BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - ADVENTURE

HARDBURN

It Never Ends Part III
Wednesday, April 14, 2004

It's always darkest before the dawn. The conclusion.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2760    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

Part III

"What are you talking about preacher?" said Aaron angrily.

"I think judging by being around River for as long as I have, and by what you said in your story it's very unlikely that the alliance could use her abilities in such a way. I believe Reader's have limitations the same as everyone else. Judging by your story I would estimate that two of those would be focus and distance. If they were capable of reading anyone's mind anywhere, then why would they bother to remove you from the holding cell? Really if they were capable of not only reading your mind, but also killing you with thought, why would federal marshals attack the resistance strongholds? Why wouldn't the reader's just kill everyone in there and not risk a confrontation."

"Too many voices make the song hard to hear." said River as if the answer was plain.

"I would guess that the reason they took you one by one was that they couldn't achieve the same sort of goal unless there were several reader's all focused on one individual. Not only that, but they had to even be in the same room, so it's unlikely that a reader could reach targets across a planet."

"There isn't any other explanation." said Aaron. "They must be doing it."

"Actually there is a much simpler explanation." said Book as he turned Aaron's head to the side exposing a small discoloration of skin behind Aaron's left ear.

"What is that?" asked Simon as he moved in to take a closer look.

"It's a tracking device of sorts. It's very advanced. The metallic components are so small that they can't even be noticed at a casual glance unless you know what to look for. They are also covered in organic tissue so you could walk through a scanner and it wouldn't be detected. Everytime you made contact with the resistance they had you tracked. No mind tricks, no reader's, they didn't need them. They just followed you right to their targets."

Wash picked up Book's bible. "Ya know Captain maybe we should all read this. I was never much of a religious man, but I mean if this book tells you everything you need to know about Alliance technology and criminal activity, we could put it to good use." Wash started flipping through the pages. "Shepard which psalm tells ya how to get an ident card that guarantees assistance from any alliance ship?"

Book staying true to form ignored the opportunity to explain his past and changed the subject back to Aaron. "It might also explain how you we're able to manage some of these escapes. A ship left barely guarded in the middle of a prison facility?"

"You got away because they wanted you to." said Mal as he looked away shaking his head. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Onboard the Alliance cruiser Winchester…

"They seem to be on course for Persephone." said the officer. "We'll have Marshals on hand to follow Lawson when he lands."

Then the man in the black suit stepped in front of them. "What classification of ship is that?" he asked.

"It appears to be a firefly sir, we were unable to get anymore direct information on the ship. It's unmarked and Rutledge Station doesn't keep accurate records of their visitors."

"Firefly… There's going to be a change of plan. Catch up to them as swiftly as possible and prepare to capture and board that vessel. I need private communications immediately." said the man in the black suit.

"I'm afraid that's impossible sir, for unknown reasons we're running into a great deal of radiation and it is interfering with our connection to the cortex."

"Then notify me the moment we are able to establish a stable and secure communication. In the mean time I expect that ship captured, and I want everyone onboard alive Commander Davin." Then the man and his partner left the bridge.

"Orders sir?" asked Lieutenant Therin.

"We've just been given ours." said Davin. "Let's make this quick the sooner we complete this mission, the sooner we get those two off this ship. I'm sick of taking orders instead of giving them." The cruiser increased speed then heading directly for Serenity. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The biggest problem we now have is that given the range these are capable at operating from there must be a ship following us." said Book.

"So the alliance knows he's here?" asked Jayne. "All the more reason we toss him out an airlock now." Mal looked over at Aaron.

"Is there a way to remove that transmitter?" asked Mal.

"From what I recall they were designed to send powerful electric charges into the victim's brain if they are removed or tampered with in any way." said Book.

"Wash change course give me full burn I want us out of range of whatever is tracking us before they can move to follow." Mal walked over towards Aaron.

"You actually believe this crap sarge? It's just more alliance tricks hell this Shepard probably works for em." said Aaron with anger clear on his face. "I do believe it, and the good preacher might have a few secrets, but he doesn't lie."

"And what about your little psychic, ya think you can trust her? How do you know she ain't in your mind right now telling you what she want's you to believe."

"River is part of my crew… a creepifing and crazy part, but she's part of it all the same."

Aaron shook his head. "You've gone soft Sarge… maybe it's a good thing you dropped out of the fight and hid here on your little ship. I was wrong earlier we don't need you, Captain. You've changed."

"No Aaron you've changed." said Mal as he stood up. "We fought that war about a way of life, that we wanted to save. You've fought so long you don't even remember what that life was about. You don't even remember how to live. All you've got left is the fight."

"I won't stop until the alliance is destroyed. I'll make them pay for every life they took."

"So step 1 in your struggle is to beat up an injured man? I guess step 2 was to try and put a bullet in a young girl." said Mal with disgust. "What's step 3 you going to blow up a hospital?"

"I'll do whatever it takes."

"Well whatever it takes has so far gotten everyone who followed you killed. And now you've brought those troubles down on me and mine. Your not even a shadow of the man I remember. You were a man who I could trust to watch my back, to stand his ground, to look out for other people before himself. Now your so blinded by hate you can't even see the harm you do to others, and you take whatever cheap shots you can get. You'd even kill an unarmed girl if it got you a step closer to what you wanted. Who else would you kill? Zoe? Me? When we fought that war we did it because we wanted our freedom, our choice to live however we wanted without a government taking control of everything. That's the life I'm living now. Even though it makes me a criminal, I'm still free Aaron. The worst part about you, is that they didn't take your freedom. You threw it away."

"…I…" Aaron looked at the floor unable to meet Mal's gaze.

"You blame the alliance for your what happened to your crew, but their blood is on your hands. You lead them to their end, and your just as responsible as if you had put a bullet in them yourself. It's funny you talk about how the alliance uses people like tools, but your more like them than you know. You didn't care what happened to your crew, as long as the job got done. They we're just a means to an end…" then Mal touched the discoloration above the transmitter. "Just like you... The Aaron Lawson I knew must have died in the war, I'm just grateful he never had to meet the man in front of me now." Aaron's eyes dropped to the floor and the anger fell from his face as Mal's words sank in. Everyone left the room then leaving Aaron alone with Mal's words. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wash sat down at the bridge and got ready to make a run for it, when the proximity alert went off. He checked the scanner as an alliance cruiser came into range.

"Shit Captain we're humped." The next thing Wash saw was a bright flash as the cruiser fired its weapons as a warning shot across Serenity's bow.

"Unidentified Firefly vessel, you are hereby instructed to surrender control of your helm and prepare to be boarded." said the communication from the Winchester.

"Kaylee we need a hard burn right now." said Wash.

"Ready to go." she said over the communicator.

Serenity's engines glowed as the ship started to run.

"Sir, with Aaron on board they'll be able to track us without a problem, and they can burn their engines longer than we can." said Zoe.

"That would be a problem if we were hoping to out run them we just have to make it here." Mal touched a point on a map of a nearby moon. It wasn't terraformed yet and had an asteroid belt surrounding it.

"Gorram it that's crazy talk. Hell we might as well turn around and fight the damn cruiser instead of going in there." said Jayne.

"Captain I appreciate the vote of confidence, but it's still gonna be risky." said Wash.

"Risk we gotta take get on it. Zoe go to the engine room and help Kaylee." Then he picked up the communicator. "We've got an alliance ship in pursuit, and we're gonna have to try something a might dangerous to lose em. Everybody strap yourselves in until this is over." The second Wash stopped the full burn the cruiser was on top of them.

"They are deploying gunships captain." said Wash as he continued to fly towards the asteroids.

"We'll be safe once we make it inside, they won't follow us." said Mal. "How in rutting hell we supposed to be safe in an asteroid field?" asked Jayne.

Wash seemed perfectly calm as more warning shots were fired at him from the numerous gunships in pursuit. Without even slowing down he flew into the asteroid field, turning Serenity this way and that as he struggled to dodge rocks twice as big as the ship. Even with Wash flying, the ship took a few hits and scrapes from some of the smaller rocks that he couldn't dodge. Then there was a huge explosion behind them which rocked the ship almost causing Wash to crash. He recovered just in time and Serenity missed another giant asteroid by inches as he barrel rolled to port.

Mal turned on the rear vid and saw that the enemy gunships actually had followed them in.

"We've got 12 gunships still in pursuit." said Mal, then there were several more large explosions which caused him to stagger away from the rearvid screen. "Make that 8…" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Commander if that ship escapes or is destroyed, I assure you that I will hold you personally responsible." said one of two men in black suits standing in the bridge.

"It won't escape sir, but I can't guarantee it won't be destroyed. What kind of a lunatic would try to fly through an asteroid field. We've already lost 4 gunships in there and 20 good men." said Command Davin.

"Sir, we just lost another 3 gunships." said Lieutenant Therin.

"They're dropping like flies, alright pull them back."

"No!" said the second man as he stepped in front of Davin. "I don't care how many men you lose or how many ships are destroyed I want that firefly caught. Order your men to continue the pursuit and disable that ship."

"Sir, I want it noted that I strongly protest." said Commander Davin. "I can not in good conscience order my men to their deaths in this way."

"Then you are officially relieved of your command." The bridge crew of the Winchester turned and watched as Davin was stared down. Davin shook his head but stepped away from the captain's chair. The man then raised his blue gloved hands and straightened his tie. "Continue the operation."

"I will escort you to the brig Commander." said the second man, as he and two security personnel led Commander Davin from the bridge. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Serenity shakes as it is pounded by shrapnel. The remaining gunships weren't firing to destroy the ship, but as Wash managed to dodge each blast, the asteroids took hit after hit slamming Serenity with debree.

"Captain, I don't think we can keep this up for much longer." said Wash as he began circling a particularly large asteroid.

"Jayne let's go." said Mal. Jayne just nodded as they both left the bridge.

Wash saw a trench running along the surface of the asteroid and started using it as cover from the continuing attacks of the gunships. The gunships relentlessly followed him in, but as soon as they fired Wash rolled to starboard and as the blast impacted on the wall of the trench it dislodge a huge boulder that the first two gunships crashed into destroying them and temporarily blinding the others. Meanwhile Wash increased his speed pushing Serenity to the edge as he tried to gain some ground on the last 3.

"Wash we're ready bring us about and come at them point blank." came Mal's voice through the communicator. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The gunships flew out of the trench and slowed down as they tried to pick up Serenity's new position.

"Do you see them?" asked Captain Roberts.

"Negative, no sign sir." replied the second gunship.

"Negative… wait! sir they are coming straight for us dead ahead." said the third gunship.

"Have they signaled a surrender?" asked Roberts.

"No, sir." said the ensign. "They aren't moving very fast though perhaps their communications were damaged."

Serenity continued to move forward as the 3 gunships waited in a V formation for it to reach them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We'll only get one shot at this Captain." said Wash.

"Kaylee be ready to run if this doesn't work." said Mal's voice through the communicator.

"You betcha Captain. Be careful." said Kaylee.

Mal and Jayne stood in their suits looking out the open airlock as the 3 gunships got closer and closer. Mal and Jayne both double checked the lines that were holding them in place.

"Alright Jayne I'll work from left to right you from right to left." said Mal as he picked up one of Jayne's best rifles and attached the air casing onto it. Jayne nodded as he attached a casing to Vera.

"On 3." said Mal as Serenity crept towards the gunships. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sir the firefly, must have taken more damage than we thought their forward airlock is open and it seems like their main engine is non functional." said the ensign. "Should we move to their flank sir."

"Minimum risk, transport ships don't have weaponry on them." said Lieutenant Harris.

"Let them get close enough then we'll board them and secure their crew." said Roberts as he sat down. Then he looked up at his vidscreen and his eyes widened. "Did you say their airlock is open. Zoom in on my screen."

His screen zoomed in just in time to see Jayne and Mal open fire. He wanted to jump up and scream an order to return fire, but the shots were aimed true and broke through the window in front of the bridge. It's hard to yell an order when there isn't any air in your lungs, and damn near impossible when your dead. The two gunships on the right and left were taken out right away, but the middle gunship had enough time to fire off 3 shots before Jayne and Mal got that one. Serenity took a hard hit on the port side and was shaking badly while Mal and Jayne closed the doors and came back inside. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sir all gunships have been destroyed." said Lt. Therin on the Winchester's bridge.

"The transmitter is still active correct?" asked the man.

"Yes, sir."

"Then ready a second sortie of fighters and dispatch them to its location." Lt. Therin stared at him for a moment, before he saw the blue gloved man turn his cold glare on him. "If you can't follow simple orders soldier you will join your commander in the brig." Therin turned around quickly and began giving commands through the ship to ready more gunships. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wash let out a long line of cursing in Chinese as Serenity rattled and shook while drifting slightly to port.

"Captain I can't hold it… I've got to sit her down for a minute." Wash struggled, but managed to land Serenity on the surface of one of the larger asteroids. The landing gear descended and latched the ship on tightly.

"What happened?" asked Mal as he came back onto the bridge still in the bottom half of his suit.

"That last gunship got a clear shot on our stabilizer. We can still fly, but without that there's no way I can dodge more gunships. Hell even just flying regularly will be a job." said Wash.

Mal picked up the communicator. "Kaylee please tell me you can fix the stabilizer."

"…I can." said Kaylee. "but it would take me about 4 hours of work in here and half an hour outside putting some patching on it." Mal put the communicator down.

"Captain… They are launching more gunships. They should be on us in 20 minutes." said Wash. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the kitchen, Aaron's chair now was empty he had fallen over during the battle, but fortunately so had a knife which he was able to use to cut himself free. He stood up rubbing his wrists from where they were tied. Then he turned to leave the room and saw River standing in the doorway. They just stared at each other for a moment, neither one saying anything, until Aaron looked down and saw the knife still in his hand.

"Aren't you gonna scream for help?" he asked.

"No."

"I could kill you." said Aaron.

"We all do what we have to do." she answered dismissively as his shadow rose over her.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is there anyway we can jury rig it?" asked Mal.

"I'm sorry captain…" said Kaylee.

"Sir, we're out of options." said Zoe.

"I wouldn't go that far." came Aaron's voice over the communicator.

Mal looked up angrily as he grabbed the communicator.

"What are you doing Aaron?" he said seething with anger.

"What I have to do…"

Then Wash looked at his control panel. "Sir someone is opening the main airlock. They looked out the window of the ship and saw a man in a suit walking out onto the asteroid dragging 4 large containers after him.

"I'm sorry Sarge, I had to borrow a few things if this is going to work. I've filled these containers with some explosives I found onboard. They are airtight so when they blow there should be enough oxygen for a blast big enough for them to see and detect. You'll have to time things with me though to power down at the exact second I blow or they might suspect."

"You don't need to be out there when it blows." said Mal.

"Yes I do. If this transmitter is still active they are gonna know Serenity is too. The explosion and me disappearing might be enough to convince them." said Aaron as he continued walking away from the ship. "I've been thinking about what you said Sarge… You might be right. It's too late to change though, I can't remember what it was like before the war anymore. I can't imagine how to live without fighting them. Never realized how far I'd actually gone…"

Aaron turned back and looked at Serenity and through the airlock window he could see River watching him.

"No point in saying anything else, we know where it leads… you've got 60 seconds till powerdown." said Aaron as he continued walking. Once he was far enough from Serenity that it wouldn't cause any further harm to the ship he sat down on top of the first container. He looked down at the timer he'd set and saw that only 30 seconds were left. Serenity was still in view and he struggled to see River still in that window, as he remembered what she'd said.

"You won't kill me because that isn't what you do. You won't hurt me because that is what they would do." said River. "You aren't what you were, but outside you can find yourself again." Then River had turned and walked away from him as he let the knife fall to the floor.

He looked back down and watched as the timer clicked down the last 5 seconds.

"Now!" yelled Aaron through the communicator. Wash and Kaylee quickly shut down the ship, as the huge explosion jolted Serenity. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What was that?!" yelled the man in the suit as a distant explosion registered on the vidscreen.

"An explosion from an unknown source, sir." said Lt. Therin

"….is the transmitter still active?"

"Negative sir, we have no reading on it, or any power source out there."

The man sat down in the Commander's chair folding his blue hands.

"Shall I recall the gunships sir?"

"…no do a full sweep tell them to bring back whatever they find."

Then there was an alert on the bridge.

"What is it?" asked the man.

"Sensor's are detecting a massive upsurge in the unknown radiation, sir."

"I don't care about that, just order the gunships to bring me the remains of that firefly."

"Sir, we've got multiple incoming ships."

"How many? What Classifications?"

"I'm picking up 25 ships sir, but these classifications don't make any sense neither do the readings… ships like these aren't used anymore…"

"Put them on the screen." The command crew watched as the ships came into view. They bore the tell tale grappler's and markings of Reaver ships.

"Reavers…" said one of the ensigns.

"It can't be that's a fleet of ships. Reaver's don't travel in fleets." said another.

"According to what I'm seeing they do." yelled Therin. "Charge up the primary weapons and open fire on those ships! All gunships engage the incoming bogies."

"NO!" yelled the blue gloved man. "The gunships will proceed to the firefly's last known location immediately."

"Excuse me, sir. But if we don't fight those ships with everything we've got then finding that wreckage will be the last thing you have to worry about." said Therin.

"I'm giving you an order."

"And I'm ignoring it." said Therin. "You two!" he said pointing to some security officers. "Release Commander Davin from the brig and get him up here." The security officers rushed off immediately. Then he turned back to the man. "Your officially relieved of command."

"You have no authority to relieve me."

"I'll gladly accept my court marshal, assuming we somehow survive this. Either way you are relieved, now move or I'll have security move you." said the Lieutenant as all the rest of the bridge crew stood up in his support. The blue gloved man looked around with a smirk on his face and then stepped away leaving the bridge. Lt. Therin quickly sat down in the commander's chair.

"All gunships engage the enemy, all weapons lock on targets and fire at will!" ordered Therin. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mother of god…" said Wash as he watched the Reaver fleet fly towards the Winchester.

"Are any of them breaking off towards our position?" asked Mal.

"Negative, they are all focusing on the cruiser…" They watched as the main weapons of the Winchester destroyed two incoming Reaver ships completely, but then one of the ships flew straight into the weapon's array disabling it, while 3 other's crashed directly into the side knocking out power on half the ship. The gunships did their best, but soon found themselves trapped in the grasp of magnetic grapplers as raiding crews went aboard. Then the 5 largest of the Reaver ships attached to various air docks on the Winchester. Jayne and Mal could all too well imagine the battle that would be happening onboard.

"Kaylee… keep the power completely off I don't care if we start freezing I don't even want to give off a heat signature until those ships move on… please start working on the stabilizer, and tell Wash and Jayne what they need to repair outside so that we can get out of here as quickly as possible."

"…I'll do my best captain…" she said.

Zoe walked onto the bridge then and looked on as the Winchester was locked in combat.

"I've never heard of Reaver's doing anything like this…" said Zoe. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simon was rushing through the ship with only a flash light. River had disappeared from Inara's shuttle and now with knowing what was going on outside he definitely wanted her in his sight. "River?" he called as he walked down the hall. Then he heard her muttering quietly in a corner.

"Mei mei come with me it's not safe." said Simon.

"Who is he…" she said as she held her hands to her head. "Not real… not alive…but he lives…" Simon tried to get her to calm down, but couldn't get anything else from her except for what she was saying. Finally, he picked her up in his arms and made his way back to the shuttle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Commander Davin never made it back to his bridge, the first kamikaze attack had hit the hull right near him and he lay buried somewhere beneath pounds and pounds of wreckage. He couldn't move, but was able to look up through a hole in the rubble and saw as Reaver's charged into his ship. Then someone stopped above him and looked down. Davin tried to reach his hand up towards him, but the man's eyes were dark, but beneath the darkness there was a faint glow. They were the last thing Davin saw as the wreckage ripped his body in half. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The crew of the Winchester fought with everything they had, but they were outnumbered and caught off guard. Worst of all they had lost the only advantage they had when their main weapons went down. Therin led most of the bridge crew towards the escape shuttle, but as soon as it was in view he saw Reaver's rush out of a corridor in front of it. They had flanked him. The crew made a brave last stand in that corridor, but they couldn't keep the Reavers back for long. Therin was still alive as the true slaughter of the Reaver attack began. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reaver's fell in great heaps twitching as they ran together. The firefly was not an issue now. What mattered was survival. Fortunately, their most trusted weapon was just as effective on Reavers as it was on normal humans. As the two ran forward their blue sticks carved a path in the reaver swarm.

"It is just up ahead." said the first as they entered the shuttle bay. The Reavers refused to let their prey escape so easily and struggled to catch up with them until the shuttle's doors closed sealing them out.

"Get us out of here now." he said. When they turned around they found that they weren't alone. Someone stood before them with a dark cloak concealing his identity. The deadly humming of their weapons started immediatley, but even after a dosage that should have killed a normal person the target remained. He reached out his hand towards them and the blue tubes shattered and fell to the floor of the shuttle.

"You can not kill that which does not exist." he pulled back his hood and they stared into coal black eyes.

"You…" said the first man. He took a step towards him, before both of them fell to their knees holding the sides of their heads as screeching burned through their minds. They yelped in pain for a moment before lying dead. Then he pulled his hood back on and left the shuttle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"They are leaving captain… they must not have detected us." said Wash. "Finally, a lucky break." As the Reaver ships began to move off, the Winchester turned and followed them.

"The cruiser is still active.. Why isn't it firing on them…" said Zoe.

Mal looked at the cruiser as it moved into the Reaver formation. "Because there ain't any Alliance soldiers left on there…"

"What the hell is going on…" asked Jayne. No one had any answers.

Witin Inara's shuttle, River continued to rock back and forth muttering and crying.

"Not real… not alive…" said River over and over again in Simon's arms.

COMMENTS

Wednesday, April 14, 2004 12:17 PM

HARDBURN


Well there's part III. I'll obviously have to go through and do editing on this one too, but I wanted to get this up and have a conclusion for this story, so i can start on something new. Anyway if ya have any comments or advice I'd appreciate it.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004 8:47 PM

GUILDSISTER


Good action! Good story. I absolutely _loved_ Wash's bit with the Shepherd's bible.

You popped into present tense again here and there ;-) You're a natural script writer, aren't you? (and a good one, I might add!) If you don't mind a mite of writing style thoughts--you might look at varying the narrative sentence structure more. Most are straight forward noun/verb sentences, such as in a paragraph near the end, there's "They held..." "They stepped..." "They turned..." "They immediately activated..." Instead of "They held their blue sticks out before them as they made their way to an escape shuttle" try some "As they made their way to an escape shuttle, they held their blue sticks out before them" or "Holding their blue sticks out... etc"

Kick-ass dialog & character voices! Enjoyed the whole story, thanks for sharing it!

Thursday, April 15, 2004 2:21 AM

HARDBURN


Thanks, sorry about that I do seem to slip into that without even thinking about it. I just get the idea rolling and I forget that when you see it in print it doesn't sound right. I'll go back and try to clean that up. Thanks for pointing out that one part for me too, I suck at editing so anytime someone can point out a specific point I need to fix I appreciate it. I'll definatley try to use what you suggested when I get time to go through and correct everything.

Glad you liked it though. I felt like Wash's line was the first time i've gotten a comment that was worthy of Wash. Like I could picture in my mind him saying that on the show. I was trying to put wash into this part as much as I could since I seem to keep overlooking him. It's like despite my best effort I slip in to making everything about Mal, Jayne, and River. Next time i'll have to give the rest of the crew a fair shake.

Course now I'll have to find a way to work in more of Zoe... I for the life of me can't figure out how to write good lines for her. I feel like I can only get ok lines if she's talking to Mal or Wash. I don't think I've ever had her talk to anyone else. Alright next story i'm definatley gonna work in more Zoe.

Thursday, April 15, 2004 7:31 AM

AMDOBELL


This was brillo pads, loved every gorram word of it! Really nice action sequences and love how just a few words from River say more than a dictionary full of words. *Xiexie ni*, very shiny. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Thursday, April 15, 2004 8:03 AM

ARTSHIPS


Liked Aaron's redemption, and moreso Mal's perspective. A rescue by Reavers, though is pretty farfetched but could well make sense depending on the identity of their leader. Hope there's another chapter!

Thursday, April 15, 2004 11:00 AM

HARDBURN


Yeah I didn't really intend it as Reaver's to the rescue. Was more or less a saved by accident type thing. I'm still deciding what I want to do next. I might leave the plot I was starting at the end of this one on hold for a while. Maybe let the crew do a few jobs for a bit before we go back to the creepy place.


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