Donald Duck: Sex Offender by mincingbeast

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Donald Duck: Sex Offender

POSTED BY: MINCINGBEAST
UPDATED: Thursday, August 12, 2010 13:09
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Thursday, August 12, 2010 12:38 PM

Donald Duck, beloved pantless Disney star, has been implicated in an alleged sexual attack at a theme park. Failed by the criminal justice system, Donald's victim now seeks redress in civil court. The charges follow allegations of similar misconduct by Tigger.

http://www.examiner.com/x-38263-Disney-Travel-Examiner~y2010m8d12-Disn
ey-sued-by-woman-who-claims-Donald-Duck-groped-her

Disney is reputed to have covered up several similar incidents involving Donald and Goofy, dating back 60 years, in a manner socialist commentators liken to the Catholic church's better known abuse scandal.

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Thursday, August 12, 2010 12:42 PM

BYTEMITE

Why don't they rename it Furryland, encourage guests and employees to dress up, and there ya go.

You're welcome, America, that one's on me.

(More seriously, the employee's conduct was inappropriate, but the woman's "damages" are absolutely ridiculous. "Frivolous lawsuit," anyone?)

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Thursday, August 12, 2010 12:44 PM

MINCINGBEAST

Also, it is a little known fact that in addition to not wearing pants, Donald Duck has six DUIs in Ohio.

http://www.examiner.com/x-44562-National-News-Headlines-Editor~y2010m6
d29-Weird-news-Donald-Duck-arrested-for-6th-DUI-in-Ohio-caught-with-pot-and-a-pizza

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Thursday, August 12, 2010 12:51 PM

MINCINGBEAST

Legal commentators suggest that the extent of the damages alleged had nothing to do with the ridiculously high standard required to sustain a tort action, and everything to do with the trauma of being touched on by Donald's plushy hand.

I don't think you can bring an emotional harm cases like this without making wild claims about damages. The law basically requires it. But how to value the harm this poor woman suffered?

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Thursday, August 12, 2010 12:58 PM

WHOZIT

I'm waitting until all the facts are in, since Donald is a major star that makes him a target. Don't forget MJ, or Mel, or Gore, or Tiger.

Those arn't boobs, they're lies! - Stewie Griffin

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Thursday, August 12, 2010 1:01 PM

BYTEMITE

Oh, yeah, jeez, I mean, no adult should ever have to progress in maturity level beyond five years old, and so it's entirely reasonable that she won't be able to separate her memories of beloved Disney characters in her youth from this horrible molestation.

Not only will this ruin Disney cartoons for her forever, because there's no reason for her to suspect this Donald Duck is actually just a guy in a costume, but this corruption of a once innocent memory and her resultant PTSD will retroactively taint all her interactions with men, past and future.

I expect then, she'll have broken up with her fiance and disowned her male child, unable to handle even the proximity of anything with a male chromosome. No wonder why her career is CRIPPLED.

I'm annoyed because her frivolous claims make a mockery of people who suffer from actual verifiable PTSD from actual traumatic experiences, like, I dunno, child abuse or rape or torture or having to watch someone die.

As a side note, it would be completely hilarious if the guy in the Donald suit turned out to be a chick.

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Thursday, August 12, 2010 1:09 PM

MINCINGBEAST

Quote:
Originally posted by Bytemite:
...there's no reason for her to suspect this Donald Duck is actually just a guy in a costume... the guy in the Donald suit...

Wait, wtf???

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