NOT ALONE

Friday, March 30, 2007 5:15:56 AM

I'm socially retarded. I don't know how to deal with other people. Put me in a room with people I don't know and I turn into the quiet little thing in the corner who watches and listens to everything, but doesn't quite join in. My closest (and pretty much only) friends say that I close myself off from other people, that it's like there's a wall around me until I become comfortable enough to show my true self.

But I don't know that I'm doing it, I don't know how to stop, so I end up lonely. It's close to the end of my second year of college, and I still have no friends here. Sure, I have aquaintances that I talk to when I see them, but nobody to truly hang out with and go have fun. Because of that, my birthday last year was spent alone, the only celebratory part being the cake I baked and deocorated myself, yet had nobody to share it with.

But this year is different. I went downstairs this morning and one of my roommates had written "Happy 21st Birthday (insert my name here)" on our message board in the kitchen. It's a little thing, but I don't feel alone because she cared enough to do that. My birthday is special again, in a way that it hasn't been in a while.