: The midget.

(FAVORITE LINE)
Early: Arson. Little man LOVED fire.

Such a random line to throw in; I laugh every time.

"Lemon...LEMON..... mule"

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 5:18 PM

GUTTERBALL

Quote:
Originally posted by samafin:
Quote:
Mal: I didn't marry her! I don't even KNOW her!
Jayne: Then...can I know her?

I personally love the way Zoe says "Jayne, don't sully this!" like it's some sweet, romantic thing, when you know she's just trying her hardest not to laugh.

Heh, and later in the same scene, when Saffron's crying and everyone's trying to comfort her, Jayne reaches over and "comfortingly" strokes the very tip of her shoulder with one finger.

*cracks up*

God, that whole scene is priceless!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 5:21 PM

SAMAFIN

Quote:

Heh, and later in the same scene, when Saffron's crying and everyone's trying to comfort her, Jayne reaches over and "comfortingly" strokes the very tip of her shoulder with one finger.

hey, he can stroke me anywhere comfortingly...lol

yum

signature? we don't need no stinking signature!

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 5:53 PM

NCBROWNCOAT

One not mentioned. In the beginning of Trash (don't know if I can quote it exactly)

YoSafBridge-You missed a spot
Mal-You can't miss a place you've never been.

Also in that same scene YoSafBridge sticks out her tongue at Mal with a snarky look on her face-

Besides Jaynestown OMR and Trash are the funniest episodes IIMHO

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 5:55 PM

AGIRLYMAN

What "Jade" said:

Mal tells Inara that he knows she didn't fall down,
she was just standing there waiting for Mal to kiss her..

"I knew you kissed her"

What a bonehead, lovable, but a bonehead none the less!

AM I NOT MERCIFUL?!?!?!?

Tee Hee

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 6:31 PM

NINAH148

It's only been mentioned once, but it's so randomly wonderful.

"...get him a sword." (Mal:) "A swhat?!"

Also, when YoSaffBridge finishes her extended erotic bible recitation and Mal says almost contemplatively, "That's a good bible."

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006 9:01 PM

COPILOT

My favorite line has to be in the BDM

Simon to River
---It's okay to leave them to die
Then she looks him and nods very distracted I love the whole movie but certain lines just jump into you mind
Also the Kaylee masterbation line that's just damn Hi-larious
If I don't stop now this post will just go on forever lots in the series as well

An I carried such a torch

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