Lost in French Translation, Part 14: Objects in Space by fortinm

FIREFLY EPISODE DISCUSSIONS

Lost in French Translation, Part 14: Objects in Space

POSTED BY: FORTINM
UPDATED: Sunday, March 9, 2008 13:32
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Saturday, March 8, 2008 9:53 AM

This review is part of a series of articles analysing the translation work for the French dubbed Firefly series and movie(s). It is intended for anyone who would like to know a little better how a French audience would perceive Joss’ wonderful creation.

Introduction to this series: http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31382
Previous review (Heart of Gold): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=32758
Next review (Serenity: The Movie): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=33055

The various excerpts analyses are formatted like this:
In bold is the original line.
In italic is the French translation replacing the original lines.
In bold and italic is my English translation of the French lines.
In regular text is my personal comment on the translation work for the excerpt.

General comments
Now, here's something different... The dialog between Inara and Mal during River's tour in the teaser was kept as-is in its entirety. And by "as-is" I mean in English, with the original audio track. Useless to say that is was the most faithful scene of this "French" translation!

The translators somewhat cheated for the Alliance/"a lion" confusion scene. Simon says in French: Vous êtes l'allione? In essence, the voice-actor is deliberately mispronouncing the word "alliance".

They've made good use of off-screen time throughout this episode. I felt that, for the first time, they concentrate on lips matching and completed the lines off-screen, helping produce a more faithful translation. I suspect that this episode has more dispersed and slower dialogs which allowed this technique. Unfortunately, it doesn't make this translation the best I've heard, far from it.

At the very end, Inara's reaction when Mal shows concerned about her wounded lip is reinforced in French by some nonsensical babbling; whereas she's speechless in English. I would recommend you check it out for yourself. It is very cute.

Translation score: 3/5
Chinese score: 0/3

Chosen Excerpts

JAYNE and BOOK
- But I mean, you still got the urge. They don't... cut it off or nothin'.
- No. I'm more or less intact.
- Mais, t'as quand même des envies. Je veux dire, heu, elles doivent revenir, non?
- Non, elles sont très tenaces.
- But, you still got urges. I mean, eeh, they must return, no?
- No, they're very stubborn.
No comments.

BOOK (at the end of his inner monologue)
So where does that put you?
Ça risque de faire beaucoup, non?
It could do a lot, right?
I have no idea what's that supposed to mean. Even less than the original line, which is saying a lot! Note that I've taken, myself some liberties with my translation because I don't really know how to translate this French line. I would welcome suggestions!

JAYNE
I once hit a guy in the neck at five hundred yards with a bent scope.
J'ai repéré un type qui commettait un crime à 500 mètres sans longue-vue.
I spotted a guy who was committing a crime at 500 meters without a telescope.
Evidently, less ominous! It kind of ruins the following reaction from Book.

JAYNE
You make that sound kind of ominous.
T'as pas l'air convaincu en disant cela.
You don't seem convinced when you say this.
Even the translators agree with my previous comment!

RIVER (picking up the branch/gun)
It's just an object. It doesn't mean what you think.
Ce n'est qu'un objet. Il ne peut pas parler.
It's just an object. It cannot talk.
Interesting choice! Following all her awkward telepathic experiences, she would indeed find this object refreshingly silent.

MAL
...'cause we're very much alone out here.
On a encore eu de la chance.
We were lucky once again.
It doesn't give us the nice contradiction of Jubal ship's appearance.

WASH
I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot and we don't all die from it.
J'espère qu'elle choisira l'assiette, quitte à ce que je sois privé de dessert pour une fois.
I hope she'll choose the plate, even if I'm deprived of dessert for once.
They replaced the soup with a simple plate, that's fine. This is, nonetheless, a sub-Wash joke.

JAYNE
She killed'em with mathematics. What else could it have been?
Elle ne sait pas se servir d'un automatique. Elle est restée en manuel.
She doesn't know how to handle an automatic. She stayed in manual.
They kind of moved Kaylee's "auto fire" allusion here, but went over the top. It doesn't sound right.

SIMON (talking about his life at the hospital)
I was really making a difference there...
C'était complètement différent et…
It was completely different and...
They sucked out the character's nobility here.

KAYLEE
Don't let the space bugs bite. (Pause) Space bugs…
Et, n'oublie pas de fermer ta fenêtre. Les moustiques. (Pause) Moi, j'ai fait l'école du rire.
And, don't forget to close your window. The bugs. (Pause) Me, I've gone to laugh school.
No comments.

JUBAL
You throw a monkey wrench into my dealings in any way... you body is forfeit.
Ton état de manque me pousse à m'occuper de toi. Tu peines à le dissimuler.
You're state of withdrawal force me to take care of you. You work hard to conceal it.
The change slightly alters this scene but it blends well with Jubal's lingo.

RIVER (talking to Mal over com)
Don't make faces.
Ne regarde pas en toi-même.
Don't look inside yourself.
Stupid line, if you ask me.

MAL and RIVER
- You know, you ain't quite right.
- That's the popular theory.
- Go on, get in there. Give your brother a thrashing for messing up your plan.
- He takes so much looking after.
- Tu sais que... que t'es pas très bête.
- Mais tout le monde le sait, ça.
- Allez, dépêche-toi. Va lui demander pourquoi il a gâché ton plan.
- Le jour où il comprendra quelque chose…
- You know that... that you're not very stupid.
- But everybody knows that.
- Go on, hurry up. Go ask him why he ruined your plan.
- The day he'll understand anything...
Notice how they removed the clear reference to Simon. It's only one of the problems of this scene.

JUBAL
Well, here I am.
Eh oui. Je suis encore là.
Oh Yes. I'm still there.
Not quite there, I would say (translation wise).

But I am still there. Thanks for reading!

Michel

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Sunday, March 9, 2008 1:32 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by fortinm:

BOOK (at the end of his inner monologue)
So where does that put you?
Ça risque de faire beaucoup, non?
It could do a lot, right?
I have no idea what's that supposed to mean. Even less than the original line, which is saying a lot! Note that I've taken, myself some liberties with my translation because I don't really know how to translate this French line. I would welcome suggestions!

First off, I think you translated that pretty well. Consider a sentence like:

Ça risque de bien m'énerver.

Which, if we wanna keep 'risk' in there, loosely translates to something like: "That stands a good chance of irritating me." Or simply, akin to what you did, "That could really irritate me."

Book's "So where does that put you?" comes right after his "I don't give half a hump if you're innocent or not!" So, I think the French is kind of a veiled threat, similar to what Book uttered himself. Something like when the bad guy says:

"A lot could happen."

Which menacing sentiment is in perfect line with Book's "So where does that put you?" Which means the same, like: "That puts you in an awfully bad position, doesn't it?" Aka (implied): a lot of bad stuff could happen (to you). So, perhaps really only an ad sensum translation, erm, makes sense. :) Like:

("I don't give half a hump if you're innocent or not!) "Which means a lot can happen."

Still, there was no real reason to deviate from Book's English line, which is a lot more clear.

Quote:

Well, here I am.
Eh oui. Je suis encore là.
Oh Yes. I'm still there.
Not quite there, I would say (translation wise).

Objects in Space is larded with existentialism. "Yes, I'm still there" completely ruins Jubel's last reference to said existentialism, whereas "Well, here I am," of course, is a fine tribute to the whole existentialist outlook of OiS.

Anyway, thank you again for a very good installment of your ongoing project!

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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