Act one - this thread

ACT TWO.

Int – Inara’s shuttle. River is wandering distracted while Inara and Kaylee look through whatever Inara has on board.

Kaylee I’m just sayin’ you should stay is all. Especially when the Captain needs takin’ down a peg. Inara He can get a little too big for a small ship. But I’m sure Mal is easier when I’m not around. Kaylee Not so much. He don’t laugh as…

Zoe enters.

Zoe (Awkwardly) Hi. Umm. Hi. Can I…? Inara (At her gracious best) Of course. You’re always welcome, Zoe. Kaylee Shiny. Zoe Thanks. I… Umm. Thank you. Kaylee I was just telling Inara that she should stay on Serenity. Zoe We have missed you. Inara I’m just not sure if that’s the right thing. The girls in the training house really need my guidance. I do have a certain responsibility to them. River The whale was the biggest animal on Earth-That-Was. Kaylee What was that, honey? River It looked like a fish but it was a mammal that suckled its calves. Inara I knew that. We learn about them in our training. There’s… (Sudden realisation; she turns to Kaylee) Kaylee!

Int – galley/common area. Mal and Jayne both have mugs in their hands when Simon enters.

Simon Is Kaylee not here? Jayne She’s right over there. (Points at Mal) You don’t reco’nise her so good since I hit her with my ugly stick. Mal Are you sayin’ I’m ugly? Jayne You don’t do nuthin’ for me. Simon Sorry. Stupid question. Do you know where she might be? Mal I’m guessin’ you just come from the engine room… Simon Yes. Mal …which puts her in Inara’s shuttle. Jayne Talkin’ girly talk. Simon Well, best I kept away from there then. Jayne I reckon they wouldn’t mind one more.

Mal smirks.

Simon I’ll remember that at lights out, Jayne. When I’m in my bunk with Kaylee and you’re in your bunk with… Who, exactly? Jayne So, how is that coming along, Doc, the cao with Kaylee?

Int – Inara’s shuttle. Inara (Mock scandal) Kaylee, you are wicked! Kaylee (Very embarrassed) No. No, I’m not. Inara Yes, you are. You tried it out, didn’t you? Kaylee Tried what out? I couldn’t a tried it out ‘cause I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, so I didn’t. River She did. Zoe Tried what out? Inara “The Shuddering Whale.” Kaylee No. I didn’t… (Her denials are running out of steam.) Zoe The what? Inara Shuddering Whale. It’s a technique taught to girls when they begin learning the physical act of pleasure. It’s more than a little popular with BOTH participants. Zoe And you told Kaylee about it. Inara I may have mentioned it…

Pause while Zoe, Inara and even River look at Kaylee expectantly.

Int – Serenity’s galley. Simon (A little needled but trying not to show it.) It’s going great. She’s incredible. Jayne I know. She’s got all them little tricks she learned from Inara. She usin’ any of them? Simon (Despite himself) She has this one which she calls the Shuddering … (Wait a minute) How did you know about that? Jayne She did this one with me – called it the torpedo. Simon Bi shi zhi pi hua! Kaylee would never do that with you. Jayne Sure she would. She’s a woman – got needs. Had ‘em before you came aboard. Simon She’s also got taste. And common sense. And modesty. Mal Modesty? (Loving it.) Ever tell you ‘bout the first time I met Kaylee. She was doin’ it with my old mechanic, right there in the engine room. Simon No she wasn’t. Mal Yes she was. In the engine room. You tellin’ me you and she never done it in the engine room?

Simon is silenced.

Jayne She’s got a tattoo, right on her pi gu , of Serenity. Now how would I know that? Simon You really are porcine, you know that? (Storms off.) Jayne Nope. (beat) Don’t know what the hell it means.

Int – Inara’s shuttle. Kaylee has given up.

Kaylee It was … special. Inara Really? That good? Kaylee Well, you know, he’s…he’s not very experienced but he has… yu wang. He…

Zoe suddenly goes green at the gills and stands up. She flees the room hurriedly. Kaylee and Inara are stunned.

Kaylee Oh hell. I shouldna said anythin’. River It’s not that. She’s going to puke.

Int – the infirmary. Simon is angrily busying himself to no practical purpose. Enter Zoe, having just upchucked.

Simon Are you ok? Zoe I need somethin’ for this nausea. Simon Is it that bad? Normally I like to let food poisoning run its course. How long has it been going on? Zoe A couple of days. Simon Possibly not food poisoning then. We should do a couple of tests. (He starts to get out a pottle for a sample.) What sorts of symptoms? Zoe I just come over sick. Mornings is worst. It comes and goes, sudden-like. An’ I can’t eat anythin’ too rich.

Simon puts the first pottle down, grabs a slightly different one.

Simon We might as well start with a urine sample.

Zoe takes it, starts to head away then freezes. She turns back to face him.

Zoe You don’t think… Simon I believe so. Zoe Oh Cao wo! Simon I believe so. (Beat) What you have is not a little food poisoning; it’s a little Washburn. Zoe Pregnant? How? Simon Ignoring the obvious, (beat) when was your last period? Zoe (Obviously doing some mental maths) Oh Cao wo! Simon About six weeks, at a guess? That would be about two weeks before Wash… Well, the time frame fits. (Pause. Zoe is still trying to get her head around this.) What I don’t get is why the contraceptive failed. Zoe Had none. Simon I gave them to you. Zoe Weren’t takin’em. Simon (puzzled) Sorry… Zoe I wanted a baby. Wash an’ me, we couldn’t agree on that. Simon So you made a command decision. Zoe I knew that once we had littl’un, I could make him see sense. Simon (gets it) He wouldn’t have been able to help himself. Zoe And then, he got… he … And I never thought about it again. Simon So what do we do now? Zoe (Gathering herself) We tell the captain.

Ext – a ship that looks both familiar and different. It is a Firefly class transport but it is not Serenity; as we zoom in we see its name on the prow – the Buccaneer. Int – the Buccaneer’s bridge. Two men are looking at a monitor, Declan and Rhampal. A third, Aziz, sits at the controls.

Declan That’ll be her. Rhampal She’s jus’ like us. Declan You reckon? Rhampal Firefly. Declan Standard configuration. Our little modifications give us the edge. Get Wingnut to prep the shuttle. (As Rhampal leaves, he turns to the pilot.) Aziz, how close can you get us? Aziz Runnin’ silent, they’d pass through our atmo intake and not even notice till’n I fired ‘em up. Declan You are a livin’ wonder, Az, no mistake.

Int – Back to Serenity’s galley. The crew are gathered: Zoe and Simon stand a little aside from the other five.

Zoe Cap’n. Mal Ok Zoe. Pretty obvious you got somethin’ to say. No point in gatherin’ us all otherwise. Zoe (Pause – trying to figure out exactly how to put it, decides on the simplest) I’m pregnant.

The crew react: Inara stony faced as she recognises the implications straight away; Kaylee with a delight that melts as she realises what Inara already worked out; River with a look of open joy on her face because she’s way ahead of everyone; Mal doesn’t react as he has no idea what this means; Jayne looks wearied.

Jayne Oh God. Here it comes. She’ll be cryin’ all the time now. Simon What? Jayne Pregnant women, they’s always cryin’. Simon (Still pissed with him.) Was it all your years in paediatrics that gave you that unhelpful insight? Jayne Nope. Just know when my sister’n were with child, they was cryin’ all the time. Biddie, Meryl, Callum. River You have a sister called (beat) Callum? Jayne Yeah (A bit confused by this sudden change of direction – everyone else is stifling their mirth.) What? Inara That was such a predictable surprise. Simon …if you’ll pardon the oxymoron. Jayne (Angry) Who’ you callin’ a moron? Simon I said OXYMORON, you imbecile. Jayne Well that’s awright then. (It’s all got away from Jayne somehow.) Inara (Delicately, but getting to the crux) Zoe, what are you going to do? Zoe (After a moment’s confusion – turns to Mal) Oh. Sir, there’s to be a re-drawin’ of duties. Mal A what? Zoe I can’t be goin’ into combat for now, sir. Mal What? Why? Zoe Wash, wouldn’t want it. I’m carryin’ his child so I got to respect that. Mal (After a moment thinking – a command decision) Fair enough. River can take your place on the ground, you take hers on the bridge. Simon Wait a minute… Mal You’re not going to try to tell me that River can’t take care of herself. I saw what she did to them reavers. Simon Yes but… Mal I thought we had got you over this arguin’ thing when a decision’s been made.

Simon is seriously unhappy.

Inara (Her question undecided) So, Zoe, you are going ahead?

Zoe looks confused.

Inara Are you going to keep it, now that Wash… isn’t here? Zoe (Becoming increasingly passionate) I wanted this when Wash was here. That ain’t changed. I can’t be with the man I love but there’s no way that I am givin’ up even the least little bit o’ him I got left.

Zoe is crying but not sobbing. Her voice holds firm but tears betray the emotion she holds in check. Every other face in turn registers her strength until…

Jayne Told ya. Here comes the cryin’.

Whose look toward Jayne is the filthiest: Mal, Inara, Simon or Kaylee?

River Firefly. (She turns and starts walking calmly toward the bridge.)

An alarm blares – the proximity alert. Everyone else reacts.

Ext – The Buccaneer looms over Serenity.

END OF ACT TWO Act three - this thread