Lost in French Translation, Part 05: Safe by fortinm

FIREFLY EPISODE DISCUSSIONS

Lost in French Translation, Part 05: Safe

POSTED BY: FORTINM
UPDATED: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 17:55
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Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:11 PM

This review is part of a series of articles analysing the translation work for the French dubbed Firefly series and movie(s). It is intended for anyone who would like to know a little better how a French audience would perceive Joss’ wonderful creation.

Introduction to this series: http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31382
Previous review (Shindig): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31582
Next review (Our Mrs. Reynolds): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31737

The various excerpts analyses are formatted like this:
In bold is the original line.
In italic is the French translation replacing the original lines.
In bold and italic is my English translation of the French lines.
In regular text is my personal comment on the translation work for the excerpt.

General comments
This translation is a roller-coaster ride. Most of the dialogs are faithful and work very well. However there are a few spikes of stupidity that wreck some scenes. The last excerpt of the following list is especially bad. Following the rating scale I established in the introduction to this series of articles, I'm forced to take two points off this episode's rating. It's a shame because there are some scenes that I really like.

The hodgeberry scene is particularly good in French. I'll even go so far as to say it is more powerful than the original version, but I can't exactly say why. All I know is that my heart is aching more. I'm reluctant to say that the voice-actress is better than Summer because I think that she's a wonderful actress; at least, in Firefly. But, in this scene, she may have found her "voice master".

As for the Chinese, they only kept two lines, both in the teaser. When the young Simon learns about the dinosaurs and when River rants against Mal.

Translation score: 3/5
Chinese score: 2/16

Chosen Excerpts

SIMON
If I had a dedicated source box, it wouldn't short out.
Si j'avais un convertisseur d'influx mental, ça ne serait jamais arrivé.
If I had a mental impulse converter, it wouldn't have happened.
If you had a what? You're talking nonsense son. You read too much science-fiction, no doubt.

JAYNE
I like smacking 'em.
J'aime les houspiller.
I like to tell them off.
My problem with this translation is that "houspiller" is quite a fancy word. I'm having difficulties accepting it coming from the slightly illiterate Jayne. The word can have two meanings: "to harass verbally" or "to ill-treat". Obviously, the latter is closer to the original intent but it's also almost never used in this way. That's why I chose the other meaning in my translation. Of course, this could be another cultural clash and it's possible that "houspiller" is very commonly used in France and mostly in its physical brutality form. But, I doubt it.

WASH
Yeah, we need to start dealing in those black-market beagles.
Oui, on devrait essayer de se lancer dans le marché noir de caniches.
Yes, we should start dealing in poodles black-market.
Here, they simply replaced beagles with poodles. I find the notion of the crew smuggling poodles more hilarious. Just thought I'd mention it.

MAL
Might not wanna mistake it for a suggestion.
Mais ce n'est pas un conseil, c'est un ordre.
But it's not a suggestion, it's an order.
This is a good example of a witty reply lost for no apparent good reasons.

KAYLEE
I just think it's nice. Kinda rich, you know.
J'adore cette assiette. Elle est magnifique, c'est tout.
I adore this plate. It is magnificent, that's all.
To me, the "rich" attribute applied to the plate is what tips off Inara that Kaylee is thinking about Simon. Admittedly, it is a very subtle difference and does not ruin the scene.

MAL
You boys're hitting all the selling points. The fresh brand's a dead giveaway.
Allez vous renseigner au point de vente. C'est du premier choix à un prix dérisoire.
Go get information at the point of sale. This is first choice product at a very low price.
We lose the notion that Mal is not a newcomer in cattle ranches.

MAL
About a minute from now, we'll agree on 25.
Dans moins d'une minute, on sera d'accord sur 30.
In less than a minute, we'll agree on 30.
Careless mistake! This whole negotiation scene makes no sense because of this. They start at 30, Mal then states that they will agree on 30 soon and then accept matter-of-factly the price of 25.

HEAD COP
You are bound by law to stand down!
Vous êtes obligé par décision de justice de quitter cette planète.
You are bound by law to leave this planet.
A bit of artistic licence!

JAYNE (at the start of the big shoot-out)
Here we go.
J'ai peur que ça tourne mal.
I'm afraid this may go wrong.
Instead of the quiet resignation, Jayne gives us a bit of humour. At least, I hope it is humour; otherwise this is a bad change.

JAYNE (upon removing the stretcher in the infirmary)
Don't look good.
In French, Jayne says nothing, but Mal says: "C'est bon" (it's good).
I'm at a lost here. I'm sure they wanted to use this in place of "OK", but it's still out of place.

WASH
Seems, if we'd checked the posted alerts for this rock we mighta known it.
Apparemment, si l'alliance l'avait trouvé, on aurait pu le savoir.
Apparently, if the alliance would have found him, we could have known it.
If my translation into English sounds strange and barely grammatically correct, I've done a good job!

MAL
Inara, he was dumb enough to get himself grabbed in broad daylight.
Inara, j'ai été assez bête pour le laisser se faire enlever en plein jour.
Inara, I was dumb enough to let him get grabbed in broad daylight.
Interesting how, in French, Mal blames himself instead of Simon. And by interesting, I mean slightly stupid and out of character.

RIVER (about to be burned alive/rescued)
Time to go.
La mort nous attend.
Death awaits us.
The biggest mistake of the episode. I lowered my rating of 1 point just for this.

That's it. Thanks for reading!

Michel

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007 5:55 PM

ASARIAN

One word: perfect. :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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