Lost in French Translation, Part 06: Our Mrs. Reynolds by fortinm

FIREFLY EPISODE DISCUSSIONS

Lost in French Translation, Part 06: Our Mrs. Reynolds

POSTED BY: FORTINM
UPDATED: Wednesday, December 5, 2007 14:48
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Wednesday, December 5, 2007 2:48 PM

This review is part of a series of articles analysing the translation work for the French dubbed Firefly series and movie(s). It is intended for anyone who would like to know a little better how a French audience would perceive Joss’ wonderful creation.

Introduction to this series: http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31382
Previous review (Safe): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31649
Next review (Jaynestown): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31884

The various excerpts analyses are formatted like this:
In bold is the original line.
In italic is the French translation replacing the original lines.
In bold and italic is my English translation of the French lines.
In regular text is my personal comment on the translation work for the excerpt.

General comments
Being a humoristic episode, one can expect "Our French Mrs. Reynolds" to suffer. And it does. Many little jokes, retorts and one-liners have lost their flair. I left out most of these changes and tried to only list the biggest ones. Considering this multitude of little changes, this is a hard one to rate. But because there are no big mistakes, I will be lenient and give it a good mark.

In my opinion, the voice of Saffron is less sensual in French. The whispering voice used by Christina Hendricks was perfect. Unfortunately, the French actress doesn't come close to this level of bewitching except, perhaps, during the two famous erotic monologues.

Interestingly, the Maiden House became the House of Virgins in French ("Maison des vierges"). Obviously, it is a stronger term and more evocative of Triumph's "backward" civilization.

The Chinese roster:
Omitted - When Simon says that he indeed has an encyclopedia.
Kept - The dialog between Kaylee and Mal about his ruthlessness.
Kept - Saffron's "Bao".
Kept - When Mal learns about Jayne's exchange proposal.
Omitted - When Mal qualify Gommen as being a "hwoon dahn".
Kept - Wash, wishing he was another man.
Kept - When Inara discovers that Mal is alive.
Omitted - When Zoe states that Wash would never have fall for Saffron.
Kept - Wash discovering Saffron's brilliant sabotage work.
Kept - When Wash is trying to see if Saffron contacted someone.
Omitted - Wash's "Ai ya!"

Translation score: 4/5
Chinese score: 7/11

Chosen Excerpts

MAL and JAYNE
- How can you shame me in front of new people?
- If I could make you prettier, I would.
- You're not the man I met a year ago.
- Tu pourrais faire preuve d'un peu de respect.
- C'est pas ma faute si t'es moche.
- J'aurais dû écouter ma mère au lieu de t'épouser.
- You could show a little respect.
- It's not my fault if you're ugly.
- I should have listened to my mother instead of marrying you.
I start gently by one change having no impact. They replaced a good joke by an equally good one. I find it interesting but I have no complaint.

MAL
Tactics, woman. Needed her in the back.
Stratégie, ma belle. Effet de surprise.
Strategy, my beauty. Element of surprise.
Another difference with little impact except, perhaps, for the uncharacteristic compliment.

MAL and JAYNE
(Muted dialog during the crowning scene)
- Chouette!
- C'est même mieux que ça.
- Great!
- It's even better than this.
This is a good example of a translator pushing too hard. Why create a dialog where Joss himself specifically chose to remove the voice track?

WASH
We always hoped you two kids would get together. Who is she?
Moi qui croyais que tu étais un célibataire endurci. C'est qui cette fille?
Here I was, thinking you were a confirmed bachelor. Who's that girl?
A very funny line killed by the pedestrian translation.

KAYLEE
He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster.
Le commandant est vraiment trop cruel. Espèce de monstre.
The captain is really too cruel. You monster.
A second funny line that disappeared.

JAYNE
I don't know. I passed out.
Je sais pas. Je ne me souviens de rien.
I don't know. I don't remember anything.
Bad things come in threes!

WASH
I'll get you a refill. Honey?
Je vais remplir ton verre, chérie.
I will fill your glass, honey.
They merged the two phrases so, now, we don't understand clearly that he was going to fill Mal's glass. Even 'though Saffron's reaction makes it clear, it should have been better executed.

BOOK
If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theatre.
Si jamais tu abusais d'elle, tu irais bruler au niveau du plus bas de l'enfer. Là où vont ceux qui maltraitent les enfants, les meurtriers et les acteurs de théâtre.
If you take advantage of her, you're going to burn into the deepest level of hell. Where they send child molesters, murderers and theatre actors.
They make up for the last three missing jokes by giving us a better one. Putting "theatre actors" here gives an auto-derision slant to the scene. I love these kinds of mirror effects (better expressed in French by "mise en abyme"). On the other hand, omitting the "special" hell is a mistake for later.

MAL (in regard to taking Jayne not seriously)
Do you think it's likely to?
De gré ou de force, on dirait.
Whether I like it or not, it seems.
No comments.

MAL
Whoa, hey. Flesh.
Oh! He! Jeune fille.
Whoa, hey. Young girl.
It's so much better in English.

INARA and SAFFRON
- I guess we've lied enough.
- You're good.
- Arrêtez maintenant, ça suffit.
- Pourquoi donc?
- Stop it now, that's enough.
- Why?
No comments.

MAL (coming to)
Is it Christmas?
Qu'est-ce qui se passe?
What's happening?
Pedestrian translation, again.

BOOK
Well, isn't that special...?
Ah! Alors ça, c'est pas banal.
Ah! This is not commonplace.
Unfortunately, replacing "special" by "deepest" as mentioned above doesn't allow linking to Book's previous lecture. It's a missed opportunity. On the other hand, the voice actor does a very good intonation job.

INARA
You don't play a player.
Je suis trop forte pour elle.
I'm too strong for her.
No comments.

WASH
Okay. Everyone NOT talking about their sex lives, in here. Everyone else, elsewhere.
Allez! C'est pas le moment de parler de sexe. On arrête. Tout le monde sort. On s'en va!
Okay. This is not the time to talk about sex. Stop it. Everybody out. Go away!
Again the joke is sucked out. The rendition by the voice actor is not as good as it could be either.

MAL
Zoe, get our suits prepped, now.
Zoe, tu prépares tout l'attirail.
Zoe, prepare all the gear.
This has less impact in French. In English, we wonder what he plans to do with the suits. It adds an element of suspense, of curiosity.

KAYLEE (after having repaired Serenity)
Not soon enough to help.
Hé! Bien. Je croyais pas y arriver.
Hey! I didn't think I'd make it.
It kind of ruins the following exchange between Mal and Kaylee.

MAL and SAFFRON
- I'm not assuming anything at this juncture.
- How'd you find me?
- Ce n'est pas dans mes habitudes.
- Oh! Non? Vraiment?
- This is not my habit.
- Oh! No? Really?
After that, it's strange and confusing to hear Mal answering an unasked question about how he found her.

SAFFRON
Promise me you're gonna kill me soon.
Promettez-moi de ne pas me faire souffrir.
Promise me not to make me suffer.
Almost the exact opposite of what she's supposed to say!

Thanks for reading!

Michel

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