LOVE / HATE

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 8:12:24 AM

I love being Irish. I mean, c'mon. Let's face it. We're cool. We live in the wettest, greyest, dingiest little country in the arse end of nowhere and yet, somehow, we have a reputation as the happiest people on earth. And everyone loves us for it. Maybe because Irish tourists and emigrants are happy. We're just so grateful to be anywhere but home.

So I love the Irish. But oohhh dear lord do I hate the oirish.

The oirish are a unique species that died out about two hundred years ago. Except on TV, where they haunt us to this day. You think Halloween ghouls and goblins are scary? Try watching that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where a bunch of drunken oirish colonists almost set fire to the Enterprise trying to boil a kettle. It's painful. It's horrific.

And it's not just the drunkeness and violence and general stupidity. It's the accent. That accent. You know the one. I hate that accent. That horrible mangled pathetic attempt at sounding Irish.

It's not even bad actors that do it - it's good actors! We're talking some of the greatest names in acting! Tom Cruise! Nicole Kidman! Brad Pitt! Hell, even our beloved David Boreanez made a mess of the Irish accent. Is it that difficult? What the heck!?!?

So yeah, I hate the Oirish. But somehow, despite all this, I love The Spieler.