“Gorram it, who turned on the lights?” Jayne Cobb grimaced against the brightness, then touched a large hand to the bandage taped high on his forehead.

“I think they call it the sun, Jayne, you know that giant glowing orb in the sky that sheds light on all life?” Wash smirked over at Jayne, curled up into a ball in the corner. The mercenary just growled and pulled his jacket over his head. Next to Wash another body stirred and Simon peeked out from beneath a rough wool blanket.

“Wash tone down your voice a bit if you would, please.”

“But it’s morning. Wake up sunshine.”

“Wash, I swear to hell if you don’t shut your trap, I’ll shut it for you.” Mal growled from across the small room. “How is it you ain't got a hangover?”

“I think I’m still drunk actually.” Wash replied cheerily. There was a protesting growl from the other three men, and a possible grumbling about murder from under the olive drab jacket in the corner.

“What exactly happened last night?" Simon asked, pushing himself up to sit. He leaned back against the wall, pressed his hand to his face, and pushed back his mess of brown hair.

“I’m a little fuzzy on the details my own self.” Mal said, finally appearing from beneath his long brown coat.

“I’m fuzzy on everything…” Wash interrupted. Mal gave him a look and continued.

“But, I do seem to remember going into the bar with Wash.”

~

“Why exactly are we here again?” Wash asked, looking around the large oddly furnished bar with a curious sort of mocking.

“I told you, we’re putting in an appearance.”

“But, see, that’s exactly the part I’m not quite understanding. An appearance for what?”

“These people feel better about hiring folk for a job, iffen they seen their face around before. So, we’ll be spending a few days, just hangin’ around, and bein’ friendly like.”

“Okay, and why exactly did you need me for this… appearance?”

“You asked for some leave.”

“Technically it’s not leave if you have to go where the Captain tells you, and do what the Captain tells you. In fact, the point of shore leave is to “leave” those very things behind. To be free, go where ever your whim may take you! Also, my idea of leave includes something more along the lines of me and Zoë… naked in a giant bathtub somewhere.” Wash said as they approached the bar. “There’s considerably less… you… involved.” “Well, I need Zoë to watch the ship, as well as our special passengers.” Mal said smirking. “And Jayne. If we’re playin’ friendly we need to keep him on a short leash. You know how he can be.”

“That I do. Okay then, I’ll help you make friendly with the locals, but when we get back I want real, honest to goodness shore leave. With Zoë.”

“Fine, fine, now just… have a drink or something and mingle.”

Wash did as he was told; after all as far as orders went having a drink wasn’t a bad one to follow. He was chatting up a man about the new Gorganburg fliers when Simon slid into the seat beside him, looking a little lost and extremely out of place.

He did a double take and leaned in toward the doctor. “What are you doing here?”

Simon looked up at Wash and sighed. “I’m not exactly sure, I was basically ordered off the ship. There was nowhere else to go.”

“My Lambie Toes ordered you off the ship?” Wash said with a grin. “You must’ve done something pretty bad. If you haven’t noticed she usually manages to stay pretty even tempered.”

“It wasn’t me. It was River. She was having some type of breakdown or… episode. If only I could understand what was going on with her…” Simon sighed again. He placed his order with the bartender. She was a pretty thing with bouncing brown curls and bright blue eyes.

Wash frowned. “Why would Zoë kick you off the ship because of River? Seems she’d need you to help with the problem.”

“Well that’s just it. Apparently I was the problem.”

“I’m not following.”

“River became violent at the sight of me and began chasing me around the ship flinging…” He ran a hand over his chest and took a sip of his drink as it arrived. “Flinging those small… pairing knives at me!”

Wash burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny! She’s really very crazy!”

This response only yielded even more laughter from the pilot. When he finally calmed, he ordered another drink for himself and Simon. “I gotta admit, Simon, you definitely add a new twist to the average story of sibling rivalry.”

Mal arrived a moment later, and Simon had to tell the whole story over again. At least this time there was less laughing. Only Captain Reynolds had a way of making you feel very small without bothering to actually laugh.

Mal was on his fourth drink, when his com crackled and Zoë’s muffled voice came from his pocket. Mal pulled it out of his pocket. “Come again, Zoë?”

“I said we’ve lost one. Jayne’s gone AWOL.”

“Ta ma de,” Mal swore, “Affirmative, I’ll send out the posse. “Also, you could’ve given me a heads up before sending one of the sparrows my way. Still hunting season as I recall.”

“Safer with the hunters at the moment.”

“Alright I’m on the Jayne issue.” Mal shoved the receiver back into his pocket.

“Jayne snuck out?” Wash asked.

“He could be anywhere doing who knows what. Damn it, I was hoping we could make a good impression for once.”

Wash sighed, “There’s just no point in fighting nature.”

“I guess we’d better find him before he begins some sort of bar room brawl over a serving wench or something.” Simon said and Wash made a face. The words serving wench just sounded wrong coming from Simon.

They searched the entire town. It took them five minutes.

“There’s nothing here.” Wash said. “I’m taking back that request for leave. There’s no decent place for lovey dovey couple type bathing anywhere.”

“Also a distinct lack of Jayne.” Mal said.

“Is it possible he was in the bar with us and we didn’t notice?” Simon asked.

Mal looked at Simon, then Wash who gave a shrug and a nod. “Man is pretty good at hidin’ himself when he wants to, fer a guy his size.” Mal said and they headed back.

For all that the town was miniscule the bar was not, and they took several minutes searching. Mal was about ready to stand on the bar and shout the man’s gorram name, when Wash appeared with a smirk on his face and made a gesture for the captain to follow. Mal followed, grabbing Simon’s arm as he appeared and dragging him along behind.

They pushed their way through the crowd that had gathered in a corner toward the back of the room. Everyone was laughing, and then a voice rose above the rest and Mal stopped as he took in the sight before him.

“It was the best damn beer I ever drank!” The crowd erupted with laughter at what was apparently the punch line to some amusing story, and dead center at a table covered with cards, poker chips and mugs of beer in various stages of being emptied, was the teller. Jayne Cobb. He was leanin’ back in his chair, a girl on each knee and a bowl in his hand. Mal just stared.

“Hey,” one of the men said slapping Jayne on the shoulder. “You mentioned having a ship of some kind?”

“That’s right, I work of a cargo ship. Serenity. Firefly class.”

“See now that’s just what I need, I been lookin’ fer someone to haul some goods fer me. You come by my office tomorrow and I may have a job for ya.”

“I’ll bring my captain right on by then. Thanks, now are you in or are you foldin’?”

Mal’s mouth fell open, and Wash started laughing. “Looks like ya needn't a been so worried, Captain.” He said. “Looks like Jayne just got us a job.”

“Jayne! What the hell is goin’ on here, I thought I told you to stay on the ruttin’ ship?”

“Aww, Mal, I was just lookin’ fer a little fun. Sides I ain’t caused no trouble.” His eyes got wide as an idea came to him. “And this here fella needs a cargo ship. He’s thinkin’ on ours.” He looked hopefully up at Mal.

“Fine, ya done good.” Mal said looking around and noticing that people weren’t taking kindly to his treatment of their new favorite off-worlder. “Got room at this table fer three more?”

Jayne looked up with a glare at Simon. “Ya’ll gotta sit here?”

“I think it best we stick together.”

“Alright, Dargner here was just about to fold, weren’t’cha?” The man looked at Jayne for a second and smiled.

“Sure was, yer friends are welcome to join up.” With that Wash, Simon and Mal each pulled up a chair and joined in a hand of cards. Jayne sent one of his wenches off for drinks, and one of the locals leaned in to deal.

Turned out each of the four men was a fair turn at cards. Jayne wasn’t surprised by the Captain. Mal’s whole life was one big bluff in Jayne’s opinion. It was what made him so damn dangerous. You never knew when he was packin’ the real deal behind that smirk. He wasn’t even too surprised at the Doc. He hardly ever showed no emotions anyhow so keepin’ them in check wouldn’ta been hard, and he’d played card with the both a them before. Wash on the other hand surprised the snot outta him. He expected the ornery little man to be a mess of tells, and at first he was, but after several hands with Wash taking the pot Jayne started to see that all those tells were his bluff. By this point however, all of them were too drunk to care. Everyone was losin’ and winnin’ and losin again, and generally having a fine time. Simon actually did tell a very funny story about being a doctor, and Wash of course was full to overflowing with his usual humor, and Mal held his own with the jokes and funny quips. Jayne actual found he enjoyed their company. He’d never admit it of course.

Mal was just thinking it was time they head back to the ship when a pretty young woman with pale grey eyes and long honey colored hair came up and put her hand on Simon’s shoulder. She leaned down close and whispered in his ear. Simon turned and looked up at her then out toward the main floor of the bar.

“Dance?” He looked back at Mal and Wash in turn and then back to the lovely girl. She was very pretty with her heart shaped face and her large eyes that tilted up ever so slightly at the corners. Simon had a moment of fantasy where he saw himself pulling her into her arms and having her pressed close against his chest. But even drunk, Simon had a set of rules that seemed to govern his every action. Plus the first thing that popped into his head was the look on Kaylee’s face. And there was no dance floor. “I’m not sure… I don’t…”

“You think you ain’t good enough to dance with my angel?” A gruff voice suddenly asked, and Simon found himself dragged out of his chair and up into a scarred and bewhiskered face. There was also a definite possibility of halitosis.

“What? No,” Simon’s head swam from the sudden movement. He was so very drunk. That thought made him smile. It wasn’t often he was drunk, letting loose felt good. Several moments later, however, he realized smiling was a bad thing.

“You laughing at me you lily white, pasty little… scrawny piece of fluff?”

“Fluff?” Simon managed before the man planted a fist in his stomach and he landed hard on the dusty wooden floor.

Jayne pushed to his feet. “Hey now that’s just plain uncalled for.” He wasn’t sure why the Doc didn’t want to dance with the pretty little girl, but he was damn sure he didn’t deserve to get punched for it. He also wasn’t sure why he cared that Simon was getting punched fer no reason, but he really wished the guy who had done the punching would stay together instead of splitting into two and then back again.

“This here ain’t none a yer business.”

“I don’t take too kindly to people who start smackin’ on members of my crew.”

Pigbreath pushed through the small crowd of people between. He moved to stand in front of Jayne coming to look him directly in the eye. “That right?”

“Not unless it’s me doin' the smackin’.” Jayne said darkly.

The other man just pulled back his fist and swung. He caught Jayne on the cheek, and his head snapped to the side. Other then that, the mercenary didn’t move except for the slow smile that spread over his face.

“Jayne…” Came Mal’s voice in warning, but it was too late. Jayne grabbed the man and threw him across the room.

Apparently, the man hadn’t been alone, because after he went down, two men moved in on Jayne. The first one swung and Jayne dodged to the side. The man fell forward and slid across the table and crashed smack into Wash. The two of them tumbled to the ground. Wash stumbled to his feet with the other man right behind. He seemed to take exception to Wash being in his way, because he took a swing at the pilot, who let out a loud “Eeep!” and ducked. The man’s fist connected with the side of Mal’s head.

There was a long and loud curse in Mandarin from both Mal and the man who’d hit him, and Mal, who never did mind a good honest fist fight, especially when he was drunk, leapt on the man and planted one smack in his mouth. A couple of folks in the crowd objected to that, some thought it was brilliant, and suddenly the entire place erupted into violence.

Simon scrambled to his feet just in time to have another man grab him by the front of his shirt. He brought up his hand to try and deflect the blow, but found himself loosed as Jayne clobbered the man in the skull with his fist.

“Stay out of the gorram way!” he yelled at Simon

There was a loud crash of glass, and Jayne turned to see a man with a broken bottle clutched in his fist. He weaved oddly on his feet for a moment, and Jayne watched as he fell to the ground to reveal Wash standing behind him with a chair in his hands.

“Watch yer back big fella.” Wash said tossing the remnants of the chair aside. Then his eyes got real big as Jayne reached out and seized the front of his fight suit. He yanked Wash forward with one hand, and sent his fist into some guy’s mouth with the other.

“You do the same.” Jayne said. He released Wash and jumped fist first back into the fight.

Simon slammed his fist into one man’s chest as another wrapped an arm around his neck and squeezed. He brought his elbow back sharply into his attacker's stomach and then stomped hard on his instep. The man released him and stepped back. Simon spun around and shoved his fist directly into his nose. Wincing, he pulled his hand back and shook it with an, "Ow.".

“Nice punch Doc.” Mal said, turning to Simon after laying some guy out.

“Uh, thanks,” Simon nodded, completely unsure of the etiquette of bar room brawl compliments. Another thug came at him, and he barely managed to dodge another fist.

Mal had no more then laughed at Simon’s response, when two firm hands wrapped around his legs and he went down, hitting the floor hard. The guy swept over him, going for his throat, Mal poked him in the eye, leaving him cursing on the floor with a hand over his face.

Mal rolled over and found himself face to face with Wash hiding under the table, with a mug in his hands. “What the hell!” He gave the pilot a dirty look.

“C’mon Mal, I’m a lover not a fighter.”

“Not that, I’m pretty sure that’s my beer!”

“Oh, well here,” Wash said, and held the thick mug out to his captain. “Have a drink.”

Mal accepted the mug and took a long drink. Wash looked up to see a man towering over the captain with a chair held high over his head. “Hey that’s my trick.” Wash growled. Mal didn’t have time to respond before Wash let out his version of a war cry and leapt out from under the table and tackled the man.

They rolled over several times, and Wash ended up pinned to the floor by the Neanderthal, he brought his arms up to cover his face as the man pulled back his fist. There was a thud and suddenly the weight on his chest shifted off, and Wash peeked out from under his arms to see Mal standing over him with the empty mug.

“You made me spill the beer,” he said.

Simon lost his breath as he was slammed back into the wall. The man attacking him wrapped his hands around Simon’s throat and leaned in. The Doctor wrapped his hands around his wrists trying to pry him off as the pressure on his trachea cut off his oxygen supply. Simon's eyes widened and with his last shred of self-preservation before he passed out, he brought his knee up hard between the man’s legs. He screamed and collapsed onto the floor with his hands over his crotch. Simon brought a hand up to rub at his throat, looking down at the prone man. “Doesn’t anyone just punch people anymore, what is with all the choking?”

He turned, on guard for a new onslaught as well as check on the others when he saw a group of men gathered around Jayne, four men were holding him while the largest of them smacked his head repeatedly into the wall. There was a small rivulet of blood seeping down the mercenary’s forehead. Simon pushed his way through, punching one man cleanly across the cheek, knocking him out and not even noticing he’d done it. He grabbed the nearest object he could lay his hand on, and swung it hard across the back of the head of the man who was holding Jayne by the throat. It made a nice satisfying thump, but was otherwise ineffective. Simon looked down helplessly at the shoe in his hand with its soft rubber sole.

It looked familiar.

The man turned slowly, his glare settling hard on Simon who still stood there with the useless shoe. He dropped it and held up his hand, one finger extended as if asking for one moment in a brawl might somehow be heeded.

“I… I am this man’s doctor and I demand that you cease and desist further damaging his already fragile brain.” The other four men turned as well, their lust for violence coming to focus on him.

“Yer a doctor eh?” One said.

“Y…yes I am.”

“Hey Doc, I got this real nasty boil..." One of the men looked down and started to pull up his shirt, and Simon looked back with something akin to horror on his face. The one who seemed to be the leader, the one with the shoe print on his bald head, turned and cold-cocked Boil Man, then turned back to Simon.

“Well, Doc, damage is kinda the point here if ya know what I mean.” He grinned at the smaller man and stepped forward. “But I think he’s a little used up. Might be time for somethin’ a bit more… fresh.” He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off mid word, as Jayne grabbed him by the back of his shirt and slammed him into the wall.

“Ya wanna knock a guy unconscious,” He said smacking him again. “This is how it’s done.” And with enough force to crack the neat and probably expensive wooden paneling, Jayne smashed the man into the wall. He turned back to Simon. “Thought I told you to stay outta the way ya useless piece a yu ben de!”

“Excuse me, you Shiong-muh duh duang-ren,” Simon yelled back, he pulled back his fist and Jayne went to move out of the way, but Simon’s fist went past him anyway and into the face of a man over his shoulder. Jayne turned in surprise as the man fell to the ground. “I was trying to help you!” Simon finished. He pulled his hand to him and sucked on his knuckles. “Fuck that hurts!”

Jayne laughed. “Nice one, but ya ought not close yer fist like that.”

“Thanks I’ll try and remember next time I come to blows with someone.”

“You do that, now back to smashing heads.” He grinned gleefully, and disappeared into the fray.

“But you’re bleeding…” Simon started to say, but suddenly his feet were gone out from under him and he was pulled under one of the tables. He blinked a few times and found himself looking up into large pale gray eyes.

“Why couldn’t ya just dance with me?” She asked laying on top of him. “All I wanted was a dance with a man who looked like he knew how. You do know how doncha? You look like the type what mighta learned it proper.”

Simon was completely speechless for a moment. “Yes, I … I know how to dance.”

“Why wouldn’t you dance with me?”

“Actually, I never said I wouldn’t dance with you, I just didn’t understand that sort of thing happened in this establishment. Also, I may be in something that could be construed as the possible beginnings of a relationship with someone else.”

She looked at him as if he’d grown another head. “There’s a girl, I’ve hurt her too many times already, I didn’t want to do it again.” Understanding dawned in her eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt you either though, that was never my intention.” She nodded and crawled off of him. Simon heard her climb onto the table he was still under.

“EVERYBODY STOP!” She hollered in a voice that defied her small stature, and the entire room froze. Mal was pinned down by two women, one sitting on his legs the other pulling his hair. Wash was on top of some guy, holding his head up by his shirt as he was about to punch his face, and Jayne took one extra moment to smack together the heads of the two men he was holding.

“The man has agreed to dance with me. So, if you all’d knock off this sou xi fighting we could get on with it.” She gave a nod when they all continued to stand stock still. However, when not one of them had moved after she’d finished she clapped her hands and shouted, “Go on Harold, let Billy go and get on yer guitar!”

There was a flurry of movement, everybody going everywhere at once, and suddenly everyone was friends again. Some guy picked Mal up and dusted him off a bit, Jayne turned to find Erin the serving wench there with a towel pressed to his bleeding head, and clucking at him under her breath, and Wash found himself holding another beer. He looked around and then down at his feet. “Where’s my shoe?”

The crowds parted and the music started, Simon was pulled out from under the table, and this time he didn’t even open his mouth, he just pulled the girl to him and gave her the best turn about the room his drunken and battered body could give her.

There was considerably more drinking after that, and then the boys started their trek back to Serenity leaning on each other for support, and joking loudly. It was too bad they didn’t make it back because the folks waiting for them there would’ve been keeled over at the sight. Instead they turned the last corner and they found themselves face to face with a large group of deputies. Jayne groped drunkenly for a gun that wasn’t there. He kept looking for it when he didn’t find it.

“Howdy, Ocifers!” Wash announced, and he saluted for good measure.

“Hello, fine sirs,” Mal began trying for serious, but his words were hopelessly slurred. “What can I do you for?”

“You fellas seem to have stepped out without paying your tab.” The man at the head of the group said, his thumbs tucked neatly into his belt loops.

“That right?” Mal said, he turned to look at each of his crew in turn. They each shook their heads. “Well, then let me take care of that right now.” He reached into the pocket of his long coat but his had came up empty. “Ta ma da. Wash my cash seems to have taken a leave of absence.”

Wash patted every pocket he had, and there were several, then patted them again. He started laughing. “Oh, I’m so so dead! Zoë’s gonna kill me!” he looked at the officers in front of him. “She can too, beautiful but deadly my Zoë.” And with that announcement he broke down in giggles.

Mal hung his head, too drunk to even contemplate the situation except that it was bad. They’d been robbed. They were gonna go to jail. And he couldn't stop laughing. “Jayne, Doc,” Jayne was already turning out his pockets, literally. Simon just shook his head, trying not to snicker.

“Alright funny boys, let’s go.”

~

“1200 credits?” Zoë’s incredulous voice reached them through the old-fashioned metal grating of their cell. “On drinks?”

All four men turned to look at her. She was trying to hide her smirk, but not greatly succeeding.

“I don’t remember drinking that much. You remember drinking that much?” Wash said quickly, looking from Simon to Jayne.

“I don’t remember nuthin.” Jayne growled and disappeared back under his coat.

“Ya’ll look a mess.”

“I’m sorry baby,” Wash started, trying to get to his feet.

“Don’t you baby me, husband.” Zoë looked at the whole sorry lot of them. “What do you think ladies?”

“I don’t know Zoë,” Kaylee said, her sweet face appearing between the bars. “Maybe we ought ta leave em there till they sober up.”

“Mischief gets it’s due reward,” sang River’s soft voice. Her long white fingers wrapped around the steel bars and she pressed her face against them as she peered inside. “Simon looks like he’s been pounded. Big bullies, bullied by a girl.”

Mal looked grumpily at the two girls, then quickly back at his first officer. “Zoë, what the hell’s she doin’ here. You forget the particulars of that situation all of a sudden?.”

“Sparrows made to fly, can’t always stay nested in dark places,.” River said.

“Shepherd’s out visitin’,” Zoë said with a quirk to her lips. “I couldn’t very well leave her alone on the ship.”

“Well, then get us outta here so’s we can get her outta sight.”

Zoë perused her crew, her captain, and her husband behind bars. They were a mess; faces battered, clothes torn, knuckles bruised and bloodied. “I didn’t have the money to bail ya out.” She said simply. Mal looked frustrated for a moment, then completely stricken as Inara walked into the room followed by the deputy.

“Isn’t this a colorful display? You boys enjoy yourselves last night?”

“I got us a job,” Jayne said, suddenly remembering.

“If they’ll still employ us after last nights events,” Simon inserted and Jayne gave him a surly look.

“You all are a sorry lot,” Zoë said. “Okay, let them out.” She said to the deputy. He shook his head as he slid the keycard through the lock.

“’Bout ruttin time,” Jayne growled. “Damn Zoë, of all the people t' fill up a day with useless chatter, never would’a expected you’d be one of ‘em.” He staggered to his feet and pushed past the rest of them out into the hallway.

Simon followed after him, and Kaylee took his arm pulling him toward her so she could look him over. “Poor baby, look it what they did to ya.”

“Don’t know what yer fawnin’ over him for,” Jayne said irritably. “Weren’t like he showed much in the whole fight ‘ceptin’ ta start it.”

“Excuse me?” Simon said, then pressed a hand to his head at the loudness of his own voice. “When we get back to the ship remind me to check you for a concussion and possible brain damage, and while we are there I’ll remind you of the fact that you still have a head in part because of me!”

“I had those fellas right where I wanted ‘em.” Jayne responded stalking off.

“Yes, that was glaringly apparent when they were smashing your skull repeatedly against the wall!” Simon retorted, following the mercenary and leaving Kaylee to trail behind the both of them with a snicker.

Zoë turned to look at her husband, who'd yet to get up from off the floor. “You look like you survived the fight, Husband.” She said and he smiled at her just before Mal spoke up.

“That’s because he was hiding under a table.”

“What? Mal!” Wash cried looking betrayed and then indignant. “I wasn’t…Mal got taken down by a girl!” He said pointing across the cell at him.

“Hey! It was two girls, and they were mean!”

“Mmm hmm,” Zoë responded, and cocked an eyebrow at them.

“But they weren’t strong warrior women like you, baby,” Wash tried to defend. “They were serving girls. Scantily clad serving girls with copious breasts…” at her look his drunken brain tried to fix its misstep. “Not that I was looking at their breasts!”

“I think it’d be best if you just closed your mouth and came with me now, dear.” The emphasis on ‘dear’ was daunting, and Mal hauled a dejected looking Wash to his feet.

“Thanks, baby.” Wash leaned into kiss his wife. She grabbed his face, squeezing his cheeks together and turned it away from hers.

“You stink,” she said, but kissed his cheek gently and pushed him toward the exit with a smack on the rump.

“Thanks, baby,” Mal mocked, leaning into kiss Inara. She placed a hand over his mouth and pushed him away.

“Move along.” She said simply. And Mal followed Wash out. Zoë crossed her arms and leaned back shaking her head.

“And I told Wash I wanted children.” She remarked, watching them leave.

“What? You forgot you already had more then enough?” Inara asked and Zoë smiled.

“Boys are so much trouble,” River sighed, causing both women to turn to look at her.

“Sweetie,” Inara said looping her arm in the younger girl’s. “You’re right as usual.” River smiled brightly and Inara lead her from the room.

Zoë just smirked as she followed after them.