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Washington Post
July 14, 2022

In a bold move last year, President Sasha Obama outlawed beef and pork in United States borders in response to the massive worldwide mad pig & cow deaths of 2019, reversing her predecessor's more liberal policy. Former President Limbaugh was quoted this morning on PBSNN: "Every God-fearing American has the God-given and Constitutionally protected right to consume animals, kill animals, and pump hormones into animals. This health move is ludicrous; we all die at some point anyway, can we not enjoy the loins of our animal fruit without ConservaNazis controlling our calories?"
The CDC in Atlanta reports that obesity & juvenile diabetes have been in severe decline, as well as incidences of the swine & bovine flu that decimated thousands in late 2018.
David Bowman of the Vancouver Institute of American Influenza Studies: "We honestly don't understand the connection, however, it seem there is a correlation between overprocessed animal tissue consumption and common viral infection."
Firefly (*Early 21st Century cult television show) Popular Culture Historian & Legal defense lawyer for President Limbaugh, "Hero", a longtime meat-eater and master griller himself, was quoted as responding to this story as: "Duh. Where's my strawberry, granpa? Gimme that rosemary- I'll be in my bunk. Phasers on stun."

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Originally posted by Fremdfirma:

Aww man - but what about my Cloneburger and McNugget Tree ?!


-F

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Originally posted by chrisisall:
Taco Bell won the franchise war, didn't you get the memo?

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Originally posted by Fremdfirma:

I'll show em a side order of fries...

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Originally posted by Fremdfirma:

Was thinkin rainbow pastels - a little something for everyone, yanno ?

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