Lost in French Translation, Part 02: The Train Job by fortinm

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Lost in French Translation, Part 02: The Train Job

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POSTED BY: FORTINM
UPDATED: Sunday, March 23, 2008 22:24
SHORT URL: http://goo.gl/XSQI3
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Monday, November 12, 2007 7:04 PM

This review is part of a series of articles analysing the translation work for the French dubbed Firefly series and movie(s). It is intended for anyone who would like to know a little better how a French audience would perceive Joss’ wonderful creation.

Introduction to this series: http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31382
Previous review (Serenity, the Pilot): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31411
Next review (Bushwhacked): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31518

The various excerpts analyses are formatted like this:
In bold is the original line.
In italic is the French translation replacing the original lines.
In bold and italic is my English translation of the French lines.
In regular text is my personal comment on the translation work for the excerpt.

General comments
The French translation for this episode is, without a doubt, a huge improvement on the pilot. I found no major mistake or omission. Furthermore, almost all the Chinese lines have been kept. One drawback is the missing Niska accent. I don't have to tell you that Michael Fairman rendition was delightfully evil. In French, although the voice actor does a good job, Niska has no Russian accent and the voice is a little less eerie. Crow also has lost his accent.

The Chinese roster:
Kept - When Mal orders his drinks in the bar.
Kept - When Mal reacts to the hostile crowd in the bar.
Kept - When Kaylee reluctantly abandon her hairdressing session.
Kept - How Kaylee qualifies the captain's plan.
Kept - Jayne's dong ma just after that.
Omitted - When Jayne manifests his dissatisfaction about not being at the rendez-vous location.

Translation score: 5/5
Chinese score: 5/6

Chosen Excerpts

ZOE
Thanks for the re-enactment, sir.
Ah, oui? J'aurais jamais deviné.
Oh, yes? I'd never have guessed.
The original joke is funnier because it is more unexpected.

MAL
I'm thinking we'll rise again.
Moi, je crois plutôt qu'on va monter.
Me, I rather think we will rise.
It does not have the broad signification the original version has. The metaphor is missing.

(The intonation of River when she says Simon's name after her nightmare is not as good. In the original version, she says it as if it was a dumb question to ask her. In French, she rather sounds like she's asking a question, not sure of herself. Then again, one could argue that this uncertainty is more appropriate for this "second pilot" of the series. It mirrors her first scene in the "first pilot".)

RIVER
Mal. Bad. In Latin.
Mal. Mauvais. En Latin
The French line is a word-for-word translation. No fault here. I only want to point out that it is a little strange that a French River would take the extra effort to give the definition of "mal" in Latin since "mal" has the exact same spelling and definition in French. However, I'm convinced that keeping this line "as-is" was the right decision.

NISKA
You do the train job for me, then you are solid.
Vous allez faire ce travail pour moi. Ensuite, vous serez une réalité.
You will do this work for me. Then, you will be a reality.
In this whole scene, they replaced "solid" by "reality" and, upon reflection, I think I prefer the latter. I find it more poetic, more subtle.

NISKA
At dinner I am getting an earful, there is no way out of that.
Hier soir, il m'a énervé. Il n'aurait pas dû. Je ne supporte pas.
Last night, he annoyed me. He shouldn't have. I can't stand it.
It makes the character a bit more evil and ruthless. We know he would kill people that only "annoy" him. One could say that, in French, his reputation is even more solid!

NISKA
Half the money now, Crow gives you the other half at rendezvous point.
La moitié de l'argent, tout de suite. L'autre moitié à Paradiso.
Half the money now. The other half at Paradiso.
According to the plan, they're not supposed to encounter any of Niska's men at Paradiso. Heck, they're not even supposed to make it there. It is a trivial point but a clumsy decision because it is said off-screen.

MAL (about being hired by psychopaths)
You think that's a commentary on us?
Ça t'angoisse, cette mission?
Does this mission torment you?
It blends very well in the dialog, but the humour is absent.

KAYLEE (answering Simon question)
Oh, crime.
Ah! Un holdup.
Oh! A holdup.
Technically, it is not!

JAYNE
Time for some thrilling heroics.
Y'a pas à dire. Je suis vraiment héroïque.
It goes without saying, I am really heroic.
No blame here. I find the change interesting.

BOURNE and INARA
- His story had kind of an odour to it.
- It's not the only thing about him that does.
- Et ce qu'il m'a raconté était étrange.
-Oui. En effet, c'est un garçon plein d'imagination.
- And what he told me was strange.
- Yes. Indeed, he is a very imaginative lad.
It loses some wit in the translation.

WASH
What are you talking about? (to Mal)
Toi, tais-toi.
Shut up. (to Jayne)
In the original, Wash ignores Jayne's comment about having waited for Mal and Zoe and asks Mal why they're not concluding the deal. In French, he starts by ordering Jayne to shut up. I don't think Wash has ever been so blunt with Jayne in English. He was nasty in his teasing... but this?

BOURNE
Let's get these crates back to town. Make ourselves useful.
On va remporter tout ça. Je crois que ça va servir.
We'll take all of this back. I think it will be useful.
Interesting change, but I don't care one way or the other.

MAL
We're not thieves -- well, we are thieves, but -- the point is, we're not taking what's his.
On est peut-être des voleurs, mais on n'est pas des escrocs. C'est pour ça qu'on va lui rendre ce qui est à lui.
We maybe thieves, but we're no swindler. That's why we'll give back what's his.
A funny turn of phrase lost in French.

"HAND OF BLUE" MAN
We didn't fly eighty-six million miles to track down a box of band-aids, Colonel.
Nous n'avons pas fait 80 millions de miles pour chercher une boite de pansement, colonel.
We didn't fly eighty million miles to track down a box of bandages, Colonel.
I don't care about the missing 6 million miles, but I do care about using the international system of units (SI). That should be 130 million kilometres, mister old-fashioned, thank you! This is strange because almost everywhere else (I've listened to half of the translation work so far), the translators have converted imperial units to SI.

Yep... That went well. Thanks for reading!

Michel

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Friday, March 21, 2008 10:53 PM

LEXAN

Quote:
NISKA
At dinner I am getting an earful, there is no way out of that.
Hier soir, il m'a énervé. Il n'aurait pas dû. Je ne supporte pas.
Last night, he annoyed me. He shouldn't have. I can't stand it.
It makes the character a bit more evil and ruthless. We know he would kill people that only "annoy" him. One could say that, in French, his reputation is even more solid!

Hmmm. Funny thing is, I thought the English dialogue had a bit of foreshadowing going on in reference to the later episode, 'War Stories'... With him getting 'an earful'.

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Sunday, March 23, 2008 10:24 PM

WORLDOFHIGLET

Quote:
Originally posted by fortinm:
BOURNE and INARA
- His story had kind of an odour to it.
- It's not the only thing about him that does.
- Et ce qu'il m'a raconté était étrange.
-Oui. En effet, c'est un garçon plein d'imagination.
- And what he told me was strange.
- Yes. Indeed, he is a very imaginative lad.
It loses some wit in the translation.

WASH
What are you talking about? (to Mal)
Toi, tais-toi.
Shut up. (to Jayne)

The Bourne/Inara exchange is a bit disappointing because Inara was so obviously trying to get a cheap dig at Mal (she is saying he smells, as jeuvenile as it sounds when stated so baldly!) that appears to be lost in the French.

And although Wash probably wanted to tell Jayne to shut up 100 times a day this seems a strange time to do it!

I'm intrigued as to why they didn't use the accents for Niska and Crow - wouldn't they be as threatening to the French ear?!

A great job, as always, Michel.

You are beholden to no man
http://worldofhiglet.blogspot.com/

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